• Welcome to Talk Jesus

    A true bible based, Jesus centered online community. Join over 11,000 members today

    Register Log In

Users who viewed this discussion (Total:0)

Active
It is weird when you read the topic because I don't even believe in divorce.


Wow, so this is the story. My wife and I have been married for 4 years. In the 3rd year of our marriage my wife
had an affair and cheated on my with a guy at work. I also suffered with a porn addiction during our marriage that the Lord is delievered me from. I confessed to her and she forgive me, this was prior to her going out and having the affair.

I did not choose to divorce her because of the affair as I believe that with God all things are possible. So she told me that I needed to divorce her because she was unfaithful. I told her that I would forgive her and we could make it work. I asked her to leave her job because the guy was still working there. She chose to stay at the job and ended up moving out of our home into a separate apartment. She tried to file for divorce but at that time Maryland Law did not allow. Anyways, she ended up getting fired from that job.

I kept the hope waiting for her to return. The separation was hard as she was telling me that she was dating other guys and if I loved her I needed to compete for her affection. She even filed a false police report and had a peace order on me stating that she was fearful of me. I prayed and God protected me as she never showed in court and the order was dropped, but I now have a domestic violence case on my record(though its marked as dismissed). After she lost the job she stated she wanted to work things out and she returned to our home(apartment) and we were living together again. (My dad feels that she only returned because she had no where to live). Then after 5 months of living together and after a normal argument that married couples have, she just says I'm leaving you again. So she moved out and for the 2nd time when she got another job.

She has been out in her own place living separate from me for the last 5 months. I have even been supporting her financially. When I told her I would have to decrease the financial support, because she was working, she tells me that she is going to take me to court for spousal support. She never followed through. I now want to break out lease to save money and move into another place and she tells me that she will not sign the termination agreement unless I sign the divorce papers to divorce her.

During all this I had been having many dreams and they just about all seem to be coming true. Dreams such as her leaving me, prior to her leaving. Dreams about her turning on me prior to it happening. And even dreams now in which it seems God is telling me its not good for us to just be indefinitely separated and that we need to either make it work or end it. I want to make it work but I can't make her want to.

We have tried counseling, we did pre-martial counseling as well, but I think we built our marriage on a bad foundation. She had(has) a lot of issues with being sexually abused as a child by her brother and feeling abandoned by her father. She looks at me as if I'm the same as those guys who have abused her and her defense mechanism seems to be running away. I had my issues of porn coming into the marriage and I think it made me not as receptive emotionally to her needs. To make matters worst, we had feel into sin and had pre-martial sex twice during the engagement period.

So currently she is telling me that she will not allow me to break to the lease until I sign the divorce papers ( Maryland recently changed their law and you can divorce if not children are involved and both spouse agree on a settlement, without having to wait the 11 month period of separation).

I'm thinking of telling her well if you want to divorce me than you file for it, don't blackmail me to divorce you. But then another part of me is saying, that God(perhaps) has been showing me each step of the way what has been coming through dreams and I have ignored or been confused about many, and another dream also showed that God had someone else for me. So that makes me think that God won't be mad if I agree to the divorce considering the adultery clause in the Bible and she did step outside of our marriage.

I'm not mad at her. I'm not chasing a divorce. I have no hatred towards her. I still love her.
but I do feel that I'm being used, I do feel that she is putting me in danger(false police reports, dating other guys while still married to me, etc), I do feel that she is literally begging for a divorce and if that will heal her or it's God's WILL , I'm seriously considering it.

Your thoughts?
 
Least amongst the Best
Staff Member
Greetings,

may I ask about your faith and your wife, is she a believer?

Bless you and your wife ....><>
 
Member
As I understand it, you're still being punished. You strayed, she strayed, you forgave each other, carry on with life. Except it seems you haven't been entirely forgiven. Whether it's because of a trust that's been broken or something else is at play, I don't know and I'm not here to take sides. Something changed the nature of your relationship whether it's past experiences or current issues, or a combination of the two.
 
Member
It is weird when you read the topic because I don't even believe in divorce.


Wow, so this is the story. My wife and I have been married for 4 years. In the 3rd year of our marriage my wife
had an affair and cheated on my with a guy at work. I also suffered with a porn addiction during our marriage that the Lord is delievered me from. I confessed to her and she forgive me, this was prior to her going out and having the affair.

I did not choose to divorce her because of the affair as I believe that with God all things are possible. So she told me that I needed to divorce her because she was unfaithful. I told her that I would forgive her and we could make it work. I asked her to leave her job because the guy was still working there. She chose to stay at the job and ended up moving out of our home into a separate apartment. She tried to file for divorce but at that time Maryland Law did not allow. Anyways, she ended up getting fired from that job.

I kept the hope waiting for her to return. The separation was hard as she was telling me that she was dating other guys and if I loved her I needed to compete for her affection. She even filed a false police report and had a peace order on me stating that she was fearful of me. I prayed and God protected me as she never showed in court and the order was dropped, but I now have a domestic violence case on my record(though its marked as dismissed). After she lost the job she stated she wanted to work things out and she returned to our home(apartment) and we were living together again. (My dad feels that she only returned because she had no where to live). Then after 5 months of living together and after a normal argument that married couples have, she just says I'm leaving you again. So she moved out and for the 2nd time when she got another job.

