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So men indeed choose ******* over decent women

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Well I thought I had connection with this man. We even talked about our past and the pain we went through due to our childhood. He listened to my pain and brought me comfort. I complimented him every time he did something that touched me, boosted his ego and wanted to support him. But he still went after the woman who act like a *****, simply because she is more radiant and doesn’t give a damn offending people for her attention seeking behavior. How nice.
 
Active
That woman flirts with guys through banter, and treats her own boyfriend like a slave, but this man still went after her and chose her over me. It’s appalling that this man has no clue that how she treated her current boyfriend will be exactly how he will be treated when he gets into a relationship with her.

So here we go again. Men don’t choose women who will actually treat them well and instead go after those who will use them, abuse them, dump them and then regret it like a fool. I’m sick of this.
 
Active
If he ever comes back to me and realise how he made the wrong decision, I will not accept him either. I will tell this to his face:

Too bad you chose her over me. I gave you a chance. I showed you that I care and how grateful I am even if what you did was nothing significant. I boosted your ego in every way possible but yet you failed miserably at seeing my value as a godly woman. Since you didn’t see my value before, why should I see your value now? You spent your emotional energy and time on her and drained yourself out, now you come back to me hoping to take what you lost from me? Do you really think I am naive enough to believe that you will ever love me? I owe you absolutely nothing. You’ve had your chance with me, you screwed up. I don’t care whether it’s because of your ****** relationship pattern or whatever. You are old enough to work out your problems so you don’t fall for the same kind of ****** woman over and over and yet somehow you didn’t. Accept the consequences then.

I am not yours and anyone’s second option or last resort. You yourself said treat others the way you want to be treated, so I will give you that. You treated me as an option, an afterthought so you are also just an option and afterthought to me. It doesn’t even matter if you indeed truly love me now, choices have consequences.

If you indeed truly love me now, then love me without expecting anything in return. Prove to me that you love me with your actions, and don’t expect me to even agree to be in any relationship with you. Because if you are willing to give to a woman who isn’t even a good woman, why should I get any less than she did? I deserve 10 times, 100 times more. So unless you are willing to give your all to me without expecting anything in return, you don’t deserve me.
 
Active
And before any of you want to give me any advice on how I should be more forgiving, selfless and Christlike, let me just get the facts straight. I am not promoting to become like those selfish bitchy woman, I simply refuse to settle for any less than I deserve, especially when women who have far less admirable character traits get everything that I don’t have. This world is sick to the core and I have enough of getting the short end of the stick.

The mantra of being a giving and godly woman is ideal only in an ideal world, and this world is a far cry from that. I will be a giving and godly woman, but only if a man is willing to love me like Christ did, and HE has to show that to me FIRST for a long period of time before I even give anything back. It is already hard enough to be a Christian, and telling a woman to be giving and nurturing to a man before he has even earned it is subjecting us to nothing but abuse and getting taken advantage of. Our hearts get broken when we see evil women getting treated well for doing nothing while we get kicked to the curb for being our authentic caring self.

So don’t even bother telling me I should be more forgiving and selfless, IT WORKS AGAINST women who are truly good and deserving of love.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings,

you will find that for most, godly men are rare and godly women are rare. It goes both ways. However, because there are many ungodly men or women does not automatically mean that all are [ungodly] and should therefore be treated as such {I write this for you and all who might read it, so please do not take offense}

As i read your first posts, i could see something of the Lord and His people over time, from what we have in the Old Testament and alas, from what we see today, being the times of the New.
Constantly in adultery, constantly seeking pleasures outside of the beautiful relationship of being God's.

What we do see, however, is the merciful lovingkindness of God being ever and unfailing.
Sure, many consequences, also.

Please don't allow yourself to get hardened against that which you know to be good in Christ and His love not only for you but for all others.

May you find and know and keep and be kept by His peace in His love,


Bless you ....><>
 
Active
Greetings,

you will find that for most, godly men are rare and godly women are rare. It goes both ways. However, because there are many ungodly men or women does not automatically mean that all are [ungodly] and should therefore be treated as such {I write this for you and all who might read it, so please do not take offense}

As i read your first posts, i could see something of the Lord and His people over time, from what we have in the Old Testament and alas, from what we see today, being the times of the New.
Constantly in adultery, constantly seeking pleasures outside of the beautiful relationship of being God's.

What we do see, however, is the merciful lovingkindness of God being ever and unfailing.
Sure, many consequences, also.

Please don't allow yourself to get hardened against that which you know to be good in Christ and His love not only for you but for all others.

