I'm struggling.

[learning2love]

Don't want to bother anybody, but could you please pray for me? I'm really struggling with something previous I've done. It wasn't so bad until I got a call on the ambulance (I'm a paramedic) for a woman having her baby. But she was only a few months along. That baby was totally formed......she was all there.......her fingers and toes, her face...everything. They told me it was only a blob. Believing it made it easier in a way. But seeing that baby that was so little has brought everything flooding back. I hate myself for what i did more than once. I hate the memories, the feelings, the nightmares. I hate that I can't hold my babies. My heart aches. I can't kiss their boo boos when they get hurt and make it all better. I can't play catch or go for a bike ride. I can't braid my little girl's hair and play dressup. I won't ever argue about curfews, rules and dating. I can't do this. It hurts too much. sorry

 

[Fragrant Grace]

The Lord knows...

It must be so hard... but the Lord has forgiven all our sins, mistakes and those things that we regret.

This grief you are experiencing is for a purpose and to draw you closer to Him.

I have a poster on my kitchen wall that says:

Some things that come into our lives
And some things that are taken out
We do not understand
But someday we shall sit at His dear feet and read the tender meaning of God's love and Praise Him

You will be in my prayers.

Julia

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings learning2love,

yes, I will pray for you. May you have the comfort that belongs to the loved of the Lord as you are.

Bless you ....><>

Br. Bear

and ps... Julia, your words are soothing and healing in Christ... bless you, too ....><>

 

[Leanne]

Hi L2L i understand your pain having been through the same thing. You never fully ever forget it. after years of being haunted by this and one night looking at myself in the mirror calling myself a murderer, i felt the Lord saying so clearly "I have forgiven you, can you forgive yourself" I then realised that if God, my creator and saviour has forgiven me then i needed to do this. I paid heavily for this as a week after the abortion i went into menapause (at 34 yrs) I am not saying this is what happens to everyone but for me it was the price i paid for at this time i had turned my back on the Lord and was what Christians say 'backslidden'. God's forgiveness and grace has been sufficient for me so i was able to forgive myself. Go to Him and spend time in His presence and He will wipe all the tears, pain, guilt and hurt away.

 

[charrot551]

hi leanne,i hope God will give the thing that profits for you,i know your situation and i do understand you,hope really that God will help you on this to survive youre hardship on this and may your resentments on this be diminished just trust in his ways God knows best.

God bless you........!

 

[Leanne]

Thanks Charrot. God has blessed me wonderfully and it has been nearly 20 years since then and i have remained walking with the Lord. I have never been resentful for either never having children or not being married. If we have the Lord Jesus Christ then we have everything. My life is rich in Him and not having these has allowed me to devote my energy in things that a married woman with children could not do. Thanking you for your support.

 

[stephen]

Don't want to bother anybody, but could you please pray for me? I'm really struggling with something previous I've done. It wasn't so bad until I got a call on the ambulance (I'm a paramedic) for a woman having her baby. But she was only a few months along. That baby was totally formed......she was all there.......her fingers and toes, her face...everything. They told me it was only a blob. Believing it made it easier in a way. But seeing that baby that was so little has brought everything flooding back. I hate myself for what i did more than once. I hate the memories, the feelings, the nightmares. I hate that I can't hold my babies. My heart aches. I can't kiss their boo boos when they get hurt and make it all better. I can't play catch or go for a bike ride. I can't braid my little girl's hair and play dressup. I won't ever argue about curfews, rules and dating. I can't do this. It hurts too much. sorry

The bible exhorts us to "forget the things which are behind and press on toward the high calling of God in Jesus" I exhort you to do this.

None of us can relive our mistakes and make corrections. But God's grace and forgiveness is more than sufficient to cover and bury all our wrong doings. He paid the high price on the cross that we might be forgiven. "His blood cleanseth us from all our sin".

