My friend has leukemia and shut me out of his life :(

[MistyAnn]

Major prayer request: I'll try to make this as short as possible without leaving out important details...

I met him last October, and the first day I met him I knew he was sick so I tried not to develop feelings for him. I got a friend request from him on Facebook, and i've never been a person to add people that I don't know personally, so I messaged him to ask who he was. We started talking and later on in the afternoon after adding him, I discovered that he is battling Leukemia. He is 27 from CA and was looking for another girl that has the same name as me that he went to high school with, and mixed me up with her. He said I kinda looked like her in my picture but he couldn't really tell since it was just a thumbnail picture of me...and while I do believe in coincidences, I don't believe us crossing paths was an accident.

We started talking every day, and became close and bonded really well. The more we talked, the more I discovered how much we are alike and have in common. Since day one I have supported him with prayers and encouragement. I knew that everything I was saying to him was helping him to keep going and not give up, because he told me all my messages meant a lot to him and thanked me. As time went on, I started to develop feelings for him and I felt like he was feeling the same way. I could just tell by our conversations through Facebook and texts. It was even better knowing that he too is a Christian and is a Preacher's son. I had planned on going out to CA eventually anyway because my cousin is a marine and is currently stationed out there. He thought it would be nice to meet up with him if I came out there to visit.

I bought a plane ticket to fly out in March, and was making plans with him and got excited, because for the first time there was a guy that took genuine interest in me and I didn't have to go out of my way to get him to talk to to me. I tried to ignore that he was sick because my feelings were clouding reality. In February of this year, he texted me and told me they wanted to send him to Minnesota for a bone marrow transplant. He said he didn't know when at that point, but hoped that it wouldn't be when I was supposed to go out there because he would be disappointed. After he got that news, he started texting less and less...his last text was February 17th. After that, I tried messaging him asking if everything was ok, and that if it was a bad time to see him I would completely understand. No response, and the next day he was no longer on my facebook, he blocked me I tried sending several texts, but no responses.

It's been 8 months, and I am just as devastated as I was when he shut me out. The only thing I know now is that he is still alive. I found him on myspace...it was weird but for some reason I felt the need to get on there to see if I could find him since I can't access his facebook anymore. then I saw his last login date so then I knew he is alive. well anyway I sent him this message which pretty much says it all:

"It's Misty. I know I have tried to contact you several times now, and for some reason I felt the need to log on to myspace today to see if I could find you on here. We haven't talked since February, and honestly that bothers me. We talked every day and bonded so well. You were becoming one of my good friends, and not having any closure with you and not knowing what happened just didn't work for me. I've even tried contacting your Mom and Sister to see if you were still ok and how you were doing, but I never got responses. I really hope you will read this and talk to me again. I really want to know how you are doing and would love to keep in touch with you often. I don't want to seem pushy or psycho like your ex or anything, I just want to be a good friend and be someone you can talk to any time of day. I just wanted to contact you again so that you know that I haven't forgotten about you and i'm still hoping and praying to God you can beat this cancer. I'm also hoping you will contact me and we can be friends again. I am so sorry if I said or did anything to upset you, and I know that trying to come out there to visit you was a bad time considering your condition. I also want you to know that you have changed my life in so many ways, and made an impact on my life unlike anyone else i've ever known. It was like you noticed me when I felt invisible. I haven't given up on trying to reach you. The more I talked to you the more I noticed how much we are alike and have in common. You are a wonderful person and you were such a blessing to have as a friend and I really hate that you have gone through so much. If you have a reason for not wanting to be my friend, all i'm asking for is a reply to this message so that I can have some closure with it all. Please message me back."

I obviously haven't given up. I'm really praying God can lay it on his heart to contact me this time. Knowing he is still alive means so much and it means that there is still hope. God has kept him alive this long which means he must have some plans for him. There is a message status on myspace to show you if the person read your message or not. He definitely read it but I didn't get a response and it's been 2 days :-\ Why has he gone so long without talking to me? he has ignored every message i've sent him since February. I need prayer. I am still so sad and have my days where I cry about it. waiting is painful, forgetting is painful...but not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering I hope he doesn't hate me...

