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Mormon - FU
By Laurent Neu
I had been taking Bible-Fu for quite a few years, since I was eight years old being trained in the School of Sunday & Seminary. Having had many good instructors and coaches, knowing some great moves and stances, my coach decided it was time for my title match. This was not a national, state, city , or even block title. It was something far more important to me and to those who knew me, for if I won this, I would be able to practice in the Celestial Dojo with the best master ever.
As I walked in to the locker room, I saw my opponent putting on his murky black karate uniform. His name was Lucifer D. Satan. He'd been around for a very long time. He was small quick, deceptively powerful, and an unbelievably chatty fighter. From the moment I walked in, he began taunting me trying to make me attack him in the locker room and get disqualified before the match even began. I kept my cool and said "I do my talking in the ring." "I do my talking in the ring," he mimicked.
As they led us into the ring, I could see a small crowd in the top ten rows of the five hundred row stadium and could tell it was going to be a very rough crowd. As the referee went over the ground rules, some of the crowd jumped in the ring, knocked the referee out and dragged him away. As I watched helplessly, the bell rang and the devil landed a vicious blow to the head, full of hate and malice. While I lay on the ground, he swung at me with evil music left and right. This took a little out of me, but in an unprecedented move, I stood up and bore my testimony, but he slashed through with a brunette in a mini-skirt. I stumbled back and leaned heavily against the ropes, but I acted more dazed than I was and as he came in I spun and nailed him with a church hymn. He struck blindly with a fast car, but I blocked him with our dying Ford and countered him with the power of prayer. He tried hopelessly to hit with evil urges, but I side stepped with a family that cared for me greatly and gave an uppercut with the power of the Priesthood.
He was bleeding from several places now, but as I attacked with a solid testimony of the Word of God, suddenly he side stepped and grabbed me with a boring speaker in a sleeper hold. I slid out with a good spiritual Fast and Testimony Meeting, but I was noticeably hurt. He tried to drop me with a fishing trip on Sunday, but that was his mistake, I don't fish well. I began to pepper him with a few quick trips to the temple interposed with baptisms for the dead. He was on the run now, as I threw a few scriptures from daily devotions. In my best to finish him off, I ran right into sports on Sunday. I swung with a friend taping the Super Bowl for me on Sunday. But I was noticeably stung and bleeding in a few places. He struck back again and again with drugs and pornography and anything he could get his hands on, but his arsenal was shrinking quickly.
We stood back for a second. Blood was dripping from both of us. All of a sudden my inner strength swelled, and I hit him viciously with a mission call. I tattooed the blood of Jesus across his forehead and knocked him out by serving a successful and honorable mission I knew that was not all. True enough, I had won this match, but I knew there would always be a rematch and he would be back again, only more powerful next time.
Submitted by Richard
By Laurent Neu
I had been taking Bible-Fu for quite a few years, since I was eight years old being trained in the School of Sunday & Seminary. Having had many good instructors and coaches, knowing some great moves and stances, my coach decided it was time for my title match. This was not a national, state, city , or even block title. It was something far more important to me and to those who knew me, for if I won this, I would be able to practice in the Celestial Dojo with the best master ever.
As I walked in to the locker room, I saw my opponent putting on his murky black karate uniform. His name was Lucifer D. Satan. He'd been around for a very long time. He was small quick, deceptively powerful, and an unbelievably chatty fighter. From the moment I walked in, he began taunting me trying to make me attack him in the locker room and get disqualified before the match even began. I kept my cool and said "I do my talking in the ring." "I do my talking in the ring," he mimicked.
As they led us into the ring, I could see a small crowd in the top ten rows of the five hundred row stadium and could tell it was going to be a very rough crowd. As the referee went over the ground rules, some of the crowd jumped in the ring, knocked the referee out and dragged him away. As I watched helplessly, the bell rang and the devil landed a vicious blow to the head, full of hate and malice. While I lay on the ground, he swung at me with evil music left and right. This took a little out of me, but in an unprecedented move, I stood up and bore my testimony, but he slashed through with a brunette in a mini-skirt. I stumbled back and leaned heavily against the ropes, but I acted more dazed than I was and as he came in I spun and nailed him with a church hymn. He struck blindly with a fast car, but I blocked him with our dying Ford and countered him with the power of prayer. He tried hopelessly to hit with evil urges, but I side stepped with a family that cared for me greatly and gave an uppercut with the power of the Priesthood.
He was bleeding from several places now, but as I attacked with a solid testimony of the Word of God, suddenly he side stepped and grabbed me with a boring speaker in a sleeper hold. I slid out with a good spiritual Fast and Testimony Meeting, but I was noticeably hurt. He tried to drop me with a fishing trip on Sunday, but that was his mistake, I don't fish well. I began to pepper him with a few quick trips to the temple interposed with baptisms for the dead. He was on the run now, as I threw a few scriptures from daily devotions. In my best to finish him off, I ran right into sports on Sunday. I swung with a friend taping the Super Bowl for me on Sunday. But I was noticeably stung and bleeding in a few places. He struck back again and again with drugs and pornography and anything he could get his hands on, but his arsenal was shrinking quickly.
We stood back for a second. Blood was dripping from both of us. All of a sudden my inner strength swelled, and I hit him viciously with a mission call. I tattooed the blood of Jesus across his forehead and knocked him out by serving a successful and honorable mission I knew that was not all. True enough, I had won this match, but I knew there would always be a rematch and he would be back again, only more powerful next time.
Submitted by Richard
