So burdened and unworthy

[justsavedvince]

I have a confession to make. I think I've based a lot of my Christianity on works. I think I've sought glory for myself in many ways. And I'm having trouble accepting Jesus' grace and believing it is for me. I"m having trouble and debating whether i'm a true believer or an apostate. Last night I fell into sexual sin and there came a point where I willingly ignored God's voice halting me and just kept going into sin. I did it twice and brought up my past which I've had trouble forgiving myself for and I've had trouble believing that Christ paid all of that sin for me even after last night willingly sinning. I had thoughts about hating God and rebelling against Him and choosing a life a loving the flesh and ignoring God.

I went upstairs and started reading Hebrews 10:26 and verses in that chapter stating something like "if you willingly sin, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins" and I read verses about apostates and how people will profess to be wise and have their hearts hardened and will not enter into God's rest.

As soon as i read that verse and the commentary, an overwhelming fear came over me and i jumped out of bed praying that God would grant me repentance and i just felt completely void of God's peace and filled with fear... like the verse states.

I wound up staying up all night trying to call mentors and friends and didn't get in touch with one until early this morning and we talked and went to church together. He tells me I'm not an apostate. He tells me that he thinks I'm saved. But this is hard to accept not only because of what happened last night, and the evil evil thoughts that came along with it, but also a pastor named Paul Washer said that we should NEVER tell people that they are saved, and to let God do that. We should tell people how to be saved. He often preaches about people who profess with their lips that Jesus is Lord and that they're saved, but they really don't believe because the Word of God is authority, and not what Mom, Dad, pastors, or mentors tell us.

So I read the Word of God in Hebrews and in various places in the New Testament and I become fearful of the verses and think they are talking about me. And it's fearful because I know apostates can't come back, and in fact were never true believers. They had a knowledge of the Truth, but chose to sin willfully. I'm praying that this does not describe me.

I'm guilty of looking for people to comfort me and give me assuring words that I'm saved and I'm not an apostate. But God is the ultimate authority. So I guess asking for assurance from you guys would not be smart, so please don't insist that I'm saved, but please pray for me that God would assure me of my condition. And if I'm still on the right track, that He would give me peace and understanding in this. My thoughts about Christ have not been as loving as they once were and I want to love Him more than ever and be loved by Him, knowing that He lives in me.

Would God really allow that much fear in my heart by reading His Word if were a true believer?? Cuz after it happened, everything in my mind just seemed to click and make sense that i was an apostate, and most verses I came across about hypocrisy, hardened hearts, flesh, sin and death, they all scared me like never before and seemed true. I dont want this to be.

Can someone who truly knows the Word of God tell me if I took these verses in Hebrews out of context? I don't wanna doubt anymore, I read verses about doubters and people who are double-minded not being fit for the kingdom or something along those lines. Like doing that crucifies the Son of God all over again...

I feel like i've forfeited my chance and that pursuing God now might be in vain. I'm so lost and confused and am going through the toughest spiritual time of my life thus far.

I would ask that you please pray for me to embrace grace, for assurance if I'm in... and I don't even know what I'd want to know if I was not in and that I'm doomed. Please pray that i will be granted true repentance and peace in the gospel of Jesus Christ. That i will believe and hope for what is to come. That I may KNOW I am in Him and need not to worry.

Is it possible that I have not understood the Gospel and need to believe? Or is it possible that I've understood it but found it too good to be true and wound up hating the idea? Or is what I'm going through a normal part of a Christian walk? Could doubts and fear ever be THIS INTENSE for a true believer?!

I need help, please Lord, hear my cry and save me and assure me of that security. I don't want to walk according to the flesh, but i need help walking according to the Spirit. I really don't understand it all too well. Grace just blows my mind and i think of you as so small sometimes and not loving enough to pay for the full debt of all sin. I've been informed of your truth in your creation and have marveled at it, and then i still doubt at times and I hate doubting you. Please free me from double mindedness and doubt. Please free me from my body and living legalistically by the law. It leads to death and i didn't really realize that so much until now, but i keep finding myself wanting to live by the law... but I know it's a dead road... so please fill me with belief in Christs resurrection and fill me with Grace so that I may be saved. Salvation is your work and not mine, so forgive me for boasting and please grant me forgiveness and many more chances. Please help me desire to give you glory and to know that I will be glorified too with Christ on that day you've appointed.

