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My son is gay.....

Discussion in 'Counseling' started by evan, Jul 26, 2016.

  1. My son has disowned me and wont see me or talk to me any more. My husband wants me to apologize to my son for saying homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. My heart is in so much pain I can hardly breathe at times.
     
  2. Stay very close to God and pray for your son and your husband and yourself. I am joining you in prayer.
     
    Br. Bear likes this.
  3. Greetings,

    May I say that while homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord, The Lord loves both your son and your husband. It is important that that is conveyed or told with as much conviction.
    The Bible, Scripture, tells us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, which equates to His love and grace toward sinners, and homosexual behaviour is not outside of this nor is it isolated or predominant.
    God so loved the world, God so loved the world, God so loved the world...

    But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us
    . Romans 5:8

    Your son needs also to know the truth that sets him free. I understand that he might not be too interested in God based talk but allow the Spirit to minister to you all, seek His wisdom for the right thing to say. Your son needs to get glimpses of Jesus. Even if he ceased homosexual behaviour, he still needs to know the love of God in Jesus Christ the Lord, he still needs to know of the salvation that has been paid for and offered to all mankind.
    While it is true that it is an abomination to the Lord, the focus should be to the Gospel of the Kingdom of God.
    The Epistle writers warned the churches, the believers of wrong living. Those warnings belong to the believers. The lost need light, not condemnation.

    I often realise after speaking that I have spoken what amounts to a judgment, I state a fact regarding behaviour, but I would have been much better to have spoken words of life, and quite often those words have nothing whatsoever to do with the situation that is immediate, the behaviour of another, what is blatantly 'in your face'.

    Remember that the Lord knows the situation and has the remedy. Our part is to incline out ears to Him and speak accordingly. This can take some unlearning of old ways of addressing matters and a new way, which is often completely unrelated in normal terms to the case at hand.
    For the penny to drop, the hearer must hear of the very thing that the Lord has prepared for them at that time, not what we think is right.

    Humility is not my best response or way, but it is the Lords.

    Bless you for trying to point out something that is a certain obstacle to glory, but try to remember that the ungodly are lost and don't need to to be told too directly that they are wrong but they do need to see something beautiful in Christ and to desire Him. Our victory is in Him, not in condemnation.

    Bless you and yours ....><>

    But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
    Romans 5:8
     
    KingJ and Christ4Ever like this.
  4. I do think that it is possible to love a person lost in sin without hammering on the sin. You have made your convictions known. I think if it's possible you should try to mend the relationship. WWJD? I think about the woman at the well. Jesus knew that she was living a life of sin. He told her so. It's left up to the reader as to whether she reformed her behavior or not. Nevertheless, she was so important that she made the cut and we are still reading about her 2000 years later.

    If I'm to be convicted of something let it be love. They say "Love the sinner but, hate the sin". I'm not sure how that works. I tend to just love people like I think Jesus would. Does it get complicated? Sure it does. But, becoming unloving to hate the sin isn't an option for me. Jesus loved me, a sinner. I'm still a sinner. Like Paul, I do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I want to do. Not all the time but, works are like dirty rags. Let grace abound in you. If he changes or don't change it's not your responsibility. We make a little hole in the dirt, put a seed in it, cover it up, water it and walk away.
     
    Br. Bear likes this.
  5. Greetings @evan

    How are you doing ?
    Please write back and let us know how things are progressing.

    Bless you and yours ....><>
     
  6. Hi Evan. Communication is a wonderful thing. When you express the above, are you also declaring that homosexuality is an abomination to you? Does that apply to the relationship between you and your son as well? He opened a door, but my feeling is you slammed it shut in his face without opportunity to keep it open. I'm not suggesting that you need to approve or tolerate his behaviour in that regard, but you are his parent and as such are still required to set the example if God is truly about love in an overall sense.

    Don't let anxiety be your guide. There are many occasions where our hearts will be ill at ease. Lay your anxiety at the altar, forget about it and prepare for tomorrow as it will have its own challenges. Phil 4:8.
     
    KingJ likes this.
  7. Hi. You hit the nail on the head with what you said. It is a mortal sin directly against God / on par with spitting in His face. That is all you need to say. Saying that is tough love Prov 27:6 An enemy multiplies kisses.

