• Welcome to Talk Jesus

    A true bible based, Jesus centered online community. Join over 13,000 members today

    Register Log In

Looking For Opinions & Guidance

Users who viewed this discussion (Total:0)

Member
Hey there,

This is my first post here. Not really sure what to expect, but I feel the need to speak with other Christians and to get some clarification from your opinions on things and to vent a bit.

Well, for starters I'm beginning to feel like Job. I've lost almost every thing within one week. Kinda unreal, aha. Started with an issue with my family that tore the entire family apart. I lost my position at work, which was a comfy little gig, though I've been meaning to leave. And lastly, I lost my girlfriend, normally that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but both of us were convinced that we were made for each other. It really felt as if God had lead us to one another, just through some very coincidental ways.

I'm pretty torn up about losing what I perceived to be my life partner, which I had thought God brought me to. Now here's the kicker, almost as if this is a really cruel practical joke. She lives practically next to me. I love in a townhouse condo, she lives with her parents on the corner of the road that leads to my place. Well, I can't leave or return home without having to stop next to her house. On top of it all, I got her a job at the company I work for. She's going to be doing the scheduling on weekends, so I'll be getting both emails and calls from her. Makes me wonder why I get put into these situations. As with everyone of my exes, I've just blocked them out for good and don't speak to them.

Anywho, we had met at some point back in 2013, she was dating an acquaintance of mine for some time. Never had any attraction to her, or even payed much attention to her. Around 2016 one of our mutual friends used her to get to me because we lived so close, and that friend and I began dating for a couple months. Things didn't pan out, we broke up. So my recent ex and I had begun hanging out just as friends. Getting to know each other and all that good stuff.

A few months later, her boyfriend of the time left her, as I friend I was there, coaching her though the grief and keeping her busy. About a month later she tells me how she was falling for me, we began dating (even though I knew it's too soon) and it felt perfect. I knew I had nothing to worry about with her. Never had that fairy tale love before. Mind you, this was building up since the summer when we began getting to know one another. So, it being to soon, hee ex spoke with her, she wanted to break it off. I agreed, but I was actually heart broken. Took me a long while to get over it. I continued on with life, met another girl, got stuck in a year of pure hell. While she went back with her ex.

Last summer, she began complaining about her ex, and I tried to encourage her to stay and communicate. Long story short, she ended up leaving him. I recall her poking around for info about my relationship when she was still with her partner at the time. She knew things weren't good in my relationship either. I had left my relationship about a month after she ended her's. I had to get out of mine or it would've killed me. It was a very controlling and abusive relationship.

So, my recent ex and I hung out one night, when it was time for her to leave, she seemed hesitant to do so. I had asked her if she still had those feelings for me. She said yes, and that she prayed to God that he'd let her know if I still felt that way about her *spoiler alert!* I did. Well, we had gotten together, and as if the universe was aligned, everything was great. We already did love one another and we were excited about the future and having a family one day.

Over the last 2 months she became slightly distant when we'd hang out, but over texting and talking on the phone everything was good. I figured she was struggling with issues at home and that it would pass. I was there for her to help and comfort her. Just these last two weeks she began getting more weird. Two weeks ago she had an interview at my company, I helped her get it after she saw an opening and me having a good feeling about it. Plus she was in need of a job, the hours were perfect for her. When she got the job I was ecstatic and extremely proud of her. The next day anxiety began hitting me after I heard a song that I listened to a lot after the first time we had split up. Then shortly after my buddy at work had mistaken me saying that my girl and I had broken up after I had told him I had to break up a fight. In hindsight I suspect God was saying something that day.

The days leading up to that she began acting a little odd. I figured it was nerves about starting the new job, knowing that she didn't want make a bad impression. I drove her in for 8:30 everyday went back home to get an hour or two of sleep before I would have to go into work. She was horribly distant and cold throughout the week, I was under heavy stress and anxiety knowing something was up. Last Friday I prayed to God before I went to sleep. I had this weird feeling of calmness and understanding that it was coming to an end. I decided not to say a word to her until she said something to me.

