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I no longer feel God in my life...

Users who viewed this discussion (Total:17)

New Member
It's been a long time since I've been on this site for a number of reasons. Over the past few years my wife of 30 years has had one major health issue after another and with Gods comfort and strength she always seemed to be on the road to recovery despite the ups and downs of cancer, heart surgeries and other major illnesses. This year however she began losing more battles than winning. There had been multiple surgeries followed by multiple lengthy hospitalizations, multiple Doctors visits as well as intensive care at home with visiting nurse and other health care workers. My life shifted from the role of a loving husband to one of around the clock health care worker, everything was centered around her daily needs.

During this time because of her limitations going to church became sporadic at best and eventually stopped as did hospital and home visits from our Pastor and others from the church as others took over my duties at the church, it's as if we were out of sight and out of mind. And to be honest I really wasn't bothered by this because taking care of my wife took everything I had, there was often nothing left at the end of the day for me but a few quick hours sleep and then start the routine of caring for her all over again, I was on autopilot.

There were times however when I did speak with God. Asking and begging to heal my wife and as much as I'm ashamed to admit it there were even times when I argued with God telling Him to take my wife to end the constant pain and suffering she endured. After awhile even those conversations stopped as it became apparent that my wife was never going to be better again and it seemed that God had abandoned her.

She passed away last month while under Hospice care at home. Before she did she returned to her Catholic Faith of her childhood and was given the Sacraments needed to make her right with God and for her sake I hope it granted her absolution and peace. I think it did, the day the Priest spent the afternoon at her bedside she slipped into a coma, 5 days later she was gone.

In the days following her death things happened that hardened my heart towards the church and toward God as well. You see during our absence from the church there had been some division among some of the members causing a split in the church. Suddenly my family found itself in the middle of this drama as former church members were taking to Facebook in an attempt to further demean the church by publicly stating all they have been doing to help this poor family that just lost thier wife and mother while the church did nothing to help or comfort us. It became a contest between certain current and former church members to see who was doing more so they could bolster their own egos. It was also during this time that I was asked by a Deacon of the church when was I going to resume my old duties at the church now that I had all kinds of time on my hands, I hadn't buried my wife yet, had a time to grieve or even comprehend what my life was to become now and needless to say my answer of I don't know wasn't the response her wanted. None of this was honoring my wife, God or the church. It just pushed myself and my children further from God when we needed Him the most.

Since my wife's passing I've been back to the church 3 times, once for her service and twice for Sunday Service in the past 4 weeks. And it no longer feels the same, People keep letting me know my old jobs doing the sound for various services, website and social media outreach are open and I need to start doing them for the church. The problem is I don't want to. Before when I did those things I never did them for the church, I did them for God because I truly felt in some small way I was helping to get His word out. I don't feel anything now, I used to be able to go into the Chapel at anytime day or night and feel recharged, no theres nothing. As quick as I'm in the door I want to leave. I know God hasn't abandoned me, I've left God, I've built a wall and now I'm trapped.

I've spoken to one other person at church about this and they seem to understand but have no suggestions other than give it time. I can't speak to our Pastor since the church currently doesn't have one, they have different Pastors from other churches taking turns doing the Sunday Service until a new Pastor can be found to lead the church. How do I get back what I lost? Fake it till you make it and works aren't going to do it. I want the spirituality I had before but I'm afraid to get there I have to feel again and I can't do that right now the hurt is still to raw.
 
Loyal Member
I am so sorry for you loss and will pray for your comfort and discernment in the mighty name of Lord and savior Jesus Christ.

I am a former Catholic my freind and the best thing I ever did was leave that denomination, I went to a church that only teaches from the bible and not man made traditions that go directly against the word of God like the catholic church.

I never got close to God until I started reading the bible for my self daily.
 
Active Member
Don't let the unloving actions of other believers define God. And, yes, it was unloving to not reach out to you, and then to use your situation and story to publicly defend themselves and their egos). And, yes, it is ok to hurt over that. Even though they did not love you the way they should have, that is not who God is. The enemy likes to use the sins of other Christians (or of unbelievers claiming to know Christ) to make you question your beliefs about God. Don't fall into that trap.

You are grieving and hurting. You are questioning God. I'm here to tell you He can handle the questions. Be honest with Him and let Him know how you're feeling. He knows anyway. The times I have expressed my anger to God, I have been stunned to see that He came closer to me rather than condemning me. I believe He loves our honesty and loves that we will just come to Him with no pretense.

