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I have never said my testimony and I want to today. I have wrote down some facts in my journal about how I got to Talk Jesus but a testimony is when people tell what God has done and say thank you to him so others can join in and thank him too. I have never done this because I did not want to see that God was doing anything in my life. I did not want to see that he was arranging stuff and making good things happen. It all felt like control to me and him with all that power? Wey to scary ; still is a bit I guess.

I think it is important to do it to honour God and to accept and recognise him and what he has done for me not just since i became a christian but even recognise his help all along, for the tough stuff to make any sense at all.

I am 18, and have worked on the streets for 5 years since I was 13.

Before that I was messed with by my dad’s friend Simon and was in and out of hospital for broken this and that and a damaged womb at about age 5 when I was hit or hurt through sex with him and being too young. I think God put a teacher in my life to give me a good thing to think about because she was kind to me and gave me nice attention. She told me one day I would do something amazing in my life and I believed her. I remember thinking this at different times along the way.

Thank you God for her; teachers are so important.

My mum is a teacher (lol) and my dad a Detective Chief Inspector in the force. I spent time with my mum for about one week when she was ill, and my dad I went fishing with once; best day of my life. Other than that, I was with a nanny or being looked after by Simon my dads friend and playing with his kids too.
This also I want to thank God for is that fishin day and the week with my mum also thank him that I managed to cop some of the ‘special attention’ that Simon would have given his own two kids if I had not been around. They were smaller then me.

At 13 I was pregnant by Simon and my dad kicked me out of home, my mum did nothing. I went to Simon’s house and he was like so livid that I was pregnant that he kicked me and I had lost it by the next morning.

It is hard to thank God for this too but to bring a baby into that place with me as its mum would not have been good, much better that God has it in heaven.

I left school at 13 too and started work on the streets in London and lived with Simon and found a way to live and the rules that I learned helped keep me safe. I used drink to help me do what I needed to and I never got messed up with drugs. I can also say thank you to God for this.

Life wasn’t so bad after a while, like everything, you get used to it. At 14 when I saw a chance to run away. Simon found me and got his friends to rape me so I wouldn’t do it again I sat here all afternoon thinking how I could thank God for this and I think it helped me hide my real self away inside until it was safer to be me, like now. HA!

At 15 I was pregnant again (even though I was on the pill) I did not make it past 12 weeks and again I thank God for this kids who was saved.

Work was work and nothing different ever happened much apart from the odd pick up by the police (lol not often, they would be clients too) and life continued until I was 16 and we all moved to Scotland. I say ‘we all’ as three other girls had been recruited by Simon, Elaine, Corrin and Ruth. I thank God for Ruth she became the closest person to a best friend that I ever had. We had no trust for each other though as being close could never mean that, in case you were in a tight spot. But I cared for her so much and we helped each other when we could afford to give something from ourself.

By 17 I was pregnant yet again and lost it and life continued on the streets as usual for me, then by 18 it was time (said Simon) to go abroad and to put me in some films (ya know) so we moved down from Scotland to the New Forest near Portsmouth for a few weeks so he could get my passport sorted and so he could meet up with some connections he knew. Thank you God that this never happened!

It was a better then normal time for me and the gurls, we were miles away from anywhere in a forest guest house and I was not working, bliss. But I was like soooo bored HA! I spotted a computer that was for guests to look up on to find out stuff and I asked if I could go on it, the guest lady owner was kool about it. I went on load of different chat rooms and they all were about hooking up in one way or another and ended up with people wanting to talk about sex with people ya didn’t even know let alone love. I was not interested so I was floating over a site and looking at a notice board behind the computer and I saw a leaflet for a church that said Jesus in big letters on the front. I thought I will punch that in and read about something nice for a change, and up came Talk Jesus forums and chat so I thought I would give it a look. I could put up with listening about God for a while at least i thought. Thank you God for the leaflet.

I registered and came into chat a few times, people were nice, friendly and I loved it. I was hooked and laughed at how people argued there opinion like real nicely without having a pop at each other and I was totally gripped by the topics that came up and started to ask questions to them. Thank you God for those exact people in the chat that time.

MMD (Hmmm) what can I say? She made me mad and I love her like so much both at the same time more then I could ever say. She sent me a pm in the chatroom asking me if I was new and to welcome me. Nice I thought, and we got on to the subject of God and I could not cope with all that I was hearing so I freaked out and left the site. She spoke to me again about my behavior when i came in next and asked if I had ever been abused, it must only have been God that made her ask. We chatted some more and I told her what my life was about over the next few days until she told me she had a friend in Portsmouth near where I was who was willing to come help get me out. Thank you for Michele God and her gift she has. Thank you for her directness and straight talking. Thank you for using her determination and faithfulness to keep perswaiding me until i was safe.

To come and get me out was not an easy thing. I never knew when Simon would go out or return and he was never going to let me or any of us go without a fight and he carried a silver serrated knife with a 7inch blade. I had seen him use it before on a guy that would not pay. I knew scrappy may get hurt and I was worried and gobsmacked that someone would risk getting hurt for me, still am, and I thank God for his courage and his obedience, his willingness to be involved and not walk by. His faith in action that could so easily have got him hurt or killed.

