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I've been a Christian for over a year now and I'm pretty new, relatively speaking.

How to say this...? I dunno...I told myself not to ever complain about my life because God is leading it but sometimes...it's a little hard to just keep it all in... So God...forgive me for what I'm about to do.. -_-;

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good enough Christian. I can see my other brothers and sisters of Christ so into the Word and so into God and their lives are so happy. I try to, but my mom is a Buddhist...and that just stops me...a lot. She restrains me from going all out...when I just really wanna worship the Lord...with all my heart...she won't let me. I just really hate the fact that satan is using my mother of all people against me. It just hurts. I know that with God, I shouldn't be scared of anything...but...this is my mom we're talking about here... She's been directing my life for a long time now (whether I like it or not) and even though I'm older she still tells me what to do.

So...I feel really pathetic...I mean...if I really loved the Lord, I wouldn't listen to her... but it's just so hard. Am I just a huge coward? I think I am. x_x;;; And it just leads me back to how I'm a terrible Christian. Sometimes I feel that God will abandon me one day because I haven't been really true to Him...and He just might turn me over saying: "Alright, have it your way then". But I don't want it that way. I want God's way. But with my mom like this, so controlling, it's so hard. I'm supposed to be embracing my trials and persecutions, and it's easier with people who aren't related to me...but...my MOM...lol Everyday I cast out our Buddhist altar in the name of Christ...and everyday I pray for my mother's salvation... I guess it's just a matter of time.

But I don't know... I feel like maybe I'm just not good enough for God. How can He think that I'm worthy of Him? How come He loves me so much? It just doesn't make sense. Jesus went through so much more than I did...and I can't even refute my mother, once. It's been a situation that's been haunting me for quite some time now.

I don't know though...if one day, God's tired of me...I wouldn't be surprised. lol I just hope He knows that I still love Him with all my heart even though...I outwardly disobey Him... It's just not fair to God, you know? He did so much for me, so why can't I just do this for Him?
Staff Member
Hello Hakkiri. God bless you. I hope this helps you.

Saved by grace

Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

The devil deceives (through thoughts, lies such as 'I am pathetic' as you feel now)

2 Corinthians 11:3
But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

Genesis 3:13
Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

The world hates GOD and His believers like you and I

John 15:18
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.

Remain strong in faith

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

You should pray for your mother everyday. Pray faithfully and sincerely. Let GOD handle the big part that humans cannot handle.

God bless you
If you have not yet recieved the baptism of the Holy Spirit you need to seek it with all your heart. Once you get this His authority will be in you and none can stand against Him. Even if everything about you is falling apart He will be your shelter from life's storms. He alone can change peoples hearts without Him dwelling in you ...well you already know that.
I dunno though. It's so easy to say, I'll admit. But it's so hard to apply. There's so many obstacles in the way, so many secrets I have to keep, and so many misunderstandings I have to go through. All of this roots from my mother.

Eh, this just [edited by Chad: please respect the site and watch your language]-.-
Last edited by a moderator:

:love: :thumbs_up

I know its hard at the moment for you but you will get through, I know how you feel I used to feel the same but as I started to grow in the Lord he showed me what to do. You need to put on the full armour of God, you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit every day, you are in a spiritual battle, Jesus wiil reveal to you what needs to be done this we enable you to stand. Pray for your mother everyday. Bind whatever it is that God shows you that is going on in your mother and loose Gods love and peace. You will have to do this every day but it does work. You will make a break through with your mother. The Lord knows your heart, just cry out to him, he will shelter you under his wings. He is your strong tower, your fortress just run to him and he will protect you.