My relationship with the father of my children,

[Aubrie Sloan]

My boyfriend (Yes, we are not married, I am raising his 9 year old autistic daughter, and I have had a son with him that is now two years old.) I am just asking for advise about how to touch his heart. Here is his issue with God.
He cannot wrap his head around forgiveness. He believes that if you hurt a person, physically or emotionally, you should not be allowed to be forgiven. To put it into his words "You mean to tell me, that if person abuses a child, all they have to do is ask for forgiveness and all is well? That is not the heaven I want my children in." I tried to explain to him that if someone prays for forgiveness, but knows in their heart of hearts, that they are not sorry and have every intention in repeating the offense for personal gratification, God KNOWS their hearts. They are not forgiven. I don't know what else to do. If I bring up Christianity, he usually starts asking me really hard questions, that I don't have the answers to. I want him to join me and my children in Christianity, I just don't know how to get the gears going. You know?
He means right, he really does. He just bought us a home, and is the most amazing father, never angry, always worried, and constantly making sure they are HAPPY. He just needs to know that Christ is there, and that he isn't against him.

PS. Sorry this was so long-winded. Just had it on my mind and thought this would be a decent place to let it out.

 

[B-A-C]

Is there anyone of us who hasn't hurt someone? In some way?
Maybe we didn't molest them or physically beat them, but we still hurt them.
Actions we did, words we said, broken promises, ... who can honestly say they've never hurt anyone
in their life? So if we've hurt someone... according to your boyfriend none of us can be forgiven.
Not even himself. (If he has a daughter from another relationship, I'm guessing someone in that
relationship hurt somebody).

There are different degrees of hurt. There is also intentional hurt and unintentional hurt.
There are people who can defend themselves, and there are people who can't.

Someone might say the dress you're wearing is ugly, or they don't like your hairstyle.
That can really hurt some people. Other people brush those things off easily.
Maybe they even just said those things to intentionally hurt you.

It's a big difference between someone insulting you, and someone physically harming a child.
Both hurt, but the child couldn't defend himself against an adult.

Your boyfriend is partially right. Saying your sorry alone isn't enough. Repentance has a lot to
do with it. If I say I'm sorry and turn around and do it again tomorrow, I wasn't really very sorry.
However, if I'm really sorry... sorry enough to change... to never do that thing again.
Maybe I should be forgiven. Sometimes it takes time to see these things. Sometimes it takes time
for us to know ourselves. If I only go an hour or a day before I hurt you again.... I'm probably
not interested in changing. But if I've gone a year or two without intentionally hurting you, maybe
it's time to forgive.

Forgiving people... even yourself is really hard sometimes. Especially if you don't know Jesus.
Jesus isn't against him. I guarantee you Jesus loves him, and I guarantee you that no matter
what he's done in his past, or who he might have hurt. There is forgiveness. If he is truly sorry.

Surely there is something he has done in his past that he is sorry for. Something that he has quit doing.
Jesus is in the forgiving business.

 

[Aubrie Sloan]

Is there anyone of us who hasn't hurt someone? In some way?
Maybe we didn't molest them or physically beat them, but we still hurt them.
Actions we did, words we said, broken promises, ... who can honestly say they've never hurt anyone
in their life? So if we've hurt someone... according to your boyfriend none of us can be forgiven.
Not even himself. (If he has a daughter from another relationship, I'm guessing someone in that
relationship hurt somebody).

There are different degrees of hurt. There is also intentional hurt and unintentional hurt.
There are people who can defend themselves, and there are people who can't.

Someone might say the dress you're wearing is ugly, or they don't like your hairstyle.
That can really hurt some people. Other people brush those things off easily.
Maybe they even just said those things to intentionally hurt you.

It's a big difference between someone insulting you, and someone physically harming a child.
Both hurt, but the child couldn't defend himself against an adult.

Your boyfriend is partially right. Saying your sorry alone isn't enough. Repentance has a lot to
do with it. If I say I'm sorry and turn around and do it again tomorrow, I wasn't really very sorry.
However, if I'm really sorry... sorry enough to change... to never do that thing again.
Maybe I should be forgiven. Sometimes it takes time to see these things. Sometimes it takes time
for us to know ourselves. If I only go an hour or a day before I hurt you again.... I'm probably
not interested in changing. But if I've gone a year or two without intentionally hurting you, maybe
it's time to forgive.

