One I wrote in the '70s that I did as both a play and as a puppet show until the '90s.
THE WALKING LIBRARY
As Annie Boddy was walking through the busy bus terminal, a voice came over the loudspeaker. “Now boarding for Natchez, Memphis, Louisville and Cucamonga. Now boarding at gate 29.”
Annie glanced around. “Hmm. I wonder which gate my bus is at?” She reads her confusing bus schedule, and thinks she spots the answer. “Ah. Gate 39. Hmm. No bus. Oh Porter!”
The porter slides up to her with a happy grin on his face. “Yes, madam. What can I do for you?”
“Did the bus to Keokuk, Iowa already leave?”
“No, madam. It hasn't.”
“Well, that's strange. This schedule says that the Keokuk bus leaves Gate 39 at 9:35 and it's (looks at watch) 9:37 now.”
“Let's look at that schedule, madam, and see if we can spot the solution to your problem.”
“See? It says 9:35 over here.”
“Oh, but that's in column ‘B‘.”
“That makes a difference?”
“All the difference in the world. A time in column ‘B’ means except on weekdays, Sundays or any holidays, except April Fools Day.”
“Why not April Fools Day?”
“So it can fool everybody by showing up on time.”
“Ah. Well, I notice it also has an asterisk here.”
“That means normally at 9:45, unless it's 10 minutes late.”
“Hmm. Yes. But the asterisk has a ‘Z‘, an ‘A’ and a cross under it.”
“Oh, you do have sharp eyes, don't you. Most people never even spot those tiny things. The ‘Z’ means that the driver flips a coin to find out if he's a local or an express after the passengers are on board.”
“But, what if he gets an express, and many of the passengers are locals? That means he won't be stopping at their stops.”
“Then he gives them a transfer to the next bus, which comes 6 hours later, except in bad weather. Then it comes 9 hours later.”
Annie thought about that for a moment. “I don't mean to be rude, but what is the purpose of that?”
“Two things, really. First it dramatically increases the income of our in station restaurants. Secondly, it teaches the passengers the value of the virtue of patience, a thing much to be desired in our helter-skelter, do everything on the run world.”
“I see. All right then. What about the ‘A‘?”
“The rest room on the bus is out of order. Make sure you go before you leave the station.”
“Nice of them to warn you. That only leaves the cross. What's it for?”
“That means: get down on your knees and pray, because Weird Eddie is your driver today!”
“Well, thanks a lot, porter.” She tips him.
He touches his cap. “And you're welcome a lot, too!” He saunters off.
“Oh, me. What can I do with myself until the bus gets here?”
From another entrance, Cathy enters. She looks for her bus, but then spots Annie. “Yoo-hoo! Annie! Annie Boddy!” Cathy runs up and hugs her.
Annie is surprised to say the least, as she has no idea who this strange woman is hugging her like a wrestler. “What? Who?”
Cathy bellows in her ear. “It's me, silly!”
Annie is still confused. “Oh, yeah. Isn't it though?”
“Sure! You remember.”
“Uh, yeah. It was at the... uh...uh…”
“Yeah. At the convention.”
Annie is still not sure. “Yeah, The convention?”
“Yes. The Convention of the Society for the Creation, Preservation, Expansion, and Promogulation of Privacy and Intimacy in Interpersonal Relationships. Wasn't that a gas? There must have been a million of us.”
“Yes, I never saw so many people in all my life.”
“Hey, remember the experiment?”
“How could I possibly forget? They stuffed 16 of us into a phone booth, and locked the door. I thought your left foot looked familiar. That's all I saw for 6 hours. Yes…” She thinks to herself. “There was this one really pushy sales type that…” She looks back at the foot, in a horror of recognition. “Oh, no! It's her! "Chatty" Cathy Waggintongue! Pull her string and she never runs down!”
“Oh, I can see by the expression on your face that you remember me now!”
“Yes, Cathy, I do. How are you doing?”
“Just fine. And you?”
“Up until now, just ducky. How's your husband?”
Cathy pulls herself up frostily. “I'm not married.”
“Oh.”
“Well, how's that nice husband of yours doing?”
