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Living a lie

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I am feeling so lost right now and really need God's guidance. My husband and I have been together since I was 14. Now we've been married for 8 years. In the beginning neither of us were saved. I was first. After I lived through my husbands addiction to addiction. If it wasnt alcohol it was drugs, then prescription drugs. He left me, came back, on and on....then he was saved. But even now he is on prescription meds HE ABUSES THEM!! and lies to me. He has asked me not to talk to my church family, which I think is sooo wrong. He says I make a bigger deal than it is. I feel the depression setting in. I feel like God is abondoning me. Why aren't my prayers being answered? I believe in submission, in God's soviergnty, but it is so hard to pretend to be something our family isnt. Any advice or scripture would be welcome.
 
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Here is some scripture to start with, read it and pray.
To follow the scripture listed below, will require lots of prayer and patients on your part. When you complete one step be patient and allow your husband some time to respond to God before moving to the next step.
Matthew 18:15-20
15*Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16*But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17*And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican. 18*Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
19*Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20*For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

I will pray for you too have the strength and patients to endure this and pray that your husband respond quickly and appropiately to the Lord.
 
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Thank you so much for the encouragement, I know the Lord will sustain me, I just needed to get it out to someone, anyone. Thank you for listening and giving me HIS words of wisdom! It is hard, but I am in love with my husband and will not give up. I think I will talk to our pastor.
 
Member
Hello GirlforGod:

If your husband does not want the church family involved, especially the Pastor, which is the only place I would entrust this situation to, then let your husband know how deeply his addictions are effecting the family. Ensure him of your love and support for him, but also let him know that you are please asking him to seek professional/medical help with his addiction. Be specific in how he is effecting the family and ask him if he truly desires to be set free from his addictions.

Most of all: Make all your requests, prayers, petitions and supplications know before God with thanksgiving (in thanksgiving, most would say, I am not happy about my current situation, how can I do that?), with thanksgiving means, remembering how God was faithful in past and that He will be again. Also, remember that: He works all things to the good of those who love him. Never enderestimate the power of God and what His plans are. His ways are not our ways, lean not on your own understanding, but trust in Him who knows His plans for you, which are nothing but good.

It has been my expereince that when you think that God has abandoned you, He has not. He is usually building your trust and dependance upon Him. He usually is in the process of showing you first hand of how He can turn the seemingly impossible to the possible. God (Our Loving Father), loves to show us how wonderful He is, how He cares about every aspect of our lives, every little detail. Many times, it is the hardest of time that brings us the closer to Him and to each other. Have hope, keep your faith, and most of all trust in knowing that our Father is good in all things. He delights in seeing you grow, but with growing sometimes there is pain. But rest assured that the pain will be followed soon with joy and a deeper understanding of God.

I know this is long. But I can't help but express the love and depth that I know our Father has for us, expeically in extreme difficult times. I keep this vision in my mind during times like these. Sometimes God will isolate us so we can grow. It's like a beautiful flower. If this flower were in the open fields, it could be easily destroyed by the passing winds, harsh rains or the strangers who pass by and pick them. If this flower were isolated in the midst of the trees, in the woods, there is protection there from the tree limbs, the sun still shines through, but it does not wilt the flower and when it is ready, then it will bloom to it's fullest. I hope and pray that this will be understood and bring you some comfort.

Loves to you.
Cling to the one, who reached out for you...with open arms.
 
Member
Thank You

I am so grateful to just be able to talk about it. My husband is a good man. God really changed him when he truly accepted Christ. And I love him with all my heart. I just feel like it's so wrong to pretend to be a perfect family in church (which we are really involved in and very close with our church family) and then go home and fight about these problems. I am who I am and I don't want to hide our sins. But my husband is proud and doesnt want to dissapoint anyone. The biggest problem is should I honor and obey when he asks me not to talk to my mom, friends, church for council? Or should I go beyond that? Sometimes I feel like I should have left him before, but God always told me no and I listen to Him. Thank you so much, God is using you all more than you know. I can't help but cry as I just get these feelings out to new friends, that understand and love the Lord Jesus as much as I do.
 
