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I need a word from my Father. Can anyone Help??

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I have been married in october 16 years. I have been mixed up for many years about leaving my hausband. He is a good man with a too big of a heart. We just don't see eye to eye on many things. He is miserable alot of the time. He is an alcoholic which he doesnt' think he is.. Thou he never is different when he drinks. but it is still everyday. I do not like that. It's like I have to make all the decision in the house hold. Where it is he who is supposed too. I have so many emotional feelings going on inside. When we are getting along I say, oh I can stay this is wonderful. But it only lasts a few days. Then back to the same hurt and loniless. I have been so lonly for years this has caused me to do things I am not proud off. I am a christian and he excepted Jesus 13 years ago but I never did see a change. I believe it is a sin to divorce. .. I have 2 children 15 and 13.

I so despeartly need an answer from God. I don't want to lose anymore of me. I have lost so much of myself now I once was a joyful person.

I also am afraid if I stay I will continue do be tortured with his lust of desire for any love..

I am so scared...
 
Member
Tracey3, I will lift you & your family up in prayer. But I also want to tell you about some similiarities in your marriage & in mine. I too, have a good husband. He doesn't however like to make decisions which leaves 95% of them to me. I have fussed & fretted over this for years until I felt God let me know one day that my husband's inablility or lack of desire to make decisions within our household was between him & God. God would be the one to change that situation - my part was to pray & not comdemn or belittle him. Anytime I did that, I was not honoring my husband & therefore trying to work out for myself something I could not do.

You mentioned your husband was an alcoholic. Pray specifically for that to be broken over him. You have not mentioned violence of any sort - praise God that isn't happening.

No, you are not the same person you were. That happens anytime 2 people get married. They change a bit, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. You sound as if you are basing who you are & what you are on the things your husband does or does not do. That will never work. Read your Bible...seek God for yourself as well as your husband & your household. Carry those things your husband isn't carrying right now, but pray for him to be able to be the man God wants him to be.

I understand your feelings of desiring love. Just because your husband isn't what you perceive he ought to be, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You are right to be cautious of the possibility of falling into a lustful situation. Therefore, don't put yourself in any situation where that might happen. Also, pray purity over any & all relationships you have with other people. That keeps gossip from happening as well as infidelity.

I said I saw a comparison. I walked thru my trial with God by my side. I love my husband more now than ever & you know what? He is beginning to make decisions & carry himself more as a man of God. Oh, we still have our rough times - as will you - but we get thru them together.

Stay on your knees & don't let bitterness settle in your heart.
 
Member
tracey3 said:
I have been married in october 16 years. I have been mixed up for many years about leaving my hausband. He is a good man with a too big of a heart. We just don't see eye to eye on many things. He is miserable alot of the time. He is an alcoholic which he doesnt' think he is.. Thou he never is different when he drinks. but it is still everyday. I do not like that. It's like I have to make all the decision in the house hold. Where it is he who is supposed too. I have so many emotional feelings going on inside. When we are getting along I say, oh I can stay this is wonderful. But it only lasts a few days. Then back to the same hurt and loniless. I have been so lonly for years this has caused me to do things I am not proud off. I am a christian and he excepted Jesus 13 years ago but I never did see a change. I believe it is a sin to divorce. .. I have 2 children 15 and 13.

I so despeartly need an answer from God. I don't want to lose anymore of me. I have lost so much of myself now I once was a joyful person.

I also am afraid if I stay I will continue do be tortured with his lust of desire for any love..

I am so scared...
You seem to have received some very good encouragement from others. Be strengthened in it.
If there has been infidelity, you have a right to divorce, but you do love him, and I suggest that you let grace prevail.
You have had a good innings in your marriage, and you do not want to throw that away. My wife told me once when we were courting whilst at school, concerning my divorced parents, she said," There must have been love there at one time. " It is love that covers a multitude of sins. Do not condone, but allow you love to cover his sins, forbearing with longsuffering, for as God blessed your marriage on your wedding day, so He will bring about the fulfillment of that blessing.
For yourself, ask God for the following:
1. To strengthen you in the inner man with power by His Holy Spirit. Eph 3:16
2. To change your heart, that, even in the midst of the battle, you may show the meek and gentle spirit which is of great price in His sight.
See 1Pet 3:1-6
3.Ask God to help you win your husband by your chaste conversation
1Pet 3:1
4.Never lose heart. Know that the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies (prov 31:10), and your husband, even if it is subconsciencly, knows it and sees it.
For you husband:
1. With meekness tell him that his drinking is destructive to your marriage, and you would like to help him overcome it. Ask him if you can invite your pastor over to counsel him.
2. Pray
3. Pray
4. Pray
5. "Salt" your conversation with the Word of God. Don't "ram" it down, but include "innocent" snippets here and there. Let the Word of God do the work in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Please feel free to discuss further if you would like to. :thumbs_up
 
