As my fellow Moderator and Sister in Christ Jesus has asked. A little more about yourself and your relationship with Jesus would help. It can provide a starting point by which others can share from their own relationship with the Lord and experiences in their own lives to help you in your own walk.
I hope you find the answers you are seeking.
So, while you're here James.
Be welcome to this online Community of Christian Believers!
Praying for you, James. Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing with us. God lifts up the humble and your post shows humility.
Rest assured that God loves you and that if you believe in His Son as the only solution for your sin, that God sees you as totally righteous and perfect in Him. That's it. There's nothing else to add or do for God to accept you. You just believe and He credits you with the perfect life of His Son. And, it doesn't matter what you feel or think (not to say that your feelings don't matter, but rather that ultimately our feelings and the lies that the enemy feeds us cannot overrule the Truth), because this is the truth. I pray for you the faith to believe this -- because the only work you need to do is to believe what God has done for you in Christ and to believe that all heavenly blessings are yours in Christ right this very instant. May God renew your hope and bring abundant joy today, brother.
We have effectively been invited to a wedding. But accepting the invitation does not mean to immediately proceed to the head of the table:
The way to the top with the Lord is to always start at the bottom:
"When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him;
And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room.
when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee.
For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted." Luke 14:8-11
Having said that now move forward toward toward Jesus through prayer and reading your Bible every day. Be certain to do both and do not read more than you pray.
You are much too young to feel this way. Dont think what you want or what some other may have told you but, you still feel that way that you do because water baptism doesn't insure you salvation or being reborn. In many cases, I am sure many come to God during Baptism but, it is not the washing of water but the change in heart to God that works. 1 Peter 3: 21 and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also--not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ,
You can come to a clear conscience toward God in or out of the water.
First study what Jesus did for you on the cross, admit that you can't do it by yourself, acknowledge that you re a sinner (Repent) and ask Jesus to come into your heart and save you. Do something like: Romans 10: 8-13
If you do this in sincerity, you will be healed and ready for the coming new age!