I went from being Agnostic to being Mad.

[Thiala]

Just bear with me here, I'm new and trying to figure out how to explain this all.

I went from being Agnostic, and not believing either way to now believing in God and being mad at him. I've been watching videos on how to be a good Christian and I can't live up to that. I'm so disabled physically and mentally I go from waking up tired to going to bed praying for death. I have all of $20 a week for groceries, I can't eat healthy. I'm disabled to the point I cannot exercise. I can't possibly work, I have zero meaning in my life. I cant even attend a church. Why would God bring me to believe in him, just so I could realize that he abandoned me. I'm not going hell, I'm already here.

I've read the Bible, multiple time, I don't find Sanctuary in it...only damnation. Why would God lead me to him, only to give the loud and clear message of "I don't care about you, nor your prayers"

What did I do wrong?

 

[Christ4Ever]

Hello Thiala,
Welcome to Talk Jesus an online community of Jesus Christ believers. My heart and prayers go out to you. I do hope you will find fellowship and growth in God's Word while you are here.

God loves you whether you believe it or not, or whether in your reading of the bible, you are able to find it within those pages, though it is there. Nobody until Jesus came and died on the Cross, believed to associate love with pain, suffering, dying for others, especially for those who have no love for you to begin with. It's easy to love those who love you, but to love those who don't...not so much.

You should check out Joni Eareckson Tada. I've provided a contact link to her for you below.

https://joniandfriends.org/contact-us/

Another is Nick Vujicic who has neither arms or legs. I'm sure there are others who have found the love of Jesus, and embraced Him as Lord and Savior. Is every story a happy one according to what the world tells you it should be? Nope, and if you think that I'm going to tell you that coming to Jesus will make everything go away...Nope, I won't tell you that either. In fact Jesus tells you that in Him, that you will have trials and tribulations (John 16:33), and from the little you have said, you've got enough of that going on of that for a lot of folks!

Yet, what I will tell you is that nobody ever died for me or has loved me as Jesus does and moved me in such a way since I received Him as Lord and Savior. Am I worth it? Only in His eyes could I be worth it, because in my own eyes I'm a disreputable man, and not worth anyone doing anything for me, much less what He did for me, which was die on the Cross.

There are some folks from Canada here, and who knows, might be able to assist, and at the very least I know will pray for you and what you are going through. I hope you will be able to touch bases with some of them.

With that being said, again be welcomed with the Love of Christ Jesus, and know that you have at least one praying for you and don't give up on Jesus! He does love Thiala, and don't ever think He doesn't. He loved you even before you even knew that He was and is just waiting to receive you no matter what shape or condition you happen to be in.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
Nick
\o/
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P.S. I am assuming you are female, and will add that to your bio, so that you can access the forum for women. If I am wrong, please let me know, and I'll change it to male.