I know it's hard to believe that He cares, but this is when our faith has to go by fact and we have to choose to believe what He says rather than our feelings. Your feelings are screaming that God doesn't care, that He abandoned you. He says He does....over and over. "Cast all your care on Him, for He cares for you." "He is close to the broken-hearted." He is a compassionate God and He has good plans for your life. I could do the digging for you, but it would be beneficial for you to take the time to search for His character and His promises in His Word. Look at Job, Joseph, Jesus (!) and on and on....and see how God took what the enemy meant for evil and used it for good. God does not promise to deliver us from suffering in this world.

Praying and trusting that God will see you through safely and more grounded in Him once you are on the other side of this.
 
Moderator
Staff member
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.
Hebrews 13:8

Greetings @wmg819

I am sorry about the loss of your dear wife and the difficult time you have been through.

People change, people let you down.
However, our Lord never changes....He is steadfast and will never fail you.

Open up to Him with all that is going through your heart and mind

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I see you are in suburban area of SA....there are alot of Christian churches and fellowships in the region. Pray that the Lord leads you to Biblically sound meeting place of believers....remember He will not and cannot fail you.

Blessings
 
New Member
It's been a long time since I've been on this site for a number of reasons. Over the past few years my wife of 30 years has had one major health issue after another and with Gods comfort and strength she always seemed to be on the road to recovery despite the ups and downs of cancer, heart surgeries and other major illnesses. This year however she began losing more battles than winning. There had been multiple surgeries followed by multiple lengthy hospitalizations, multiple Doctors visits as well as intensive care at home with visiting nurse and other health care workers. My life shifted from the role of a loving husband to one of around the clock health care worker, everything was centered around her daily needs.

During this time because of her limitations going to church became sporadic at best and eventually stopped as did hospital and home visits from our Pastor and others from the church as others took over my duties at the church, it's as if we were out of sight and out of mind. And to be honest I really wasn't bothered by this because taking care of my wife took everything I had, there was often nothing left at the end of the day for me but a few quick hours sleep and then start the routine of caring for her all over again, I was on autopilot.

There were times however when I did speak with God. Asking and begging to heal my wife and as much as I'm ashamed to admit it there were even times when I argued with God telling Him to take my wife to end the constant pain and suffering she endured. After awhile even those conversations stopped as it became apparent that my wife was never going to be better again and it seemed that God had abandoned her.

She passed away last month while under Hospice care at home. Before she did she returned to her Catholic Faith of her childhood and was given the Sacraments needed to make her right with God and for her sake I hope it granted her absolution and peace. I think it did, the day the Priest spent the afternoon at her bedside she slipped into a coma, 5 days later she was gone.

In the days following her death things happened that hardened my heart towards the church and toward God as well. You see during our absence from the church there had been some division among some of the members causing a split in the church. Suddenly my family found itself in the middle of this drama as former church members were taking to Facebook in an attempt to further demean the church by publicly stating all they have been doing to help this poor family that just lost thier wife and mother while the church did nothing to help or comfort us. It became a contest between certain current and former church members to see who was doing more so they could bolster their own egos. It was also during this time that I was asked by a Deacon of the church when was I going to resume my old duties at the church now that I had all kinds of time on my hands, I hadn't buried my wife yet, had a time to grieve or even comprehend what my life was to become now and needless to say my answer of I don't know wasn't the response her wanted. None of this was honoring my wife, God or the church. It just pushed myself and my children further from God when we needed Him the most.

Since my wife's passing I've been back to the church 3 times, once for her service and twice for Sunday Service in the past 4 weeks. And it no longer feels the same, People keep letting me know my old jobs doing the sound for various services, website and social media outreach are open and I need to start doing them for the church. The problem is I don't want to. Before when I did those things I never did them for the church, I did them for God because I truly felt in some small way I was helping to get His word out. I don't feel anything now, I used to be able to go into the Chapel at anytime day or night and feel recharged, no theres nothing. As quick as I'm in the door I want to leave. I know God hasn't abandoned me, I've left God, I've built a wall and now I'm trapped.

I've spoken to one other person at church about this and they seem to understand but have no suggestions other than give it time. I can't speak to our Pastor since the church currently doesn't have one, they have different Pastors from other churches taking turns doing the Sunday Service until a new Pastor can be found to lead the church. How do I get back what I lost? Fake it till you make it and works aren't going to do it. I want the spirituality I had before but I'm afraid to get there I have to feel again and I can't do that right now the hurt is still to raw.
Much of Christianity today has become like the Pharisees of yesteryear's. "Watch out for yeast of the Christian!"

