Every single night since my daughter was arrested and sent down to the County jail which was Thursday, May 22nd......I have been having these horrible problems with getting sleep.
Now, I could understand it, if I was upset, concerned for her, this was my first experience or a combination of those reasons. However, she's been getting arrested and locked up since November 2006. First arrest, first time she ever got into trouble, I bailed her out. Then 2nd arrest in December 2006 and she had an injury and she was going to the County where my brother passed away due to medical neglect. So, again I bailed her out. Third arrest, April 2007 her bail was so low it was unbelievable. I had to get bail bondsman for the first two times I had to bail her out, I had our home on the line and I had a personal note for the 2nd one. So, now I decide I'm not bailing her out. After a month of being there they had a bail reduction hearing and with a bail of $250- they let her out.
She did go directly to the Psychiatric Emergency Room and voluntarily checked herself into the Psychiatric Hospital because she actually didn't want to be out. She felt safer in jail. Once again she tried to get placed from the Psych Hosp directly into a Rehab and once again she was told there were no beds. They sent her to an Intensive Outpatient Center where the majority of people there were court ordered, they weren't doing urine tests, so these people were still getting high and offering it to her and eventually she said yes.
She had several more arrests between April 2007 and May 2008 but she was ROR'd on every one of them. Until she was arrested Thursday for assaulting me and robbing me. Since I filed a restraining order, she couldn't even call home even if she just wanted to say she was sorry. With the restraining order she is not allowed any contact by phone, mail, email, IM's, cell phones, messages to friends to give to me, my son or my tennant living here. She can't even send a smoke signal. I wanted it that way because I know her tactics and she would have tried to push every button to manipulate me, her brother and her friend(the tennant). So, this is what's best.
Now here's my problem. First of all I have an extraordinarily hard time even falling asleep and that's with taking my anti-anxiety med, my sleeping med and my praying without ceasing all day and more intensely for the hour or so before I want to go to sleep. The earliest I might fall asleep is around 2 am and then every single night I am awakened at 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, 7:30 and usually get up shortly after the last wake up. The worst part is it takes a good twenty minutes for me to get back to sleep each time.
I am exhausted and when it started to happened again tonight at 4:30 I got on my knees and begged the Lord to reveal to me anything he needed me to learn or do every hour on the hour. Do, I wake because she does and she needs my prayers? The reason is not really the issue. The lack of sleep at this point is my issue. When I woke up at 5:30 I had said to myself if I look at that clock and it's 5:30 I am jumping out of my window.
Obviously the sleep depravation is starting to take it's toll on me. With my health issues my Dr. has always encouraged me to try to get a full solid 8 hours with at least another 2 hours just resting in bed before I go to sleep, which is when I pray, read the word and often jump on here a lot.
Brothers and sisters I ask you all to prayer for me that I would get a good nights sleep and/or that the Lord would reveal to me why I am awaking every hour on the hour and other then praying is there something else He wants me to be doing. If there is something He is trying to teach me, please pray that my eyes would open up and see it and my mind would clear out and hear it and that my heart would be able to receive it.
I admit that I am feeling a sense of frustration and irritability and even some anger that now that my home is finally safe and my daughter is also safe, I can't rest.
I am open to hear anything anyone has to say to me. If anyone feels led to point out something I just am not seeing, please do. Maybe this is my punishment for not listening to the Lord the first 2 times I bailed her out when I knew in my heart the Lord did not want me to. I've asked forgiveness and promised not to do it again and have kept that promise.
I do have to go to Court on June 3rd to make the Restraining Order permanent and I won't lie and say this is no problem. It hurts me to the core of my soul, but it must be done to protect her from herself and to protect me and her brother from getting calls telling us how she is going to die in there. She actually has it made in there because one of the CO's grew up next door and is her age and has been emailing her and asking her out to dinner ever since the last time she was down there in jail for a month. He told her then and I'm sure he will now that if she needs anything to let him know and he'll get it for her, because I am NOT putting money into her commissary. She also met another CO when she went to Court April 11th for sentencing who asked her for her number to ask her to dinner and gave her his number.
Well, it's almost 6:30 and I'm wide awake, so I missed my 30 minutes of sleep this hour. This situation is really disturbing me brothers and sisters and if any of you can think of anything that might help I would appreciate it. Otherwise your prayers will be extremely appreciated. If this persists I will go see my Dr. on Wednesday if possible.
May God Bless all of you and let your nights be filled with peaceful rest!!!!
Katzie
A couple of other things occured to me that are heavy on my mind. She is due in Mon. Co. Superior Court for another felony sentencing on May 30th and obviously she will be going as an inmate. She also has a Municiple Court hearing on June 5th, same story. She still have a couple of other pending municple hearings. I still want her to get sent to a long term Rehab for a 12 - 18 month program with a 6 mo - year Halfway House program after that rather then go to prison for 3-5 years. However, the Lord knows what is best, what will help her the most and I am trusting Him completely, but I do think about it and prayer about it. If I keep praying about it, am I not letting it go???
I also keep praying for her mental problems and emotional instability that she would receive help there as well because she is in real danger of blaming everything that happened on us and accepting no responsibility and alienating herself from us completely. Schizophrenia paranoia runs on her father's side of the family. I know the Lord can conquer this in a blink of an eye or less and I pray for that.
