Member
Hi. This is going to be long. Don't feel forced to read it, I understand if it's a bit complicated and stuff... And I don't know if it's in the right category... Thank you so much for viewing my post
I assume this is a classic, but it doesn't feel classic. It feels horrible.
In May this year my fiancé and I got engaged. I was supposed to move to Australia for one year, but we found out that we couldn't be apart for that long, so we decided to postpone my study plans in Australia, and go next year together. Lots of things happened at once. My fiancé had been planning to buy an appartment for the year that I was going to live in Australia, and his mother helped him find one about 50 meters from their house. But it was cancelled, as it wouldn't make sense to buy it for one year only. So that means even more change of plans. To sum it up, in about one month all this happened: I cancelled my planned study-trip to Australia, so that I could go with my fiancé the next year. He cancelled the appartment he was planning to buy, and decided to rent instead. We got engaged, and planned to get mary before going to Australia.
Well, yes, I can understand that this can be a lot to handle for his mother. Cause in the end that's what this post is all about... She's tried to convince my fiancé (and me I guess) that we shouldn't get married just because we've been together for a long time, that we should try living together before getting married, cause Christians look at pre-marital living individualy, and differently from eachother. I felt like any chance she got she would try to talk him out of it... Oh btw... by the time we got engaged we had been together for more than 5 years already... This naturally got both of us upset, and I didn't see any joy about the engagement from my fiancé. He didn't bring up the engagement, he didn't talk about it unless I did. This hurt my feelings, as I thought about the wedding, and plans... and so on all the time... I could understand him, but I said he had to do something about it, talk to his mother (she has a husband who seems to support her view as well). And he talked, and it seemed as they got to work things out, and she said as long as she knew that everything was good, she's OK.
So OK, I accepted her silent appology (she invited us, and I think she bought us an engagement present as well), and let it go. I've always tried to fit in to his family, treating everyone the best I can.
And now... well a some days ago his Mom called my fiancé and asked if we could take care of their dog while they were on vacation. She called the evening before they we're leaving. And sadly, I had to decline, as I've been moving this summer, and have lots to do... I've always said yes to watch her earlier. And so she got mad. I don't know if that was the trigger to something, but not many minutes after the telephone conversation, my fiancé got an sms. And they smsed. I don't remember which sms contained what, but my point;
she wrote something like; "you have changed so much, you don't call anymore. we are worried about you. how do you feel to be f.ex. controlled and brainwashed?" She asked my fiancé. I took this personally, and I think everyone would if they were me... His sister and her husband also reacted and thought it was unfair... After a while trying to explain himself, he turned off the phone.
Some days later he got an sms from his Mom, they were on vacation. It said that she hoped that he wasn't sad and cranky, and that they just worried about him, or something like that... And then he said how hurt I was because of her message about the brainwashing, and then she replied that she couldn't understand why I got upset, cause she wrote nothing about me... So he asked, who else? It took some time, and she replied that it could be his circles, enviornment... something. He couldn't understand what she was talking about, and told her so. I guess I'm in those circles anyways, so it still upset me. It seemed to me as she was trying to talk her self out it. So I thought she regretted what she said. I was wrong. My fiancé's sister had also told her mother how she felt about it, and thought it was very unfair. She talked to her, and told that her Mom didn't feel like she has done nothing wrong. So I guess she's not going to apologize anytime soon, unless God helps us with a miracle. I've told both my fiancé and his sister that all I need is an apology, and I'll forget everything. And I mean it. I've accepted the silent apologizes earlier, but I gotta end this bad circle. She's said so many mean things to my fiancé earlier, and also his sister's husband, who has been going through the same as I am going through now.
The thing is; you would probably say; talk to her, tell her how you feel... well we've tried that... but I feel as she's false right thru. Like her conversation with my fiancé about she was OK, if she knew that he was. It doesn't seem as she's OK with it. She says one thing, and you can tell she feels something differently... I am sorry to say this, but I think she has some mentally issues... I feel uncomfortable around her, and she's said to my fiancé's sister that she has noticed... I can't help it... I feel like I have to act around her... cause I feel like she thinks one thing, and speaks another... and I don't want to be false.
[edited, removed cause I find it unfair...]
Tomorrow is my fiancé's birthday. He will have two family parties, one with his Mom's family and one with his Dad's (They're divorced). I talked to my Mother today, and she supported me. I've decided not to come to the party with his Mom. I honestly don't wanna pretend that everything's fine, and that I accept the treatment I and we have gotten. I don't think my boyfriend is looking forward to the party, he just told me he thinks about this all the time...
What would Jesus do in this situation? What would you do? I've forgiven her before, and I will forgive her again, but not unless she asked for forgiveness. Am I doing the right thing?
Sometimes I just wanna run... But it won't help I guess.
Thanks so much for listening, it feels good to get to share it with you. I am might have forgotten some details, so if something is missing or misunderstanding, just ask, and I will do my best to correct it
Thank you!
