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Opposite Sex Friends: Marriage

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Administrator
Staff member
From a biblical point of view, what are your thoughts of a spouse or yourself having opposite sex friends within marriage? Do you think it is acceptable to spend time alone with a friend of the opposite sex when you're married?

For example: meet up for coffee, go out shopping, or drinks and dinner.

Let's say your wife has a guy friend that she grew up with since she was a little kid. Do you think it would be acceptable for her to be alone with him in any circumstance? Same applies for the husband.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭
 
Loyal Member
"Abstain from all appearance of evil." I Thess 5:22

"Evil" to whom? To God certainly, but He is seeing our hearts. What about others as for example very young Christians who don't understand much yet? What is OK for you may not be OK for them and they may simply not understand.

Are there exceptions to what we should or should not do in this regard? The exceptions would those about which God speaks to our heart.
 
Loyal Member
From a biblical point of view, what are your thoughts of a spouse or yourself having opposite sex friends within marriage? Do you think it is acceptable to spend time alone with a friend of the opposite sex when you're married?

For example: meet up for coffee, go out shopping, or drinks and dinner.

Let's say your wife has a guy friend that she grew up with since she was a little kid. Do you think it would be acceptable for her to be alone with him in any circumstance? Same applies for the husband.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭
Nope.
 
Loyal Member
In order for us to abstain from all appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22) we must needs by all means to avoid even the slightest appearance of what could be thought of as inappropriate; we know very well how this matter engages itself.
 
Active Member
From a biblical point of view, what are your thoughts of a spouse or yourself having opposite sex friends within marriage? Do you think it is acceptable to spend time alone with a friend of the opposite sex when you're married?

For example: meet up for coffee, go out shopping, or drinks and dinner.

Let's say your wife has a guy friend that she grew up with since she was a little kid. Do you think it would be acceptable for her to be alone with him in any circumstance? Same applies for the husband.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭
IMHO, If you're wife has a friend or you have a friend of the opposite sex and you want to hang out, you ought to do it together as friends or you just don't do it at all.
 
Moderator
Staff member
So many variables come into play. I agree with brother Amadeus in that the situation may be different for each. If a general rule were to be used or selected then sister miracles is right on point.

Too many marriages have fallen apart or become embroiled in unnecessary turmoil for these "friendships" to be allow to take root.

Though the spirit of an individual be strong, David, the flesh is weak, David. It only takes a moment of weakness, not just for one but for man primarily and both will fall into this lust called sin.

How' the old adage go "An ounce of prevention....".

Though Christ Jesus is in us, Satan is still prowling around and for the sake of the weaker, who just might be the one looking back at you from the mirror.

DON'T

With the love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
<><
 
Loyal Member
The culture of Bible times is very different from today. Men and women would have hardly any interaction outside of marriage and family.

I meet with female friends at lunchtimesome fairly regularly. But I am careful. There are many women that I - a married man - find attractive. To meet with these would be inviting trouble.

But there are many more where there is nio such attraction. I am confident that my friendship is honourable and will not lead me or anyone to temptation.
 
Loyal Member
The culture of Bible times is very different from today. Men and women would have hardly any interaction outside of marriage and family.

I meet with female friends at lunchtimesome fairly regularly. But I am careful. There are many women that I - a married man - find attractive. To meet with these would be inviting trouble.

But there are many more where there is nio such attraction. I am confident that my friendship is honourable and will not lead me or anyone to temptation.
Be careful if you think you stand, lest you fall. Many a extra-marital romantic affair began just like that.
 
Loyal Member
Be careful if you think you stand, lest you fall. Many a extra-marital romantic affair began just like that.
Thank you. That's a helpful note of caution.

Many of the female friends I have are from close work connections. If there was any romantic attraction it would have revealed itself by now.

There are many others I have - say - a soft spot for, and I am extremely cautious and would never meet up with alone. There have been several times when I have stepped back from friendships when I think there is a chance I could be compromised. I don't underestimate my own weaknesses or capacity for self deception.
 
Loyal Member
Hmm no.

As far as I know my dad doesnt spend time alone going out shopping, dinner or coffee with opposite sex and neither does mum. And they not christians, but they ARE married.

