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Question:Is dating against the bible?

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pug

Please help me. This guy I like says dating against the bible so he won't get in a realtionship.:love: :unlove:
 
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dating is not against the Bible

:thumbs_up well! it truly depends on who your dating....the Question is ...Is he or she a man or woman of God......Is this relationship to fill youthful lusts or someone your will to spend your life with......
The Bible says in 2corinthians6:14 Be not unequally yoked togethr with unbelievers... Which is marrying a man /woman that doesn't agree with your faith.
1timothy5:14 I will therefore that the young women marry....To get married you have to be involved in a relationship. Hebrews13:4 Marrage is honourablein in all...I would say no dating is not against Bible, if it stays at dating and nothing more untill marrage.
 
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strypes said:
:messenger i believe a statement like the one the guy gave you is tacky. it sounds to me like he is not interested in you and you should take the hint. dating is not against the principles of the bible as long as the definition of dating is hanging out and getting to know each. If sex and forplay are the focus then the bible has lots to say against it. for example 1 Corinthians 6:18 says "flee fornication (sex ouside the covenant of marriage),"
dating is a means of getting to know each other b4 marriage. its a courtship but shldnt go beyond wats is expected. i believe its not bad to date so long us its with the right peerson as halellujah says. maybe he is overemphasising on christianity the guy who said its wrong but if it for courtship i guess it OK
 
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This says if way better than I would ...............


http://polynate.net/books/courtship/dvscp1.gif

What is dating, What is courtship?
Not just word games, but a different perspective.

[Next] Introduction: Where we're headed!

The youth of today are getting ripped off. Instead of enjoying their teen years as they build skills and character, they are getting distracted into the quagmire of relationships that they are not equipped to conduct. The teen years are those where they have the fewest responsibilities at the same time as having their greatest energy level. These should be fun times, exciting times. They should be an opportunity to develop a deep, intimate and personal walk with God, establishing themselves as young warriors who know the Father and have overcome the evil one (1 John 2:13).

Unfortunately, however, our culture teaches our singles to engage in multiple dating relationships as though it were a normal and useful practise. The truth is, the modern dating system has only been around for less than a century. And it is my conviction that the wordly system of dating, as it is currently conducted by most people, is far from God's original plan, as described in the Bible. I intend to expose the flaws I see in today's dating model, and at the same time point out how Biblical courtship addresses these flaws.

As Christians, our primary purpose in life is to seek and serve God, and fulfill our destiny in Him. This is equally true in the area of relationships. We need to find out what God's plan for relationships is, and then follow it. The current model that we are using is ineffective, at best. It results in divorce more than half the time. There must be something we are doing wrong. Let's study what we are doing now against what God has described in His word, and draw up a new standard. I propose to call this standard 'courtship'. Other terms, such as 'betrothal' or even 'biblical dating' could be used, although they would possibly be confusing.

An overview of dating and courtship

Dating was invented in the early part of this century. Prior to that time, marriage always involved much more input from the parents, and "trial relationships" leading up to marriage were not conducted at all. Courtship, as discussed in more detail subsequently, seeks to emulate the Godly models described in the Bible that were conducted by God's people up until the invention of dating. My basic premise is that regardless of how we feel about things, we should follow God's model, because it will be the most effective and fulfilling. My intention is to convey that conviction, then to describe my current understanding of His model.

In overview, courting should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you're lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or (if you're really lucky) the rest of your life.
  • In the modern dating scene you usually hide all your faults to give a false impression about yourself, in order to keep your partner liking you. Recreational dating is about self-gratification -- you date to satisfy your own needs.
  • Courtship is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage.
Courtship is a word that has been adopted to describe a biblical model for the relationship leading up to marriage. In the Bible, the parents were always involved in the marriage process. They did not arrange the marriage without the childrens' consent, although they were certainly involved in the arrangements. Sometimes the parents found partners for the children, and then the children were consulted for their opinion. Other times the son would approach the daughter's father and make arrangements with him.

What's wrong with dating?

There are many forms of dating, perhaps as many as there are people. Everyone has a different view of what is right and wrong. But there is a glaring fault in many of our models, a double-standard. Once we are married, we recognize that certain things are sacred to our partner. Things such as co-habitation, kissing, intimate hugging, sex and bringing up children. We recognize that not only our physical body, but our emotions, even our spirit are dedicated to that one partner, for the rest of our life (according to our vows).

The dichotomy is this: in dating, we presume to partake of many of these privileges of marriage. We would be shocked if a married man had an emotional attachment to another woman, and yet it's quite acceptable for singles to have a different emotional attachment every week. On the one hand, we save sex for our partners (and some even do that sparingly), but on the other, we engage in rampant emotional promiscuity, giving pieces of our hearts away until one wonders what will be left for that special, life-long partner.

I have adopted the view that the Bible holds the truth for life today. If you feel that the Bible is not the standard for your relationships, then you might find some interesting information here, but you may remain unconvinced. If you're still not sure about this whole Christianity thing, now might be a good time to check out my essays on Christianity. Otherwise, you need to take the perspective that it's not what you want, but what God wants.

The primary purpose of marriage is not to please you, but to serve God. (Another way to say this is 'Our pleasure is not God's number one priority!' :) God wants us to be happy, but "happy" is subject to so many variances in circumstances that it is a very poor standard with which to judge life. Genesis says that God created Eve as a helpmeet -- to help Adam perform his duty, working the garden and taking dominion over the earth. That is God's purpose for marriage -- a team, fulfilling His call together -- pleased with each other, certainly, but primarily focused on Him, not their own pleasure. As Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."