God Bless
I assume this is a classic, but it doesn't feel classic. It feels horrible.
In May this year my fiancé and I got engaged. I was supposed to move to Australia for one year, but we found out that we couldn't be apart for that long, so we decided to postpone my study plans in Australia, and go next year together. Lots of things happened at once. My fiancé had been planning to buy an appartment for the year that I was going to live in Australia, and his mother helped him find one about 50 meters from their house. But it was cancelled, as it wouldn't make sense to buy it for one year only. So that means even more change of plans. To sum it up, in about one month all this happened: I cancelled my planned study-trip to Australia, so that I could go with my fiancé the next year. He cancelled the appartment he was planning to buy, and decided to rent instead. We got engaged, and planned to get mary before going to Australia.
Well, yes, I can understand that this can be a lot to handle for his mother. Cause in the end that's what this post is all about... She's tried to convince my fiancé (and me I guess) that we shouldn't get married just because we've been together for a long time, that we should try living together before getting married, cause Christians look at pre-marital living individualy, and differently from eachother. I felt like any chance she got she would try to talk him out of it... Oh btw... by the time we got engaged we had been together for more than 5 years already... This naturally got both of us upset, and I didn't see any joy about the engagement from my fiancé. He didn't bring up the engagement, he didn't talk about it unless I did. This hurt my feelings, as I thought about the wedding, and plans... and so on all the time... I could understand him, but I said he had to do something about it, talk to his mother (she has a husband who seems to support her view as well). And he talked, and it seemed as they got to work things out, and she said as long as she knew that everything was good, she's OK.
So OK, I accepted her silent appology (she invited us, and I think she bought us an engagement present as well), and let it go. I've always tried to fit in to his family, treating everyone the best I can.
And now... well a some days ago his Mom called my fiancé and asked if we could take care of their dog while they were on vacation. She called the evening before they we're leaving. And sadly, I had to decline, as I've been moving this summer, and have lots to do... I've always said yes to watch her earlier. And so she got mad. I don't know if that was the trigger to something, but not many minutes after the telephone conversation, my fiancé got an sms. And they smsed. I don't remember which sms contained what, but my point;
she wrote something like; "you have changed so much, you don't call anymore. we are worried about you. how do you feel to be f.ex. controlled and brainwashed?" She asked my fiancé. I took this personally, and I think everyone would if they were me... His sister and her husband also reacted and thought it was unfair... After a while trying to explain himself, he turned off the phone.
Some days later he got an sms from his Mom, they were on vacation. It said that she hoped that he wasn't sad and cranky, and that they just worried about him, or something like that... And then he said how hurt I was because of her message about the brainwashing, and then she replied that she couldn't understand why I got upset, cause she wrote nothing about me... So he asked, who else? It took some time, and she replied that it could be his circles, enviornment... something. He couldn't understand what she was talking about, and told her so. I guess I'm in those circles anyways, so it still upset me. It seemed to me as she was trying to talk her self out it. So I thought she regretted what she said. I was wrong. My fiancé's sister had also told her mother how she felt about it, and thought it was very unfair. She talked to her, and told that her Mom didn't feel like she has done nothing wrong. So I guess she's not going to apologize anytime soon, unless God helps us with a miracle. I've told both my fiancé and his sister that all I need is an apology, and I'll forget everything. And I mean it. I've accepted the silent apologizes earlier, but I gotta end this bad circle. She's said so many mean things to my fiancé earlier, and also his sister's husband, who has been going through the same as I am going through now.
The thing is; you would probably say; talk to her, tell her how you feel... well we've tried that... but I feel as she's false right thru. Like her conversation with my fiancé about she was OK, if she knew that he was. It doesn't seem as she's OK with it. She says one thing, and you can tell she feels something differently... I am sorry to say this, but I think she has some mentally issues... I feel uncomfortable around her, and she's said to my fiancé's sister that she has noticed... I can't help it... I feel like I have to act around her... cause I feel like she thinks one thing, and speaks another... and I don't want to be false.
[edited, removed cause I find it unfair...]
Tomorrow is my fiancé's birthday. He will have two family parties, one with his Mom's family and one with his Dad's (They're divorced). I talked to my Mother today, and she supported me. I've decided not to come to the party with his Mom. I honestly don't wanna pretend that everything's fine, and that I accept the treatment I and we have gotten. I don't think my boyfriend is looking forward to the party, he just told me he thinks about this all the time...
What would Jesus do in this situation? What would you do? I've forgiven her before, and I will forgive her again, but not unless she asked for forgiveness. Am I doing the right thing?
Sometimes I just wanna run... But it won't help I guess.
Thanks so much for listening, it feels good to get to share it with you. I am might have forgotten some details, so if something is missing or misunderstanding, just ask, and I will do my best to correct it
Thank you!
God Bless
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