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Treated as scapegoat or black sheep?

Discussion in 'Counseling' started by Lanolin, May 16, 2017.

  1. How do you handle it when people blame you for everything that goes wrong or falsely accuse you in your family.

    Perhaps you have parents who aren't believers and they just see you as a nuisance. What do you do, when everything you do right isn't noticed and everything you do wrong is. And no matter what you do, you are always seen as the scapegoat to blame or like the 'black sheep' of the family, to be criticised and picked on.
  2. Good Question Lanolin,
    This is what The Lord instructed me to do.

    When you can operate in these then offenses can not take hold of you and you can simply stay dwelling in the Joy of the Lord.

    It will change you, your life and eventually those around you. Then He can get involved and work.
    Again that's what He instructed me to do and showed me scripture after scripture backing it up.

    I hope this will shed some light
    Sent from a mobile device
    Lanolin likes this.
  3. Can you give an example from the Bible of when this happened?
  4. Just need some encouragement..I thought of Joseph, but actually he was highly favoured by his dad but his brothers hated him.

    I'm thinking when your own parents don't like you...especially mothers vs daughters.
  5. Hi Lanolin
    It's been a long day for me and it's 4:30 am and after I get some sleep I will write down some of the scriptures.

    I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you.
    Praying as well
    Sent from a mobile device
  6. I have not been able to sit down long enough to gather up all the scriptures yet.

    However the biggest key is walking in Love and Forgiveness, which are Commands to us.

    Learn to let it go and get over it quickly and pray over them In Forgiveness.

    It gets easier and be still before Him and He will direct your steps.

    What I will also add is this.
    I tried every way under the sun and nothing helped.

    Once I did things His way, it began to bother me less and less But it is then that I began to see changes in them as well.

    What I will also add is just works best for us when we humble our selves and forgive quickly and stay in the ways of the Father.
    Sent from a mobile device
  7. hmm ok well usually its just storms in a teacup but when you in it it's not nice.
    Like living with a volcano that just spews ash and lava everywhere on you. I mean I can run to my room and shut the door but there's nothing stopping them from barging in and yelling through it about some imagined petty offence.

    I had this one friend say she gets in the car and goes for a drive...anywhere.
    Another one says she doesn't live with her mum but she just comes over unannounced, and whenever she visits she just either criticises or does guilt trips. We all wish we had normal mothers.

    Sometimes I think the mother-daughter relationship is fraught because the mothers are jealous or afraid of their daughters. I mean why else would they treat us so badly?
  8. One of my friends says its because mothers are set in their ways and they just don't understand. But then I asked her how she coped and she said her brother is the one that gets the blame now.
    Some daughters just get married and move away but thats not a workable solution for most people, and finding a full time job in this economy enough to pay rent and not have to live in a slum is not either.

    I know another daughter that just spent all her holidays inside her room. She didn't venture out unless she had to.
  9. What sort of behaviour are you describing when you mention being treated badly?
  10. Hi Lanolin. 2 Tim 1:7. There is a difference between perceived wrongs and actual wrongs. Back in the Garden of Eden, the serpent told Eve that she would become as a god if she ate the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. In effect, she could do things which pleased her. Scripturally, that action comes with a price. But, it's a price many are willing to pay at the expense of others. You know your family better than we. Locking yourself in a closet is fine for short periods of time to rest and regenerate, but it fails if nothing has changed for the better. Today's economy is no different than yesterday's economy: if I sell my house for more than I paid, the buyer has to make more money than I. Do I then have the right to complain about the cost of housing when its my turn to pay more for the same house?

    In Scripture, Jesus was publicly put to task by those who thought they were experts with the security of a perceived group of experts. He flipped their own logic back onto them using the same source. Perhaps some discreet questions regarding how mothers should treat their daughters. You know your situation best and it's only a suggestion to consider. Phil 4:8. Cheers, John
  11. Well she is only 12.
    I don't know what else she can do.
    As for economy, I don't think anyone has complained about that or is trying to make money. They just want somewhere peaceful to live. Nobody can actually afford a house here, and they don't have anything to sell anyway!
  12. Well..I can't tell these mothers to treat their daughters better. They are much older than me. I can't even tell my own mother to treat me better.
    I think they are just set in their ways.

