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Mother-Daughter Relationship

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Active
Hello. I need some prayers regarding my relationship with my mother. She can be very manipulative sometimes. I often mention this problem to my therapist. I honestly do not want her anywhere close to my daughter. This is so difficult as I carried bitterness towards her for nearly 9 years. We only talked this year, because she called me every day, when I was in the hospital. That helped me recover my mental health, but she did not even bother to visit. She was pleased to hear I am reading my bible again, but I was hesitant to get in touch with her after my release from prison. It is just the things she said to me in the past. I am unable to fully forgive her, I guess.

Also, my boyfriend was very uncomfortable with her attitude, and that makes it impossible for me to pretend things will be OK. I often compare my mother to other moms, and I’ve always wondered why my mother is not very kind, especially when we make mistakes, or sin against God. I had this belief for a very long time about my mother being a pastor’s wife made her this strict, or maybe, because unlike me, she was born in Italy, and then emigrated to the US. I am not sure how they differ from people here.

But then, I also noticed how she does not like dogs or cats near her. It is not animal phobia, or anything. I remember how she got very angry once, because my cat had some stomach problems, and she yelled at me, and threatened me, if he kept vomiting, she will force me to take him away! Sometimes, I wonder why she is not kind to even these lovely animals. I told her once that we should love animals as they are God’s creation, but then she was like, “Satan is also God’s creation.” I should have told her that Satan is a spiritual being, and animals are just very different, but I just was so surprised how far she will go just to prove she is right about everything. She has been always like that, and it is not easy for me, or my brother to correct her on anything.

My youngest sister is only 17, and she is already struggling with depression, and has other mental problems. My brother told me once how the scolding he witnessed towards my sister is ten times worse than what we both had from her. I am very worried about this, and I talked to my dad about it, but he is not doing enough to deter it. Sadly, I think my sister will suffer just like me, if this continues the way it is. I do not think I can do much about it, but this is also why I do not want her in my daughter’s life.
 
Loyal
God is in the business of changing people! I can tell how the Lord will change your mother, and that by changing you!
Remember The "love of God controls us because we know that if Jesus died for one he died for everyone"

2Co 5:14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died;

Look at your mom as someone who has died in her sins and Jesus loves her just as much as anyone.
 
Active
Hello. I need some prayers regarding my relationship with my mother. She can be very manipulative sometimes. I often mention this problem to my therapist. I honestly do not want her anywhere close to my daughter. This is so difficult as I carried bitterness towards her for nearly 9 years. We only talked this year, because she called me every day, when I was in the hospital. That helped me recover my mental health, but she did not even bother to visit. She was pleased to hear I am reading my bible again, but I was hesitant to get in touch with her after my release from prison. It is just the things she said to me in the past. I am unable to fully forgive her, I guess.

Also, my boyfriend was very uncomfortable with her attitude, and that makes it impossible for me to pretend things will be OK. I often compare my mother to other moms, and I’ve always wondered why my mother is not very kind, especially when we make mistakes, or sin against God. I had this belief for a very long time about my mother being a pastor’s wife made her this strict, or maybe, because unlike me, she was born in Italy, and then emigrated to the US. I am not sure how they differ from people here.

But then, I also noticed how she does not like dogs or cats near her. It is not animal phobia, or anything. I remember how she got very angry once, because my cat had some stomach problems, and she yelled at me, and threatened me, if he kept vomiting, she will force me to take him away! Sometimes, I wonder why she is not kind to even these lovely animals. I told her once that we should love animals as they are God’s creation, but then she was like, “Satan is also God’s creation.” I should have told her that Satan is a spiritual being, and animals are just very different, but I just was so surprised how far she will go just to prove she is right about everything. She has been always like that, and it is not easy for me, or my brother to correct her on anything.

My youngest sister is only 17, and she is already struggling with depression, and has other mental problems. My brother told me once how the scolding he witnessed towards my sister is ten times worse than what we both had from her. I am very worried about this, and I talked to my dad about it, but he is not doing enough to deter it. Sadly, I think my sister will suffer just like me, if this continues the way it is. I do not think I can do much about it, but this is also why I do not want her in my daughter’s life.
Hi Kitty, yes of course I'll pray for this relationship between you and your mother.

I've been reading over your post and I'm asking myself why do you keep trying to analyse her and looking for influences that have made her into this person that you struggle to love? We all of us are what we are and shaped over the whole of our lives but I doubt being Italian or a pastor's wife has been a major influence. We can't change who we are, the only person that can do that is the Holy Spirit so unfortunately we're stuck with the parents we've got and have to work with that.

