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Hello brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus,

I'm 32 Y/O Australian male.

I write this as a small testimonial regarding Sexual Sin.

I was married when I was 20, I had/have porn addiction.

My Marriage ended with my wife's abandonment (not because of any one thing)

I met my next partner 2 months after she left.

I destroyed the marriage by committing adultery with my new partner after my wife left.

4 or 5 years later my new partner died in the most traumatic way (September 2016)

Her brain disinterested (Mental Health) and I became a father to her, by this I mean she was dying and reverting back to being a child of sorts where I tired to take care of her with no family support on either side (Her whole family disowned her and my family would not accept her)

I tried to love her like I'd never loved another person before.

By this I mean I was pushed to the edged of this:

"1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."


In a "normal" circumstance (healthy minds) I would have done much better at loving her but this was not "normal"

It was EXTREME circumstance

She had threatened suicide and attempted it many times over in our relationship which I tried to prevent every time. Police, Ambulances, Doctors, Mental Health Professionals, you name it.

I lost my Job by taking 3 months off in a 12 month period caring from my sick partner one month prior to her death.

I abandoned her physically 4 days before her death because of the suffering, stress and her dependency on me alone.

Now I want to say that I have never experienced as many trials and testing in my walk with Christ as I've have had over the past 2 years.

I've never been pushed to the extreme levels of human emotion and suffering as I have in the past 2 years.

I have a bucket load of shame because I failed so many times to walk with God in all areas of my life.

Now I want people to hear a truth.


I masturbated to porn while she was on her death bed behind me in the same room.

And I lied about it directly to her continuously to keep her (my stupid justification for sinning) from the hurt my sin will cause her.

I found her dead on the floor when I returned 4 days after my abandonment (which I said the Lords Prayer over her body and asked God to take her poor soul) and broke down life I've never broken down before.

I hate every aspect of my self that is not in obedience to Christ.

And this circumstance pushed me to the very edges of human experience where I'm sure most would have fallen just as I did.

There is more sin: Physical and emotional abuse, Lying, Stealing, Sexual Cheating, Sexually Buggery, Drunkenness, Fornication. You name it, I'm sure it was there somewhere.

Brethren may I ask you to pray for my broken heart?

My I ask you to pray for God to bring me into more and more obedience in Him by His Spirit.

He is doing this I am sure of, but as Paul said Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I have a filthy testimony to share and I need to share it because everyone wants to hide their sin in dark places away from God sight, as I do.

It needs to come into the light of Christ.

In love,
Craig.
 
Active
"Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8)

"Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1:7-8)
 
Member
Hello brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus,

I'm 32 Y/O Australian male.

I write this as a small testimonial regarding Sexual Sin.

I was married when I was 20, I had/have porn addiction.

My Marriage ended with my wife's abandonment (not because of any one thing)

I met my next partner 2 months after she left.

I destroyed the marriage by committing adultery with my new partner after my wife left.

4 or 5 years later my new partner died in the most traumatic way (September 2016)

Her brain disinterested (Mental Health) and I became a father to her, by this I mean she was dying and reverting back to being a child of sorts where I tired to take care of her with no family support on either side (Her whole family disowned her and my family would not accept her)

I tried to love her like I'd never loved another person before.

By this I mean I was pushed to the edged of this:

"1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."


In a "normal" circumstance (healthy minds) I would have done much better at loving her but this was not "normal"

It was EXTREME circumstance

She had threatened suicide and attempted it many times over in our relationship which I tried to prevent every time. Police, Ambulances, Doctors, Mental Health Professionals, you name it.

I lost my Job by taking 3 months off in a 12 month period caring from my sick partner one month prior to her death.

I abandoned her physically 4 days before her death because of the suffering, stress and her dependency on me alone.

Now I want to say that I have never experienced as many trials and testing in my walk with Christ as I've have had over the past 2 years.

I've never been pushed to the extreme levels of human emotion and suffering as I have in the past 2 years.

I have a bucket load of shame because I failed so many times to walk with God in all areas of my life.

Now I want people to hear a truth.


I masturbated to porn while she was on her death bed behind me in the same room.

And I lied about it directly to her continuously to keep her (my stupid justification for sinning) from the hurt my sin will cause her.

I found her dead on the floor when I returned 4 days after my abandonment (which I said the Lords Prayer over her body and asked God to take her poor soul) and broke down life I've never broken down before.

I hate every aspect of my self that is not in obedience to Christ.

And this circumstance pushed me to the very edges of human experience where I'm sure most would have fallen just as I did.

There is more sin: Physical and emotional abuse, Lying, Stealing, Sexual Cheating, Sexually Buggery, Drunkenness, Fornication. You name it, I'm sure it was there somewhere.

Brethren may I ask you to pray for my broken heart?

My I ask you to pray for God to bring me into more and more obedience in Him by His Spirit.

He is doing this I am sure of, but as Paul said Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I have a filthy testimony to share and I need to share it because everyone wants to hide their sin in dark places away from God sight, as I do.

It needs to come into the light of Christ.