 

[agua]

If he doesn't reply to your messages and hasn't given reason for not keeping contact I suggest he's not the friend you thought he was.

Put it to prayer and don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[MsMree]

Please forgive agua, he is a guy. (haha, kidding brother)

What he said is essentially true.

You have invested a lot in this relationship. I'm sure you are aware of that. I am certainly not being critical of you in any way. It's lovely to have some friendships in our lives for sure. But you can see this one went well beyond friendship in your heart.

The sad truth about this is; if he was really who you thought he was he would have replied by now. It is sad, and I understand what you are saying about needing closure and how painful it is. But there is no way that anyone except him can tell you exactly what happened and he is not going to do that.

It is the tendency of the heart to hold onto hope when there is nothing to hope for. This is often a very very good thing. But consider what excuse he could have for not contacting you when you have gone to such lengths to get in touch with him. Any excuse would be almost lame considering your tears, pain and suffering.

There is a book which talks a lot about this, and the important thing for BOTH genders to realise is that if the person you like isn't treating you the way you would treat them, the way God would want you to be treated, and in some cases the way you expect to be treated; they don't feel the same way about you as you do about them... the book is called "He's just not that into you".

Try to realise that he is treating you poorly, try then to forgive him for that and when you think about him next time tell God you don't want to have this burden on your heart and to please help you be free to give your heart to someone more deserving.

I would love to pray for you if you like?

 

[MistyAnn]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I read your response, absorbed it and am trying to accept it. It's weird, though, but my Mom and I are very close, and my entire life when it comes to advice or matters of the heart, she has never been wrong...and everything you have said is nothing she has said or felt. So imagine how I am trying to compare advice with others.

From quite a few people, mostly females, the advice I got is that as long as he is sick, he doesn't want to concentrate on much else and to not take it personal. There is a lady that I went to church with that is pretty spiritual, and the advice she gave was: "If we could walk a mile in someone else's shoes. He has had so much loss in the past year with the death of his sister and niece, and when you're down and something else comes along and pins you to the ground, we become overwhelmed. He can't see past his loss. It has nothing to do with you. And you TRYING to pray for him and hoping things turn out for the best doesn't work in God's realm. Either you do or you don't. You are still analyzing and taking things TOO personal. It isn't about you with him. He is in too much pain to see beyond his losses. You on the other hand, God is WANTING to build your foundation of FAITH! Without faith, we have nothing. Your focus is not where it should be and that would be on the Lord! Your focus is on the circumstances, and you view your circumstances as defeated so therefore you feel defeated. It's a distraction that satan has pulled out of his bag of "tricks" to railroad you. All GOOD things come from above; taste and know the Lord is good! When you seek him with a whole heart he will be found by you and you may ask whatsoever thy will and it shall be done. So, just pray believing all things are possible."

My preacher's son, who has his own ministry gave a response to my situation and said: "You poured into him when he really needed it, and it always hurts when the ones we pour into turn around and hurt us. All you can do is pray for him, release him in your emotions to God. Your steps are ordained by God and everyone who comes in your life and out of your life is ordered. The scriptures say that all good things come to those who love the Lord. all the things the enemy meant for evil, God turns around for our good. Pray, be patient, and it will work out for your good."

As you can see, reading a response from you that is completely different from advice I have received such as that is hard. The advice they gave is similar to advice from my mom and others. I'm not saying you are wrong...there have been quite a few times where I thought that he is jerk and at times thought that he hates me or something. I figured it would just be easier to accept the fact that he is a jerk and wants nothing to do with me...but when you have friends and family who give you advice, and are completely honest with you and would even be honest when it's bad news...you listen to them and cling to hope that it will work out in God's timing.

What would one really do when they are terminally ill, and they meet someone and then develop feelings? Some say they wouldn't want to involve others with their pain, and that since their life is so uncertain, they shut the one person out they care for the most. They figure it's best for the other person, and why bother with someone if they don't even know how much time they have left? Could it be they figure it would be selfish if they don't let that person go and to find someone that isn't sick and actually has a better chance of a future with them?

