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Top Ten Signs You're Not the Best Cook on the Block

Staff Member
Top Ten Signs You're Not the Best Cook on the Block - September 02, 2005

I can't remember anything I've ever prepared in the kitchen that's eaten a hole through my skillet (not all the way through anyway), and I rarely send friends and family members to the hospital. Okay, so I'm not the best cook on the block. But it's not like my cooking has ever set off Geiger counters in my neighborhood or anything. Maybe there's been some minor glowing, but still, I don't think there have ever been more than trace amounts of radioactivity.

If you'd like my personal take on the state of neighborhood affairs that should clue folks in to the fact that they're not the best chefs on their block, here are my top ten:

10. Your family compliments you on your lovely cheesy potato side dish--but they keep pointing at your ham.

9. You give the dog your pot roast leftovers and he buries them in the neighbor's back yard.

8. You call the kids to come to dinner and they beg you to let them do their homework and clean their rooms instead.

7. Some joker in your family puts one of those "Bio-hazard" signs on your garbage can.

6. You make meatloaf and banana bread for dinner, but no one can tell which is which- even after tasting them.

5. You accidentally drop your homemade bread while getting it out of the oven and you have to go down to the basement to retrieve it.

4. Every time you barbecue, one of your neighbors calls the fire department.

3. You make "Macaroni Surprise" but the surprise is that you have to use a sandblaster and a touch of Drano to get it out of the dish.

2. You buy Pepto-Bismol by the drum.

1. You accidentally leave your special frozen dessert on the table overnight, but it's still solid the next morning- and you're pretty sure you heard it singing in the night.

Boy, am I glad my Heavenly Father understands creating life and giving purpose so infinitely more than I understand creating edible cuisine and giving it flavor. He has taken great care to put each of us together. Psalm 139:15 says, "You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something." (The Message) Bit by bit, ingredient by ingredient, the Lord followed His divine recipe for each one of us. He breathed into us the very breath of life and gave us great value by giving us His love.

James 1:18 says "God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made." (NCV) What an honor! We are his focus in his most delightful presentation.

It's His love that gives us importance. He's the one who makes our lives significant. And praise God, He makes life something to savor- without even the slightest need for Drano!