May you find and know and keep and be kept by His peace in His love,


Bless you ....><>
I don’t think this man I’m dealing with is downright evil, if that is what you mean by ungodly. Like me, he had a poor upbringing from parents who were poor role models in relationships and that set him on a poor pattern of choosing women who are actually evil. I don’t know if you have read before that the relationship pattern that our parents modelled for us have a big impact on how we go on to choose partners. If we had a negative role model, we tend to seek partners that have a sense of familiarity and resemble the (bad) traits we saw in our own parents. It is a subconscious vicious cycle. That I think is the reason why this man is pining after women who are bad. He himself told me he was burned many times.

I am angry because he saw the good in front of him and abandoned it for what is bad. I am also angry that so many men (who are actually capable of being loving partners) end up choosing the most ungodly women possible while women like me who want to be godly wives are second options and last resorts.

Why aren’t these men educating themselves on how their upbringing and unconscious are leading them on the wrong path in partner choices? Why are they not training themselves to spot red flag behaviours in women and why aren’t they valuing emotional stability in a woman and see that as boring?

Instead they fall over themselves going after the most selfish and ungodly women because these women are more exciting, more sensual and sexually enticing and bring them on unhealthy emotional roller coasters. Then when they have burned themselves out and exhausted their resources on these bad women they come back to the good women but by then they have NOTHING left to offer the truly good women. So the good women end up with wounded men and they don’t get the love they so yearn for and deserve. It’s UNFAIR!!!!
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings again,

I understand what you are saying. It would be 'nice' to be able to sort everything out for everyone and all to live happily ever after...... but we don't have to do that because that is what the Lord has done for us, already. All He requires of us is that we do in some way reciprocate His love and be ready to forgive as much as we are ready to be forgiven, in love.

Sister, you left out the part about yourself after your start to the last post.
You wrote that people tend to follow the bad examples of their parents and it is a viscous cycle and then went on to point out that that is what this man did and does and so many do, BUT, you forgot to include yourself and how you might be following a pattern set by others that you unconsciously go after a man who is like this ? I don't know at all if that is correct, you might know, but you did leave that part out.

In Christ's love,


Bless you ....><>
 
Active
Greetings again,

I understand what you are saying. It would be 'nice' to be able to sort everything out for everyone and all to live happily ever after...... but we don't have to do that because that is what the Lord has done for us, already. All He requires of us is that we do in some way reciprocate His love and be ready to forgive as much as we are ready to be forgiven, in love.

Sister, you left out the part about yourself after your start to the last post.
You wrote that people tend to follow the bad examples of their parents and it is a viscous cycle and then went on to point out that that is what this man did and does and so many do, BUT, you forgot to include yourself and how you might be following a pattern set by others that you unconsciously go after a man who is like this ? I don't know at all if that is correct, you might know, but you did leave that part out.

In Christ's love,


Bless you ....><>
From my own experience I used to go after men who were verbally abusive and emotionally immature (traits of my father), but I have since trained myself to not get attracted to such men. In fact I rejected at least two such men who were actually interested in me because I know they aren’t the kind of men I want to be with. The one pattern I did not see consistently is whether they go after ungodly women and choose them over me.

But there was a pattern, it was that there was ALWAYS another woman involved in men I have an interest in. It is not a conscious choice, I don’t willfully go after men whom I know are taken. It is either that they have a girlfriend whom I never heard of so I thought they were single, or another woman is also interested in the same man. This pattern has no resemblance to the relationship pattern my parents set as far as I know.
 
Active
Greetings again,

I understand what you are saying. It would be 'nice' to be able to sort everything out for everyone and all to live happily ever after...... but we don't have to do that because that is what the Lord has done for us, already. All He requires of us is that we do in some way reciprocate His love and be ready to forgive as much as we are ready to be forgiven, in love.

Sister, you left out the part about yourself after your start to the last post.
You wrote that people tend to follow the bad examples of their parents and it is a viscous cycle and then went on to point out that that is what this man did and does and so many do, BUT, you forgot to include yourself and how you might be following a pattern set by others that you unconsciously go after a man who is like this ? I don't know at all if that is correct, you might know, but you did leave that part out.

In Christ's love,


Bless you ....><>
As for why I’m attracted to this current man, it’s because he was willing to listen to me vent and told me certain things that made me felt accepted. He told me that making me happy will make him happy too. He offered to help me anytime I need. He seemed like a caring man if this was not just a mask he wears. And I’m not exaggerating that no matter what emotional state I am in, just talking to him calms me down. He shares the same values as I do in important matters like character and
loyalty in relationships.