I have been wrestling with advice from friends and family and with advice like yours. I have thought about it all. The reason I get on these forums is because I am seeking caring people to pray about my situations and for me to have strength to keep going...and the fact that you asked if you could pray for me shows that you are a caring person and I appreciate that. I need all the prayers I can get.

 

[Brighthouse]

Dear sister MistyAnn, First i sure will be praying for you in this. After some prayer on this,here is what I believe i should tell you. First I noticed you did not speak much on your relationship with the Lord?( Jeremiah 17:10)

This could be both a test for him, and you. If he has heard something, and it is not good,why would he not cut you off? He would not want you as hurt as he now feels in himself.

He would want to protect one of the very few friends he really has! But if he were to tell you some bad news,how would you take it? Would you blame the Lord?? Now that you understand this,I believe the Lord will move for you,to allow him to speak again to you.

But this is not the time to blame self,it sure is NOT your fault!! But the enemy would sure have you believe this!!( john 10:10) He is by nature a thief,and he looks to rob what little relationship you may have for the Lord Jesus. You may have a great relationship, I do not know, only you do,but this is not the time to feel sorry for yourself,or be sad,it is a time for you, to do what the Lord has been wanting you to do for some time now,seek him!

Who is it,that is allowed to come before the Lord sister?? You are so correct!! no one! God loves you,and cares much for you,he just wants more of your time,will you give him this? We look to so many things to help our flesh,we are sometimes lonely,and when anyone pays any attention to us, we are so thankful!

But we become thankful to the wrong person,the point of his love poured unto you,was for you to see that Jesus loves you all that much more!! then anyone else could! Who is with you know, except him? Who is it the loves you now? Who is it, that has ALWAYS!! loved you?

Because Jesus is a given in this area, we look at him many times like,well Lord why am I going through all this then?? I do not judge,nor am I telling you what you already know. I just want to plant a seed of love, for the person who truly does love you no matter what!! Jesus! If you love Jesus,then go to him in prayer. He will honor your faith!( hebrews 11:6) My prayers are with you,and my hope is that an answer from him will be forth coming very soon!! Just remember, who it is who loves you more sis!

 

[MsMree]

I understand you weren't telling me that I was wrong, but I have one better for you to think about! I agree completely with your preacher's son and the spiritual lady you went to church with. Furthermore I think we are all telling you the same thing. But I think that you might be receiving it different ways. I know it might have sounded like agua and I were calling him a jerk, but you are right, we can't have any idea what he is going through. I was not saying he was a jerk as much as I was saying "this isn't showing the hallmarks of a healthy reciprocal relationship."

I think you might be using the "he doesn't want to concentrate on much else and to not take it personal", "if we could walk a mile in someone else's shoes", "just pray believing all things are possible" and "pray, be patient, and it will work out for your good" to keep on hoping he's going to come back right? Look over what these people have said to you without editing out the "you are still analyzing and taking things TOO personal", "release him in your emotions to God" and "when you think about him next time tell God you don't want to have this burden on your heart"... the message is "let go".

I think I just said the similar thing to what others have been saying, it's just harder for you to keep on hoping that this specific relationship is going to work out the way you want it to, the way I have worded my response. And sadly my sweet sister, that was intentional on my behalf. Here is my prayer for you:

God thank you for the heart and the love you have created MistyAnn with. Thank you for her hope! Please sanctify her hope Lord and purify it. Teach her to hope in you God. Heal the ache that she has within her and the burning need to understand what went wrong. Give her your closure to this situation with your truth from your word. Use this time to draw her closer to you, enrich her relationship with YOU, show her how personal you can be, how supportive you can be. Show her that she can cry with you and not cry alone, then lead her to such rejoicing it has to be shared with others! Thank you so much that you love her Lord, thank you for your desire for truth for us Lord and for us not to be deceived. Please lead her in the way she should go. Thank you loving Father.

 

[MistyAnn]

Thank you all for your time, thoughts, and prayers. I take comfort in knowing that God has this, and knows what he is doing. I am trying to learn not question God or his motives...because he knows what He is doing, and I don't.

 

[MsMree]

All the best with everything sister. Don't feel like you can't keep talking about this with us.