Member
girlforgod said:
I am so grateful to just be able to talk about it. My husband is a good man. God really changed him when he truly accepted Christ. And I love him with all my heart. I just feel like it's so wrong to pretend to be a perfect family in church (which we are really involved in and very close with our church family) and then go home and fight about these problems. I am who I am and I don't want to hide our sins. But my husband is proud and doesnt want to dissapoint anyone. The biggest problem is should I honor and obey when he asks me not to talk to my mom, friends, church for council? Or should I go beyond that? Sometimes I feel like I should have left him before, but God always told me no and I listen to Him. Thank you so much, God is using you all more than you know. I can't help but cry as I just get these feelings out to new friends, that understand and love the Lord Jesus as much as I do.
If he was planning to commit suicide with a gun and you discovered his plan and tried to talk him out of it and he refused and told you not to tell anyone else , what would you do?
 
Member
girlforgod, I will pray for you & just now prayed for a renewed love to flow within your family for each other & for God. God is faithful...He has a plan.

I wanted to address the thought of feeling as if you are being deceitful by pretending to be the perfect family in church. No family in your church or anyone else's is perfect. It's not necessarily that we all put on faces, but just that some things are private & we need to keep them within the family. That's why so many families look as if they are "picture perfect". There is a time to reveal what is going on & a time to simply ask for prayer for unspoken requests. Always ask for prayer....never let the devil tell you that you can't do that. You just may not always need to elaborate.

Whether this is one of those times or not...I cannot say. But I trust that God will let you know. Believe you are in His Hands completely & remember that fellow believers are praying.
 
Member
I KNOW in my heart that HIS ways are not ours. But if I have endured trials, I have remained faithful to Him, then why am I being tested? My husband IS a believer, he is just letting wordly things control him. It just doesn't seem fair. I know...life's not fair...but I just feel like I am dying inside. I have the desire to live a Godly life, but he is bringing sin into it. He has said he is sorry and he is getting off the meds, he will not lie anymore...blah blah. I know he has conviction about these things, I just wish he could see the damage he is doing to my heart. I am tired of carrying the burden of being the spiritual leader in this family. Thank you all for your replies and prayers. They mean so much.
 
Member
when my hubby finally got saved and gave up his past life style we were counseled by our assitant pastors to find one good friend/prayer partner we could trust and only to talk to them and pray with them. They said it was nobodies business, also we kept in close counsel with the assistant pastor and his wife, but no one else knew we were such a mess, all any one else could see was the miracle of what God had done. Repairing takes time and you need not make it a bigger mess than it already is. That dosen't mean you shouldn't go to your pastor, but maybe not friends and family. Maybe that is why God has given you friends at Talk Jesus to love and support you and to encourage you and not to embarrass you husband in front of friends and family. We are all here for you anytime. God is bigger than all this and loves your family. No family is perfect and they are all different behind the scenes. I'm here anytime you need prayer.

Your sister in Christ

AlabasterBox :girl:

:rainbow:
 
Member
girlforgod said:
I KNOW in my heart that HIS ways are not ours. But if I have endured trials, I have remained faithful to Him, then why am I being tested? My husband IS a believer, he is just letting wordly things control him. It just doesn't seem fair. I know...life's not fair...but I just feel like I am dying inside. I have the desire to live a Godly life, but he is bringing sin into it. He has said he is sorry and he is getting off the meds, he will not lie anymore...blah blah. I know he has conviction about these things, I just wish he could see the damage he is doing to my heart. I am tired of carrying the burden of being the spiritual leader in this family. Thank you all for your replies and prayers. They mean so much.
girlforgod, I hope you understand when I say you are taking a problem your husband may have and making it about you. Your "testing", your "pain", your "struggle." If, as you say your husband is a believer, then this is something that you need to leave between him and God, for I`m sure God is dealing with him, and the things in his life that effect his relationship with HIM, (and with you as his wife) in His own way. As difficult as it can be to live with someone who has a 'problem', ( that would include all of us) it is so much more difficult for the one that has the 'problem' and struggling to overcome it.
It is my experience when it comes to relationships, especially between two people who are married, when you want change, your prayer must be "Lord change ME." Why? Simply because, our words, our actions, our attitude, our patience, etc, have a huge effect on the outcome of what we are trying to change around us.