Saturday night she sends me a long message saying how she's been fighting these feelings of wanting to be alone and how she hasn't fully gotten over her ex, and how she thought that being with me was the right path. *hurtsman.jpeg*

I told her I was expecting this and I would be cutting contact and that it was very bad timing for all of this to happen (regarding family and losing my job).
Blocked her out of my contacts on Facebook and phone. I was and still am in a bit of shock. I think the stress of the job and what was happening with her family played a big part in this. But when I needed a rock to lean on, it ran. I've been staying with my dad for the past week. I needed a change of scenery and time away from the city.

Obviously I'm angry with her. She was very upset and weeping when she apologized for hurting me the first time. She knew how bad she hurt me and said that she wouldn't do it again. I'm confused and hurting right now. It's not as bad as the first time, as I was more prepared for an outcome like this.
I kept telling myself that she isn't coming back, and I really believe she isn't, plus I don't think I would want to be with someone who did that to me, in my time of need. Just the fact that I have to receive emails from her about available shifts and having to pass by her place every time I leave or come home. Dunno why I would be put in a situation like this.

So anyways, I've been contemplating on what to do. I kinda want to just leave home for a little while. One of my exes popped up, I added her back to Facebook and am considering getting into contact with her, she lives pretty far away so it would be nice to go on a road trip and catch up with an old friend. But I do realize I'm hurting, lonely and looking for a distraction from pain. I've also lost contact with my friends due to this last relationship. I'm having trouble discerning my own will from God's. I'd believe he wouldn't condone me talking with my ex, even my dad said if I wanted to make things work with my recent ex that he wouldn't talk to an ex.

But last night, I was watching something about biblical history and this popped up, it kinda spoke to me in a profound way.

“every river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full. The water returns to where the rivers began, and starts all over again.” – Ecclesiastes 1:7, TEV

Kinda taking it as either of talking to my ex, or just to start over. Been thinking about this stuff the last couple days. But, I'm not sure if I should just wait a bit and see if things can be worked out, though I think that's just a pipe dream, and like I said I don't think I'd want to.

As I was thinking through things today, I had a thought pop in my head about my recent ex eventually dating a friend of ours, as the 3 of us were always ha ging out. I know he had a crush on my ex for a while, though she had feelings for me and sees him as a friend. He kinda just disappeared and hasn't contacted either of us in 7 months. I never made and attempt because I was afraid he would be upset. But when I had that thought, I kinda felt weird. My body had a calm cold feeling all through it, and I instantly became angry with God, thinking he may have told me what was going to happen. In anger I said "if that's the case, I'm done with you. That'll only hurt me further. When is enough enough? Why are you doing this?"
My question about this is, would God send you a thought like that, that would bring up anger like that? I have never been provoked by him like that. Not sure if that was a test to see how I'd react or what.

Anyway, I apologize for the blog post/novel. Don't feel compelled to respond if it's too much. Just needed to vent.

Thanks, and God bless everyone.
 
Active
Well you told us plenty of details about losing your girlfriend but nothing about losing your job or your family. I would like to try and help but I can only really address the girlfriend part.

My advice, stay single for awhile. And don't go visit that other ex.
 
Loyal
Sometimes we try think things out and get burdened and go round and round. I was terrible for over thinking but sometimes it is how we are.

As I read your message the following two scriptures came clearly to mind.

Give it to the Lord in Prayer

Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Jesus wants to help you, give it all to Him and Trust Him to show you the way.

Jesus loves you my friend.
 
Member
Sometimes we try think things out and get burdened and go round and round. I was terrible for over thinking but sometimes it is how we are.

As I read your message the following two scriptures came clearly to mind.

Give it to the Lord in Prayer

Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Jesus wants to help you, give it all to Him and Trust Him to show you the way.

Jesus loves you my friend.
I second this motion....be at peace, the Lord is with you....
 
Member
Thanks everyone! I've been praying and asking for clarity and understanding on the whole situation. It's only been a week, so I'm still trying to figure it all out.

It started around the beginning of September when I was informed that we lost the contracts to many job sites at the company I work for. Kind of a blow, leaving me unsure as what I should do. I figured something would come up.

Then 2 weeks ago, my uncle who has an addiction to opioids wound up in someone's house which sparked the break up of my family due to looming issues of my uncle being enabled by my aunt. My mother cut everyone off, and she is struggling heavily right now with work and starting school again. Then last Saturday my relationship ended. That was the last blow I received and the one that hit the hardest. I felt as if I should wait until today to see how I feel about things, regarding the relationship. I know I'm not going to make contact, as I don't grovel and am very stubborn on these type of things, despite being hurt. I'm not really sure I would want to go back with someone who left me in one of my low points and in my time of need.

