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Infidelity in Marriage

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Hello. I've been married to my Christian wife for almost 4 years and I recently found out that she has been cheating on me with a co-worker for at least a month. She didn't tell me what was going on, but I was the one who confronted her after witnessing very bizarre behaviour she was displaying over the course of that month. I asked her what her reasons were why she chose to cheat. She said she's loved the idea of marriage more than me and she thinks that this other guy can bring her happiness, as she feels she cannot get it from me. She says she really cares for me, but doesn't love me. She said she doesn't want to stay married anymore because of all the struggles and issues in our marriage has left her empty, numb, and unfulfilled. She has told me she wants to separate and I think it is best that we do.

I have often felt throughout the course of our married life together that she hasn't really given her 100% effort. After the honeymoon phase, I felt that every day she just continued to shut down and detach from marital intimacy. I wanted her to be involved in my life, but she said no most of the time. I asked her if it was anything I had done in order for her to choose this and she said I had nothing to do with it; she said it was her that was the problem. She said that the only reason that we stayed married was for family and that she has more of a list of reasons not to stay married.

I don't want to lose hope that God will heal and reconcile us, but at the same time I'm so hurt and so betrayed, I really don't want to right now. I have meditated over Scripture concerning separation and divorce and I know that it is not a sin if I wanted to get a divorce. However, I do not want to get a divorce even though I have God's permission to divorce because my spouse committed adultery. I want to salvage the marriage as much as it hurts. And I will fight for her until I cannot anymore. I'm giving her the choice if she wants to divorce, because I still believe there is hope and healing.

Please pray for us in this time as we are in the process of she moving out to another place because we've decided that separation is best for both of us considering she wants to be alone and I'm so hurt right now I need my space. Pray for healing and reconciliation. Pray for God's will to be done in both of our lives and He would reveal to us what He wants us to do.
Staff Member
Greetings brother @redeemed4life

What a sad situation you are in....my heart goes out to you brother

The Lord knows your situation and you are in His hands

Trust Him to lead and guide you as His word says He will and wait on Him for clear direction at this most difficult time


He hath said I will never leave thee
Hebrews 13:5

My times are in Thy hand
Psalm 31:15

Yet will I not forget thee
Isiah 49:15
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Honestly, I don't know what I would do in your situation. I would likely want to separate as well and remove myself from her life and let her be. Thinking as an outsider though, I see many reasons why separation can be a very bad thing, unless there is physical abuse or something like that. It gives the cheating spouse time alone away from you and I don't think that ever brings two people closer together. I only pray that the Lord will guide you through this. I don't know what other struggles your marriage has gone through, that you mentioned, and so I cannot advise you towards any actions. I am hurting for you brother, and every time I see these actions against a sibling in Christ I recall that our transgressions against the Lord are not so different from our experiences of being let down.
Cast your burdens on the Lord.
A Pastor once told me that separating is the absolute worse thing you can do if you don't want to divorce. He said that once you are separated you get use to being away from each other and it makes it easier for you to divorce. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am praying for you and your wife.
Big hugs!
Staff Member

I agree in a sense. I think though there are some circumstances where separation is absolutely necessary. For example, an abusive spouse (physical especially). Or, perhaps drug use. But I do agree that in general, it can become a relief, a comfort zone instead of remaining in the fight together, living together and fighting to save your marriage.
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! No one should ever stay if they are being abused! Marriage is definitely hard work and shouldn't be gone into lightly!!!

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