Over the next few days I needed to get in and out of chat at Talk Jesus to arrange a time to meet and for scrappy to drive up with his friends who are Pastors from a local church, and get me. The rules in chat needed to be changed and several posts had to be made before I could enter but Chad slipped me in every time making an exception, so the arrangements could be made, that would eventually help me to be saved. I thank God for Chad and for his amazing Talk Jesus site, without it i would still be on the street.

I had no idea where I was in this forest and I needed to go ask the guest house lady the full postal address so that I could tell scrappy and his friends where to come but I had spent so long in chat trying to be convinced by MMD that this was a good thing to do , I had been crying like sooo much from fear and my eyes were puffy and red. I asked her for the address and she spotted me shaking and my red eyes and told me to go wait in her lounge until she called my dad (Simon told her he was my dad, he was not) , I knew she would call him and I knew I needed to run right now because he would know something was fishy and I knew what he would do to me. God i thank you for this moment that made me decide quickly to run

I picked up my bag and left through the back door in the clothes I had on. It was wednesday August 24th at 12:30am and i just walked and walked for miles. Eventually a car pulled up and I was so dam tired I didn’t even care if it was Simon who had come looking for me, I just wanted an end to it all. It was some guy going to work early (6am-ish) and wanted to know if I wanted a lift anywhere because he was concerned that I was out on my own at night along an empty road in the forest. I asked him where he was going and he said to Portsmouth and so I got in. He dropped me off near some shops and gave me a tenner to get some food. Thank you God for providing this guy and picking me up in your car

Over the next few days I slept rough and went back to life working on the streets in Portsmouth to get some money together. I was in and out of Internet Café’s so I could stay in touch with Talk Jesus people and was amazed to see the many messages in the shout box for me telling me to get help and that people love me. Scrappy even spent five hours looking for me that first night sleeping rough even though he did not even know what I looked like. I was scared though and did not want to be found because i did not know if i was coming from one situation into another just as bad. I was at least free and was determined to stay that way.

It didn’t take long for me to get enough money together for a deposit on a room and I had found 2 rooms for rent. One had a computer in it and was for students, so I bluffed my way in as I knew it would be great for keeping in touch with tj. Over the next few days Scrappy and MMD became the strong supports I needed to help my head stop spinning and they kept repeating the same things over and over so that I had something to focus my thoughts on.
Thank you for giving me this room and this computer to stay strong God and thank you for these two special people who i love so much.

I had begun to read the new testement while back at the guest house and i took it with me when i left and ran. I was nearly finished with it and eventually got hold of the whole bible. The old testement nearly blew my head off and it has taken me longer the get throught it then i thought.

I had so much scripture in my head with what I was reading that I found it harder and harder to work on the streets to get money, because different verses from the bible would pop into my mind at really bad times (lol) and eventually I stormed into Talk Jesus chatroom after coming in from being out working, feeling totally distressed because I knew I could not do this kind of work any more. I knew too much about God and the two worlds clashed like crazy.

MMD was just on her way to bed and she popped into chat she said because she felt it right to, and scrappy was already in there so before I knew it me scrappy and MMD were in the prayer room saying the prayer that started the rest of my new life with God. I was so scared of God that i threw up even, but at least i was saved. 6/9/05 @ 2:49am

I held back one foot though, I chose to put one foot in God to trust, and keep one foot in me to run if things went badly in this new life. Over the next few weeks God showed me that he wanted more, in fact all, both feet. I had been struggling with not working on the streets and holding down a regular job was not easy, especially when your scared of people, any people. I would fight first and ask afterwards which lost me my first job.

I was in such a state that eventually I cut myself and needed 7 stiches at A&E. This caused the hospital to ring my doctor and caused him to diagnose me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and sign me off from the Hotel I was working at and place me on a YPO (Youth Protection Order) for six weeks which means I have to go to a Learning Center to catch up on my basic education, I have to see a counsellor, someone from the AA teen team to help me not to drink and I have to see my doc once a week too for a health check. This is the YPO package for the next six weeks. Thank you God for even the cut that made the doc put people around to help me.

I was so confused that I even tried to take 200 pills and some whisky but each time I threw them back up. I tried four times but they would not stay in my stomach and I felt for the first time maybe God speak to me cus in my head I heard the words “give it up” and knew somehow maybe God was not really speaking to me and telling me to stop what I was doing but, ordering my stomach to throw up. I don’t know but it was weird. After i stopped trying i felt still and like weirdly peaceful. I remember not wanting to move from the bathroom floor where i was sitting. I just felt still.

I tried even to go out to work one more time because i just wanted to run away. The first car that i pulled up to was a cop in civies and i can see now that God would not let me do this. I was busted so badly for being out after my curfew and also on a YPO pulling a stunt like this. A team meeting was called with all the agency people there and i had to be there. My doc wanted to send me to a youth unit/hospital to keep me safe and i did not want this at all but i knew he could do it against my will so i prayed to God and said, if you get me out of this hole then i will believe that you love me and i will put both feet in. Thank you God that even in my arrogance you chose to show me mercy and kindness. Thank you that i did not have to go in to the unit and that you do love me i know.