Please protect those I come in contact with from feeding off my down spirit and maybe even bad fruit, i don't know what to call it. I don't want to harm others Lord. You being sovereign can prevent that. Please take away this spirit of fear and timidity and doubt. I long for you. I pray that the advice from the brothers and sisters on this website will be your words of truth, that you would fill me in on my condition and build me back up again if it is your will. I can't do it and I depend on you for it, so please come fill me up with peace and righteousness... your righteousness. Forgive me for my confidence in my own self-righteousness. Help me to carry out your will for my life. May it be one of joy in Christ. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

[Chad]

Greetings brother. I'm glad you've shared this with us because your asking for prayers, and also you will in return get advice and explanations to Hebrews 10:26.

First, I'd like to say that all are sinners and yet, all sin is paid for. Secondly, the fact that you do have a fear inside of GOD is a good thing. This is actually a warning, a blessing from the Holy Spirit through this warning emotion so that in hope you learn from this fear, this consequence and truly repent, therefore not sinning again as you've done before. When someone continues in sin and has no care whatsoever for their sins, that is when you seriously risk/lose your salvation, practically walking away from GOD.

You are opposite here according to what you've expressed in this long letter filled with regret of your sins and desire to repent, desire to truly walk pure with the Lord Jesus Christ. This is a great thing, and should answer your doubt if you are saved or not. Some things are obvious so I must tell you don't assume you've lost salvation because you messed up. GOD's grace is greater than that, clearly expressed through what Jesus did on Calvary. Don't forget, your sexual sin (although absolutely wrong) is not worst than what the murderers have done. Yet, if a murderer (take for example "Son of Sam") repents, they can receive salvation in Jesus Christ right there. That brother is GOD's grace.

GOD hates all sins, yet loves the sinner unconditionally.

Romans 5:8
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 3:21-26
21But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;

22Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:

23For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

24Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

25Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;

26To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.

Hebrews 10:26
26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,

Matthew Henry's Commentary

The better state of believers under the gospel

The apostle having closed the first part of the epistle, the doctrine is applied to practical purposes. As believers had an open way to the presence of God, it became them to use this privilege. The way and means by which Christians enjoy such privileges, is by the blood of Jesus, by the merit of that blood which he offered up as an atoning sacrifice. The agreement of infinite holiness with pardoning mercy, was not clearly understood till the human nature of Christ, the Son of God, was wounded and bruised for our sins. Our way to heaven is by a crucified Saviour; his death is to us the way of life, and to those who believe this, he will be precious.

They must draw near to God; it would be contempt of Christ, still to keep at a distance. Their bodies were to be washed with pure water, alluding to the cleansings directed under the law: thus the use of water in baptism, was to remind Christians that their conduct should be pure and holy. While they derived comfort and grace from their reconciled Father to their own souls, they would adorn the doctrine of God their Saviour in all things.

Believers are to consider how they can be of service to each other, especially stirring up each other to the more vigorous and abundant exercise of love, and the practice of good works. The communion of saints is a great help and privilege, and a means of stedfastness and perseverance. We should observe the coming of times of trial, and be thereby quickened to greater diligence.

There is a trying day coming on all men, the day of our death. (Heb 10:26-31)

 

[Cody]

I know what you're going through. Sometimes I look at my life and just think, "why would God love me? I'm constantly sinning against Him." The thing is we will never understand God's love. The Bible says..

Romans 5:8
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." KJV

How amazing is that? Even though we sin against a Holy and Perfect God, He still loves us. He loves us when we're praising Him and He still loves us when we are in the wrong.

Paul Washer is right. We can never tell who is saved or not, but let me tell you what the Bible says...

Romans 10:9-10
9 "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." KJV

If you truly put your faith in Jesus Christ and believe what He did for you; died on the cross for your sins, was buried and rose on the third day. You will be saved. The gospel Paul preached was to us. We are saved by faith alone, not of works.

Ephesians 2:8-9
8 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast." KJV

The devil is fighting you hard and I can tell. He fights me the same way. Don't let him lie to you. Once you're cleansed by the Blood of Christ, that Blood don't wash off. I don't know if you're saved, but I can tell you when you get saved, you won't ever be lost again. We are born again and sealed by the Holy Spirit of God.

John 3:3
"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." KJV

Ephesians 4:30
"And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption." KJV

Also, I want you to know almost(if not always) every time someone sins, they do it willingly. God will forgive every sin, but the sin of unbelief. As for Hebrews 10:26, this is how I interpret it..

Hebrews 10:26
"For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins," KJV

Look at Judas, this man experienced so many things that Jesus did. He knew the knowledge of truth. He might of acted like a religious man for quite some time, but the truth was, he was never saved. If we know the gospel of Christ and deny it, no there is no more sacrifice for sins. I believe this is talking about denying the Blood of Christ. Here is what a website says about the verse...

