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Marriage/Separation Help

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2 weeks ago I found out that my husband had been having an affair. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he cares about me deeply and that he loved me, but wasn't in love with me and that he is unsure if he wants to be married anymore. We decided to separate 4 days ago. Since then, we've been having small talk (mostly through text). It seems that whenever I express my grief about us being separated and how sad I feel, he pushes away. He has brought up us not talking for awhile during the separation "until we've had a chance to heal". I love my husband and have forgiven him and wholeheartedly want to restore my marriage. But I don't know what steps to take.
 
Loyal
My suggestion is to get deeper into the Lord as much as you can as often as you can. If your husband loves God and has ever really loved you, he will be unable to survive long as he is... especially if you are praying continuing for God to deal with his heart. Your husband probably thinks he wants freedom, but there is no real freedom in the direction he's taken. People in their flesh alone do not understand what freedom really is. Yes, there may be moments of apparent comfort without God, but it is not real comfort and it cannot last. Does that mean he'll come back to you fully repentant? We can hope and pray that he will but God offers no guarantees that another person will decide to turn the right way. Each person has to decide for himself. Our prayers will cause God to speak to the person's heart but the person must still make the final decision. If he decides wrong it is likely to hurt him and you.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matt 11:28-30

Those words do not mean that there will be no physical and/or emotional pain and suffering. On the contrary we know that Jesus himself suffered much pain throughout his ministry but He was always resting in and with His Father. This Rest is where you need to be in order to handle whatever comes when it comes.

I am continuing to pray for this situation as well.
 
Loyal
He probably cares about you, but unlikely knows what love really is and is infatuated with this other woman and cares for her as well. So that being said, he probably cares about you both, but he desires the other woman more, and lastly he cares about himself the most. He will choose using only simple logic, what is best for him. You will need to pray for him, and trust in the Lord to convict him, if HE is able. You cannot make someone choose against his own will, but the Lord can attempt to convict him spiritually. Glad to pray for you both.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
He has brought up us not talking for awhile during the separation "until we've had a chance to heal". I love my husband and have forgiven him and wholeheartedly want to restore my marriage. But I don't know what steps to take

Dear @Amber Everett

My heart goes out to you. It is lovely to hear how you have forgiven your straying husband.
What a beautiful gracious heart you have.
Keep focused on the Lord and His perfect peace will be with you.


Your husband concerns me....he doesn't want to talk, he wants time so that you both have a chance to heal? You have the deep hurt wound that needs healing, not him.
That is a very selfish attitude showing no concern for you and your pain.

A couple of questions if I may....

Is your husband saved, a born again believer?

Do you have family and friends with whom you can talk and pray together?

Keep yourself immersed in the Word of God, keep talking to the Lord in prayer seeking His will and council.
I can assure you He will never ever let you down


In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1 Peter 1:6-7
 
Active
i feel you heart of forgiveness is a rare and precious gift, your ex doesn't know what he is avoiding and the opportunity he is rebelling against. but sis you need healing too because when he comes to his senses, the memory of the hurt has to be drowned forever, never to around for satan to fish up
 
Member
Dear Amber,

I am very familiar with what you are possibly going through.... My heart goes out to you, it is SO not easy.

Know that prayer is huge. Prayer/ Time with God.... even fasting... pursue God not only for your relationship, but for yourself.

For your relationship: There is layers of forgiveness. I too have forgiven my husband, and recently got to the understanding that in addition to forgiveness, I needed to lay him at my Saviors feet...I couldn't fix us, it has to be God working not my flesh. In doing that, I am free to LOVE him with Jesus' love. I hope that makes sense.

For yourself: I don't know where you are at with your identity in Christ. I wasn't very secure in that, and I believe that made things more difficult for me to work through. Please, go deep with God. He loves you and values you so so much.

Just know you aren't alone. And that many are in prayer for you. What a strong daughter of the King you are! :)
 
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