So to have a successful marriage, the most important thing is to ensure that you follow His principles that He laid down when He designed marriage. The irony is, when we focus on His principles instead of our pleasure, we end up having a very satifying and pleasant marriage! You may feel that courtship does not adequately describe these principles. If so, I would be happy to hear from you, because I don't believe I have all the answers yet, I feel I'm still on the journey. These articles have already undergone considerable revision from readers' feedback. However, from my review of the Bible, it is my firm conviction that the recreational dating scene is not God's plan for finding a mate.

© Copyright 1997-2004, Nathan Bailey, All Rights Reserved. Permission is granted to print these articles for personal use, in whole or in part, provided the extract references the original URL, http://polynate.net/books/courtship/, so that people can find the latest version. [Next]
 
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hi O2BLikeU,
For the most part I agree with your reference.
I do find some of the end point a little extreme (for my personal opinion), and having been largely involved in a similar and very lengthy discussion not too long ago, I have collected my thoughts quite well on this topic.

In slightly more personable speak than the referece piece.. and in my opinion (remembering I'm from Australia and 'Dating' is a little different here), I would suggest that a 'relationship' being a slightly more broad and forgiving term, should always and firstly be based on a healthy, strong and usually long lived friendship. This generally takes the 'putting on a good show' angle of dating out of the picture, plus, it means that you actually have a 'real' reference for who this person really is.

I prefer to approach the concept from this angle....
"Could I see myself Marrying this person? Do they have my respect and the respect of others? do they have qualities that I admire and appreciate? Do we have a good, healthy and strong friendship?"
and the big one...
"Am I financially, emotionally and spiritually ready to consider getting married?!!"

As far as I see it (and for the record, I'm single), if a person can't in their heart answer that last question with a "yes", then the other questions need not be answered.
 
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Staff Member
I agree Maximus. Thats pretty much my view of dating too.
 
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pug said:
Please help me. This guy I like says dating against the bible so he won't get in a realtionship.:love: :unlove:
Drop this guy like a hot potato. He's afraid of commitment and is just using you. His using the Bible is a smoke screen. I don't know what he expects of you but you'd be well advised to dump him and find someone who really cares about you and who isn't afraid of commitment.
 
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I agree with O2BLikeU. That is a good, sound reference with a very Godly view on dating vs courtship.

As for Maximus Decimus, let us not take God out of the picture, as you seem to have done. It should not just be about "can i see myself marrying this person." it should rather be "is this person the one that God has planned for me to share my life with." If that answer is yes, the He will surely and truly bless you in that relationship. Courtship is the way God planned for us to test that that person truly is the one, and to build towards marriage, both individually and together.

I beg of you, please please please don't fall into the world's trap of taking God out of the picture...
 
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So about this 'courtship' thing... I'm a little confused as to the biblical source of this. I mean, one biblical view of courtship primarily involves sheep and cattle, although seven years of hard labour has a biblical precedent as well. Sure, I agree that one ought not be promiscuous, but emotional attachment as a form of promiscuity seems... bizzare to me. One does not control the attachments the heart makes. Furthermore, I wonder if there is no romantic interaction before committing to marriage, what happens when that romantic interaction doesn't pan out? I hate to say it, but having compatible lives and families (families? perhaps this is less important in a nuclear family based society than, say, the extended family based society of the bible) does not guarantee romantic compatibility. I also sort of feel like 'pleasing God' in marriage is putting the cart before the horse. Christ is the bedrock of all relationships, without Him they wither as all things of the flesh.
 
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de1

dont feel bad if only you have good intension

i agree with maina it is not against the bible if there would be no furnication
 
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I think that "friendship" dating is ok according to the Bible. But he is probably talking about "romantic" dating.

Friendship dating is when you get together as friends and it is just casual. This type of dating is so that you can get to know the other person and build a solid friendship, even if you don't have romantic feelings. It is kind of like just hanging out with your friends.

Romantic dating would be more formal, like when you dress up and go to dinner together. In romantic dating you try to encourage the romantic feelings.

Romantic dating isn't a good idea because when you have romantic feelings for someone it makes it harder to judge their character objectively.


"Missionary dating" or dating to get somebody to become a Christian is a bad idea. The Bible says that we should not be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers". If we date to get somebody to become a Christian they may give a false confession of faith just to be with you.
 
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No, but having said that, depends, because we are all different everyone has different ideas what dating is.

Many years, mean many years ago I heard on tv darling, and awwww, nice.
yet today, been cheapened, so now I don't really like darling, sounds crass, hmm, what's crass mean, lol.

Anyway, for me, I say no, it is okay, because I would not even want to kiss her on the lips, lol, depends.

Doesn't this mean if you get married and then find yuck she/he lousy kisser, ruins it.

Maybe, but doubtful, because one works on it.

Often, and it's not just men, but probably mostly, as I'm sure though not recalled, recorded then in Genesis, Adam went wow who are you, lol.
But mostly it's attraction, in the outside sense.

Best in dating to always avoid any situation that you know, can lead to imtimacy, and kissing can do that.

Sure we so mean well, innocent, my intentions and plans, but satan and demons have other ideas.

So some will say, tut tut to dating, as if it's one night stands.
While other will say, don't be daft it is okay.
Because we all have differing views about dating.

Might be better today to use the term relationship.
But even this can mean friendship, or something stronger, meaning confusion there with people also.

There is alot involved in it all, in fact, like with God, that simple, but we make it all so difficult.
Watch a movie romance and so simple, all ends well.
We brainwashed, expectation high, look for that and are hurt and hurt and hurt.
Anyway, that's another story.
Hope that helps some and encourages everyone, including me to think before just replying YES, NO to a question, because in this case, like I keep saying, it might mean Yes and No, depening on your point of view on the word/concept of dating, amen.
 

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