First welcome to Talk Jesus
@Franny1
Always a joy to welcome another Sister in Christ Jesus to this online Community of Believers, even if they're having doubts at the moment.
I don't think there is any of us if we had a choice of what would happen in life, that we'd choose the hand we have been dealt. Even in the "perfect" life that we believe we see in others, we fail to see the same heartache and pain. Some how it all has to be better than the life I have. Why? Because I see people happy, rejoicing, with the things that "I" don't or have never experienced.
Sadly, when we start measuring ourselves against others, we'll always be the loser. Especially, when it's the good that we look at in others. There always seems to be someone who has it easier, at least compared to ourselves. It's because we always seem to see the darkness and pain we are currently going through in our lives, and never in the lives of others that we envy.
As you have seen yourself in your own life. It's not about going to church, because the traditions of man do not change the person inside. Only the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ will the possibility of being able to create true renewing change of mind and spirit occur. Yet, the examples of those closest to us, have a tendency to tint everything else in our lives. Even to the future years later. As they have with you.
Unless we set Him, our Savior Lord first and foremost in the life we lead. We will never break the chains of our history from the future we can have in Him. For in Jesus, even the darkest of times we won't be disappointed, because whatever we do, we are doing it for Him and though the circumstances seem bleak, we know that it is temporary, compared to the eternity we have to look forward to.
We all fail at times to see this, or even more important, to live it, because the pain & suffering are so acute and hurtful. A almost never ending, repetition of sorrow. Yet, for this very reason He died on that Cross. To break the cycle that we are living, so that we don't have to continue in the darkness, but are able to live in the light of His Amazing Grace.
How do we reconcile the Love so great that brought Him to die on the Cross, with our own pain and suffering?
It's truly by bringing it "all" before him. The deepest darkest thoughts, and feelings that He knows are there, yet have not released to Him. For change to occur we need to be the ones to step out in faith and trust that He will lead us in the way everlasting. For when we come to Him on bended knee, He will answer!
The answer may not change the circumstances that we are in, but the mind that we now only see a hopelessness, will change to a peace in the knowledge that it will work out as He wills, for He is in control. A control we relinquish, that He does know better what is good for us will happen even when we don't know what that may be. He is in control of a tomorrow that we know nothing about, but one that is for our good, because we love Him.
I don't think that anyone here will tell you that all that you have gone through will somehow be found to be better. Rather that in Christ Jesus, you are better for the knowing and following of Him then you'd be otherwise.
I'll be praying for you sister. That truly the peace that goes beyond worldly understanding will be manifested in your life. That the path you are to walk in Jesus Christ will be made clear. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray to the Father in Heaven. Amen
Once again be welcome and know that you are loved.
With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
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