    Giving a harsh rebuke does not mean you are not there for him in every other way. He will come around, just hang in there. Don't change your conviction. That would equal you hating him. We all need to pray for your husband too.

    We are to treat all as God treats us. IE Much love, patience and kindness but not budging an inch on holiness / what is right.

    Praying for God to give you strength!

    I agree with what Br. Bear said on we apply this 'rebuke' to believers. Paul is crystal clear on rebuking all those professing to be believers in 1 Cor 5.You are in a position of much advantage as all blood family are. What you say will always stay on his mind. So you do need to speak to him with skill.

    Personally I like the blunt approach. I was involved in similar sin before I was saved. A nun said it is an abomination and I am en route to hell. A week later I was saved and seeing visions of Jesus.

    Praying also for the Holy Spirit to guide you!!
     
  8. Your husband is not doing your son any spiritual favours.
    Families can get their knickers in a knot over excusing much unrighteousness because of the complications in blood ties: children, siblings,
    parents, etc.
    There is always the hope that your son and others will come to repentance and submit to the gospel. BUT they will never contemplate the need for
    repentance at some future stage if they are never challenged about their denial of God and righteousness.
    If people start telling homosexuals [and others] that their behaviours and lifestyles are not sinful - then what need is there to believe the gospel
    and obey the commandments of God?
    A namby-pamby tolerance of Jesus loves you will only ever keep one to remain in their sins with some false promise that somehow they
    are still OK with God because of John 3:16.

    John 3:19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light,
    because their deeds were evil.
    3:20 For every one that does evil hates the light, neither comes to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.

    If you love your son then you will always remind him that his soul is in danger but the sacrificial love of Jesus is available to him when he
    comes to his senses and submits to the gospel - baptism of water and the Holy Spirit - a new person, a new life in Christ Jesus.
     
    KingJ and Christ4Ever like this.
  9. You have no need to say you are sorry, when you are correct!( Rom 1:20-32!!) For if i say to someone I am sorry,then I myself am joining in the lie they have chosen to live out! At least your son knows you have taken a stand for the truth! Even if he himself does not choose to believe it! SO!!! 1 Do not condemn yourself!!( Rom 8:1!)

    If other do condemn you,then they look to compromise the very truth Jesus himself tells us never to compromise!( 1 Peter 3:15!) With!!! Gentleness and reverence!! Not easy to do, when one becomes angry! We ask questions to our self,what did I do wrong? Was this my fault in any way?? NO it is not your fault! Now the question!!!

    I truly believe sister that when something happens to another we love,it is also lesson time for us as well! Will you do as Moses did for the children of Israel?( Psalm 106:23!) You may truly be his only hope in Jesus right now sis! So how? Hold fast in Jesus sis!! If anyone looks to bring doubt to your door in any way about your son, you will not hear it!!( Mark 4:24)

    When I was in Vietnam and as lost as one could be, my grandmother stood in the gap for me,my own mother was full of doubt,and my grandmother would not hear it,but rather say,I have prayed unto the Lord my God,and he has heard my prayer for my grandson and has answered it! He has by faith become a believer,and don't you say anything different to me,or you can go back to your house!! LOL

    My grandmother held to this even unto her death,and never saw Jesus come into my life,but her prayers in true faith were indeed answered! So are ours! It does not matter what others say dear sister!!! It only matters who we place our trust in!( Proverbs 3:3-6!!) Like the Prodigal son( Luke 15:11-32)God will cause events in his life to alter his mindset, and you will give Jesus all the praise and Glory for it to!

    You will then say the very same as the father did his son!verse 31-32! " You have always been with me,and all that is mine is yours,But we had to celebrate and rejoice,for this brother of yours was dead,and has begun to live,and was lost and has been found!" HOPE is a wonderful fruit to partake of in Christ Jesus sis!!( Rom 15:13) do not allow anyone to rob you of it!Hold fast!!!

    Do not doubt no matter what you hear! And God will look down upon you as he did me,and say Go angels give her some support!!! SHE BELIEVES ME!!!!! ( Zechariah 4:6) The Lord will fight for us sister!!( Exodus 14:14!!) it is not God who has changed,it has been his people who have stopped believing !!! We are not like them! We BELIEVE! My prayers and agreement lie as yours does sister in Christ Jesus!!!( Matt 18:19-20!)
     