I don’t see the same kind of verbal abuse tendencies in him that I saw in other men I used to get drawn to. As for emotional maturity I think he is basically stable but it’s hard to tell how mature he is since I’ve not even met him before and only known him for like a month.

But he does seem to get drawn to women who are good at presenting an energetic, cheerful and “nice” front but are actually the opposite of what they present. He assumes the best about others and needs multiple confirmations before he comes to a bad conclusion about a person. Unlike him I tend to spot red flags about people quickly and my gut feelings about people are 90% accurate. He was with another woman (possibly as a lover?) and it was me who exposed the woman for being a bad apple. Only after I exposed the woman for who she is did he admit that she was bad. Without my accurate judgment of that woman’s character he probably would have just continued on with that woman.

It blows my mind why he would now just go for the same brand of woman who are double faced, friend zone me when he just came to his senses about a previous woman who was bad. He told me he was burned many times yet he’s not even learning from it. It’s infuriating.
 
Member
Men don’t choose women who will actually treat them well...
I'm 54 and was unhappily married for 13 years to a woman that was impossible to please and was always angry. We divorced when I was 44. At the age of 51, I FINALLY found the woman that was meant for me. She has a significant disability but that doesn't matter to me. I truly LOVE her and I cannot imagine not being with her. I tell her that, when we're in Heaven, she'll no longer have a disability and that we'll both be young, beautiful and will enjoy many things together that we cannot enjoy here. I will also add that she accepts my faults and has NEVER tried to change me. She just accepted me for whom I am, warts and all, and just loved me. Maybe that's why I fell in love with her too. I hope the best for you. God bless you.
 
Member
If he ever comes back to me and realise how he made the wrong decision, I will not accept him either. I will tell this to his face:

Too bad you chose her over me. I gave you a chance. I showed you that I care and how grateful I am even if what you did was nothing significant. I boosted your ego in every way possible but yet you failed miserably at seeing my value as a godly woman. Since you didn’t see my value before, why should I see your value now? You spent your emotional energy and time on her and drained yourself out, now you come back to me hoping to take what you lost from me? Do you really think I am naive enough to believe that you will ever love me? I owe you absolutely nothing. You’ve had your chance with me, you screwed up. I don’t care whether it’s because of your ****** relationship pattern or whatever. You are old enough to work out your problems so you don’t fall for the same kind of ****** woman over and over and yet somehow you didn’t. Accept the consequences then.

I am not yours and anyone’s second option or last resort. You yourself said treat others the way you want to be treated, so I will give you that. You treated me as an option, an afterthought so you are also just an option and afterthought to me. It doesn’t even matter if you indeed truly love me now, choices have consequences.

If you indeed truly love me now, then love me without expecting anything in return. Prove to me that you love me with your actions, and don’t expect me to even agree to be in any relationship with you. Because if you are willing to give to a woman who isn’t even a good woman, why should I get any less than she did? I deserve 10 times, 100 times more. So unless you are willing to give your all to me without expecting anything in return, you don’t deserve me.

You sound angry and bitter, as if he owes it to you to love you. Aside from Jesus, there is no perfect man. You'll need to learn to love an imperfect man or remain bitter and alone. Treat your partner like your friend and lover and don't try to control them or mold them. Let them be them. Give them freedom and they'll appreciate you.
 
Active
I'm 54 and was unhappily married for 13 years to a woman that was impossible to please and was always angry. We divorced when I was 44. At the age of 51, I FINALLY found the woman that was meant for me. She has a significant disability but that doesn't matter to me. I truly LOVE her and I cannot imagine not being with her. I tell her that, when we're in Heaven, she'll no longer have a disability and that we'll both be young, beautiful and will enjoy many things together that we cannot enjoy here. I will also add that she accepts my faults and has NEVER tried to change me. She just accepted me for whom I am, warts and all, and just loved me. Maybe that's why I fell in love with her too. I hope the best for you. God bless you.
I feel sorry for your current wife. You wasted 13 years of your life on a bad woman, wasted your resources and time on another person which could all have been given to your wife instead. I feel indignant that your wife didn’t get even more than she could have if you had not wasted your life in ignorance for so long. It’s unfair to her from my view and this has nothing to do with wanting to change you. If I were her I would never choose you.
 
Member
I feel sorry for your current wife. You wasted 13 years of your life on a bad woman, wasted your resources and time on another person which could all have been given to your wife instead. I feel indignant that your wife didn’t get even more than she could have if you had not wasted your life in ignorance for so long. It’s unfair to her from my view and this has nothing to do with wanting to change you. If I were her I would never choose you.
Wow.
 
