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I'm having trouble with my mom

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I know the Bible says to worship your mother and father, but I'm having feelings of hatred towards my mother. She's an alcoholic, she's extremely racist and she's a very bad woman. She's been an alcoholic for, 15 years maybe? I don't know, but I'm 18 now and I don't remember her not being an alcohol addict. Her personality changes completely whenever she drinks, naturally, and she becomes a demon. She drives away every person away from her, nobody likes her anymore, not her friends, her family and now even her only daughter doesn't want to see her anymore. She refuses to realize or confess that she has a problem, her mentality is more like, the whole world is crazy except for me. Also her racism is driving me nuts. She hates jews and she really loaths black people, she always calls them ****** and that always hurts me. She has a swastika in her house, she loves Hitler and she's not afraid to speak her mind about it. One time she forced me to speak German (I learnt this in school at the time), she grabbed my hair and hurt me and wouldn't let me go until I had said something in perfect German.
I haven't been living with her for the past 3 years because I couldn't handle her anymore, she doesn't work for a long time now and she just sits in home, the money she gets from the government she'll spend for alcohol, cigarettes and gas for her car, but in the meantime her internet, tv and gas are terminated, and she's begging my father for money, crying that she can barely live and she's considering prostituting because our government is evil and refuses to give her more money. Also, my father is remarried to a woman, and this woman came to this country because of my mother, my mom had a job for her so she could live a better life. Now that this woman and my father are together, she has nothing but bad words for her and absolutely hates her from the bottom of her heart. They have two children together, and also those innocent creatures she wishes to murder.
I remember my last year I lived there, coming home from school and I would see her sleeping or being drunk and making a fuss about something absolutely irrelevant. I would get so angry and impatient with her, and I swear I'm not like this at all, only with my mother. She would blame me for being aggressive and I was the worst child a mother could have and saying all these bad things to me. She would also abuse me physically, and afterwards, when the social worker came to our home, she denied this all.

I'm sorry for the long story and the bad English, it's not my first language. I just really want help and advice because I don't know what do to with her. I'm considering blocking her from my life and never see her again, and not to speak one word about her anymore ever again.
 
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Okay I read it all. It sounds really really rough. This time is hard for you, I can only imagine how hard.

This is the little that I know.

God commanded your mother to raise you up the right way, to not antagonise you and to love you. It doesn't sound to me like she is trying to do those.

Also her behaviour sounds quite dishonourable.

However, the bible tell us, yes, to honour our parents. And this is a commandment. Both you and your parents will one day need to give an account to God about how you treated each other. Not just how you honoured them, but how they modeled God's unconditional love to you.

It is important for you, for your own well-being, to forgive your mother. You can't do this in your own strength, but let God's power through you work to forgive her.

Having said that, it is okay to forgive her and not see her again. It might be hard to do this without bearing a grudge towards her, but you can forgive her and honour her dishonourable actions by:

-not talking badly about her to anyone
-praying for her
-asking God to bless her
-being open to having her back in your life when God leads you to

All the best with this, it must be very very hard.

By the way your English is fine :smile:

<3
 
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Active
Eram, Aside now from your mother,what has this all done to you?? That is my concern! Before we can ever begin to help another,we must first find first aid for us! You speak very good English as well! I want to make this as simple as I can for you to understand.

You have suffered much,not just in body, but also in your mind,you need great healing for the many cuts you have suffered, not only at the hands of others, but by the words of others as well. Because I do not know,where in the Lord Jesus you are,meaning I do not know if you are a believer or not,I would humbly ask you to do the following.1. Find a good bible based Church,one where you can SEE!!! LOVE in it!

Because you really need this!2. If you are not a believer as yet,I am here to tell you Jesus loves YOU!! Those in darkness always look for others to join them in it,you are looking for the light switch,and Jesus Christ is that light switch for you dear sister! He has not forsaken you as the devil would have you believe!!

Jesus is alive in many of us here,and is looking for you to do something,you must turn on the light switch.Repent of your own sins,read his Word daily,so you can see for yourself what Jesus says about you,not what others tell you,this is called renewing ones own mind( rom 12:1-2)

Jesus will heal you heart,but we must heal our own mind,for over the years we have hurt it in so many ways,not meaning to of course! We heal our minds by believing what our true Father says.Please look at this scripture for an example. ( Isaiah 41:9-13 then read all of Psalms 91) LOVE is who Jesus Christ really is,that is his very nature!

A nature he wants us to have through him! But before we can do this, we must first learn how to do.( 1 John 4:17-19) We have to accept this love as well. You deserve to be loved sister!! Let Jesus love you,so he can heal all of your sorrows!!

Blessing always to you.Your brother in Christ, mark. And Mrs was so right,honor in not worship,when we look unto flesh,that is what we become.When we look unto the Lord Jesus,and his living Spirit in us,that is what we can become in him!! HUGS in Jesus!
 