"Come now let us reason together, saith the LOrd: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they be red like crimson they shall be as wool" Isaiah 1 v 18

"scarlet" The word scarlet here refers to a deep dye obtained from a small worm..........the idea is that if one's sin's have been double dipped in the deep dye of scarlet, they have fixed permanency But if sin is confessed (which is presupposed here) they will become as white as snow. Though sin has become deep dyed as the stain of a permanent colour in wool, yet they will be removed as such colouring from the wool when it is restored to its original whiteness

 

[lettheredeemed]

Don't want to bother anybody, but could you please pray for me? I'm really struggling with something previous I've done. It wasn't so bad until I got a call on the ambulance (I'm a paramedic) for a woman having her baby. But she was only a few months along. That baby was totally formed......she was all there.......her fingers and toes, her face...everything. They told me it was only a blob. Believing it made it easier in a way. But seeing that baby that was so little has brought everything flooding back. I hate myself for what i did more than once. I hate the memories, the feelings, the nightmares. I hate that I can't hold my babies. My heart aches. I can't kiss their boo boos when they get hurt and make it all better. I can't play catch or go for a bike ride. I can't braid my little girl's hair and play dressup. I won't ever argue about curfews, rules and dating. I can't do this. It hurts too much. sorry

L2L, You know I think if we all were honest we would have to say that we abhor the sin that we have committed. It may not be the same sin but in God's eyes it is no different. But you know that is why Jesus had to come to die in our place. Jesus promised that if we confess our sins that He was faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Do you know that when God gave me a glimpse of my sin in the light of Calvary I grieved for weeks on end. As I stayed in the Word of God the Holy Spirit began washing me little by little in the precious Word. Gradually my weeping turned into joy as He began to make me over again. Take it to Jesus He is the only one that can heal the wounds that sin has caused. I share this with you not because I am anything I am not. I am a sinner saved by the wonderful marvelous grace of God. Jesus loves you L2L.

 

[charrot551]

hi L2L!!! God forgives you no matter what,he understands you,and knows your situation.God will help you on this to overcome the trials you have right now,just hold on with God and everythings will be goin fine.He will help and provide you in your struggling life.

Bless you..........!

 

[mc_simmons]

"Rejoice in the Lord God always"

Don't want to bother anybody, but could you please pray for me? I'm really struggling with something previous I've done. It wasn't so bad until I got a call on the ambulance (I'm a paramedic) for a woman having her baby. But she was only a few months along. That baby was totally formed......she was all there.......her fingers and toes, her face...everything. They told me it was only a blob. Believing it made it easier in a way. But seeing that baby that was so little has brought everything flooding back. I hate myself for what i did more than once. I hate the memories, the feelings, the nightmares. I hate that I can't hold my babies. My heart aches. I can't kiss their boo boos when they get hurt and make it all better. I can't play catch or go for a bike ride. I can't braid my little girl's hair and play dressup. I won't ever argue about curfews, rules and dating. I can't do this. It hurts too much. sorry

Oh boy, I missed this thread! but hopefully my post is not yet too late. Sis L2L, you're not alone... your cries are my cries, your agonies are mine as well for I likewise met similar tragedy, I lost my first 6-month pregnancy. I lost my first son! )-; and this keeps me mourning till now... yet, the Lord has a more wonderful plan (Romans 8:28) more than our earthly wishes and dreams. I thank God for all the comforts I have received : earthly and spiritual from various friends. But I am much blessed of the latter for the former is more of emotional blackmails that satan ride in. Only the Holy Spirit is the true comforter and through Him we are used to become great comforters as well for the purpose of bringing more souls to the throne of the living God. Hallelujah!

Truly, it is wonderful to discern that God is teaching me and you to wait patiently (Psalms 40) so come and join me as I keep singing the psalm " why so downcast oh my soul? put your hope in God (3x), Oh! why so downcast oh my soul, put your hope in God and bless the Lord oh my soul! Bless the Lord, He's lifter of my countenance, bless the Lord, He's the lifter of my head, I will never be ashamed!!!"

Sis L2L, let's keep ourselves busy in serving and glorifying God. Gradually, He'll turn our "mourning into dancing" again:wink:

To God be the glory!

 

[Etienne Marais]

I am very sorry to hear that you are struggling and I will pray for you. It always help to ask God if you struggling and he will never let you alone. I will pray God's peace and Grace upon you.