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I need help,advice ,prayer,anything

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i need some help before 6 tonight,2 1/2 hours time!I have been with my girlfriend for two years,she is beautiful,i love her,she has a drink problem.When i first discovered it i was at a loss as to what to do(hidden bottles all over the house)but said i would stand by her as long as there was no more deception.Shes been for councel and only had a few lapses.After finding the last hidden cache i warned her it was the last time i would be lied to.I will help her with the problem as long as it is out in the open.That was about three months ago.I have been tidying the house today and found half a bottle of martini in her gym bag.I am going to confront her when she comes back from work tonight.My gut instinct is to pack my bags and leave,We are to marry in october,her daughter sees me as her father,i love them both.Her deception is killing me,how many years will this go on?What else is she lieing to me about?Do i cut and run?Please help.
 
Member
Sparky . If you go to our photo section where it say's family and friends , you will find a picture of me and my baby sister . Her name is Theresa . She died of alcoholism at the age of 34 . Not very long after that picture was taken .

I tried every way possible to help here . When she died , she was found lying on the sofa looking at pictures of her family who tried to help her . That has left a wound in my life that hurt me deeply . I have had 3 people in my family die from this disease , and 2 more who are battling this all the time .

I have learned and accepted that if the person will not get help , they will lie and do anything to rationalize this disease . All I have is this testimony . I will pray that God will help you in all you do . :love: :boy_hug: Mike
 
Registered Member
Jesus is Lord!

Sparky,

If you are living with your girlfriend you need to "pack your bags and leave."

I do not condemn you, Brother. It is a bad witness to live with your girlfriend, and a temptation to fornicate.

I will pray for your girlfriend's alcohol problem.

Your Sister in Christ,

Dr. Bon Vie
 
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Member
Cant think of nothing else

sparky said:
i need some help before 6 tonight,2 1/2 hours time!I have been with my girlfriend for two years,she is beautiful,i love her,she has a drink problem.When i first discovered it i was at a loss as to what to do(hidden bottles all over the house)but said i would stand by her as long as there was no more deception.Shes been for councel and only had a few lapses.After finding the last hidden cache i warned her it was the last time i would be lied to.I will help her with the problem as long as it is out in the open.That was about three months ago.I have been tidying the house today and found half a bottle of martini in her gym bag.I am going to confront her when she comes back from work tonight.My gut instinct is to pack my bags and leave,We are to marry in october,her daughter sees me as her father,i love them both.Her deception is killing me,how many years will this go on?What else is she lieing to me about?Do i cut and run?Please help.
Sparky, lovely brother. . . i dont know what to say but this . . . Jumped in my head and wont let me go . ..

Matthew 18:21-23 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)
Public Domain

21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

23Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

Had she done it 490 times already... maybe you try the confrontation in love . . .
draws her closer and closer to Jesus when you shower her with your love and forgiveness . . .seems christlike. . .no one ever said that would be easy . . .but one good hint . . .

DONT CUT AND RUN . . .you didnt before. . .and you know God blesses you when you return your trust in crises. . .
He might just give you this cut-and-run-test a few times in life to see how you deal with this issue :love:

Be blessed and I pray for you daily, Sparky :thumbs_up

Love, peeps
 
Member
Sparky, Alcohol is a terrible disease it will not only destroy her, but her child's life as well and quite possibley your relationship. The only thing I can suggest is that one, you do not live together, it will lead to fornification, not good in God's eyes. My husband and I did not live together prior to getting married as we felt that we would not be following God's commands.
As to the drinking. I would suggest you that you tell her that you love her, want her to be healed but you cannot be lied to any further. Maybe she can go to AA meetings as part of the agreement for you upcoming marriage to go thru.
 
Member
Sparky,

I just got home and saw this thread.....

Brother, you know I care for you and love you with the love of Christ. So, please remember that as you read this.

This is a messy situation, to say the least. I do not think you should cut and run, if that means never seeing Her again. However you are living in a Sinful relationship with someone who is not your wife. I know that God does not honor sin, hers or yours. So, what are you to do?

First, her drinking and lying is an issue. Learning to openly communicate with each other is important if a relationship is to succeed. Forgiveness is available for the lying and even the drinking. If you have told her you will stick with her, though this, then do, however, help her seek professional help. Help her find counseling. Do you two attend Church together? Has she accepted Christ as Her Saviour? Do you two discuss these things?

