Stuck with nowhere to turn

[MTauber92]

Hello, I haven't been on here in awhile but I really need some prayer. Me and my husband just got separated. We fought over parenting styles all the time. He has a son and I am the step mother. His child's behavior is full of disobedience and it's effecting my relationship with everyone involved. Just recently the child's biological mother decided to get physical and aggressive with me during an exchange for the child. It involved police and courts and it was a mess. I don't want to be in that kind of environment and my husband refused to try and help the situation. He kind of just blows it off since it doesn't effect him, only me. I know i'm rambling on but I thought I had to explain the situation.

Well we fought over his son all the time and now we decided to end our marriage. I love him so much and miss him and I can't stop thinking about him. I never dealt with this before so I'm not sure how to feel better. I find myself wanting to call him or see him. I don't want to be in love with him, I'd like to move on but I don't know how.


I live in Kansas and I am not from here, I don't have any friends and very few family members that moved here. I don't have work and I temporarily live with my younger sister who just recently proposed the idea of me paying rent. My husband has EVERYTHING and I have nothing. I don't know what to do or where to go. I have to know the secret that everyone knows but me, how do you do it? How are you happy with your life and not want to despies the day you were born?!

Please help

 

[Brad Huber]

Hello, I haven't been on here in awhile but I really need some prayer. Me and my husband just got separated. We fought over parenting styles all the time. He has a son and I am the step mother. His child's behavior is full of disobedience and it's effecting my relationship with everyone involved. Just recently the child's biological mother decided to get physical and aggressive with me during an exchange for the child. It involved police and courts and it was a mess. I don't want to be in that kind of environment and my husband refused to try and help the situation. He kind of just blows it off since it doesn't effect him, only me. I know i'm rambling on but I thought I had to explain the situation.

Well we fought over his son all the time and now we decided to end our marriage. I love him so much and miss him and I can't stop thinking about him. I never dealt with this before so I'm not sure how to feel better. I find myself wanting to call him or see him. I don't want to be in love with him, I'd like to move on but I don't know how.


I live in Kansas and I am not from here, I don't have any friends and very few family members that moved here. I don't have work and I temporarily live with my younger sister who just recently proposed the idea of me paying rent. My husband has EVERYTHING and I have nothing. I don't know what to do or where to go. I have to know the secret that everyone knows but me, how do you do it? How are you happy with your life and not want to despies the day you were born?!

Please help

Dear sister in Christ ... it is only the broken heart that seeks the strength of the Lord to fill the emptiness, that hole in our heart that was always meant for Jesus. As to your husband, I would be glad to pray for him and your marriage. Dont give up on him just yet. Pray for him, and forgive him and his son, and pray that God would heal the heart of his son, and come to know Christ as his savior for he needs Him so! Go spend time with those who will help you now even if you have to move, but if you have courage to stay, get involved with a good church for some spiritual and emotional support.

 

[Christ4Ever]

Dear @MTauber92

My hope had been that the situation with you and your family had gotten better. I am truly sorry that it has not. I'm assuming the separation in part was due to the words you had with the step-son which you mentioned in your earlier post.

Please don't judge | Talk Jesus Forums

You also mentioned the following.

I fell off the Christian wagon and I'm trying to get back on.

Do you feel that falling off the "Christian Wagon" was the result of your words to your family or was this something that over time was happening to you?

I ask, because even though we can isolate one moment that makes us feel that we've fallen of the "CW". It usually something that has been happening over time. It's many small things that we have normally stopped doing which has stopped our grrowth in Christ Jesus.

Examples:

If we prayed in the morning & evening - We no longer do so, infrequently or only when we need something. These are the times we really need have active in our life so that our avenue of communication stays open with our most important someone in our life. Jesus.

If we did devotionals once during the day - We no longer do them. Too busy doing other things. That's if we even did them in the first place. If we have or haven't. Realize this helps us grow by feeding us daily the nutrients in keeping a strong healthy spiritual life throughout the day we are about to begin.

If we still or ever go to Church - The reason I don't go (fill in the blank here) - Without the fellowship, worship, praise time, nourishment of the word (Sermon) that a church can provide. We fail to utilize for ourselves and the family the resources God has made available to us to us to keep the family healthy. Also, to help others. You'd be surprised how much of a blessing it is and it can make you feel so much better as an individual and family when you help someone else. Sets a good example for the children too! Don't forget it will allow others to be blessed as well when they are allowed to help you! Yes, you can have church at home too!

If we did a Bible Study (Both organized or self paced) - We stopped doing it because it took up too much time. When we forget to eat our bodies tell us that we need food. So too our spirits. We start feeling just a bit off. More focused on the things of the world which provide us entertainment. Instead of on God's Word which will help us grow and help others (family) to do the same.

I'm sure others can increase the above list, but my guess is that you know where I'm coming from as it pertains to the above items and how they fit or don't fit into your life. Our life's actions as mentioned above are some of things that keep us close to God and keep him active in our lives. As we move away from doing the things that maintain and grow our relationship with Him. So does His movement in our lives. Much like any Communication. It is a two way street. Just understand that when the communication just stops, it's normally because we have stopped it and have moved away from Him and not Him from us. He is always there waiting for us to restart it.

So, before anything can get fixed with you and your family. You must first fix the relationship with the Lord your God. Without which all that you have or might gain will not last or prosper. You need to realize that it will be God who fixes the family issues, because it is He who can change the hearts & minds of man. I know you feel lost at the moment and still love your family dearly. Continue to love them, but because it will be God who will fixe that relationship. You first must mend those fences with Him and get back on the "CW". Improve that relationship with your God, Lord, and Savior! All else will follow!

