Right now, I hate my life. I feel so bad. To be honest, this really started after I heard about something called the unpardonable sin two months ago. I started to have really BAD thoughts about it, these thoughts said bad things like “God is ev**” or “he’s a de***”. Those are thoughts I do not agree with and do not believe. When I have these thoughts I fight back. I have told them to go away. I can sometimes distract myself from them but they are never REALLY gone. People tell me that I haven’t done it but I just don’t believe it no matter what people say to me. Some months ago I got saved but I don’t feel it? Mabye I really am lost. I feel like mabye I am a lukewarm Christian (I don’t know.) I feel like I am going to hell, but right now I feel like I’m in hell. I feel like God is punishing me for some sort of past sin. I’ve prayed the act of contrition so many times. I have heard that mabye there are demons in my head but I don’t think that’s true. Like I said I told them to go away but still they’re there. It’s either that or I have a really messed up mind. I’ve talked to other people about this and they say it’s OCD, I don’t have OCD or at least am not diagnosed with it. I don’t even know if those were intentional thoughts or not. I know that talking about this on the internet isn’t the best thing to do, but it’s my only choice because it’s not like I can drive to go see a priest because I can’t drive yet. After learning about this “unpardonable sin” I have never been the same. I’ve tried to tell my self no you haven’t done it and I’ve tried forget this, I can never forget. How can I not obsess over this anymore. Am I doomed to hell? Can someone please help? Questions: 1) I’m really confused on the passage (Mark 3:28-30.) Jesus said “whatever blasphemies they utter” does that mean that it cannot be commited in your mind? but instead, is only possible to do it externally by saying it out loud? 2) I can’t remember if the scribes said something out loud or rather said something in their minds but I remember these scribes were so hardened of the heart they absolutely HATED Jesus and denied He was the Son Of GOD. Does that mean that it’s more than just thoughts/externally speaking but in order to do this blasphemy you needed to actually believe that he was evil?