“Oh, he's all right I guess...but, well... just lately, I …”
Cathy jumps in sympathetically. “Well! I have just the thing for you! Let's see…” As each title is mentioned, she reaches into her suitcase, and slam dunks a book into Annie's hands. “Ah, here we are! ‘How To Get Along With Your Bossy Husband‘, by Emma Deafmute. ‘Flattery Will Get you Somewhere’ by B. A. Deere. ‘When I Put A Ring On Her Finger, She Put One In My Nose’ by Meek and Mild. And ‘How To Live With And Love Your In-Laws and Outlaws’ by the famous Russian psychologist, Pannin Derneck.”
Annie tries to juggle all of the books. “Uh, gee, thanks. I'm sure these will be a big help, probably?”
“How are the kids?”
“Just great. Bob is 12, and Marsha is 9. They're both doing so well in…”
“Good! I've got just what you need!”
“You do?”
“Sure! ‘The Biblical Method Of Child Rearing’ by Harry Biblical. ‘How To Communicate With Your Teen Aged Son‘ by B. Cool. And for Marsha, ‘On The Care And Feeding Of A Teenage Daughter’ by Manny Problems. Say, How's your prayer life coming along?”
Annie is beginning to regret not having taken a weight lifting class in high school. “Well... I…”
“Say no more! Here's a book that's been a real help, ‘Lord, Gimmie Strength’ by I. M. Hassled. Boy, I'll bet that one will really speak to you! Especially in the audio tape version. Better take that for when you are in the car. Then there's ‘Surrounded By Enemies’ by Berry Worried. Oh, and you can't pass up…”
Annie finally loses control of the tower of books. “Wow! Look out!” (crash.) For crying out loud! Enough is enough, and too much is plenty! Don't you have a simple Bible?”
“Bible?”
“Yes, a Bible.”
Cathy rummages through her suitcase, pulling out dozens of books. Then stops. “Er, no. I don't seem to.”
“Let's go increase the income of the in station restaurant by getting some coffee and a donut. And while we're there, I'll show you how the Bible can help you with all those problems.”
“You mean that one book can take the place of all of these?”
“Yes, you're going to love this. It can help you with everything. Why, just the other day, I was looking for strength in times when you need patience. Over in the book of Job I found…“ They exit talking.
THE WALKING LIBRARY
As Annie Boddy was walking through the busy bus terminal, a voice came over the loudspeaker. “Now boarding for Natchez, Memphis, Louisville and Cucamonga. Now boarding at gate 29.”
Annie glanced around. “Hmm. I wonder which gate my bus is at?” She reads her confusing bus schedule, and thinks she spots the answer. “Ah. Gate 39. Hmm. No bus. Oh Porter!”
The porter slides up to her with a happy grin on his face. “Yes, madam. What can I do for you?”
“Did the bus to Keokuk, Iowa already leave?”
“No, madam. It hasn't.”
“Well, that's strange. This schedule says that the Keokuk bus leaves Gate 39 at 9:35 and it's (looks at watch) 9:37 now.”
“Let's look at that schedule, madam, and see if we can spot the solution to your problem.”
“See? It says 9:35 over here.”
“Oh, but that's in column ‘B‘.”
“That makes a difference?”
“All the difference in the world. A time in column ‘B’ means except on weekdays, Sundays or any holidays, except April Fools Day.”
“Why not April Fools Day?”
“So it can fool everybody by showing up on time.”
“Ah. Well, I notice it also has an asterisk here.”
“That means normally at 9:45, unless it's 10 minutes late.”
“Hmm. Yes. But the asterisk has a ‘Z‘, an ‘A’ and a cross under it.”
“Oh, you do have sharp eyes, don't you. Most people never even spot those tiny things. The ‘Z’ means that the driver flips a coin to find out if he's a local or an express after the passengers are on board.”
“But, what if he gets an express, and many of the passengers are locals? That means he won't be stopping at their stops.”
“Then he gives them a transfer to the next bus, which comes 6 hours later, except in bad weather. Then it comes 9 hours later.”
Annie thought about that for a moment. “I don't mean to be rude, but what is the purpose of that?”
“Two things, really. First it dramatically increases the income of our in station restaurants. Secondly, it teaches the passengers the value of the virtue of patience, a thing much to be desired in our helter-skelter, do everything on the run world.”
“I see. All right then. What about the ‘A‘?”