I wonder too why so many people die without the aid of miracles. Maybe we're not doing our job's as our talents & gift's require, or God is not dishing them out because we have turned far away from him as a whole.
 
God's got your wife, will you walk away from her? Give Him thanks that she will suffer no more and see what further good He can do through you for your children and others.
 
Loyal Member
It's been a long time since I've been on this site for a number of reasons. Over the past few years my wife of 30 years has had one major health issue after another and with Gods comfort and strength she always seemed to be on the road to recovery despite the ups and downs of cancer, heart surgeries and other major illnesses. This year however she began losing more battles than winning. There had been multiple surgeries followed by multiple lengthy hospitalizations, multiple Doctors visits as well as intensive care at home with visiting nurse and other health care workers. My life shifted from the role of a loving husband to one of around the clock health care worker, everything was centered around her daily needs.

During this time because of her limitations going to church became sporadic at best and eventually stopped as did hospital and home visits from our Pastor and others from the church as others took over my duties at the church, it's as if we were out of sight and out of mind. And to be honest I really wasn't bothered by this because taking care of my wife took everything I had, there was often nothing left at the end of the day for me but a few quick hours sleep and then start the routine of caring for her all over again, I was on autopilot.

There were times however when I did speak with God. Asking and begging to heal my wife and as much as I'm ashamed to admit it there were even times when I argued with God telling Him to take my wife to end the constant pain and suffering she endured. After awhile even those conversations stopped as it became apparent that my wife was never going to be better again and it seemed that God had abandoned her.

She passed away last month while under Hospice care at home. Before she did she returned to her Catholic Faith of her childhood and was given the Sacraments needed to make her right with God and for her sake I hope it granted her absolution and peace. I think it did, the day the Priest spent the afternoon at her bedside she slipped into a coma, 5 days later she was gone.

In the days following her death things happened that hardened my heart towards the church and toward God as well. You see during our absence from the church there had been some division among some of the members causing a split in the church. Suddenly my family found itself in the middle of this drama as former church members were taking to Facebook in an attempt to further demean the church by publicly stating all they have been doing to help this poor family that just lost thier wife and mother while the church did nothing to help or comfort us. It became a contest between certain current and former church members to see who was doing more so they could bolster their own egos. It was also during this time that I was asked by a Deacon of the church when was I going to resume my old duties at the church now that I had all kinds of time on my hands, I hadn't buried my wife yet, had a time to grieve or even comprehend what my life was to become now and needless to say my answer of I don't know wasn't the response her wanted. None of this was honoring my wife, God or the church. It just pushed myself and my children further from God when we needed Him the most.

Since my wife's passing I've been back to the church 3 times, once for her service and twice for Sunday Service in the past 4 weeks. And it no longer feels the same, People keep letting me know my old jobs doing the sound for various services, website and social media outreach are open and I need to start doing them for the church. The problem is I don't want to. Before when I did those things I never did them for the church, I did them for God because I truly felt in some small way I was helping to get His word out. I don't feel anything now, I used to be able to go into the Chapel at anytime day or night and feel recharged, no theres nothing. As quick as I'm in the door I want to leave. I know God hasn't abandoned me, I've left God, I've built a wall and now I'm trapped.

I've spoken to one other person at church about this and they seem to understand but have no suggestions other than give it time. I can't speak to our Pastor since the church currently doesn't have one, they have different Pastors from other churches taking turns doing the Sunday Service until a new Pastor can be found to lead the church. How do I get back what I lost? Fake it till you make it and works aren't going to do it. I want the spirituality I had before but I'm afraid to get there I have to feel again and I can't do that right now the hurt is still to raw.
You need to find a church that believes the Word, my friend. Get into the Word now and spend time with God. He did provide ALL that you need for a life of total victory, and its ALL in the bible. Deliverance from evil, life instead of death, healing instead of illness.....Your every need is met in the Word...Yeah...You need to find a real church who believes the real Word.
 
I pray for you that His love and presence will fill and minister to your heart ... He knows our hurts and it does matter to Him. Are you able to find a place of quiet where He can minister to your heart? That can be listening to quiet worship music at times ... Sometimes singing gently with it, other times just listening... And letting the Holy Spirit and the presence of the Lord wash over you. In His presence is fullness of joy ... He himself is the best answer to all, He is love. I believe He will help you find Him, find His presence. Love in Him ...
 

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