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Out Of The Mouth Of Babes
- Thread starter Gloria
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Out Of The Mouth Of Babes
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REAL ANSWERS FROM REAL ELEMENTARY CHILDREN - ABOUT THE BIBLE
* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the
hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
* David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
* Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
* The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
* One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
* Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the
hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
* David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
* Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
* The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
* One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
* Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
WOW...rofl...Those were great...I must share them with my pastor...lol.
One I included in another thread here is:
A pastor was asked to come to Sunday lunch with a family from his congregation. Upon arrival at their home, he was seated in their living room with the couple's young son, while the parents continued to set the table and put the finishing touches upon the meal. The pastor could smell the wondeful aroma coming from the kitchen, so he asked, "Jimmy, do you know what we are having for lunch?" "Yes, we're having goat" replied Jimmy. "Goat?" the pastor asked. "Yes, I heard my dad tell my mom...It is about time we had the old goat for lunch."
One I included in another thread here is:
A pastor was asked to come to Sunday lunch with a family from his congregation. Upon arrival at their home, he was seated in their living room with the couple's young son, while the parents continued to set the table and put the finishing touches upon the meal. The pastor could smell the wondeful aroma coming from the kitchen, so he asked, "Jimmy, do you know what we are having for lunch?" "Yes, we're having goat" replied Jimmy. "Goat?" the pastor asked. "Yes, I heard my dad tell my mom...It is about time we had the old goat for lunch."
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A kindergarten teacher had told her students that she was an atheist and then asked her students who wanted to be an atheist like her and all the students raised their hands except one little girl the teacher had asked her why she didnt want to be an atheist
The little girl replied "becuase I am a Christian". The teacher asked her why she was a christian the little girl replied "my mommy is a Christian and my daddy is a Christian so I am a Christian"
The teacher asked "well if your mommy was a moron and your daddy was a moron what would that make you"?
The little girl thought for a while and then smiled sweetly up at her teacher and replied "that would make me an atheist".
The little girl replied "becuase I am a Christian". The teacher asked her why she was a christian the little girl replied "my mommy is a Christian and my daddy is a Christian so I am a Christian"
The teacher asked "well if your mommy was a moron and your daddy was a moron what would that make you"?
The little girl thought for a while and then smiled sweetly up at her teacher and replied "that would make me an atheist".
This Thread...
This Thread is very thoughtful and heart warming thanks for sharing your thoughtfulness and your warmth.
This Thread is very thoughtful and heart warming thanks for sharing your thoughtfulness and your warmth.
Gloria said:Johnny’s mother asked what he had learned in Sunday School.
"Teacher told us how God sent Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
When he got to the Red Sea he build a bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to call for help.. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites."
" Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no,, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!!"
Gloria said:Would you like to share something funny your child said or did ? Or a good clean joke about the funny things kids say?
a child came home from sunday school and told his mother that he learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named gladly. it took his mother a while before she knew that the hymn was really "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear"
one day in sunday school the kids were learning about the commandments. they were talking about the 5th commandment, "honor your father and mother." the teacher says, "this commandment tells us how to treat our parents. is there a commandment that tells us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" one boy replies, "thou shalt not kill."
i didnt make these up i heard them somewhere and thought they were funny.
InChrist said:----cross-eyed bear named gladly---
Hi InChrist
LOL That is really funny Thanks for the post
Gloria said:........Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce
I really like this one
Ruth