You said "I have the desire to live a Godly life, but he is bringing sin into it." His choices have nothing whatsoever to do with you living a Godly life. You also said "I am tired of carrying the burden of being the spiritual leader in this family." God never asked you to carry this burden, nor wants you to! Just as God is patiently doing a work in your life, you must allow, that He is also doing a work in your husbands.
The dying inside that you must do, is the dying to 'self' Not your will, but His, not your timing, but His, not your way, but His. Your husband can never become the spiritual leader in your home, as long as you insist on having control of the reins. I am not intending to be uncompassionate towards you, but I have been where you are, and it took me a long time to understand the truth of what I`m sharing with you.

"Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Tit 2:4
 
Member
Praise the Lord, GirlforGod, please take to heart what Coconut posted, I believe it came straight from God.
 
Member
Thank you for the accountability you have given me. I am not offended, by heart is open and I have taken every word to heart. That is why I even posted on TJ to begin with. I have turned to no one for Godly council, and after reading some of the posts here, knew I would get truth. I will not be able to help myself or my Christian walk with out the Truth of God, even if it is convicting and may hurt a little.

My husband and I are doing better right now. Several days after my original post he came to me and asked if we could talk. He has a Dr. Appt tommorrow, he agrees he is dependant on the medication (which by the way he does have a true medical ailment-but that is not the root of the problem, it's the honesty issue really) and has asked to be weaned off of it. PRAISE GOD. This will be a slow process, but I do need to be there for him.

He also told me that he confided in a friend (at church) and felt so much better, and said I should consider talking with this friends wife. They are both very Godly people and we love and respect them. But most importantly, he said we need to devote more time in prayer every day to building stregnth in our marriage through God. It's still not easy, but I love this man so much and want to be the kind of wife God calls me to be.

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOUR PRAYERS HERE ARE CHANGING MY HEART AND MY HUSBANDS. THANK YOU ALL for your prayers. Praise Lord Jesus!! Thank you for your stark honesty. Sometimes satan really gets you to start making lists of everything that's going wrong and looking at only yourself. I think in some ways I knew I was wrong, and I was seeking accountability. I know my marraige will never be perfect b/c we are both sinners. But I can see it's going to get better.
 
Member
hello let me give you some food for thought then you can use it how you will..ok
first when you ask him about or confront him with his problem does he try to change it around that it is your fault? Does he admit he has a problem? Is he just unsure how to address the problem or who to trust? How can someone help him if they don't know the roots of his problem?
Well my answer is to go to your pastor anyway ask his advice and maybe he can suggest someone or thing that can help.
You see for years i had a problem like many men with an addiction of the eyes. It didn't mean that I didn't love my wife but I used every excuse in the book, changing things around, blaming, but my real problem was I wanted help but didn't know who i could trust, or who could help or would understand. Well for me now its too late, Although I did break my addiction and have been clean for a year. But I lost my Wife and 5 children who I love and adore. Things Ive learned dont wait until your house is on fire before you look for help. Your smelling smoke LOOK where its coming from. Next You must learn to be honest with yourself and him. Hes hurting you both. Dont give him an option put your foot down and tell him you will not put up with this...
Pray that God will give you strength and know that I will be praying for you.. Dont focus on the negatives decide you are going to help him. When one falls let the other pick them up.. You can do it and must... Satan atacks us at our weakest times...
Good luck and Like I said I will be praying for you. Papa
 
Member
He went to the Dr. today. This is incredible...my husband said he was going to be asked to be weaned off, but the doctor told him he HAS to take him off of it b/c we can not afford any more experimental procedures (it is a neck injury-they can not find the root of the problem) and he is seeing signs of addiction. He will be free of the medicine completely in 2 weeks. The Dr. is just concerned about if he will pursue using other meds after and if he will try to find another Dr. to get another prescription. The Dr. offered to send him to rehab therapy, but my hubby wants to try doing this on his own. I know this will still be a hard road, but this is so incredible. Last week I was falling into depression and feeling so desolute about this situation, and today I see God working before my very eyes. He is so faithful. Believe me, I know this doesn't mean it's over, but I can even see the change after the reply I got about focusing on myself, I can see things changing between us. I know I will need strength when he begins going through the mood swings, all of that, but I feel more confident than ever right now. Thank you all.
 