You have been living with her for some time now, in a relationship that I am sure is intimate. Why have you not married? Living together outside of marriage is one issue here. Marry Her now or move out. This does not mean that you should kill the relationship, but in means stop living as Husband and wife if you are not husband and wife. What I mean is stop having sex and doing the things that only man and wife are to do. God never honors a relationship that is built on sin.

Once the relationship is approved of God, then He will honor it. The way for it to be approved is for it to be righteous in His eyes.

1. Both of you must be His Children. You both must confess Christ as Lord of your life.
2. You both must live according to His will for you as individuals, allowing Him to sharpen you, and correct you. (Guide against person sin)
3. Avoid, relational sins, (namely fornication and Idolatry) if she is ahead of God in your life than she has become an idol for you. If you are having intimate relations that is fornication and the Bible calls it sin.

Sparky, You must confront the drinking problem. It will not go away! She will never be over it! She can be helped, but I fear that the drinking is also compounding the spiritual issues between you two. Please seek some local counseling through the Church. Also, consider how you or she could move out until the wedding, and clearly understanding that the wedding should be put off until the drinking issue is well into a treatment program. Each time a Christian couple comes to me and ask me to perform their wedding service, I ask them for there testimony and about the depth of the physical relationship. If they are sexually active, I tell them I cannot perform the wedding unless they can repent of this sin, and abstain until the Honeymoon. If they agree, then we pray a prayer of repentance right then. Brother, I am praying for you both. Consider this and let us know what happened.


God Bless you

Your Pastor T
 
Member
Thankyou for your responses,there is much wisdom in many of your words.I feel i need to address two issues here now though.Firstly the drink.I prayed for peace on her coming home and for my words to be calm and not of anger.She told me the bottle had been in the boot of her car for many months and she had just recently bought it into the house.I am not so naive as to know people with a drink problem often lie but she swore on her daughters life and so i have given her the benefit of the doubt.This is an ongoing problem,many days it gets me down but i do not wish to see her in a early grave so will help with it for as long as i can.

As for the second issue of "living in sin" i offer no excuses but would fill you in a little on my background.My partners husband walked out on her 5 years ago and moved in with another woman,he has proved extremely elusive in obtaining a divorce and only now is it going through the court system.It is a matter of red tape,hence our wedding in october when it should have finaly been settled.As for me i have been married twice already,the first one was a union without sex(dont ask)which lasted 5 years,the second ended when i found out she enjoyed sex with other women as much as me.Originaly i moved in with my present partner as her lodger and we just developed feelings for each other.I will not go into details but suffice to say the relationship is about companionship and not sex.I know this all reads a bit like a bad film,my adult life has been complicated and full of heart-ache but i have found someone who i connect with at last.I feel like i have aired my dirty laundry here for all to see please do not judge me to harshly.
 
Member
Sparky, We are not here to judge you but love you. You have not aired you "dirty laundry." We only speak this way with you because of our love and concern and our desire to want God's blessings to be upon you.
Alcohol is a liar, you already know that. So now what Sparky? Can you call her on the carpet? Can you confront her and say enough is enough? Is there a Pastor you both can meet with for Godly councel?
Sparky, we are here for you.
I love you brother.
 
Member
Its a NEW day :)

sparky said:
Thankyou for your responses,there is much wisdom in many of your words.I feel i need to address two issues here now though.Firstly the drink.I prayed for peace on her coming home and for my words to be calm and not of anger.She told me the bottle had been in the boot of her car for many months and she had just recently bought it into the house.I am not so naive as to know people with a drink problem often lie but she swore on her daughters life and so i have given her the benefit of the doubt.This is an ongoing problem,many days it gets me down but i do not wish to see her in a early grave so will help with it for as long as i can.

As for the second issue of "living in sin" i offer no excuses but would fill you in a little on my background.My partners husband walked out on her 5 years ago and moved in with another woman,he has proved extremely elusive in obtaining a divorce and only now is it going through the court system.It is a matter of red tape,hence our wedding in october when it should have finaly been settled.As for me i have been married twice already,the first one was a union without sex(dont ask)which lasted 5 years,the second ended when i found out she enjoyed sex with other women as much as me.Originaly i moved in with my present partner as her lodger and we just developed feelings for each other.I will not go into details but suffice to say the relationship is about companionship and not sex.I know this all reads a bit like a bad film,my adult life has been complicated and full of heart-ache but i have found someone who i connect with at last.I feel like i have aired my dirty laundry here for all to see please do not judge me to harshly.
If you need to air out. . .I wanna be your container :love:

If you are a born again christian . . .and live a personal relationship with your Lord and Saviour, then there is no one bringing Jesus closer to your partner then YOU

God bless you, protect and keep your heart pure and safe, and enrichen you with Love, wisdom and endurance,

Love, peeps :thumbs_up
 
Registered Member
Jesus is Lord!