I'm thinking it's time to move on and begin applying to police departments to begin my career. I was blessed with the exact expiernece I needed for that line of work for the last 2 years. I'm still not sure if that is what God is pushing me toward. I have been contemplating on applying to the RCMP and moving to the Yukon (Hate living in cities). I still have some work to do before I can get to that point. But this is what I'm guessing could be the reason why everything has gone wrong all at once. I need a kick in the rear to get moving, and perhaps this is what God is pushing me toward. Still going to meditate and pray on all of this. I have a feeling that I'm going to be tested at some point with my ex. The way things ended seemed almost abrupt, though there were small indications that things were off over the last two months. It sucks, because like I said, I really believed that she was the one God wanted me to be with. We had the same political beliefs, life goals, wanting marriage and a family and the same morals. Plus she was the first actual Christian woman I have dated.

Oh Lord, it's all just so confusing. Sifting through the wreckage and trying to make sense of everything can drive one mad. I just wonder what God wants from me. Since 2016 I've been through some pretty intense trials and tribulations. When it all seems to finally make sense and life felt good, boom! The struggles and tests return. Getting tired of it, not going to lie. But I still push through and have faith that God will put me where he wants me to be.

Just hard to figure out why I have to drive past her house every day and that she's now doing the scheduling at my work, aha. Seems like a cruel joke at this point. Though I'm sure there's a reason.
 
Member
Hey there,

This is my first post here. Not really sure what to expect, but I feel the need to speak with other Christians and to get some clarification from your opinions on things and to vent a bit.

Well, for starters I'm beginning to feel like Job. I've lost almost every thing within one week. Kinda unreal, aha. Started with an issue with my family that tore the entire family apart. I lost my position at work, which was a comfy little gig, though I've been meaning to leave. And lastly, I lost my girlfriend, normally that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but both of us were convinced that we were made for each other. It really felt as if God had lead us to one another, just through some very coincidental ways.

I'm pretty torn up about losing what I perceived to be my life partner, which I had thought God brought me to. Now here's the kicker, almost as if this is a really cruel practical joke. She lives practically next to me. I love in a townhouse condo, she lives with her parents on the corner of the road that leads to my place. Well, I can't leave or return home without having to stop next to her house. On top of it all, I got her a job at the company I work for. She's going to be doing the scheduling on weekends, so I'll be getting both emails and calls from her. Makes me wonder why I get put into these situations. As with everyone of my exes, I've just blocked them out for good and don't speak to them.

Anywho, we had met at some point back in 2013, she was dating an acquaintance of mine for some time. Never had any attraction to her, or even payed much attention to her. Around 2016 one of our mutual friends used her to get to me because we lived so close, and that friend and I began dating for a couple months. Things didn't pan out, we broke up. So my recent ex and I had begun hanging out just as friends. Getting to know each other and all that good stuff.

A few months later, her boyfriend of the time left her, as I friend I was there, coaching her though the grief and keeping her busy. About a month later she tells me how she was falling for me, we began dating (even though I knew it's too soon) and it felt perfect. I knew I had nothing to worry about with her. Never had that fairy tale love before. Mind you, this was building up since the summer when we began getting to know one another. So, it being to soon, hee ex spoke with her, she wanted to break it off. I agreed, but I was actually heart broken. Took me a long while to get over it. I continued on with life, met another girl, got stuck in a year of pure hell. While she went back with her ex.

Last summer, she began complaining about her ex, and I tried to encourage her to stay and communicate. Long story short, she ended up leaving him. I recall her poking around for info about my relationship when she was still with her partner at the time. She knew things weren't good in my relationship either. I had left my relationship about a month after she ended her's. I had to get out of mine or it would've killed me. It was a very controlling and abusive relationship.

So, my recent ex and I hung out one night, when it was time for her to leave, she seemed hesitant to do so. I had asked her if she still had those feelings for me. She said yes, and that she prayed to God that he'd let her know if I still felt that way about her *spoiler alert!* I did. Well, we had gotten together, and as if the universe was aligned, everything was great. We already did love one another and we were excited about the future and having a family one day.