Member
You have given a beautiful and heartfelt testimony of what God can do
when we humbly submit ourselves to the working of His Spirit
in our lives girlforgod! Praise God! :love:
 
Member
Some times we can hold pain in our hearts, and it can become a wedge between the person and God, could this be the case in ur husbands heart.

Jesus loves you and your entire family, God is everywhere all the time, but sometimes we cannot sense Him with us, but i asure you He is always in you and with you, the Holy Spirit is maken your families path clear. Sometimes we go through things that test our faith, but God doesnt give you more than you can handle.

It is hard also to praise Jesus in times of pain and testing. I agree with the previous messages, but dont feel that your husband is unforgivable with God, "it is finished." You see non-Christians are people living with an addiction to sin, and they are so immeresed in the world of sin they dont know or see the sin. However, when Jesus touches their heart, and reveals sin to them in a real way, and they accept Jesus in all the truths that are His. That person then moves into the saved realm, however, the flesh is still addicted to sinning, therfore Christians are saved people who were once sinners, recovering from an addiction to sin. And at times we all slip in what we see as sin in our evaluation of ourselves and others.

Jesus has you and all the issues you find important He finds important, you and your family make God smile. Stay real, talk to your husband, let him know your pain for him, and let him see he is hurting you. Then perhaps you can both approach the church leadership or friends in church you can trust. And i would still be honest with people at church if a trusted Christian asks how you are feelin, i wouldnt/couldnt kid them on that everything is ok. Because we all have troubles and we do have a need in church to be real and open, there is strength in weakness.

Jesus is all around you and He is in your heart and home.
 
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Staff Member
I missed this thread. People are posting too many threads on this forum I can't keep up ! LOL.

This is great news girlforgod! I'm happy that your husband is doing better and yes, patience is a virtue and we must make way for GOD the Father to show His grace, glory and healing through Jesus Chirst's blood shed for us.

GOD can do anything. As the others have mentioned, on His timing and will.

You are in my prayers. God bless you! Keep us updated
 
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We are going on 5 days w/o the meds. Lets just say it's no picnic here. He is edgy and not very nice. I know I can do this, but believe me when I say my flesh wants to yell, "Leave me alone!" Thank you for your prayers. Right now I am scared he will turn to something else to ease these feelings he is having. I pray God will fullfill all his needs. We are making strides, slow ones, but progress anyways. God Bless you all for your support and words of wisdom.
 
Member
girlforgod said:
I am feeling so lost right now and really need God's guidance. My husband and I have been together since I was 14. Now we've been married for 8 years. In the beginning neither of us were saved. I was first. After I lived through my husbands addiction to addiction. If it wasnt alcohol it was drugs, then prescription drugs. He left me, came back, on and on....then he was saved. But even now he is on prescription meds HE ABUSES THEM!! and lies to me. He has asked me not to talk to my church family, which I think is sooo wrong. He says I make a bigger deal than it is. I feel the depression setting in. I feel like God is abondoning me. Why aren't my prayers being answered? I believe in submission, in God's soviergnty, but it is so hard to pretend to be something our family isnt. Any advice or scripture would be welcome.
There is something I have to tell you, but I dont know what it is.! God will never leave nor forsake you. Please don't ever let satan talk you into thinking that either! You know something. When I pray, and my prayers arent answered I wonder the same thing. I have been in that position before too. But I keep praying! I pray when I dont feel like it, and I pray with all my heart because God hears them. He does. He hears your prayers, and he knows your heartache, and he's listening to you. But you have to be persistant! Don't give up on God, cause he didn't give up on you. He is moving for you, I assure you that. Just remember, when you feel like letting go, and like you just cant take anymore, God will keep you. This is coming from someone who almost lost it to depression. Don't pretend to be something you arent. Get it out in the open. Talk to your husband, and try to help him. He's hurting inside too. There is something wrong with him that is making him think drugs are his answer. Try to get it out of him. If he doesnt talk, just say ok, I'm praying for you. That's all you can do. But don't let it bring you down, because you have to be the light for him. You have to set the example for him. He'll change. With God's help, and your prayers, he will be what God wants him to be. Don't let go of God, please! It's easier said then done, but God wants to help, you just gotta hang on!
I'm praying for you

God Bless
Sis in Christ :love:
Lnrobar
 
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