Let me start with this my fiancee and i have been together for six years... I could not answer the question as to why we are not married yet other than he wants to give me a fairytale wedding and we cant afford that... But it might be a blessing there might be a bigger reason why we are not married yet... As of rite now we have two biological children together.. This is really hard for me to swallow.. All this time i have been under the impression that my fiancee has a relationship with god of sometype, i always believed that he had some connection with god, he even led me to believe this all this time... All this time i have felt filthy for being with him unwed and two children and its like sin after sin after sin... Okay now im gonna get to the point about all this... The other night i was watching videos by gabe the street preacher on youtube and the video was titled "The bible holds us back, we can do whatever the H**l we want!" And my fiancee seen the title and he goes I agree with that guy..But then my fiancee says stuff like well i do belive there is a god but who he is and what he is idk and says things to me when i talk to him about the bible are you sure you want to be worshipping something like that.. A year ago i had a mental breakdown because of him and i was baker acted for 2 weeks some pretty sketchy stuff happened when i had the mental breakdown i was having hallucinations and i thought that he was literally satan and he knew i was having a mental breakdown he let it go on for 2 or 3 months it got so bad that i thought i was literally an angel waiting for the right time to explode out of my body and start ushering in the end of the world anyways before i thought i was a angel i thought my fiancee was literally satan and that he was going to do everything in his power to get my soul.. I could literally feel the life being sucked out of me i felt so drained i felt like i was dying and this one particular night i was telling him stuff i have no idea what iwas telling him i was hallucinating but he literally told me tp shut the f*** up and suck his d*** and in the conditon i was... I actually did it... I am now medicaided and i know that i was hallucinating but i think these are all extremely high red flags... Idk what to do.. We have to children together a 5yr old and a 3yr old.. It makes me so sick... But now most of all i just feel so numb to everything... I have no immediate family.. I have no where to go.. I have no job... We live in the middle of no where the closest thing to civilization is 25 miles away.. I have no vehicle.. I am in a terrible situation that i see no escape from.. And like i said he has been my fiancee for six years i used to think that i wanted to be married to him... But after a year and a half ago i have been on the fence and i know i shouldnt marry him.. I dont know what to do i dont want a broken family... But to me it already feels so broken... Any advice helps..