It's important that we do love our Mum's, God actually orders us to and promises a blessing if we do and makes it a capital offence to curse our parents, that's how important our relationship with our parents is to God. Not only is she your mother, she's actually your sister in Christ, a fellow believer.

Your best tools to work with this is prayer, the Holy Spirit and communication. Try regularly ringing her for a chat, messages, sending emails sharing a Bible verse that you found helpful and keep her posted on progress with your child, updates and anecdotes. Reassure her that you're praying for her and try to get her to open up about anything that's troubling her or problems she's encountered. Offer help and support.

Hopefully, you'll get to know your mum better and learn to trust each other. Gradually try to introduce your child to her gran, babysitting maybe sometime off yet :) but with you there during visits to intervene if there's anything that you don't approve of, where's the harm?

Meantime, please be supportive to your sister and when you feel the moment is right, challenge your mum's behaviour towards her.

May the Lord bless you and hopefully, you can become a really good friend and close daughter to your mum which you'll find very supportive and a huge blessing.

Lots of love, Andy xx

================================

Dear Lord God,

Thank you for providing us with parents, thank you for their provision and care. I know Lord that they are human beings and subject to human frailty and sometimes they can be a challenge to get along with and love. I pray for Kitty's mum, who clearly fears and loves you to the nth degree and sometimes goes overboard, alienating those who love her and whom she loves if she sees them as a challenge to you. I pray Lord that you will give Kitty the Spirit inspired wisdom to reach out to her mum and show her that love rather than hostilty overcomes all challenges.

Lord I love you.


Amen
 
Active
God is in the business of changing people! I can tell how the Lord will change your mother, and that by changing you!
Remember The "love of God controls us because we know that if Jesus died for one he died for everyone"

2Co 5:14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died;

Look at your mom as someone who has died in her sins and Jesus loves her just as much as anyone.
Thank you, Curtis. God loves everyone, but he does not love our sins.

I confessed my sins, turned away from them, repented, and gave my life to God. I do not think my mother acknowledged she was wrong about anything yet.
 
Active
Hi Kitty, yes of course I'll pray for this relationship between you and your mother.

I've been reading over your post and I'm asking myself why do you keep trying to analyse her and looking for influences that have made her into this person that you struggle to love? We all of us are what we are and shaped over the whole of our lives but I doubt being Italian or a pastor's wife has been a major influence. We can't change who we are, the only person that can do that is the Holy Spirit so unfortunately we're stuck with the parents we've got and have to work with that.

It's important that we do love our Mum's, God actually orders us to and promises a blessing if we do and makes it a capital offence to curse our parents, that's how important our relationship with our parents is to God. Not only is she your mother, she's actually your sister in Christ, a fellow believer.

Your best tools to work with this is prayer, the Holy Spirit and communication. Try regularly ringing her for a chat, messages, sending emails sharing a Bible verse that you found helpful and keep her posted on progress with your child, updates and anecdotes. Reassure her that you're praying for her and try to get her to open up about anything that's troubling her or problems she's encountered. Offer help and support.

Hopefully, you'll get to know your mum better and learn to trust each other. Gradually try to introduce your child to her gran, babysitting maybe sometime off yet :) but with you there during visits to intervene if there's anything that you don't approve of, where's the harm?

Meantime, please be supportive to your sister and when you feel the moment is right, challenge your mum's behaviour towards her.

May the Lord bless you and hopefully, you can become a really good friend and close daughter to your mum which you'll find very supportive and a huge blessing.

Lots of love, Andy xx

================================

Dear Lord God,

Thank you for providing us with parents, thank you for their provision and care. I know Lord that they are human beings and subject to human frailty and sometimes they can be a challenge to get along with and love. I pray for Kitty's mum, who clearly fears and loves you to the nth degree and sometimes goes overboard, alienating those who love her and whom she loves if she sees them as a challenge to you. I pray Lord that you will give Kitty the Spirit inspired wisdom to reach out to her mum and show her that love rather than hostilty overcomes all challenges.

Lord I love you.


Amen
Amen. Thank you so much.

Well, maybe looking for these influences is not the best idea. I just hope you understand the magnitude of the pain she caused in my life. None of us dare to disagree with her on anything. She views herself as an authority figure. When I started to finally repel against her ways, she disowned me.

I do love her, even though it is not easy to love someone like that. I tried to message her in the past, but she told me to cut it off! Actually, she does not believe I’m a Christian. Many times, she shunned me, and kept saying “if you truly believe, you would do this, or that.” She did not approve of me being in a homosexual relationship. I told her how she must stop it as I am now married to this person and she is a believer in the lord, but she constantly kept provoking me. So, I also had to cut ties with her, which also resulted in my father cutting ties with me. I had no connection with my family for years. Then, my ex left me because of that. She could not take it anymore. I wanted her to be my wife, my mother, my sister, and my father and everything. She said something I just began to realize it recently. She said I need God more than this marriage. She said she wanted me to have peace. She had good intentions, but that fueled my anger towards her, my family and I totally turned away from God and I went to get my first tattoo because at that time I was in so much pain.