“The rest room on the bus is out of order. Make sure you go before you leave the station.”
“Nice of them to warn you. That only leaves the cross. What's it for?”
“That means: get down on your knees and pray, because Weird Eddie is your driver today!”
“Well, thanks a lot, porter.” She tips him.
He touches his cap. “And you're welcome a lot, too!” He saunters off.
“Oh, me. What can I do with myself until the bus gets here?”
From another entrance, Cathy enters. She looks for her bus, but then spots Annie. “Yoo-hoo! Annie! Annie Boddy!” Cathy runs up and hugs her.
Annie is surprised to say the least, as she has no idea who this strange woman is hugging her like a wrestler. “What? Who?”
Cathy bellows in her ear. “It's me, silly!”
Annie is still confused. “Oh, yeah. Isn't it though?”
“Sure! You remember.”
“Uh, yeah. It was at the... uh...uh…”
“Yeah. At the convention.”
Annie is still not sure. “Yeah, The convention?”
“Yes. The Convention of the Society for the Creation, Preservation, Expansion, and Promogulation of Privacy and Intimacy in Interpersonal Relationships. Wasn't that a gas? There must have been a million of us.”
“Yes, I never saw so many people in all my life.”
“Hey, remember the experiment?”
“How could I possibly forget? They stuffed 16 of us into a phone booth, and locked the door. I thought your left foot looked familiar. That's all I saw for 6 hours. Yes…” She thinks to herself. “There was this one really pushy sales type that…” She looks back at the foot, in a horror of recognition. “Oh, no! It's her! "Chatty" Cathy Waggintongue! Pull her string and she never runs down!”
“Oh, I can see by the expression on your face that you remember me now!”
“Yes, Cathy, I do. How are you doing?”
“Just fine. And you?”
“Up until now, just ducky. How's your husband?”
Cathy pulls herself up frostily. “I'm not married.”
“Oh.”
“Well, how's that nice husband of yours doing?”
“Oh, he's all right I guess...but, well... just lately, I …”
Cathy jumps in sympathetically. “Well! I have just the thing for you! Let's see…” As each title is mentioned, she reaches into her suitcase, and slam dunks a book into Annie's hands. “Ah, here we are! ‘How To Get Along With Your Bossy Husband‘, by Emma Deafmute. ‘Flattery Will Get you Somewhere’ by B. A. Deere. ‘When I Put A Ring On Her Finger, She Put One In My Nose’ by Meek and Mild. And ‘How To Live With And Love Your In-Laws and Outlaws’ by the famous Russian psychologist, Pannin Derneck.”
Annie tries to juggle all of the books. “Uh, gee, thanks. I'm sure these will be a big help, probably?”
“How are the kids?”
“Just great. Bob is 12, and Marsha is 9. They're both doing so well in…”
“Good! I've got just what you need!”
“You do?”
“Sure! ‘The Biblical Method Of Child Rearing’ by Harry Biblical. ‘How To Communicate With Your Teen Aged Son‘ by B. Cool. And for Marsha, ‘On The Care And Feeding Of A Teenage Daughter’ by Manny Problems. Say, How's your prayer life coming along?”
Annie is beginning to regret not having taken a weight lifting class in high school. “Well... I…”
“Say no more! Here's a book that's been a real help, ‘Lord, Gimmie Strength’ by I. M. Hassled. Boy, I'll bet that one will really speak to you! Especially in the audio tape version. Better take that for when you are in the car. Then there's ‘Surrounded By Enemies’ by Berry Worried. Oh, and you can't pass up…”
Annie finally loses control of the tower of books. “Wow! Look out!” (crash.) For crying out loud! Enough is enough, and too much is plenty! Don't you have a simple Bible?”
“Bible?”
“Yes, a Bible.”
Cathy rummages through her suitcase, pulling out dozens of books. Then stops. “Er, no. I don't seem to.”
“Let's go increase the income of the in station restaurant by getting some coffee and a donut. And while we're there, I'll show you how the Bible can help you with all those problems.”
“You mean that one book can take the place of all of these?”
“Yes, you're going to love this. It can help you with everything. Why, just the other day, I was looking for strength in times when you need patience. Over in the book of Job I found…“ They exit talking.