People have told me for weeks now that God has his hand on my life and I did not want to see it but now I look back I can see God all along keeping me alive and safe and helping me to get through the rough stuff. I have to see him in it with me or it does not make sense. He is not just God through happy times and good experiences but he has to be there in the middle of the really bad stuff to still loving people and still helping them in ways I will probably realise only when I get to heaven. It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to drag this horrid life with me, or the freedom that God gave up Jesus for, would be waisted and I could never be truly free. I have to let it go and enjoy the life he has given me now, all that time along the way God was preparing for the now that he knew would happen someday and he was watching out for me the whole time.

This is my testimony and I thank him for all that he has done for me and the friends I have at Talk Jesus here, there are too many to say, but I know that I would not be here without them. Thank you God from the very bottom of my heart.

:love: Hanni :love:
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Hanni, yet again you leave me speechless. :love: I want to praise the Lord with you for what He has done in your life. That is a powerful testimony to what God can do. You have been a real blessing to me here in TalkJesus, I thank God for sending you here and thank you for helping me in my times of need. You are indeed a special (kool) person, and God truly has His hand on your life. :shade:
Wow Hanni you have been thru. so much. I sooo praise God for all that he has already done in your life and for all that He is going to do. (Just watch this space!!!!!) You should probably consider writing a book because your testimony would help so many others. Someone could help you with it I'm sure. Your story of abuse to rescue is sooo inspiring.I think God is so amazing for helping you to come thru. everything you have exPerienced. He will restore to you the years the locasts have eaten. He wants to bless you and pour out His favour into your life. Bless you beautiful sister. Love from Krizzie
thank you hanni :love: what courage and trust in your heart to write your life story in TJ for keepers :love: your a strong girl and you will survive it all :love: dont let your past poison your future :love: May God Himself continue to heal the wounds and strenghten your Spirit :love: In Jesus Name I pray Amen :love:
Staff Member
God bless you Hanni! See how much GOD loves all of us? He is faithful and we are to be faithful. Our faith in Him enables Him to work in our lives. The stronger our faith, the more room you give GOD to work in our lives.

Your testimony is incredibly powerful and a great witness to other woman your age who have gone through similiar situations. I'm glad you shared this openly and did not hide anything. Your sincerity in your testimony is great sister.

May God bless you richly! Praise the Lord Jesus Christ
wow hanni....i just dont know what to say...
you made me speachless...i mean i think its great that you could like really just
tell everything what you have been through and what your thankful for....okay yeah bet
it wasnt that easy but i guess it took alot of courage to write this all down...!!!!
may god bless you heaps...



hanni you don't stop astounding me...it's a miracle how far you have come in just 10 weeks! in fact it's about like 20 miracles! your courage is a real blessing for you, and I repect your perserverence, it's really great...i am thankful to have seen you from nearly the start to now and glad to have been a part of that even if it were only small. this testimony is a true example of god's love and how nothing is impossibe with him, it will inspire anyone who reads it, keep it up and you will be a great soldier for god, keep it kool too :D :thumbs_up
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes for the joy of what God has prompted you to write down. I am so thankful for God allowing me to be part of your life, for allowing me to be part of your miracle. You challenge me beyond words in your questions you ask and the insight you have. I long to hug you and tell you in person how much I love you and admire you. :love:

Thank you Father in Heaven for this miracle woman, thank you for my Hanni.
Your Testamony reminds me of a song by Nicole C Mullins "When I call on Jesus"

:note: When I call on Jesus ..Mountains are going to fall because he will move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call.:note:

God's love is so amazing!

Thank you for sharing your story!
Yey Hanni

:rose: Hanni, you are an amazing woman and I am so glad you have found so much trust in the Lord. I've always liked the way you write. I went through a pretty tough life too. I cried for the beauty of your testimony too and it touch my heart so deeply. I just admire your strong will and determination. You sure understand the meaning of Christ. You are gonna be able to help so many others, with your new life in Christ. Maybe you could say a hanni prayer that my past doesn't drown me, that I come to Christ as strongly as you do. I need both feet in. You are a little mini wisdom hanni and that is beautiful. May the Lord shine His happiness over you, on you. Amen:rose:
There are no words

I know i read your words twice with my 'editing' head on when you emailed this to me to check before you posted it. I have only just now come back to it to read it with an open heart and i wept for a long while.

God is amazing....and you are a very special young woman

Thank you for your courage, humility and obedience

:rose: Hanni, just reread your testimony and you are just so beautiful with hope. I wish your testimony could be shown to a million street people, what a wonderful piece of of your heart you have given to God. I hope you are safe from Simon. I feel a little worried about that. I will pray for your safety and your future. I mean it hanni, your faith is enormous and so beautiful. Amen:rose:
Hanni----I am awed by your testimony. You were drawn here by God himself-You are a treasure, a priceless treasure. Keep strong, you are God's young lady, you are a missionary.

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