Another of my plays I wrote and performed in the the 70's
NOW YOU'RE LEARNING
One fine day in the Himalayas, a guru sat on a mountaintop, chanting. “I am he as you are he as you are me and we all live in a yellow submarine. Goo-goo-ga-choo! Ah, if only you believed what I believe, we would believe what I believe when you believe it, I believe. Oh, Ocean of the nectar of devotion. Oh, Bramanijatay. Oh, unseen all, that is within all, yet all is not. Oh, unseen oneness that is one, not twoness that is two, two, two mints in one. Oh, vision. Oh, nectar, Oh, joy, Oh, bliss. Oh, oh! What's this?”
What it is, is a young man climbing the mountain. “Oh, most merciful, marvelous magnanimous magnificent master of majestic majority of magnetic Mayavadi metaphysics…”
“Run out of M's?”
“I have climbed the highest mountains, crossed the deepest oceans, journeyed through dusty deserts and sticky swamps just to reach you.”
“You know, the #22 bus comes right by here.”
“I have gone through, rain, snow, sleet, hail, the sun by day and gloom of night…”
The guru claps with joy. “Oh. You're the mailman! Did you bring my welfare check?”
“I have come 6,000 miles just to throw myself at your lotus feet, to beg and plead for you to accept me as your humble disciple.”
“You couldn't have just phoned?”
“Oh, sagacious, satguru of all gurus of Bharatavarsha, I am a lowly worm, a vile slime upon the face of Immanence…”
“I like your tie though.”
“Humbly I beg, humbly I plead for your unbounded mercy and semi-infinite wisdom to be vouchsafed unto my unworthy self…”
“Oh, pshaw!” He sighed. “Very well. I accept you as my chela, oh loquacious one.”
“Oh, most merciful, marvelous magnanimous magnificent master of majestic majority of magnetic Mayavadi metaphysics…”
“You already said that one. Blast it all! You just can't take a day off anymore. Very well, oh seeker of wisdom. Here are my instructions.”
“To hear is to obey, oh, wellspring of knowledge.”
“First you must enter the proper yogic pasture to align you charkas. Place your left leg over here. Then your right arm here, your other leg there, hooked over your neck, and with this hand, form the sign of samhadi. Now plug up your left nostril and breath in, as you say ‘I am god‘."
“I am god.”
“Now plug the right nostril, and as you breath out, say ‘You are god‘."
“You are god.”
“Now just keep on repeating it as you breath in and out in rhythmic fashion, plugging alternate nostrils.”
“I am god, you are god, I am god, you are god.”
“That's right. Just keep going. Keep your mind on the sound, as it resounds around, and you will be enlightened.”
“I am god. You are god.”
The guru removes the young man’s wallet, takes out the money and throws the wallet away.
“I am god, you are, you are... say, what are you doing?”
“Well, if you are god, what do you need with money? Just keep chanting.” He walks down the mountain.
“I am god, you are god, I am god, you are god, I... I... I think I've been had.”
The guru calls up. “See? You're getting smarter already.”
NOW YOU'RE LEARNING
One fine day in the Himalayas, a guru sat on a mountaintop, chanting. “I am he as you are he as you are me and we all live in a yellow submarine. Goo-goo-ga-choo! Ah, if only you believed what I believe, we would believe what I believe when you believe it, I believe. Oh, Ocean of the nectar of devotion. Oh, Bramanijatay. Oh, unseen all, that is within all, yet all is not. Oh, unseen oneness that is one, not twoness that is two, two, two mints in one. Oh, vision. Oh, nectar, Oh, joy, Oh, bliss. Oh, oh! What's this?”
What it is, is a young man climbing the mountain. “Oh, most merciful, marvelous magnanimous magnificent master of majestic majority of magnetic Mayavadi metaphysics…”
“Run out of M's?”
“I have climbed the highest mountains, crossed the deepest oceans, journeyed through dusty deserts and sticky swamps just to reach you.”
“You know, the #22 bus comes right by here.”
“I have gone through, rain, snow, sleet, hail, the sun by day and gloom of night…”
The guru claps with joy. “Oh. You're the mailman! Did you bring my welfare check?”
“I have come 6,000 miles just to throw myself at your lotus feet, to beg and plead for you to accept me as your humble disciple.”
“You couldn't have just phoned?”
“Oh, sagacious, satguru of all gurus of Bharatavarsha, I am a lowly worm, a vile slime upon the face of Immanence…”
“I like your tie though.”
“Humbly I beg, humbly I plead for your unbounded mercy and semi-infinite wisdom to be vouchsafed unto my unworthy self…”
“Oh, pshaw!” He sighed. “Very well. I accept you as my chela, oh loquacious one.”
“Oh, most merciful, marvelous magnanimous magnificent master of majestic majority of magnetic Mayavadi metaphysics…”
“You already said that one. Blast it all! You just can't take a day off anymore. Very well, oh seeker of wisdom. Here are my instructions.”
“To hear is to obey, oh, wellspring of knowledge.”
“First you must enter the proper yogic pasture to align you charkas. Place your left leg over here. Then your right arm here, your other leg there, hooked over your neck, and with this hand, form the sign of samhadi. Now plug up your left nostril and breath in, as you say ‘I am god‘."
“I am god.”
“Now plug the right nostril, and as you breath out, say ‘You are god‘."
“You are god.”
“Now just keep on repeating it as you breath in and out in rhythmic fashion, plugging alternate nostrils.”
“I am god, you are god, I am god, you are god.”
“That's right. Just keep going. Keep your mind on the sound, as it resounds around, and you will be enlightened.”
“I am god. You are god.”
The guru removes the young man’s wallet, takes out the money and throws the wallet away.
“I am god, you are, you are... say, what are you doing?”
“Well, if you are god, what do you need with money? Just keep chanting.” He walks down the mountain.
“I am god, you are god, I am god, you are god, I... I... I think I've been had.”
The guru calls up. “See? You're getting smarter already.”