1. The key to understanding this passage is to understand what the willful sin of Hebrews 10:26 refers to.

It does not refer to willful sin in general. If it did, every believer would be in perpetual danger of losing his salvation, but it cannot refer to this for elsewhere in Scripture we find that that sin remains in the Christian life in this present world and Christ remains the propitiation for sin at all times. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world” (1 John 1:8 - 2:2). The Bible plainly teaches that Christians do sin after they are saved. There is no sinless perfection in the Christian life in this present world. Paul testified, “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing” (Rom. 7:18). The believer’s righteousness is in Jesus Christ positionally (1 Cor. 1:30; 2 Cor. 5:21).

The willful sin of Hebrews 10:26 is defined in the immediate context. The first rule of Bible interpretation is context, context, context, and if we examine the context of this passage carefully, we see that this particular sin is defined in verse 29: “Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?” The willful sin in verse 26, therefore, refers not to sin in general but to one particular sin, that of “counting the blood of the covenant an unholy thing and doing despite unto the Spirit of grace.” This is to deny that salvation is by Christ’s blood and grace alone. In the immediate context to which the book of Hebrews was addressed, it refers to the Jews who professed confidence in Christ but because of persecution returned to their dead religion and thus gave up confidence in Christ. False religion, both then and now, attempts to replace Christ’s grace with a manmade system. Catholicism is an example. It preaches Christ, but it intermingles its own sacraments and priesthood and sainthood with the grace of Christ. This is a false gospel that robs Christ of His glory as the sole Saviour and Mediator. If Christ is not the Saviour wholly and exclusively, He is not Saviour at all. If grace is intermingled in any sense with works, the Gospel is perverted, and there is no salvation in a perverted gospel (Rom. 11:6; Gal. 1:6-9).

If you want to read more about this subject, go here..

LET US BEWARE OF APOSTASY: A LOOK AT HEBREWS 1O:26-31

I hope something I posted will help you. I'm sorry for such a long post, but I think it's necessary in this case. Remember, we always need to look at scripture in context or it will cause confusion. We are saved by Grace alone and we always need to realize that. My advice to you would be to confess your sins and live for Christ. At the same time, remember that being saved doesn't mean we're not going to struggle with sin. If salvation was based on how we live, we'd be damned to Hell and I believe Paul knew this by looking at these verses...

Romans 7:18-19
18 "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." KJV

Even Paul, possibly the greatest Christian ever lived had trouble with sin. So don't let the devil get you down. Confess your sins and live for Christ. If you're saved, the Blood of Christ is good enough! Praise God!

God Bless

 

[Br. Bear]

Dear Father, thank you for your love and care to us , for revealing your wonderful love to Justsavedvince in such a precious way. Father, you have shown me just what the fear of the Lord is, and I thank you for such a beautiful and terrifying experience with you for it has brought me back from the edge of the abyss and you have faithfully restored me, first with your Word and then with blessings too many to count, so I ask that you now send reassurance to my brother in your Word and please send the Comforter to him to teach Him about you in this and all matters, that he, my dear brother, Justsavedvince, will know that you love him and understand how he feels, Lord, and it is because of your love Lord, that you have given him a blessed taste of your fear...yes, Father, in the name of Jesus Christ I ask this for Justsavedvince...amen.

Thank you Lord ... bless you Lord..yes, praise you Lord forever ...yes Lord

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Justsavedvince,

Brother, if more people in this world would only have the same repentant heart as you do....many more would be blessed.

Brother, read Psalms 51
and take good note of verse 17

May you know the joy of the Lord more and more each day.

Bless you,

Br. Bear

 

[justsavedvince]

Your quote Cody-

"It does not refer to willful sin in general. If it did, every believer would be in perpetual danger of losing his salvation, but it cannot refer to this for elsewhere in Scripture we find that that sin remains in the Christian life in this present world and Christ remains the propitiation for sin at all times. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world” (1 John 1:8 - 2:2). The Bible plainly teaches that Christians do sin after they are saved. There is no sinless perfection in the Christian life in this present world. Paul testified, “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing” (Rom. 7:18). The believer’s righteousness is in Jesus Christ positionally (1 Cor. 1:30; 2 Cor. 5:21).