Active
You sound angry and bitter, as if he owes it to you to love you. Aside from Jesus, there is no perfect man. You'll need to learn to love an imperfect man or remain bitter and alone. Treat your partner like your friend and lover and don't try to control them or mold them. Let them be them. Give them freedom and they'll appreciate you.
You have absolutely no idea why I’m angry or bitter. Neither are you correct that I intend to change anyone. I am simply indignant that evil women are robbing good women of the resources and love from men and it is mostly because men are like you who don’t care to know better on how to choose a good partner. If you can’t choose the right woman and you waste your resources on the wrong one and leave us good woman with bare scraps why should we choose you?
 
Active
I have nothing against you per se but this is how I feel about this. Every single relationship we enter into is draining resources from us. If we enter into a wrong one we waste our resources and energy and that only means we can give less to the next person. It is unfair to your wife that someone else took a part of you with them for 13 long years which should have been shared with your wife. It is even more painful if your potential wife was right there with you yet you chose a less deserving woman. God said His people are destroyed for the lack of knowledge, you men need to wise up and stop this ignorance and letting yourselves becoming drained by evil women until you have NOTHING left for your true love.
 
Active
I will shake the dust from my sandals and refrain from interacting with you further. God bless you and good luck.
Hah, that’s why I will never choose men like you. Nothing is worse than not willing to accept that you’ve made a mistake and having the attitude of shaking the dust off your feet on anyone who dares to point out how you need to improve.

If I were a man and in your place, I would give your wife 100 times more than you gave in your previous marriage because that’s how much more she deserves for being a good woman. And if I can’t do that I will bow myself out and let her get a better man.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings once more,

may i please offer a balance here?

Yes, there are men who 'waste' themselves BUT there are also women who 'waste' themselves.

The problem you describe is not entirely about men being in the wrong. Many women do the same thing and we all must come to God through Christ, Who gave Himself for us all, while we were yet undeserving and wasters, that we might enter in to a relationship of eternal love with Him and be free to truly love one another, spouse or not.

Let us not weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not,
Do not be moved by evil nor overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good, as we also have been set free by the goodness of God in Jesus Christ His Son,

There are many good men who have no partner while perhaps there are some women who are wasting their giving of a godly wife, chasing after or wanting after or waiting after an an ungodly man?

Our shoes fit well on the feet they are made for,


Bless you ....><>
 
Active
You'll need to learn to love an imperfect man or remain bitter and alone. Treat your partner like your friend and lover and don't try to control them or mold them. Let them be them. Give them freedom and they'll appreciate you.
How do you know I cannot love an imperfect man? How do you know I’m not treating this man like my friend? How do you know I don’t let him be him? Don’t presume to educate me on how I need to be when you don’t even understand my point of view.

If your current wife didn’t choose you but instead chose another man who ended up abusing her even when you’ve loved her, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? Answer this question yourself if you want to know what IM feeling.
 
Active
Greetings once more,

may i please offer a balance here?

Yes, there are men who 'waste' themselves BUT there are also women who 'waste' themselves.

The problem you describe is not entirely about men being in the wrong. Many women do the same thing and we all must come to God through Christ, Who gave Himself for us all, while we were yet undeserving and wasters, that we might enter in to a relationship of eternal love with Him and be free to truly love one another, spouse or not.

Let us not weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not,
Do not be moved by evil nor overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good, as we also have been set free by the goodness of God in Jesus Christ His Son,

There are many good men who have no partner while perhaps there are some women who are wasting their giving of a godly wife, chasing after or wanting after or waiting after an an ungodly man?

Our shoes fit well on the feet they are made for,


Bless you ....><>
I know this isn’t a one sided issue. If I were to waste myself like men did on bad women and finally find a man who is right for me I would feel undeserving of him if I can no longer offer the same kind of love I gave to the wrong men. It’s simply not fair to him when he deserves the best from me but I wasted all those years on the bad apples. I will feel bad about carrying baggages which are the result of my own poor choices into a relationship with him and let him bear a burden that is my fault.

I will accept the consequences of my bad choices and miss out on him because he deserves so much better. I will even help him find a better woman if I could.

That is what I will do. Yet men who make poor partner choices will say I’m angry and bitter. They have no clue how they’re shortchanging good women by choosing bad women. They give bad women their all and then come back to give scraps to good women and demand that they accept it even if it is blatantly unfair. They won’t even accept that there is a consequence to their bad choices and they probably should let good women get better men if they have nothing left to offer. All the more reason why I’ll never choose these idiots.
 
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