    Christ4Ever likes this.
  10. Pro 9:8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

    The word "scoffer" means, ""one who mocks, ridicules, or scorns the belief of another."

    Your son believes what he is doing is right, and when someone condemns him for what he is doing, that will cause him to hate you.
    The only way to show him the error of his way is for you to tell him you love him but do not agree with what he is doing,
    Some of the most friendly people i have ever met were gay, yet they knew I did not agree with what they do, but I still loved them as a human being.
     
  11. But that is the same as the quoted scripture. If Mum as a Christian, who believes and loves the commandments of God, reveals openly that she does not condone nor
    agree with her son's homosexuality and unGodly lifestyle, then she is reproving her son the scoffer.
    There is no getting away from the fact that those who choose wickedness and unGodliness as their life values hate any expression or correction in righteousness,
    no matter how gently or "lovingly" one puts it to such. Such find offence in the fact that you would read your Bible. Or that you believe the scriptures.

    You either have to join in the delusion that the homosexual lifestyle is OK and acceptable, or you have to love the sinner and care for their fate.
    Thus one is compelled to preach the gospel to them. If you love them you will uphold your testimony and show them that your hope and promise for eternal life is in
    the righteousness of Jesus and the gospel. You cannot serve two masters.

    A now dead, but then very famous homosexual judge of the Australian High Court, Justice Michael Kirby, once publicly declared that his homosexuality and the
    morality of his sexuality was not to be judged by ancient mythical religious texts of a by-gone era written by men who did not know of the biological and genetic
    basis for being homosexual (as supposedly we do now in this modern age of science and enlightenment).

    No amount of loving him with kindness and tolerance will ever deliver his soul from judgment [how ironic]. In the end every sinner, no matter how great or small,
    must repent because they fear God and desire to submit to his will and to his righteousness.
    The problem is sin, not the lack of a loving or caring parent.
     
  12. Brother, the reason we love God is because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19) It was God's love that leads a person to repentance not condemnation.

    Rom 2:4 Or are you [so blind as to] trifle with and presume upon and despise and underestimate the wealth of His kindness and forbearance and long-suffering patience? Are you unmindful or actually ignorant [of the fact] that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repent (to change your mind and inner man to accept God's will)? (AMP)
     
    Hekuran likes this.
  13. Understanding/Seeing of sin through the law, as found in His Word we can identify spiritually through the Holy Spirit in Christ Jesus who has revealed this to us. What have those without Jesus Christ? They have only their desires, the flesh and what the world tells them is right to do.

    Until, they find or better said "seek" and "find" God through Christ Jesus they will not have the ability to know this truth presented in His Word.

    Do we condemn them when they are condemned already? John 3:18
    Would this lost child be saved by living a holy and moral life? Ephesians 2:8

    Sometimes we confuse how our Lord dealt with the Priesthood of the day with how He communicated with the lost. Meaning the Priesthood knew better, but the laymen did not, for all they had heard was through that same priesthood. Still, they received the same truths from our Lord, but with compassion, did He not? Matthew 9:36-38

    Sadly, many like this child have been and even today are blinded, mislead, by these false leaders. 2 Peter 2:1-3

    Still these purveyors of deceit/lies have their end. Our concern/compassion needs to be for those who are following deceitful lies and lusts of the world. Ephesians 4:32, 1 John 2:16

    If this child has known the Lord, dare we forget the prodigal son? This hope is what this mother needs to be supported with! She loves this child more than we do. Truth she has communicated to this "sin" to her son, and now it is time to communicate the Love of the Lord.

    We ourselves who have an intercessor can call to our Lord Jesus in supplication. So while we still have to wage our own battles, pick up our crosses daily, we have a known victory in Him our Redeemer. Like our Lord Jesus did for us we must be able to show to others His Love, that even while we were still sinners He gave His life for us.

