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I Use To Be A Lost Sheep

Well, Guys sorry if my arrangement of my letter is a bit disorganise because i am not good at doing a letters, well this storie is about me, how i lost my way and how God found me, so pls read it.

Well as i can say, i used to be an anti crist just months ago, but God had found me.

All my life i suffered Social Discrimination, since child my playmates use to play tricks w/me(wich is norma) but when i was on my early grade skool yrs my classmate is always teasing me a PIG coz i was a FAT KID( here in the philipines being a FAT KID is not a good thing) and i never show them that i am so hurt but deep inside i do, well during my 10th grade i slim down, i mean i am almost skinny, but my classmates and skool mates is still calling me PIG and FAT BOY coz they said that even if i was slim, i am still fat coz i am born a fat boy, they also say that bcoz i am the most heaviest male in my grade( i am not a fat during dat time, nor very tall, i still don't know why i am overwight, now i am weighting 185 Lbs!) and as my defense mechanism i became a fighter! i fist fights with skull bullies and kids who are teasing me, well i beat most of the Bullies at my grade coz i am imitating some pro wrestling moves! but still i am not respected why? coz of all the "strong people" on my skool, i am the precious "few" people who stands for the weak, and i never really bullied anyone in my skool, instead i protect those being bullied! and for that my our rivals call me(us) cowards! well at my 6th grade i fall inlove for the 1st time, i fall in love to Joanna, she is tall and slender,she had a paled white rosy skin, expressive eyes, and she can transform her face from being innocent, angelic look to a sinister sadistic maiden! but i am so into her personality, she can protect herself, well i can sat at the 1st time i fall in love, but this is the time when i felt i was really unwanted, i felt like i am the most worthless person, why? because she ignores me, specially on the time dat i say my affections to her,she treats me like a garbage, she calling me names, i don't know why is she doing dat to me, and off all the guys who is courting me, i was the only 1 who is ignored and the only 1 that was not even give a chance, i am not the baddest kid at skool, i am not a nerd either, i have a good hygene, i dress well( i am not so simple, nor sophisticated) i am not Ugly either, and i am so pissed that she let the other guys a chance, she let a gangster court him, a nerd, a playboy, etc, she give all kinds of guys to have a chance to her except me, and i am so convinced that i am so worthless, that i am so DUMB, and i start to ask God " why do you created me like this! why! why! why!, but during these time, i discovered my talent to write poems, but i still not valueing my talent, i consider it as a course, and i really suffered from the "i hate my self syndrome", this the time also when i get really hooked to rock music, i get really hooked to some bands such as my fave NIRVANA, PEARL JAM, KORN, METALLICA, GUNS N' ROSES, SEX PISTOL etc.

Well i can say that i learn to love the hardway and that is the time that i have started to TURN AWAY FROM God,

My freshman yrs in higskool was not good either, this is the time that i started to sniff solvent, watch porn, drink alcohol, i also cut the classes frequently that almost all my grade is nearly failing,
and still, i hated myself so much!! and my self esteem is so low! i always question God " what the F*** do u want me to be, want me to be good, show me miracle" and with out a reason, i became an altar boy at a catholic church, it was a bitter sweet days, being closer to God and meeting new people, but i quit being an altar boy after a gurl dumped me! i was so upset dat i said " God, i am retuning back to you, what the hell did u let my girl leave me! u know i love her, why!". And i am stray again, doing drugs, watching porn, drinking etc, i am in a total lost, i almos get kicked out,and i realised that i am becoming kurt cobain! w/c is i don't want to be, even if he is my idol in music. I failed my PE class because my teacher has an ill feelings on me, and again, i blame God!. I am transfered into private skool w/c i think will be a better place but instead, it's a hell, i never met such arrogant, self centered, vulgar people, i am lucky to have friends at that skool, well i did have friends at skool! i never had a problem of wining friends, but those people, the "hip" "cool" people, they never befriended me or vice versa, i don't judge them but those "hip" don't know how to respect anyone, and they are so mean dat they are stepping on the shadow's of other people, they even try to step on me but they can't, they have to try hard, one of them i send to the hospital! instead, they look down on me, infact, they look down on people who are not like them, they hate me cause i'm different, cause my outlook in lifes seems to deep for them to understand, the think i am not "cool" cause i am not a hiphoper, dat i hate hiphop,they think i'm suck cause i'm a rocker(emo), and even insult my family, they keep saying that my mum was a ***** and my dad is a *******! well off course i am so hurt by dat cause my mum was a very loving mother, she a deceint person, she had sacrificed so much things for us, and my dad, he is not a *******, he is a good person, he has principles, he cares for us, he loves us so much, well i do love my family alot!

those are the people da i find it hard to forgive, i want to kill them, but now, i am doing my best to forgive them
well, read for the part 2 guys, sorry it was so long, but it only shows of how God slowly show me the way, the moment that i hated and loved God
sorry readers, there is a part 2, so pls read the part 2
Hey Moises, now I really understand you, who you are, and why you are the way you are. I really enjoyed meeting you and talking to you. May God bless you greatly. can't wait till part two. thanks again for comming and posting. Jesus loves you:)

by the way, poetry is an awesome gift. as you already know :) you should stick with it, and expand it, but lol i'm one to talk, i should be doing the same thing. but God bless you
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dear moises,

I can honestly say i can identify with you . My life consisted of many of the dark and hopeless thoughts that you have had. I too have been shown the way to His divine path.
Keep up the Good works and GOD bless you and keep you safe.

your friend in christ

Your testimony is the measuring line the lost see of just how far the redeeming hand of God can reach ! Thank you for sharing it with us . Be at peace and be blessed in Jesus Christ . Mike