Over the last 2 months she became slightly distant when we'd hang out, but over texting and talking on the phone everything was good. I figured she was struggling with issues at home and that it would pass. I was there for her to help and comfort her. Just these last two weeks she began getting more weird. Two weeks ago she had an interview at my company, I helped her get it after she saw an opening and me having a good feeling about it. Plus she was in need of a job, the hours were perfect for her. When she got the job I was ecstatic and extremely proud of her. The next day anxiety began hitting me after I heard a song that I listened to a lot after the first time we had split up. Then shortly after my buddy at work had mistaken me saying that my girl and I had broken up after I had told him I had to break up a fight. In hindsight I suspect God was saying something that day.

The days leading up to that she began acting a little odd. I figured it was nerves about starting the new job, knowing that she didn't want make a bad impression. I drove her in for 8:30 everyday went back home to get an hour or two of sleep before I would have to go into work. She was horribly distant and cold throughout the week, I was under heavy stress and anxiety knowing something was up. Last Friday I prayed to God before I went to sleep. I had this weird feeling of calmness and understanding that it was coming to an end. I decided not to say a word to her until she said something to me.

Saturday night she sends me a long message saying how she's been fighting these feelings of wanting to be alone and how she hasn't fully gotten over her ex, and how she thought that being with me was the right path. *hurtsman.jpeg*

I told her I was expecting this and I would be cutting contact and that it was very bad timing for all of this to happen (regarding family and losing my job).
Blocked her out of my contacts on Facebook and phone. I was and still am in a bit of shock. I think the stress of the job and what was happening with her family played a big part in this. But when I needed a rock to lean on, it ran. I've been staying with my dad for the past week. I needed a change of scenery and time away from the city.

Obviously I'm angry with her. She was very upset and weeping when she apologized for hurting me the first time. She knew how bad she hurt me and said that she wouldn't do it again. I'm confused and hurting right now. It's not as bad as the first time, as I was more prepared for an outcome like this.
I kept telling myself that she isn't coming back, and I really believe she isn't, plus I don't think I would want to be with someone who did that to me, in my time of need. Just the fact that I have to receive emails from her about available shifts and having to pass by her place every time I leave or come home. Dunno why I would be put in a situation like this.

So anyways, I've been contemplating on what to do. I kinda want to just leave home for a little while. One of my exes popped up, I added her back to Facebook and am considering getting into contact with her, she lives pretty far away so it would be nice to go on a road trip and catch up with an old friend. But I do realize I'm hurting, lonely and looking for a distraction from pain. I've also lost contact with my friends due to this last relationship. I'm having trouble discerning my own will from God's. I'd believe he wouldn't condone me talking with my ex, even my dad said if I wanted to make things work with my recent ex that he wouldn't talk to an ex.

But last night, I was watching something about biblical history and this popped up, it kinda spoke to me in a profound way.

“every river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full. The water returns to where the rivers began, and starts all over again.” – Ecclesiastes 1:7, TEV

Kinda taking it as either of talking to my ex, or just to start over. Been thinking about this stuff the last couple days. But, I'm not sure if I should just wait a bit and see if things can be worked out, though I think that's just a pipe dream, and like I said I don't think I'd want to.

As I was thinking through things today, I had a thought pop in my head about my recent ex eventually dating a friend of ours, as the 3 of us were always ha ging out. I know he had a crush on my ex for a while, though she had feelings for me and sees him as a friend. He kinda just disappeared and hasn't contacted either of us in 7 months. I never made and attempt because I was afraid he would be upset. But when I had that thought, I kinda felt weird. My body had a calm cold feeling all through it, and I instantly became angry with God, thinking he may have told me what was going to happen. In anger I said "if that's the case, I'm done with you. That'll only hurt me further. When is enough enough? Why are you doing this?"
My question about this is, would God send you a thought like that, that would bring up anger like that? I have never been provoked by him like that. Not sure if that was a test to see how I'd react or what.

Anyway, I apologize for the blog post/novel. Don't feel compelled to respond if it's too much. Just needed to vent.

Thanks, and God bless everyone.
Well somehow I get the impression you are convinced or have been taught that God is like the grand puppet master pulling every string (hence the why are you doing this to me feeling). Well the other view, which I believe the scriptures weigh out, is that you were given a will to choose (and so were these other people). At times God does intervene but not always. Often He reveals to us paths and sometimes even alerts us to the end consequence of those choices but the bottom line is we choose.