Also shopping, dinner and coffee are overated! Its generally what females do when they are bored, cant be bothered cooking, or have too much time on their hands. Most females I know HATE shopping and wouldnt choose to go with a guy anyway. The ones who love coffee tend to be addicted. Also who can really afford to go out to dinner all the time?!

Im just saying this because, I had a friend who was the same sex who always wanted to go out for coffee when she could have just had it at home or gone with her husband. Some people are just coffee addicts and want to justify their coffee consumption, like drinkers who regularly go to bars. I tried telling her many times I DO NOT DRINK COFFEE I dont like it and yet she goes on about it as if its manna from heaven.

If my parents do go out, they go together or with other family members.

As for the whole shopping, dinner and coffee thing, if its the opposite sex, try and be a bit more creative on your dates those things are actually quite boring! Especially a 'coffee date'
 
Loyal Member
Too many marriages have fallen apart or become embroiled in unnecessary turmoil for these "friendships" to be allow to take root.

Nick
<><
I agree with that because my marriage was a casualty to one such "friendship". My wife had a "friend" at work, but never told me about this friend.
It started harmless, but she never mentioned him, and one thing led to another, and she was unfaithful in our marriage with Him, and we are no longer currently married. I forgive her, but it seems maybe she couldn't forgive herself. Of course there is much more to the story, but for the sake of the topic that much is appropriate.
 
Moderator
Staff member
@Jesus_is_LORD
I pray that others may take heed to taking this too lightly, and of no affect.
Thank-you for sharing of something that's painful. My heart goes out to you brother, for what you had to endure.

Love you brother.
YBIC
Nick
<><
 
Loyal Member
I agree with that because my marriage was a casualty to one such "friendship". My wife had a "friend" at work, but never told me about this friend.
It started harmless, but she never mentioned him, and one thing led to another, and she was unfaithful in our marriage with Him, and we are no longer currently married. I forgive her, but it seems maybe she couldn't forgive herself. Of course there is much more to the story, but for the sake of the topic that much is appropriate.
Sorry to hear that. I feel for you and anyone who has had to go through this.
 
Loyal Member
Sorry to hear that.

Workplaces huh. I used to wonder about people that met others in the workplace. You go there to work, not have affairs. I am grossed out by people that try to hit on you in the workplace. Especially those who are already married.
 
Loyal Member
I keep thinking how the people of Sodom were drawn to the two angels. It is because they were holy. Once washed by Jesus and shining for him, we are holy, just like those angels.

Now a holy Christian, who is sweet, very approachable, kind and caring VS the opposite (Prov 11:22 Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion). The risk is hardly rocket science. We do have to take extra precautions. God fearing people are very attractive.
 
Loyal Member
Thanks for the words of comfort brothers and sister.

I thank God, He is so good. I have been able to reconcile with my previous wife. Though we are still divorce and I regret that it happened, even though I understand I can't make her stay with me if she wants to leave, I am thankful
that we have forgiven each other of the past hurts. I have forgiven her and told. I'm not bitter at all towards all. I was hurt of course in the past, and in shock, but Jesus was there as my comforter.

Now that we have reconciled, many close brothers in Christ have told me to be cautious (wise as serpents) because a side of her came out in the divorce process that I had not seen before, and it wasn't good. Let's just say that
she was dishonest to the point that it could had cost me my job, landed me in jail, or forced me into legal financial obligations for a very long time. Fortunately, and I assume I don't have to tell you this, but
God is good, and I still have my job, actually got a promotion, no legal troubles, and I'm debt free at the age of 35(no car, credit cards, student loans, or mortgage payment).

So yea, I'm doing very good considering that happened in the past. I'm glad that we reconciled, we are on speaking terms, we don't meet in person, and I think she felt God's love and grace through the whole process.
I mean we actually joke and laugh on the phone. We live in different cities now, and that distance kinda helps to help the friendship positive.

Surprisingly through that process, I've learned to me more mindful of my interactions with married women at work. I can't help but think of my wife and how she was seduced every time I get
friendly with a married woman at work. Though my motivates consciously may not be malicious, the flesh is deceitful and wicked, and a good thing out of the process is I'm mindful of my boundaries and who
knows maybe a good out of the whole process is that I will not fall for the trap that my wife(former) fell into to.

God is good indeed.
 
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