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- Apr 25, 2006
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The Word for Today
Keeping the lines open (1)
'LOVE...NEVER LOOKS BACK.' 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4 & 7
A woman quipped to her counsellor, 'We got married 20 years ago for better or worse. And looking back, he couldn't have done any better and I couldn't have done any worse!' Seriously, any good counselor will tell you that marriage is a process of adjusting to things you couldn't have anticipated. And good communication is crucial. It's important to:
1) Talk to yourself before talking to your mate. Before you charge in with guns blazing, ask yourself whether fear, stress or worry could have provoked your mate's response. Is he/she deliberately trying to hurt you? Is it bothering you more right now because you're feeling insecure or unappreciated? Could you be misreading or exaggerating the problem? Identifying what you're feeling will help you communicate more calmly and clearly.
2) Adjust your expectations. We have a right to expect our mates to love and respect us, and to be faithful. But some other expectations are unrealistic; for example, keeping track of certain things your 'ex' never did, expecting your spouse to do them. Paul says, 'Love...Never looks back.'
3) Be honest concerning trust issues. It's better to be truthful than to let things build up. It's okay to admit that some days you are needier than others. For example, Dr Gary Oliver says: 'When a woman feels panicked every time her husband comes home late, because her previous husband had an affair...it's okay to say..."I know it's irrational, but I'm having a panicky day!"' That kind of honesty will strengthen your relationship.
written by Bob Gass
Keeping the lines open (1)
'LOVE...NEVER LOOKS BACK.' 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4 & 7
A woman quipped to her counsellor, 'We got married 20 years ago for better or worse. And looking back, he couldn't have done any better and I couldn't have done any worse!' Seriously, any good counselor will tell you that marriage is a process of adjusting to things you couldn't have anticipated. And good communication is crucial. It's important to:
1) Talk to yourself before talking to your mate. Before you charge in with guns blazing, ask yourself whether fear, stress or worry could have provoked your mate's response. Is he/she deliberately trying to hurt you? Is it bothering you more right now because you're feeling insecure or unappreciated? Could you be misreading or exaggerating the problem? Identifying what you're feeling will help you communicate more calmly and clearly.
2) Adjust your expectations. We have a right to expect our mates to love and respect us, and to be faithful. But some other expectations are unrealistic; for example, keeping track of certain things your 'ex' never did, expecting your spouse to do them. Paul says, 'Love...Never looks back.'
3) Be honest concerning trust issues. It's better to be truthful than to let things build up. It's okay to admit that some days you are needier than others. For example, Dr Gary Oliver says: 'When a woman feels panicked every time her husband comes home late, because her previous husband had an affair...it's okay to say..."I know it's irrational, but I'm having a panicky day!"' That kind of honesty will strengthen your relationship.
written by Bob Gass
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