Now all these people also choose. The difference is that some strive to hear God's word and follow Him and others hear Him but ignore Him and do what is right in their own eyes. In other words they decide good and evil for themselves as a god unto their self (Genesis 3:5). If YOU are born of His Spirit and have the Spirit of Christ in you (Romans 8:9) then you are also in Christ (John 17) which means all you have to do is endure and trust God. Whatever He allows you to go through, it is developing in you the character or experience He will use later through you to achieve your role in His plan (Ephesians 3:10).

Shadrech, Mesach, and Abednego knew this when they said (paraphrasing) their God CAN deliver them if it be His will, but even if He did not they would trust in Him. After all Moses went through and even confessing he did not have the right stuff to do what God had planned, he in fact had the exact stuff to become the man that would deliver His people from bondage. This story line is repeated over and over. David though only a teen and small compared to Goliath had a skill (slingmanship) from being a Shepherd that allowed him to fell this boasting proud insolent pagan.

If you are with and for God, then just love them all (1 Corinthians 13) and trust Him. Give it over to Him (Phil. 4:6-7) and leave the working it all out to Him. In a year or two, in retrospect, you WILL see His handiwork. So get a job, and live your life, and if you can somehow be as Christ for others (forgiving, offering grace, assisting as you are able, etc.) it will work out for your good (Romans 8:28). I know you cannot see it now (with your eyes) but I have been through many, many, valleys (even the shadow of death) and yet I have been used so much, so many times, and in some totally inexplicable ways. Fear not, the I AM is with you...it will be okay.

Finally, begin today to start casting down imaginations which exalt themselves against Christ. Imaginations can snowball and cause feelings (not always good ones) and then we respond or act or make choices based on these emotions. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. As soon as you start obsessing on your issues and problems or these people and what they said or did...as Paul says put your mind OFF of those things and put your mind ON something else. Preferably something as Peter says is virtuous, righteous, good, and so on. Fill your mind with the word (faith comes by hearing)...listen to the radio or you tube sermons....read your Bible and then contemplate what you have just read. But trusting God (regardless of how it looks in the worldly sense) get a job, and live your life...it WILL work out.
 
Loyal
Sometimes we try think things out and get burdened and go round and round. I was terrible for over thinking but sometimes it is how we are.

As I read your message @KingMing1992 the following two scriptures came clearly to mind.

Give it to the Lord in Prayer

Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Jesus wants to help you, give it all to Him and Trust Him to show you the way.

Jesus loves you my friend.

Everything you say my friend tells me you are trying to sort this out and understand it. I see even more from your latest reply why the two scriptures quoted came to heart so strongly.

Give it to the Lord in Prayer and let go, let Him guide your paths.

The problem we all seem to have my friend, especially as we get older, is that we think we can suss out and solve our life's issues, we are all guilty my friend.

When problems come in life, they do as we know, God provides doors for us to open, he always provides a means of escape, but we have to trust him, we have to submit to him. I like you, like many, always seem to open all other doors when problems come, looking for an escape, eventually I find the one our Lord was waiting for us to open, so often it can be the last door.

Oh Lord, it's all just so confusing. Sifting through the wreckage and trying to make sense of everything can drive one mad. I just wonder what God wants from me. Since 2016 I've been through some pretty intense trials and tribulations. When it all seems to finally make sense and life felt good, boom! The struggles and tests return. Getting tired of it, not going to lie. But I still push through and have faith that God will put me where he wants me to be.

Just hard to figure out why I have to drive past her house every day and that she's now doing the scheduling at my work, aha. Seems like a cruel joke at this point. Though I'm sure there's a reason.

Read Matthew 11 above again, Jesus says Come to me, if you are heavy laden with life's issues, read it all. Then read Proverbs 3 again.

He will guide your paths brother, but he wants you to, give it ALL to him for him to sort it for you.

Bless you
 
Loyal
Give it to the Lord in Prayer

Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Jesus wants to help you, give it all to Him and Trust Him to show you the way.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding

I second this motion....be at peace, the Lord is with you....

Greetings Paul by brother in Christ.

We come together in prayer, in agreement, in Jesus Name for @KingMing1992 Amen
 

Similar threads

Top