    One of my friends said she goes and visits her mum every week. But because her mother doesn't drive, she had to go back and forth an hour each time and it's tiring. She suggested that her mum make use of a taxi for elderly folk so she can come visit her instead, (and also grandchildren) but her mum doesn't want to and always changes the subject.

    Her daughter offers to pay and the elderly taxi drivers are great folk. But no, won't hear of it. Then she guilt trips her daughter saying she's lonely.
  13. oh just rages and yelling fits, and badmouthing daughters in front of others, unfair criticism, shaming and general verbal abuse. You know.

    In front of others not their family, they are nice people but to own their out.
    I did have one friend who's mum openly treated her like trash in front of my while I was there. She left home to go flatting, and then one night she was at a party (this was years ago) and got into some trouble. She didn't call her mum, she called the police, she went to the neighbours, she called her boyfriends mum. Well she didn't survive and just remember her mum saying 'I'm not your taxi'.
  14. anyway won't think about it now, but there are millions of daughters in these situations. I used to think I was the only one, but..well its not true. It's common. When mothers day comes round thats a really horrible time for us daughters..if we do give gifts sometimes it's just thrown back in our faces.
  15. Hmm well I put a plaque of family rules on my mums bedside table and it says respect one another and have fun and hug each other. But I dont know if shes taking any notice of it...
    Sent from a mobile device
  16. The Apostle Paul gave some good advice.

    Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

    After Jesus had heard that John the baptist had been beheaded in prison, he got into a ship, and went into a desert place. There he saw a great multitude following him, and he had compassion on them, and healed all the sick. (Matt 14:10-14)

    Remember we wrestle not against flesh, and blood, but against spiritual wickedness in high places. Use the spiritual weapons given to us to overcome evil with good.
    Lanolin likes this.
  17. Mum put the plaque face down she didnt want to even look at it :-(

    When I told her I got a job interview she wasnt even encourgaing as its gardening full time in my town but i think she would rather me to have a full time job in antarctica so she will never have to see me again.

    I did go on a ship once, but it just went round the country for 2 weeks I had to come home again, there was a bible group on the ship though. Also, the first few days I was sea sick.

    Other Christian mission ships wouldnt accept me. I rememeber applying snd they wanted to know medical history and everything so if you ever suffered depression in the past they were like no. We dont want you go away.
    Sent from a mobile device
  18. My mother didn't hate me. Quite the contrary, but from the moment she met my wife [1972] to be it was a "hate my daughter-in-law" situation of the worst king. At times I had to stand between them to prevent the fisticuffs. Long after we [my wife and I] came to the Lord [1976], the between to the two women continued. Eventually we left the state of California [1985] to stop the confrontations. But as we approached the Lord more closely over the years, the war simmered down. For the last few years before my mother died [2006], they became friends and my wife finally became the daughter my mother had always wanted but had never had.

    Will this testimony solve your problems? Alone it won't but perhaps it will remind you that God really is NOT dead. He is still working... if we allowing Him into our hearts.

    Are we still trusting Him no matter how long it takes?

    Give God the glory!
    Lanolin likes this.
  19. I nust need to trust God is working on these relationships and have patience..

    Yesterday was busy working and forgot to pick mum up from the train station, I dont have to all the time but had been the last few times when she didnt ask or call so she walked home. By the time I remembered it was too late but she cm home and didnt say anything and I didnt say anything either and we just kind of ignored each other.

    She did say to me if I dont pick her up she will walk and it wasnt raining so..i think it was alright its a 15-20 minute walk. Just that it gets dark now early...

    ?! But she didnt yell at me or anything or get angry or complain about mopping so that was good. And i was able to get on with my own work. She doesnt clean my room which is fine but she used to always complain about that till I told her she didnt need to and I can do that myself. Just little things set her off..i also can cook my own dinner like Im grown up but in her mind im like a baby that needs to be fed, i think she worries all the time, but then its confusing when im away its like..come back! And when Im there its like get lost!
    Sent from a mobile device
  20. I have to work hard to do this... I find its easier of I add...'Walk away' to the list. I find no place in the Word where God says "Stand and take it"
    Wired 4 Fishen likes this.

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