Forgiving people... even yourself is really hard sometimes. Especially if you don't know Jesus.
Jesus isn't against him. I guarantee you Jesus loves him, and I guarantee you that no matter
what he's done in his past, or who he might have hurt. There is forgiveness. If he is truly sorry.

Surely there is something he has done in his past that he is sorry for. Something that he has quit doing.
Jesus is in the forgiving business.

I agree with everything you said. I am sure he has hurt people. I think he is just so worried about people hurting his children that he is almost already not forgiving what the future might bring. Thank you for that. Maybe I will take what you said, and just say it to him. I really appreciate the input.

 

[amadeus2]

We, as believers, may not always have all of the answers that others seek. God does, but He does not always put them in our hearts to be spoken with our lips. Jesus at time remained silent even though he was completely innocent.

You are always to do the best that you can do according to what you hear from God. Young in God sometimes it seems impossible. Believe me when I say that even older in God it still too often seems impossible.

You want it all to come out right, but that is not something you can do alone . God must be in it and your boyfriend must also eventually must be in it if it is ever to come out even close to what you might presently hope.

God has His will or purpose for all of it. You and your boyfriend must choose God's way for there to be no heart ache for both of in the end. If we read what the scriptures tells us about Jesus we know that He always had heart ache because neither Jesus nor the Father "force-feed" any one the Word of God. You cannot do it either. This doesn't mean there is no hope for your friend. Your prayers for him are not wasted:

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16

Are you righteous? God is and to the extent that God is in you, so are you. Never lose sight of that even when you find yourself seemingly alone in the troubles and trials of your life in the flesh.

Nevertheless even your prayers alone do not save anyone.

What they do, I believe, is open God to a person for whom you are effectually fervently praying. The person still has to choose, but the more you are a living witness (no "force-feeding") before the person and the more you bring your friend before God, the more God talks to that person's heart. I have known more than one case [usually the woman for the man rather than the other way around] where after more than 20 years of suffering and prayer and holding on in seemingly impossible conditions [including terrible abuses] the person finally acknowledged and received what God always had for him.

I am not telling you to do it that way. You must follow your own heart in accord with you have heard from and received from God. At the worst case you may come to a place where you must abandon the man and the little girl to follow God. I also do not expect you to accept that as your final course. God knows your heart and the heart of the man.

My wife says that the following verses are among her favorites:

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Prov 3:5-6

 

[KingJ]

My boyfriend (Yes, we are not married, I am raising his 9 year old autistic daughter, and I have had a son with him that is now two years old.) I am just asking for advise about how to touch his heart. Here is his issue with God.
He cannot wrap his head around forgiveness. He believes that if you hurt a person, physically or emotionally, you should not be allowed to be forgiven. To put it into his words "You mean to tell me, that if person abuses a child, all they have to do is ask for forgiveness and all is well? That is not the heaven I want my children in." I tried to explain to him that if someone prays for forgiveness, but knows in their heart of hearts, that they are not sorry and have every intention in repeating the offense for personal gratification, God KNOWS their hearts. They are not forgiven. I don't know what else to do. If I bring up Christianity, he usually starts asking me really hard questions, that I don't have the answers to. I want him to join me and my children in Christianity, I just don't know how to get the gears going. You know?
He means right, he really does. He just bought us a home, and is the most amazing father, never angry, always worried, and constantly making sure they are HAPPY. He just needs to know that Christ is there, and that he isn't against him.

PS. Sorry this was so long-winded. Just had it on my mind and thought this would be a decent place to let it out.

Raise those hard questions here. This is what forums like this are for . I bet everyone reading this is dying to hear them.

He is right / question valid and so are you. Sincere repentance is Christianity 101. Seems like he is not hearing you though. I would push on with a discussion of hell and who qualifies to go there. Explaining that it is not sin that is the issue but rather the love or hate of it Rom 7:15, John 3:19. People who hate what is evil, repent. As we all have sin. Those who love what is evil don't repent and they choose to go to hell because of their love for what is evil. Quite insane to think so many actually love what is evil. God does not make mistakes. Then there is the argument of James 1:27. Good people should be a stone throw away from God introducing Jesus to them 1 Cor 12:3. You and I cannot reveal Jesus to someone. Only the Holy Spirit can. When we grasp this we realize that the burden of proof of Jesus is not on us. We only need lead them to water and sew seeds.

I think the best you can do is try get the four of you to a good church. Tell him you really want to go. You want / need the social interaction too.