Maybe I just need some Guidance as to what I should or shouldn't be praying for. Ok, going to try to catch my 15mins before 7:30.
Now, I could understand it, if I was upset, concerned for her, this was my first experience or a combination of those reasons. However, she's been getting arrested and locked up since November 2006. First arrest, first time she ever got into trouble, I bailed her out. Then 2nd arrest in December 2006 and she had an injury and she was going to the County where my brother passed away due to medical neglect. So, again I bailed her out. Third arrest, April 2007 her bail was so low it was unbelievable. I had to get bail bondsman for the first two times I had to bail her out, I had our home on the line and I had a personal note for the 2nd one. So, now I decide I'm not bailing her out. After a month of being there they had a bail reduction hearing and with a bail of $250- they let her out.
She did go directly to the Psychiatric Emergency Room and voluntarily checked herself into the Psychiatric Hospital because she actually didn't want to be out. She felt safer in jail. Once again she tried to get placed from the Psych Hosp directly into a Rehab and once again she was told there were no beds. They sent her to an Intensive Outpatient Center where the majority of people there were court ordered, they weren't doing urine tests, so these people were still getting high and offering it to her and eventually she said yes.
She had several more arrests between April 2007 and May 2008 but she was ROR'd on every one of them. Until she was arrested Thursday for assaulting me and robbing me. Since I filed a restraining order, she couldn't even call home even if she just wanted to say she was sorry. With the restraining order she is not allowed any contact by phone, mail, email, IM's, cell phones, messages to friends to give to me, my son or my tennant living here. She can't even send a smoke signal. I wanted it that way because I know her tactics and she would have tried to push every button to manipulate me, her brother and her friend(the tennant). So, this is what's best.
Now here's my problem. First of all I have an extraordinarily hard time even falling asleep and that's with taking my anti-anxiety med, my sleeping med and my praying without ceasing all day and more intensely for the hour or so before I want to go to sleep. The earliest I might fall asleep is around 2 am and then every single night I am awakened at 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, 7:30 and usually get up shortly after the last wake up. The worst part is it takes a good twenty minutes for me to get back to sleep each time.
I am exhausted and when it started to happened again tonight at 4:30 I got on my knees and begged the Lord to reveal to me anything he needed me to learn or do every hour on the hour. Do, I wake because she does and she needs my prayers? The reason is not really the issue. The lack of sleep at this point is my issue. When I woke up at 5:30 I had said to myself if I look at that clock and it's 5:30 I am jumping out of my window.
Obviously the sleep depravation is starting to take it's toll on me. With my health issues my Dr. has always encouraged me to try to get a full solid 8 hours with at least another 2 hours just resting in bed before I go to sleep, which is when I pray, read the word and often jump on here a lot.
Brothers and sisters I ask you all to prayer for me that I would get a good nights sleep and/or that the Lord would reveal to me why I am awaking every hour on the hour and other then praying is there something else He wants me to be doing. If there is something He is trying to teach me, please pray that my eyes would open up and see it and my mind would clear out and hear it and that my heart would be able to receive it.
I admit that I am feeling a sense of frustration and irritability and even some anger that now that my home is finally safe and my daughter is also safe, I can't rest.
I am open to hear anything anyone has to say to me. If anyone feels led to point out something I just am not seeing, please do. Maybe this is my punishment for not listening to the Lord the first 2 times I bailed her out when I knew in my heart the Lord did not want me to. I've asked forgiveness and promised not to do it again and have kept that promise.
I do have to go to Court on June 3rd to make the Restraining Order permanent and I won't lie and say this is no problem. It hurts me to the core of my soul, but it must be done to protect her from herself and to protect me and her brother from getting calls telling us how she is going to die in there. She actually has it made in there because one of the CO's grew up next door and is her age and has been emailing her and asking her out to dinner ever since the last time she was down there in jail for a month. He told her then and I'm sure he will now that if she needs anything to let him know and he'll get it for her, because I am NOT putting money into her commissary. She also met another CO when she went to Court April 11th for sentencing who asked her for her number to ask her to dinner and gave her his number.
Well, it's almost 6:30 and I'm wide awake, so I missed my 30 minutes of sleep this hour. This situation is really disturbing me brothers and sisters and if any of you can think of anything that might help I would appreciate it. Otherwise your prayers will be extremely appreciated. If this persists I will go see my Dr. on Wednesday if possible.
May God Bless all of you and let your nights be filled with peaceful rest!!!!
Katzie
A couple of other things occured to me that are heavy on my mind. She is due in Mon. Co. Superior Court for another felony sentencing on May 30th and obviously she will be going as an inmate. She also has a Municiple Court hearing on June 5th, same story. She still have a couple of other pending municple hearings. I still want her to get sent to a long term Rehab for a 12 - 18 month program with a 6 mo - year Halfway House program after that rather then go to prison for 3-5 years. However, the Lord knows what is best, what will help her the most and I am trusting Him completely, but I do think about it and prayer about it. If I keep praying about it, am I not letting it go???
I also keep praying for her mental problems and emotional instability that she would receive help there as well because she is in real danger of blaming everything that happened on us and accepting no responsibility and alienating herself from us completely. Schizophrenia paranoia runs on her father's side of the family. I know the Lord can conquer this in a blink of an eye or less and I pray for that.
Maybe I just need some Guidance as to what I should or shouldn't be praying for. Ok, going to try to catch my 15mins before 7:30.