Sparky:


Thanks for the update. Stay close to the Lord, He will give you discernment.


Your Sister in Christ,
Dr. Bon Vie
 
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Member
Sparky, I dont judge, condemn or criticise you as am not in your position, I just want to point you to Jesus in this time of need.

Matthew says "come unto me all you who are weak and heavy laden. Take my yoke upon you for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Give the worry and burden to Him.

As for your living relations, none of us have a right to cast a stone as we have all sinned and fallen short of God's glory so we see you as a brother in Christ and stand with you in love.

Jesus wants us to have Him as if we confess our mistakes He is faithful and just to forgive them. You need to take time to be alone with Jesus and pray and also to be part of the body of Christ and let us share the burden with you.

Remember...NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GOD!!!

God bless
David
 
Member
SPARKY quote - Her deception is killing me,how many years will this go on?What else is she lieing to me about? Do i cut and run?
Please help.
-------------------------------------------------

Personally, my patience with her would run out sooner or later,but i'd stick with her a while longer at least.
Remember, many boozers are always looking for excuses to carry on, so if you ditch her it'll give her what she wants - an excuse to feel sorry for herself and keep hitting the bottle..

PS - It just struck me that a trick women use to get rid of a man (if they daren't ditch him to his face) is to do things he doesn't like, so he'll leave her.
I speak from experience.
So by continuing to drink, she may be hoping you'll walk, then she'll think "Good,the bozo's walked at last, i thought i'd never get rid of him!"
So ask her straight right now whether she wants you to stick around, and if her answers lukewarm, seriously think about whether she wants you around..
 
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Member
To over come the world we all need to fill our whole being with light.

"The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. Matthew 6:22

We are made in God's image.

The eyes of the Lord preserve knowledge, but He overthrows the words of the faithless. Proverbs 22:12

"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. John 6:63

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16




Walk can often mean live.


Jesus is still the only and best answer to our problems.




In :love: of JESUS the Christ, Our LORD.
:love: Yeshua
:boy_hug:







sparky said:
i need some help before 6 tonight,2 1/2 hours time!I have been with my girlfriend for two years,she is beautiful,i love her,she has a drink problem.When i first discovered it i was at a loss as to what to do(hidden bottles all over the house)but said i would stand by her as long as there was no more deception.Shes been for councel and only had a few lapses.After finding the last hidden cache i warned her it was the last time i would be lied to.I will help her with the problem as long as it is out in the open.That was about three months ago.I have been tidying the house today and found half a bottle of martini in her gym bag.I am going to confront her when she comes back from work tonight.My gut instinct is to pack my bags and leave,We are to marry in october,her daughter sees me as her father,i love them both.Her deception is killing me,how many years will this go on?What else is she lieing to me about?Do i cut and run?Please help.
 
Member
sparky said:
er...thanks waymarker,i think?
lol! Sparky, you still have your sense of humor. I know you have had your reasons to leave Talk Jesus and yet you are still here. I am blessed that God has led you to remain.

We have seen your witness to others here at Talk Jesus, ministering to us from your threads/posts, and your upbeat fellowship in Live Chat.

But comes a time when we all have to take a breather, and deal with the situations that are upon us. You are doing this now. Praise God from the posts and scriptures received from your sharing this thread, you are loved, Sparky.

I have all the faith in God that you are seeking His counsel and He will reveal what you and your fiance need to do. Perhaps our Father is leading you to take some time off and make other living arrangements until October. Then some time alone after work, church, Talk Jesus, to get some perspective and answers from Him.

Be encouraged, brother, God has brought you this far and He is not done.

Your servant in Christ Jesus.
 
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Member
I'm still praying with you Sparky. If any news about this comes to your attention, I hope you will feel fine in sharing it here.

GOD answers all our prayers, even some before we pray them.

Isaiah some where, feel free to read.



In :love: of JESUS the Christ, Our LORD.
:love: Yeshua
:boy_hug:
 
Member
I hope there is no judgement on Sparky, because forgiveness is a fundamental part of Christianity. Don't everyone forget that a spouse, (when he has the joyous occasions), can save a non believer. Sparky, your faith is strong. Be good in the Lord and know that we are all sinners. We do our best, but "all have fallen short of the glory of God". Hope your future wife gets better. I understand the disease she has.
 

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