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Marriage Spirituality, Discipline Of Couples..

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus;

Are you a couple dating? Plans to get married? Married? This thread will relate to you.

My wife Hazel and I were from different countries. When we met we learned before we got married that we had so much in common. We both had opportunities to live and adapt in other countries. I lived in the UK and Europe as a boy and she lived in Japan, Singapore, and other parts of Asia. We both felt somewhat diverse, well rounded in many ways. When we went to the movies for the first time we both ordered "rootbeer" at the same time. We loved to go out to different restaurants and enjoyed variety food. We both loved our single and free lifestyle, variety of music, and sporting events. Dating was great! Getting engaged? Hmmm. All of a sudden we started to see a seriousness of getting "married".

Hazel and I both did well in college, excelled in our jobs, and both felt confident about ourselves seperately. But living together, buying a home, having babies? So we went to seek counsel and though it was "watered down" advice, we thought that was good enough and we were on our way. Big mistake! Where was God in all this? We both believed in God but never experienced seeking Him as a couple about to be married.

After we got married we realized how opposite we were. lol! Living together we started to see things about each other that was hard to accept. When we needed to make decisions we learned how controlling each other was that we had a difficult time agreeing on things. Bible studying was done seperately instead of together because we were actually starting to resent each other. Years went by. In 1992 - 1995 we were at a crossroads and contemplating going our own way. Then everything would improve in our seperate lives. Big mistake!

So, one night while I was sleeping on my side of the bed lol! (we used to have a long pillow in the middle seperating us!) Hazel asked God to take me back! And He did. Men started to minister to me. Women started ministering to Hazel. I started driving us to weekly bible studies, then driving us to church on Sundays. I don't know what led me to go away with the guys to a men's retreat one weekend, but that was the turning point of my marriage. That is when I gave my life "seriously" to Jesus Christ.

I learned that it is biblical that Christ's church starts with men. When men begin to take responsibility in their stand with Christ, then with their wife, then their homes, this is when the "partnership" begins. The man and woman build upon this, working together as a couple.

1 Timothy 3:4 says, He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know who to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?

This did not mean that Hazel and I became "man and slave", of course not. But we did not let our "opposite, self serving" ways become the wall that seperated us for many years, but rather allow God to reveal how Hazel's qualities and my efforts produced positive, ending results to some challenging areas in our marriage.

Through the years, twenty good ones for us, are scriptures that God uses to reveal six areas that will bless your marriage:

1. Ephesians 4:3, Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Communicate, communicate, communicate! Its hard if you have not made this a habit, brothers and sisters. Turn off the tv, stove, everything. And for 10, 15 minutes, just sit on the couch and talk. Even if its this.."Honey, I don't know what to talk about but just wanted to let you know that despite all the "stuff" that is happening in our lives together, I am thankful to our Father that you and I are still standing. We have come a long way".

Trust Him! It will get better. Soon you will want to share a simple scripture. Believe me, God does allow us to enjoy simple scripture, either way, its still His Word, amen? lol!

Proverbs 13:17, A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a trustworthy envoy brings healing.

Reliable communication permits progress! Once again, don't worry what you will talk about. Don't talk about others or gossip. Don't worry about thinking or agreeing about the same thing. Let the 10 or 15 minutes be a time of learning about your partner. We all are going through a life long process of change. So listen and accept your partner's thoughts. Be there and need each other.

2. Ephesians 4:2, Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in LOVE.

James 3:17, But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all PURE; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, and good fruit, impartial, and sincere.

No need to provide solutions when the other speaks, just understand. You and your partner will then begin to see and feel the consideration becoming wise marked on each other.

3. 1 Corinthians 13:5, It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

LOVE does not demand its own way! Otherwise, marriages are hindered by inflexibility. Do not alter your compromise with each other.

4. Proverbs 5:18-19, May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Ecclesiastes 9:9, Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun - all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

Guys, I have been there at a time when Hazel and I did not feel a pinch of romance. But we have seen God cultivate our marriage, romance, and He really answers prayers and brought this back to us. Always say you love each other. Yes, in the real world it is said that action is just as good. Poo-poo to that! Hearing those words, "I love you" is precious. Never lose that.

5. Malachi 2:16, "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

Hey, these are His Words, not yours, not mine. I can say we have had our share of struggles in our relationship. There has been so much brokeness in our marriage. Somehow, someway, I feel that God allowed me to bring this upon myself. I am not going to blame Hazel but myself. But His LOVE for us, for you and your spouse - partner for life, even during the pain, carry us through the committment. In your relationship today, don't attempt to play coy to the Spirit and evade each other. Its easier to run than to rebuild. Brothers and sisters, pray with each other or when you are alone in secret, ask God EVERY DAY to give you stubborn persistance in your marriage saying, "If you leave me, I will go with you."

6. Philippians 2:5, Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Allow God to build upon the harmony, LOVE, and one mind in your marriage. God uses marriage to be that platform in the community. We are witnesses, representing Jesus Christ to others. To the unbelievers who are married and do not rely on God to lead the way, watch our example as God uses us to make a way, that it takes 3 in a marriage, you, your spouse, and Jesus Christ.

Your servant in Christ Jesus. :love:
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Bob I just loved that post!!! :love: Before my husband and I became christians everything was a true mess. Now things are so so so much better. Am I saying we never disagree ?of course not! What I am saying though is we both have a love for each other that we did not have before.
Joyfully ~ Jlu
Thanks Bobinfaith I just loved that post, it really spoke to me as I was reading it. I hope you dont mind but I have printed it off as I would like to read through it again quiety. It was wonderfulll and so relevant and just....... :thumbs_up brilliant. The qutes, guidleines.

Relationships that have God not just as someone whom they both separatly believe in but relationships where God is within, throughout, around...where God breaks down the walls of silent communication and helps them to rebuild in Gods love and trust. A relationship which rejoices in are own individuality but rejocies and gives thenks to God for bringing peole together!! A relationship which can share and fall together in prayer and hope before are precious Lord and saviour......

Thanks Bobinfaith, what a wonderfull thread.