Even when I needed my mother the most after my pregnancy, she was not there. On the contrary, she said I was going to be a bad mother. She knew I tried to take my own life. That was probably the only thing that pushed her to make these calls. She totally abandoned me. I hate how I am unable to make this better with God. I do not know if there is any harm yet, but I’m thinking how is it even possible for me to let her in my child’s life after what she has done. It is so hard to forgive, but I have to.
 
Loyal
Thank you, Curtis. God loves everyone, but he does not love our sins.

I confessed my sins, turned away from them, repented, and gave my life to God. I do not think my mother acknowledged she was wrong about anything yet.
2Co 3:1 ARE WE starting to commend ourselves again? Or we do not, like some [false teachers], need written credentials or letters of recommendation to you or from you, [do we]?
2Co 3:2 [No] you yourselves are our letter of recommendation (our credentials), written in your hearts, to be known (perceived, recognized) and read by everybody.

The greatest way to proclaim the Gospel to all the world is by living in the "light" of God's Glory and letting all the world see it. Your life is not yours but "Christ" is now living his life through you.

Gal 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

How can we know for sure if we really are living by faith in the Son of God?

2Co 13:5 Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!
 
Active
2Co 3:1 ARE WE starting to commend ourselves again? Or we do not, like some [false teachers], need written credentials or letters of recommendation to you or from you, [do we]?
2Co 3:2 [No] you yourselves are our letter of recommendation (our credentials), written in your hearts, to be known (perceived, recognized) and read by everybody.

The greatest way to proclaim the Gospel to all the world is by living in the "light" of God's Glory and letting all the world see it. Your life is not yours but "Christ" is now living his life through you.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

How can we know for sure if we really are living by faith in the Son of God?

2Co 13:5 Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!
I've always loved that verse. Gal 2:20: It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Very true, but sometimes we come back in very messy conditions. God may gets us back up on our feet quickly, and sometimes he gradually moves us from darkness into his light. He is wise and patient. He knows our weakness.

I remember when my dad came to visit me in the hospital. This was the first day he visited, and my mental health was so very bad.

He asked me, if I have a bible. I remember telling him "Dad, why are you here?" He cried. I took his hand, hugged him, and told him to pray for me.

And I did find my way back to God. If we confess our sins, He is faithful.
 
Loyal
I've always loved that verse. Gal 2:20: It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Very true, but sometimes we come back in very messy conditions. God may gets us back up on our feet quickly, and sometimes he gradually moves us from darkness into his light. He is wise and patient. He knows our weakness.

I remember when my dad came to visit me in the hospital. This was the first day he visited, and my mental health was so very bad.

He asked me, if I have a bible. I remember telling him "Dad, why are you here?" He cried. I took his hand, hugged him, and told him to pray for me.

And I did find my way back to God. If we confess our sins, He is faithful.
My wife was diagnosed as being "bi-polar" somewhere around 1990 so I have experienced many many years of trying times with my wife and family. The good news is this disease is only physical in nature and not spiritual. The spiritual mind of Christ which all born again believers have never needs to be renewed. it is only the physical fleshly mind that needs to be changed and renewed with the Word of God. Thirty years later my wife has no problems anymore She can now sleep in peace every night and her thinking only Godly.

Those in this position never asked for what they have, and it does take a very patient understanding person to trust in God for their well being. All things are possible even when all things look impossible.
 
Active
My wife was diagnosed as being "bi-polar" somewhere around 1990 so I have experienced many many years of trying times with my wife and family. The good news is this disease is only physical in nature and not spiritual. The spiritual mind of Christ which all born again believers have never needs to be renewed. it is only the physical fleshly mind that needs to be changed and renewed with the Word of God. Thirty years later my wife has no problems anymore She can now sleep in peace every night and her thinking only Godly.

Those in this position never asked for what they have, and it does take a very patient understanding person to trust in God for their well being. All things are possible even when all things look impossible.
Happy to hear about your wife recovery. Indeed, our God is awesome and everything is possible through him. I am diagnosed borderline. I do very risky things and been to prison 2 times already. My first diagnosis was schizophrenia. I also was in segregation and mental health was so bad.

I do not do well without meds and therapy. I'm praying about it, too. When I feel low, all I think about is doing drugs. Addiction is not easy to beat but I trust God is delivering me from it.
 