    So let us pray for this dear sister who is undergoing trials. Galatians 6:2

    Let us be united in love for this dear sister that her family might have healing. For it will not be by her might, or our postings that this will happen. It will be by the might/spirit of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit that this will happen for them. Let the words we would use here, be sent heavenward in supplication to our intercessor on behalf of this family.

    Praying that this family will be joined in Christ Jesus and none other. In Jesus name praying Amen.

    With the Love of Christ Jesus.
    YBIC
    Nick
    <><
     
    Brighthouse, KingJ and Waggles like this.
  14. About this time last year my son told us he was gay. Unfortunately he informed the rest of the world via social media at the same time...

    It was down to us to assure him that we loved him no matter what, to give him as much support as we could, and some firm words about protecting yourself online. We prayed a lot.

    He's still very young, but I fail to see how he could have learned anything good or godly by being rejected by his parents.
     
  15. They will always take offense, people in general, Christians as well, will take offense then sins which they like are brought to the light and confronted, nothing pleasurable about that for sure. Homosexuality is so harmful on so many levels, it's criminal not to tell them about that... They will not accept truth easily if accept at all, but to simply be silent about it?
     
    KingJ likes this.
  16. I don't think anyone here on this thread is suggesting or directing parents to reject or banish their wayward children. Far from it.
    My son is a amphetamine drug user and does crime to support his habit. Occasionally he needs to escape and come home for a while.
    I love him immensely (and he knows it and milks it). BUT I still go to Revival meetings and invite him to come along. I still openly read my Bible.
    I remind him that he has no blessings in his life because of his path in life. He grumbles and tries to convince himself that all is against him
    through bad luck. I pray in the Spirit and he can hear me from other rooms in the house. I post up testimonies on the fridge from people
    who have been saved and converted by the true gospel from their previous druggy & criminal lifestyle for him to read.
    I love him. I care for him (he's 24 yo now). BUT I let him see the difference between my commitment and faith in Jesus and his righteousness,
    as opposed to his choices. Without lecturing him or scolding him. Without holding back on any practical assistance that he always seems to need.
    BUT he knows that his dad is a dinky di Christian who practices what he preaches. Love through expressing the gospel.

    Luke 15:
    20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
    21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
    22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
    32 It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

    In order for this to happen then a sinner needs to come back to their Father in heaven - and how does one do this?
    John 14:
    5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
    6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
     
  17. Yes. Thank you. I would hope that in a similar situation I would treat my child in the same way.

    My observation is that the message spoken is very often not the same as the message heard - especially when people are in a vulnerable situation. So, it's easy for 'I believe your actions are sinful' to be heard as 'I want nothing to do with you'.

    This is especially the case with the issue of homosexuality as our sexuality is so closely tied up with our identity.
     
  18. 1) You are not in the wrong for speaking truth that directs a person towards freedom and life in Christ. Period.
    2) Welcome to the sufferings of Christ; this a fine example of willingly taking upon oneself the suffering that can only come by a worldly hatred of Godly action.
    3) You have a way out here: As it says :
    1 Corinthians 10:12-13(NASB)
    12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

    Do you see that there is literal truth to the idea that you can apologize for this without compromising your position? You are obviously sorry for having done it, which is perfectly reasonable; so long as you are not sorry for the principles leading to "why," you did it. Just because we are ''on the side of right," doesn't mean that in our approach we "are right." Now please don't misunderstand, I fully endorse both your right and your being right here; I just imply that perhaps there could have been a different approach or "way," of going about it. Perhaps in hindsight, breaking the hardness of the heart would have been preferable to simply speaking truth; which though is not wrong, doesn't necessarily bring about the desired result eh? Thus, you can apologize for saying this; you are not sorry for meaning well or being scripturally sound-you are merely sorry for saying such directly as it caused further hurt. I believe this is possible in your case because it would be sincere and in integrity; while it would not compromise your principle. In essence you would be apologizing for saying it...not for meaning it.

    Also, feel free to view my study in the thread "LGBT VS HETERO: CLARIFYING CHRISTIAN APPROACH." I just posted this excerpt, and it will give great insight to your situation and how to deal with it moving forward. May Father bless your heart and encourage your soul today. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN!
     
  19. Greetings @Waggles

    Praying for you and your son.

    Bless you ....><>
     
    Sent from a mobile device

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