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Member
Hi eram,

Let me first say its nice to meet you and im glad you are here at Talk Jesus with us. you mentioned in the bible it says we should worship our fathers and mothers...let me give you the exact verse from the bible about this...because it says we should honor and there is a big difference between worshipping and honoring.

Exodus20:12 Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

I agree with mark too on the fact that you are hurting deeply yourself from the words that have been said and from others hands, but Jesus can heal you my friend and mend your heart and bring you peace...I want you to know that to our Lord you are His princess, a rare and precious jewel and He does know and has felt your pain and seen your tears...you are not alone and He wants so much to help you right now. One of the best things you can do is pick up a bible and read of His love and promises to you. He will make a way where there seems there is no way at all. Also I do agree that seeking a good church whose leader preaches from the word of God is important..one that you not only see but can feel the outpouring of genuine love..which can only come from our savior.

Psalm137:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Another thing that you can do is talk to Jesus...He wants to know everything you are feeling. Pray often and seek Him and He tells us that when we seek Him with our whole heart we will find Him...He will be there. So, never stop seeking Him. As you are working on renewing your mind and healing in our Lord one of the ways you can continue to honor your mom is to pray for her. She needs it now more than ever and even though I know it will be a painful thing for you to do and you may even feel so angry and hurt that you say but how can i pray for her. But God will give you what you need to do this, He will be your strength when you are not strong enough and will supply you with what you need so you can pray for her and in time forgive her...it make take awhile for you to be able to do this, but with continual help from our Lord it can be done.

Jeremiah29:11-14 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with your whole heart, I will be found by you, says the Lord and I wil bring you back from your captivity.

You see our Lord tells us here that if we seek Him with our whole hearts we will find Him and He will deliver us from our captivity...He will save and free us...He can and will do the same for you..He can mend your heart, your emotions, your mind and help you to forgive and to pray for your mom. We forgive because first because its what God did for us and secondly because its part of being totally free in our Lord...It helps us in the healing process because it releases hatred, anger and hurt.

We your friends, brothers and sisters in the Lord here at Talk Jesus including myself will all be praying for you in this situation. As Mark said you deserve to be loved and are loved by the very one who created you our Lord Jesus Christ and now you are loved by us too...God bless you now and always!
 
Member
The Net is very impersonal and sometimes you cannot express entirely how you feel in such a few words, in saying that I would like to say you are brave for coming here to speak your concerns. It is sometimes hard to fill in the missing pieces in such a short amount of time. Your mum reminds me partly of my sister and her alcoholism. She is in her late 40’s. It changes people.. My sister has been afflicted for many more years than she need to be. You are 18 now and can make your own decisions. Some people lash out at the world because they feel so empty inside. Pray for your mum that she can change. You may have to love from a distance. The bible does say to honour your parents as hard as it may seem to be looking at all their flaws in your eyes. Protect yourself that you don’t get hurt anymore. It may take a life changing event for her to become well again. She has removed herself from the world and pushed others away by her actions. Be strong in your resolution to be a better person. If you don’t read the bible, find one and start with the gospel of John, read it slowly and know brothers and sisters in Christ will pray for. God Bless.
 
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I'm considering blocking her from my life and never see her again, and not to speak one word about her anymore ever again.
I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober 28 years) and I'm very familiar with the pain alcoholism inflicts upon familes. Avoiding contact with your mother is a good thing for the present time, but I would caution against turning your back permanently. That level of hate will do much more damage to you than to your mom.

In the United States, we have resources for helping people in your situation (hopefully these resources are available in your country or via the internet): Al-Anon for family members and friends of alcoholics, and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA), which is specifically for sons and daughters of alcoholics.

Remember that loving someone doesn't mean we are required to like them. Don't be ashamed of your English; actually it is quite good.

Welcome to TalkJesus,

Spirit Led Ed (SLE)
 
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Member
hello everyone,

thank you all for your kind responses, I didn't expect this. I feel a lot less confused and helpless. I sort of made my mind up and I will start praying for her, every day, and stop visiting her for a (little) while, so I can completely calm down with her.
God bless you all!!
 
Member
Hi Eram i also believe that you will have to forgive your mother
The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us:

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you

However, forgiveness is a slow process,but with the help of Jesus
u will get there.....

Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times

This answer by Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. It's not a one time choice and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is important to Jesus. We must continue forgiving until the matter is settled in our heart.

We are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. When we do forgive, Jesus sets our hearts free from the anger,bitterness, resentment and hurt that previously imprisoned us.

I believe once u forgave her the healing can start....

God bless
 
Member
"I believe once u forgave her the healing can start...."

Amen! Ask God to show u how to love like Him :wink:
 
Member
Hi Eram,lovely to see you here. I will be praying for you and your mother... forgive and believe God to deliever her, which may be hard to do for all the things shes done.
In Jeremiah 33:3 says if you call unto God, he will answer you and show you great and mighty things you dont know...Don't give up on her, take it to Jesus in prayer.
 

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