In love,
Craig.
Craig

With relationships breaking down everywhere it's no wonder you turned to porn.

Build healthy relationships and the porn addiction will settle. That's all God desires, that people will learn about each other for better or worse.

You'll be OK, and if not you won't miss the boat to God's kingdom.
 
Member
Hello brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus,

I'm 32 Y/O Australian male.

I write this as a small testimonial regarding Sexual Sin.

I was married when I was 20, I had/have porn addiction.

My Marriage ended with my wife's abandonment (not because of any one thing)

I met my next partner 2 months after she left.

I destroyed the marriage by committing adultery with my new partner after my wife left.

4 or 5 years later my new partner died in the most traumatic way (September 2016)

Her brain disinterested (Mental Health) and I became a father to her, by this I mean she was dying and reverting back to being a child of sorts where I tired to take care of her with no family support on either side (Her whole family disowned her and my family would not accept her)

I tried to love her like I'd never loved another person before.

By this I mean I was pushed to the edged of this:

"1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."


In a "normal" circumstance (healthy minds) I would have done much better at loving her but this was not "normal"

It was EXTREME circumstance

She had threatened suicide and attempted it many times over in our relationship which I tried to prevent every time. Police, Ambulances, Doctors, Mental Health Professionals, you name it.

I lost my Job by taking 3 months off in a 12 month period caring from my sick partner one month prior to her death.

I abandoned her physically 4 days before her death because of the suffering, stress and her dependency on me alone.

Now I want to say that I have never experienced as many trials and testing in my walk with Christ as I've have had over the past 2 years.

I've never been pushed to the extreme levels of human emotion and suffering as I have in the past 2 years.

I have a bucket load of shame because I failed so many times to walk with God in all areas of my life.

Now I want people to hear a truth.


I masturbated to porn while she was on her death bed behind me in the same room.

And I lied about it directly to her continuously to keep her (my stupid justification for sinning) from the hurt my sin will cause her.

I found her dead on the floor when I returned 4 days after my abandonment (which I said the Lords Prayer over her body and asked God to take her poor soul) and broke down life I've never broken down before.

I hate every aspect of my self that is not in obedience to Christ.

And this circumstance pushed me to the very edges of human experience where I'm sure most would have fallen just as I did.

There is more sin: Physical and emotional abuse, Lying, Stealing, Sexual Cheating, Sexually Buggery, Drunkenness, Fornication. You name it, I'm sure it was there somewhere.

Brethren may I ask you to pray for my broken heart?

My I ask you to pray for God to bring me into more and more obedience in Him by His Spirit.

He is doing this I am sure of, but as Paul said Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I have a filthy testimony to share and I need to share it because everyone wants to hide their sin in dark places away from God sight, as I do.

It needs to come into the light of Christ.

In love,
Craig.
Craig, it took some courage to get on this site and to share your struggles with us. Thank you for sharing these moments with us. The first step is to acknowledge where you went wrong and to repent! You see the mistakes you made and how this affected yourself and the people around you. I pray with all of my heart that you forgive yourself and grow in your relationship with Christ. There are so many people in this world that you can help heal.

Remember, you're loved.
 
Member
Craig, it took some courage to get on this site and to share your struggles with us. Thank you for sharing these moments with us. The first step is to acknowledge where you went wrong and to repent! You see the mistakes you made and how this affected yourself and the people around you. I pray with all of my heart that you forgive yourself and grow in your relationship with Christ. There are so many people in this world that you can help heal.

Remember, you're loved.
God bless,

I haven't masturbated or looked at porn for over 2 months now.

I have drawn closer to God and He has drawn closer to me.

I have abstained from a number of sin's such as Marijuana dependency.

I still have more to repent from, and I will watch for God's escape he provides to us through our temptation.

I'm trying to spread the "Word" in a particular online community who the vocal majority are atheistic, nihilist or agnostic.

This is of course is met with intolerance. And I have been banned for a week. I will continue my work on this forum as I have for many years now.

My heart is still very sad and lonely without my beloved.

But I know she is in Heaven and God is with me and with her.

I still feel His Spirit when I pray and listen to his word preached.

The felling that my heart is jumping in "Love".

That warm overwhelming felling of His unmerited "Gift".

Tears of "Joy".

I had a dream where I saw my beloved and "our love" for one another without the dysfunction of this world, it moved me in sadness at the moment I realized she was gone.

I will continue to repent and I know it will be a long road ahead being 32 years of age and I hope I don't stumble.

I do remember when I was acting in the sin of masturbation to porn - how my heart felt so sick at the images I was using for release while she was with me and that my member didn't work as normal.

I was taught from a young age that masturbation was "ok" - how wrong they were.

I now know it is not necessary to "release" and the body handles it through its own internal mechanisms.

I'll never forget when I first received the Holy Spirit at baptism (2005) the disgust of myself and sorry feelings I had for the person (video) I was performing the act towards.

I look forward to the reunion in Heaven with all you brothers and sisters as we receive our promise of life eternal with God and our connection to Him fully restored.

All my love in Christ Jesus,
Craig.
 
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