The willful sin of Hebrews 10:26 is defined in the immediate context. The first rule of Bible interpretation is context, context, context, and if we examine the context of this passage carefully, we see that this particular sin is defined in verse 29: “Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?” The willful sin in verse 26, therefore, refers not to sin in general but to one particular sin, that of “counting the blood of the covenant an unholy thing and doing despite unto the Spirit of grace.” This is to deny that salvation is by Christ’s blood and grace alone. In the immediate context to which the book of Hebrews was addressed, it refers to the Jews who professed confidence in Christ but because of persecution returned to their dead religion and thus gave up confidence in Christ. False religion, both then and now, attempts to replace Christ’s grace with a manmade system. Catholicism is an example. It preaches Christ, but it intermingles its own sacraments and priesthood and sainthood with the grace of Christ. This is a false gospel that robs Christ of His glory as the sole Saviour and Mediator. If Christ is not the Saviour wholly and exclusively, He is not Saviour at all. If grace is intermingled in any sense with works, the Gospel is perverted, and there is no salvation in a perverted gospel (Rom. 11:6; Gal. 1:6-9)."



What happened was I fell into temptation, I told God I wanted to live for my flesh... i think.. don't remember exactly, then i sinned. Then I became fearful and read Hebrews 10:26 and became more fearful. I've been depressed, anxious and suicidal since Saturday night. I now see that my works are worthless and i was very legalistic and I feel like I'm bound to the law. I don't want to be bound to the law though. I realized grace was not in my Christian vocabulary as much as obedience. I wanted to strive hard to be a good Christian so I went after lots of knowledge and tried to obey the law, but i became legalistic and judgmental.

So now since that happened, i've been questioning my belief... if I ever believed in Christ. And I do believe that He did what He did now. But would God scare me like that to help me know that? I also have had trouble repenting and mourning over my sin. Lack of sleep too... I've been praying that God would lead me to repentance. At times I feel like there is no hope for me, but then at brief moments I feel there is, but it's going to be tough to get out of the hole I'm in because what happened seems so convincing that I'm an apostate.

Lately I've been fearful and having trouble trusting people, and enjoying family time, friends time, and i havent gone to school all week.

So does this line up with my experience or did I misinterpret the verse...

“counting the blood of the covenant an unholy thing and doing despite unto the Spirit of grace.” This is to deny that salvation is by Christ’s blood and grace alone.

I want to live by grace through faith, but does an apostate want that also after he sins willfully? I want to, i'm just having so much trouble doing it because I don't know how. It's hard for me to understand. I had joy and peace and patience before, now i feel there isn't any. Could I have fooled myself? Or is it clear that I'm a Judas..

 

[Cody]

My friend, you are not a Judas. God will forgive you of your sins. Just realize that Salvation is a by Grace through Faith alone. The Word of God says you must be Born Again to enter the kingdom of God. Repent from your sins and Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. He died for your sins on the cross, was buried and rose again! The devil is a liar and the father of it, don't listen to Him. You can be free with Christ.

John 8:44
"Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." KJV

Don't let the devil lie to you. Nothing he says is true. I know that he is trying to keep you from Christ, but if you call on the name of the Lord, the devil will flee.(James 4:7)

Ephesians 2:8-9
8 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast." KJV

Read that verse, over and over again. We are saved by faith alone. Put your faith in Jesus Christ and you will have the gift of God.

John 3:7
"Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again." KJV

We must be Born Again.

Mark 1:15
"And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel." KJV

Repent and Believe the gospel of Christ and you will be saved.

Romans 8:2
"For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death." KJV

When we accept Christ as Savior, we are made free of sin. Our sins are forgiven because of His Blood and only by His Blood.

God Bless

I'm praying for you, In Jesus' name.

 

[justsavedvince]

Restored and still at war

To all of you who prayed for me back in 2007 and wrote me responses, I want to ask God to bless you and encourage you that the Lord is faithful to His covenant people. After the longest, hardest spiritual journey i have ever been on, God granted me assurance through His Word on May 23, 2008 as I was studying covenant through Kay Arthur's Covenant Precept Study.

She directed me to the OT. She showed me how serious God was about covenant, and explained what happens when a people breaks His covenant in Deut. 28. Then she took me to Jer. 32:40-- "I will put My fear in their hearts so they will NOT depart from Me!!!"

Jeremiah is talking about the New Covenant that Gentiles have been grafted into. God is unchanging. I tried to depart from the Lord, and He put His fear in my heart so that I would turn back to Him. Fear is actually meant for good!

Those whom the Father gives to Jesus, Jesus will certainly not lose one of them! Halelluia!

Thank you brothers and sisters, and praise our God!