Active
Update:

so my mom responded to my voice message yesterday. I noticed she heard the voice message, and said nothing for 3 days, so my thoughts were overwhelming, and I was depressed. My previous voice message also took her 4 days just to say something. I promised my dad to work on this, so I'll do my best now. For now she is being very kind, but I do not see her very responsive. I'm just scared we get closer, then things may go back the way it was before. I do not want her to get involved in my private life. I've had enough of it. My dad seems past it, but I am not sure she will leave it in peace.
 
Active
Also, pray for my situation with a Christian couple. I was trying to get in touch with a very close Christian friend who I wronged in the past. I stopped talking to her for a long time. I apologized, asked her to forgive me. She accepted my friend request on social media, but also said nothing when I texted her.

So hard. I always keep destroying valuable relationships. : (
 
Active
Hello kitty
nice to hear your update

will keep you in prayer and
God Bless you and your relationships with your mom and freind x
 
Active
Hello kitty
nice to hear your update

will keep you in prayer and
God Bless you and your relationships with your mom and freind x
Thank you, Nicola.

Praise Jesus! My friend texted me back! I was very happy. Her message made me even cry. We talked on the phone for like 2 hours haha.

She is so kind, patient, and a very forgiving person in general. One of the few who actually still want to be friends with me. I'm a difficult person, but I must have hope.

I miss her so much. I can't wait until I see her in person. I'd love to go with her to our church again. Oh my, I hate this virus so much. : (
 
Active
Thank you, Nicola.

Praise Jesus! My friend texted me back! I was very happy. Her message made me even cry. We talked on the phone for like 2 hours haha.

She is so kind, patient, and a very forgiving person in general. One of the few who actually still want to be friends with me. I'm a difficult person, but I must have hope.

I miss her so much. I can't wait until I see her in person. I'd love to go with her to our church again. Oh my, I hate this virus so much. : (
so happy for you kitty that you and your freind reunited
be so good when you meet up again
God bless you and your freind x
 
Active
Hello. I need some prayers regarding my relationship with my mother. She can be very manipulative sometimes. I often mention this problem to my therapist. I honestly do not want her anywhere close to my daughter. This is so difficult as I carried bitterness towards her for nearly 9 years. We only talked this year, because she called me every day, when I was in the hospital. That helped me recover my mental health, but she did not even bother to visit. She was pleased to hear I am reading my bible again, but I was hesitant to get in touch with her after my release from prison. It is just the things she said to me in the past. I am unable to fully forgive her, I guess.

Also, my boyfriend was very uncomfortable with her attitude, and that makes it impossible for me to pretend things will be OK. I often compare my mother to other moms, and I’ve always wondered why my mother is not very kind, especially when we make mistakes, or sin against God. I had this belief for a very long time about my mother being a pastor’s wife made her this strict, or maybe, because unlike me, she was born in Italy, and then emigrated to the US. I am not sure how they differ from people here.

But then, I also noticed how she does not like dogs or cats near her. It is not animal phobia, or anything. I remember how she got very angry once, because my cat had some stomach problems, and she yelled at me, and threatened me, if he kept vomiting, she will force me to take him away! Sometimes, I wonder why she is not kind to even these lovely animals. I told her once that we should love animals as they are God’s creation, but then she was like, “Satan is also God’s creation.” I should have told her that Satan is a spiritual being, and animals are just very different, but I just was so surprised how far she will go just to prove she is right about everything. She has been always like that, and it is not easy for me, or my brother to correct her on anything.

My youngest sister is only 17, and she is already struggling with depression, and has other mental problems. My brother told me once how the scolding he witnessed towards my sister is ten times worse than what we both had from her. I am very worried about this, and I talked to my dad about it, but he is not doing enough to deter it. Sadly, I think my sister will suffer just like me, if this continues the way it is. I do not think I can do much about it, but this is also why I do not want her in my daughter’s life.
KittyLinda
I will pray for your relationship with you and your Mom. Only the Holy Spirit can change your Mom's heart. I had a good and loving relationship with my Mom and I will pray for this for you and your Mom. Only prayer will change tour Mom and I'm the same as you, I try to analyze an issue from every angle but this will only lead to frustration. Only prayer will work.
I
 
Active
KittyLinda
I will pray for your relationship with you and your Mom. Only the Holy Spirit can change your Mom's heart. I had a good and loving relationship with my Mom and I will pray for this for you and your Mom. Only prayer will change tour Mom and I'm the same as you, I try to analyze an issue from every angle but this will only lead to frustration. Only prayer will work.
Your 17 year old sister will also me in my prayers.
I just wanted to add, I think we all want that loving, nurturing relationship with our Mom's. I still remember the talks I would have with my Mom at the end of the night and the bear hugs I would give her. KittyLinda I truly hope this for you and your Mom.:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:
 

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