Member
Tracey3,

You have gotten some very good advice. I too had an alcoholic husband who I prayed a long time for. It probaly wasn't as long as it felt. One thing no one mentioned was that just because he accepted Jesus does not mean he surrendered his life to Jesus. You need to pray that he would want to let Jesus be Lord over his life. Accepting Jesus is only the first step, pray he takes the next step. Divorce is hardly ever the way. Wether he is being the priest and prophet of your home or not, he needs to be treated like he is. Men are made up differently then woman, they need to be respected and when they feel you don't respect them, they won't even make an effort. Sometime we need to step out of our box to help change. My husband said the thing that won him over to Christ was the change in me. He was watching what God was doing in my life. I let God fix me and I let God fix hubby, he wasn't mine to fix. But the reality is that you need to not compare him or your marriage to others. It's not fair and it only sets you both up for failure. Find a good sister in the Lord who you can count on as a prayer partner and continue to pray for him. Talking about it with other men is only a trap from satan himself. Letting go of alcohol is not that easy, when it might have been a family problem in his parents home. My husband came from an alcoholic family, and the bondage is unbelievable. I am willing to pray with you anytime you want.

Love your sister in Christ
AlabasterBox :girl:

:rainbow:
 
Member
tracey3 said:
I have been married in october 16 years. I have been mixed up for many years about leaving my hausband. He is a good man with a too big of a heart. We just don't see eye to eye on many things. He is miserable alot of the time. He is an alcoholic which he doesnt' think he is.. Thou he never is different when he drinks. but it is still everyday. I do not like that. It's like I have to make all the decision in the house hold. Where it is he who is supposed too. I have so many emotional feelings going on inside. When we are getting along I say, oh I can stay this is wonderful. But it only lasts a few days. Then back to the same hurt and loniless. I have been so lonly for years this has caused me to do things I am not proud off. I am a christian and he excepted Jesus 13 years ago but I never did see a change. I believe it is a sin to divorce. .. I have 2 children 15 and 13.

I so despeartly need an answer from God. I don't want to lose anymore of me. I have lost so much of myself now I once was a joyful person.

I also am afraid if I stay I will continue do be tortured with his lust of desire for any love..

I am so scared...
Hi Tracey3.
Something to add to my reply last night.
The Lord promises us four things thorugh prayer and fasting:
1. To loose the bonds of wickedness
2. To undo the heavy burdens.
3. To let the oppressed go free.
4. To break every yoke.
These are found in Isa 58:6.
We will pray and fast for you while you pray and fast for your husband, and let our God be glorified!!
You are never alone!!
 
Member
:confused:
tracey3 said:
I have been married in october 16 years. I have been mixed up for many years about leaving my hausband. He is a good man with a too big of a heart. We just don't see eye to eye on many things. He is miserable alot of the time. He is an alcoholic which he doesnt' think he is.. Thou he never is different when he drinks. but it is still everyday. I do not like that. It's like I have to make all the decision in the house hold. Where it is he who is supposed too. I have so many emotional feelings going on inside. When we are getting along I say, oh I can stay this is wonderful. But it only lasts a few days. Then back to the same hurt and loniless. I have been so lonly for years this has caused me to do things I am not proud off. I am a christian and he excepted Jesus 13 years ago but I never did see a change. I believe it is a sin to divorce. .. I have 2 children 15 and 13.

I so despeartly need an answer from God. I don't want to lose anymore of me. I have lost so much of myself now I once was a joyful person.

I also am afraid if I stay I will continue do be tortured with his lust of desire for any love..

I am so scared...
 
Member
You are in my prayers.

All that I can say to you is that you let god work in your life.....just keep praying. I have prayed for my parents to get saved for about 5 yrs now and they still havent gotten saved...but i know if I keep praying, God will answer my prayers. God will work in your life in ways that you can not even imagine....but if you are going to give into satan and get a divorce, I think you should let all your kids get into high school so they will not have a hard time dealing with it and will understand more.

May god be with you....God bless you and your family.
 
Member
Hello,

I can feel your pain and I will be in prayer for you. I will pray that you will find the strength to stop allowing your husband to lean on you while he continues to remain the same. It seems to me that you are a codependent in this relationship. I want you to know first of all that God hates divorce but he does not hate the ones who gets divorced I think that you have decided to stay in this marriage no matter what and its the "no matter what" that has consumed your life. Think about it and If you decide to stay in this relationship then you have to be willing to turn it totally over to Jesus and allow Him to work it out because this burden is much to heavy for you to bare. You are not obligated to stay in this marriage but if you decide to stay let it be because of your faith to believe God is going to work this out. If the good out weighs the bad then you and only you can decide if this marriage is worth salvaging. You have to set some goals and expectations for the future of your marriage in order to stay focused on what you want God to do. Write the vision make it plan you have to make your request known to God by asking yourself what is it that you want out of a marriage not what you want or expect from your husband but what do you expect from God. What were your expectaions about marriage before you even got married these are the kinds of questions we should have an answer to before we say "I do" but it's not to late because God still answers prayers. I hope this helps.
Be Blessed!

Fulloffaith
 
Member
i don't really know what to say, but i'll be praying, and you keep praying as well, God will sort things out don't you worry!
Stay Real
Jei
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