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lonely in my marriage

Discussion in 'Parents & Couples' started by kmejiagr, Sep 24, 2014.

  1. My husband has alot of trouble Communicating he has a personality disorder that causes him to be overly emotional or angry at Times. Hes struggled with lust and porn which ofcourse hurts me but he doesnt seem to be genuinely sorry or admitant of his problem. Hes said everytime we argue he is tempted to cheat on me. Im having a hard time dealing with that. He was a strong christian but seems to have lost his faith and treats me like a wordly man would. We started going to counseling after I found out about the lust/porn issue and he still doesnt understand the hurt hes caused me. He actually plays with my insecurities by telling me stories of girls more attractive than me that hit on him at work. When asked why in counseling he said he wanted to get a good reaction out me. He made me cry. To him it seems everythings my fault- I still havent received a sincere apology for anything. Although our communicating has improved A bit when it comes to arguments, he is still insensitive and after he hurts me somehow I always get tricked into apologizing for doing something that made him hurt me. Im just confused and tired of being emotionally hurt. Im scared of his infidelity and im lonely and tired of pretending were getting better. Im praying and crying to God on almost a daily basis. I dont know what to do.
     
  2. This sounds so hard for you. The one glimmer of something positive I can see in your post is that your husband is going to marriage counselling. I hope that helps to bring about the change that you both need.
    With prayers
     
  3. Kmejiagr....I hear and see your precious soul and your broken heart. I cry with you. There is no easy answer. I'm praying for you this night.

    Dreamer
     
  4. Him bringing up his temptation to cheat on you every time you two argue sounds like a way of trying to get you to stop arguing the fact. He might actually have these thoughts though, which also sounds like a way of him trying to get back at you. In his current state he is a worldly man. Him trying to get a rise out of you sounds like something is lacking somewhere, also immature.

    Porn is a hard vicious cycle. If you don't know the scientific basis of how porn works it's like a drug (lots of videos about it -porns effect on the brain-). Clicking through the images every time you see something new your brain gets more dopamine. Like any drug you need more. Eventually your tolerance builds up. It's a loop basically. Vicious cycle.

    I think you need to address the issue that led to his turning away from god, but I could be wrong. Remember though this is his issue, not yours. Don't let him make you feel guilty. I've never been in a relationship before I should mention, so I've never dealt with arguments in your current environment. The only suggestions I can give is to turn to god's word.

    Google "what the bible says about arguing"
    Look at the openbible link (first one). Pick your battles, be kind, and don't lower yourself to his level. Which it seems like you're meek about it. I will pray for your husband, for you, and your marriage.
     
  5. First of all let me say how sorry I am you are going through this!!!! I can't say that I know exactly what you are going through but I can tell you you are so much more to God!!! He loves you more than any earthly man and would never leave or forsake you. Sometimes we get so consumed by the people around us we let them make us feel worthless and awful. We need to take a step back and look at the eternal picture and find comfort from the GREAT COMFORTER! A wise woman once told me submitting to your husband is getting out of the way so God can get a hold of him. I have done this a lot in my marriage!!!!! I am praying for you. Remember you mean more to God and he loves you very much!!!
    Big, GINORMOUS HUGS!!!
     
    Sent from a Samsung mobile device
  6. OK so after I wrote my reply I got this email devotional and God told me to share it with you!!!!!! Definitely gave me cold chills!

    FEBRUARY 5, 2015

    When Your Husband Has Given Up
    LYSA TERKEURST

    "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)

    I know the heart-ripping hopelessness of a relationship unraveling.

    The silence. The rejection. The harsh words. The absence of intimacy. The questions. The lack of answers. The hurt.

    The first five years of my marriage were really hard. Two sinners coming together with loads of baggage, unrealistic expectations and extremely strong wills.

    My heart aches for anyone in a marriage that’s struggling. Many of us have been there.

    But I think the deepest hurt comes when one spouse resigns while the other is still trying. There is a panic that arises to somehow make the other person wake up, stop their resignation and help you fix this relationship.

    A situation like this is much more complicated than simple answers I could offer here. But might I give you one stepping stone upon which to stand, to stop the panic and balance yourself?

    Decide today that you are worthy.

    Because you are. Worthy. You may not feel like it. But a quick glimpse at Psalm 139 assures me, you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God who cares for you. Who loves you. And I’d rather depend on the solid truth of God than the rollercoaster of fickle feelings.

    You are beautiful and captivating and attractive and smart and capable. But if you are in a relationship full of unmet expectations, unresolved issues and frustrating communication, I suspect you feel a little less than all I’ve described.

    Broken-down relationships can really break down a woman.

    And if you’re anything like me, when you feel broken down, those around you get your worst. Then upon all the hurt and anxiety you layer regret, shame and the feeling that you’ve lost yourself. You’ve lost that girl inside who used to be so positive and happy and ready to take on the world.

    Can I whisper a tender truth to you? The only way to recapture her is to come up for air and remember: You are worthy because the Creator of the Universe says you are.

    Then you can act worthy.

    And step aside from the emotional yuck to make some levelheaded decisions. Get a plan. Talk to wise people who love you, provide godly counsel and will walk this tough journey with you.

    Draw some boundaries with your husband, if some are needed.

    Pray like crazy for clear discernment. Because Jesus is the best source of help.

    Honest cries for help, lifted up to Jesus, will not go unheard. He sees. He knows. He loves. And Jesus will direct you as long as you stick with Him.

    Remember, you can’t control how your husband acts and reacts, but you can control how you act and react.

    Reclaim who you are.

    I pray your relationship survives. I pray it with every fiber of my being. But if it doesn’t, I pray most of all that the beautiful woman you are rises above all the yuck, still clinging tightly to the only opinion that matters — the One who forever calls you worthy.

    Dear Lord, my marriage is struggling. I’m struggling. Help me please. I need to hold on to Your truths that I am worthy. And God, please show me what steps to take to support my marriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

    Did you enjoy today's devotion? Click here to subscribe.

    TRUTH FOR TODAY:
    Isaiah 54:10, "‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you." (NIV)

    Psalm 34:17, "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." (NIV)
     
    Sent from a Samsung mobile device

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