Member
In my past two entries in my journal, I never went into detail of all the things the devil put me through. I am going to tell you today, only because I feel in my spirit that this will help me to forgive as well.
My step-brother torments me day and night. Not literally in the physical sense, but mentally he does. Or I shouldn't say he does, the devil does. Anyways, I am unable to forgive him. I cannot bring myself to look at him as a human being. As someone's child, as someone's grandson. I see him as sick, perverted, nasty, and anything that would describe the lowest of all lows. It is hard to forgive him. I want to sooo bad, in fact I am crying just thinking about it right now. But, because of what he has done, like watching me change, watching me sleep, standing in my room naked, and touching himself in unappropriate places while doing it, just makes me hate him. It is wrong to hate, I know. But my privacy has been ripped from my control, and displayed to who knows. I have found pictures of my cousin and me in his pocket. A prom video of my cousin and me. You know, just sick stuff that makes you sick. I am not talking about a 15 year old boy here, who is akward. I am talking about a 25 year old man, still living at home with his father. No job, no money. He's a theif, and a pervert, and I cant make myself forgive him. It is so hard, and like I said, I want to, but I can't.
Anyways, after I moved out, I thought it would be easier. But I was wrong. The devil was right at the front door waiting. He would burden me with things like a new church. He would get in my ear and say, these people dont like you. I would be driving around sometimes, and he would say "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to wreck head-on? Swerve over to the other side of the road. I wonder how many of your so-called friends will show up at the hospital?" You know? Just insane things like that, he would tell me. I never went through with any of it of course. But its crazy. Then, depression set in. I would go to church, and sit there. I wouldn't worship, then I got to where I would go only sunday nights. then not at all. He used my good guy friend to worsen that depression. I had a little crush on him, yes, but I never lusted over him, and he turned his back on me, and I never thought he would do a thing like that. But anyways, this was going on for 3 almost 4 months now, then I visit my dad one day. They had an empty room b/c my sister moved out, and I took the offer immediately. Well, they didn't even offer, I just took it. It is May now, and I believe God moved me to a different church so I sould get through it on my own. I am back at my old church now, and things are looking brighter.
Like I said earlier, I am making this public because, I feel in my spirit to do so. I'm not doing it for sympathy, I just feel it will help someone and myself as well.
Things are getting better, and the only thing that is burdening me right now is the lack of forgiveness to my step-brother. So will you please pray for me for that? I thank you soo much
God Bless
Sis in Christ
Lnrobar
My step-brother torments me day and night. Not literally in the physical sense, but mentally he does. Or I shouldn't say he does, the devil does. Anyways, I am unable to forgive him. I cannot bring myself to look at him as a human being. As someone's child, as someone's grandson. I see him as sick, perverted, nasty, and anything that would describe the lowest of all lows. It is hard to forgive him. I want to sooo bad, in fact I am crying just thinking about it right now. But, because of what he has done, like watching me change, watching me sleep, standing in my room naked, and touching himself in unappropriate places while doing it, just makes me hate him. It is wrong to hate, I know. But my privacy has been ripped from my control, and displayed to who knows. I have found pictures of my cousin and me in his pocket. A prom video of my cousin and me. You know, just sick stuff that makes you sick. I am not talking about a 15 year old boy here, who is akward. I am talking about a 25 year old man, still living at home with his father. No job, no money. He's a theif, and a pervert, and I cant make myself forgive him. It is so hard, and like I said, I want to, but I can't.
Anyways, after I moved out, I thought it would be easier. But I was wrong. The devil was right at the front door waiting. He would burden me with things like a new church. He would get in my ear and say, these people dont like you. I would be driving around sometimes, and he would say "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to wreck head-on? Swerve over to the other side of the road. I wonder how many of your so-called friends will show up at the hospital?" You know? Just insane things like that, he would tell me. I never went through with any of it of course. But its crazy. Then, depression set in. I would go to church, and sit there. I wouldn't worship, then I got to where I would go only sunday nights. then not at all. He used my good guy friend to worsen that depression. I had a little crush on him, yes, but I never lusted over him, and he turned his back on me, and I never thought he would do a thing like that. But anyways, this was going on for 3 almost 4 months now, then I visit my dad one day. They had an empty room b/c my sister moved out, and I took the offer immediately. Well, they didn't even offer, I just took it. It is May now, and I believe God moved me to a different church so I sould get through it on my own. I am back at my old church now, and things are looking brighter.
Like I said earlier, I am making this public because, I feel in my spirit to do so. I'm not doing it for sympathy, I just feel it will help someone and myself as well.
Things are getting better, and the only thing that is burdening me right now is the lack of forgiveness to my step-brother. So will you please pray for me for that? I thank you soo much
God Bless
Sis in Christ
Lnrobar
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