I will be praying for you.
YBIC
C4E
<><

 

[MTauber92]

Dear @MTauber92

My hope had been that the situation with you and your family had gotten better. I am truly sorry that it has not. I'm assuming the separation in part was due to the words you had with the step-son which you mentioned in your earlier post.

Please don't judge | Talk Jesus Forums

You also mentioned the following.



Do you feel that falling off the "Christian Wagon" was the result of your words to your family or was this something that over time was happening to you?

I ask, because even though we can isolate one moment that makes us feel that we've fallen of the "CW". It usually something that has been happening over time. It's many small things that we have normally stopped doing which has stopped our grrowth in Christ Jesus.

Examples:

If we prayed in the morning & evening - We no longer do so, infrequently or only when we need something. These are the times we really need have active in our life so that our avenue of communication stays open with our most important someone in our life. Jesus.

If we did devotionals once during the day - We no longer do them. Too busy doing other things. That's if we even did them in the first place. If we have or haven't. Realize this helps us grow by feeding us daily the nutrients in keeping a strong healthy spiritual life throughout the day we are about to begin.

If we still or ever go to Church - The reason I don't go (fill in the blank here) - Without the fellowship, worship, praise time, nourishment of the word (Sermon) that a church can provide. We fail to utilize for ourselves and the family the resources God has made available to us to us to keep the family healthy. Also, to help others. You'd be surprised how much of a blessing it is and it can make you feel so much better as an individual and family when you help someone else. Sets a good example for the children too! Don't forget it will allow others to be blessed as well when they are allowed to help you! Yes, you can have church at home too!

If we did a Bible Study (Both organized or self paced) - We stopped doing it because it took up too much time. When we forget to eat our bodies tell us that we need food. So too our spirits. We start feeling just a bit off. More focused on the things of the world which provide us entertainment. Instead of on God's Word which will help us grow and help others (family) to do the same.

I'm sure others can increase the above list, but my guess is that you know where I'm coming from as it pertains to the above items and how they fit or don't fit into your life. Our life's actions as mentioned above are some of things that keep us close to God and keep him active in our lives. As we move away from doing the things that maintain and grow our relationship with Him. So does His movement in our lives. Much like any Communication. It is a two way street. Just understand that when the communication just stops, it's normally because we have stopped it and have moved away from Him and not Him from us. He is always there waiting for us to restart it.

So, before anything can get fixed with you and your family. You must first fix the relationship with the Lord your God. Without which all that you have or might gain will not last or prosper. You need to realize that it will be God who fixes the family issues, because it is He who can change the hearts & minds of man. I know you feel lost at the moment and still love your family dearly. Continue to love them, but because it will be God who will fixe that relationship. You first must mend those fences with Him and get back on the "CW". Improve that relationship with your God, Lord, and Savior! All else will follow!

I will be praying for you.
YBIC
C4E
<><

Thank you for reading. The words I said to the family has been forgotten about and we all moved on. The reason we are separating is because his son causes a lot of problems between us. My husband doesn't like my parenting style and I don't like his so he doesn't want me to be a part of it. For example, we all decided to try and go to church together this morning and his son got kicked out of the classroom because of his awful behavior. My husband does nothing about this. He allows his child to disrespect anyone, including himself. And it kills me to see a childrens pastor trying to teach the class and has to dismiss a child because of his behavior. It not fair to the pastor or to the other children trying to learn. And its not fair that the child does not get disciplined for this. I know Im the step mother but I still want to put in my opinion about something needs to change. My husband needs to start getting onto his son, especially if it involves disrespecting the church. But my husband feels differently, he does not like to discipline, so we argue and now here I am.

 

[Christ4Ever]

@MTauber92

It seems the only thing you can continue to do is pray for your husband, the boy and for guidance on how to handle the situation. Not knowing how old the child is makes determining the best method to use when disciplining the child difficult. It can go from being sent to his room, taking things away, having talks with him, or even counseling.

That you husband does not believe in disciplining the child, yet is willing to go to church with you as a family. At least provides enough hope that if someone he respected were to talk with him concerning this subject it could help. Maybe, bringing the Children's Pastor who has experienced this behavior first hand and the Church Pastor to talk with your husband about the behavior might be helpful. Yet this cannot come from you to your husband, because as you have seen your suggestions are not looked favorable upon. Talk with the Pastors' Wife and see if going that route be helpful. Many of the Pastors' wives are counselors in their own right and might be able to offer the assistance that a man does not.

However, with the separation once again the best that you can do is continue with the one thing that is in your control. That is how you grow with the Lord and His Word. He is still the prime mover/shaker in your life and the life of your family. God can move your husband so he might see what is actually happening with his own son, and with his own family.

There must be a reason why your husband chooses to allow this behavior with the child. It can even have something to do with his upbringing. Much history is missing so the cause and effect of what is driving your husband is not evident. If you don't know what is driving your husband to be this way and God deems it that you both should come together again, without resolving this issue. Make sure you find out why he chooses not to discipline him and see if it has to do with his own upbringing.

I truly wish I had more words of comfort for you. However, as I stated before your guidance and hope are with the one that knows better than the rest of us how to deal with such situations. Don't fail to take advantage of it. He will never fail you.
YBIC
C4E
<><

 

[Fragrant Grace]

For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.....
1 Coriinthians 14:33

Greetings sister @MTauber92

Our Lord is the author of peace
The devil causes division and confusion

Keep focused on the Lord...His word promises that we will have perfect peace if we keep our minds on Him (Isaiah 26)

Pray for His love and peace to reign glorious and for reconciliation if that is the Lords will for you and your husband.
Joining you in that prayer...trusting and believing in His goodress and power.

For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
James 3:16-18