She has been out in her own place living separate from me for the last 5 months. I have even been supporting her financially. When I told her I would have to decrease the financial support, because she was working, she tells me that she is going to take me to court for spousal support. She never followed through. I now want to break out lease to save money and move into another place and she tells me that she will not sign the termination agreement unless I sign the divorce papers to divorce her.

During all this I had been having many dreams and they just about all seem to be coming true. Dreams such as her leaving me, prior to her leaving. Dreams about her turning on me prior to it happening. And even dreams now in which it seems God is telling me its not good for us to just be indefinitely separated and that we need to either make it work or end it. I want to make it work but I can't make her want to.

We have tried counseling, we did pre-martial counseling as well, but I think we built our marriage on a bad foundation. She had(has) a lot of issues with being sexually abused as a child by her brother and feeling abandoned by her father. She looks at me as if I'm the same as those guys who have abused her and her defense mechanism seems to be running away. I had my issues of porn coming into the marriage and I think it made me not as receptive emotionally to her needs. To make matters worst, we had feel into sin and had pre-martial sex twice during the engagement period.

So currently she is telling me that she will not allow me to break to the lease until I sign the divorce papers ( Maryland recently changed their law and you can divorce if not children are involved and both spouse agree on a settlement, without having to wait the 11 month period of separation).

I'm thinking of telling her well if you want to divorce me than you file for it, don't blackmail me to divorce you. But then another part of me is saying, that God(perhaps) has been showing me each step of the way what has been coming through dreams and I have ignored or been confused about many, and another dream also showed that God had someone else for me. So that makes me think that God won't be mad if I agree to the divorce considering the adultery clause in the Bible and she did step outside of our marriage.

I'm not mad at her. I'm not chasing a divorce. I have no hatred towards her. I still love her.
but I do feel that I'm being used, I do feel that she is putting me in danger(false police reports, dating other guys while still married to me, etc), I do feel that she is literally begging for a divorce and if that will heal her or it's God's WILL , I'm seriously considering it.

Your thoughts?
You suffered with porn addiction? What because of your wife? She sounds terrifically wicked to force your hand, if you know what I mean. Don't worry, God understands that we have to do crazy things in a world that thinks it's sane.
 
Active
WOW @Jesus_is_LORD

GOD CAN & WILL turn negatives into positives, misery into tears of joy & heartbreak into pure unconditional love. From what you wrote it sounds like your wife is doing all she can to get the divorce she wants. God did NOT create us to be human welcome mats. He gave us power - HIS POWER. Every human is different. Some will tolerate madness, some will walk away at the first sign of an argument. What you tolerate you can not change. That's when God steps in & says ENOUGH!

My thoughts are this - I would give her the divorce she wants. "adultery" isn't the "act" of sex, it's just the lust in our hearts. You cheated, she cheated you forgave her, she claims to have forgiven you yet doesn't do much differently to show you. But to keep allowing her to kick you while you're down isn't fair to you or her. She may think that what she is doing to you will be alright doing it to someone else. Her past is her future by the way she's acting. The ONLY one that can deliver her is God himself. Counseling is just a time to talk if it isn't with a Christian God fearing soul. God is the only answer.

God didn't create us to be punching bags for people that lived a bad past. He made his kids aware of him so we would lean on him, for EVERYTHING. Not everyone hears his word. Not everyone is destine for Heaven. God would like everyone to go to heaven & be with him but even he knows that's not going to happen because he gave us all choice.

My heart breaks for you but that's not going to heal your heart. If I were you I would read my Bible day in & day out whenever I had a few seconds. Ask for deliverance, pray for wisdom & knowledge. Your wife is living for herself & you should be living for God. God will show you things you couldn't even dream of. I'm speaking from my own personal testimony. He's beyond any of our thoughts or ideas. He knows you better than you will ever know yourself. Let God deal with everything you're loaded down with. Talk to him like you would your best friend. He created us, our personalities, humor, creativity, attitudes & everything else. He's NOT too busy to sit & talk with you for hours, days weeks & years. He LOVES YOU & HE LOVES TALKING TO YOU ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!!! He WANTS you to turn to him & ask for help, You've just gotta ask. He KNOWS what you need when you yourself don't even know what it is that you need. Kick back with him & let it all out. He WILL reveal himself & you will hear his voice.


It's NOT what you've done that God cares about - It's the personal deep relationship between you & him that he anticipates every single day. He knows your heart, the very strands of hair on your head... He wants personal, he wants YOU!
 
Active
Greetings,

may I ask about your faith and your wife, is she a believer?

Bless you and your wife ....><>

I'm a Christian. My wife is a believer as well. She states she is and we attend
the same church, but often when times get hard she does not seem to live her faith.
 
Active
You suffered with porn addiction? What because of your wife? She sounds terrifically wicked to force your hand, if you know what I mean. Don't worry, God understands that we have to do crazy things in a world that thinks it's sane.
Yes I did suffer with porn addiction. It was not because of my wife. I actually had it before marriage.

I suffered with porn and she suffered with promiscuity before marriage.
We got married and I thought my porn addiction would go away and I assume she thought that she
would be faithful because she was married.

I was wrong, the addiction came back and she was wrong she eventually cheated on me. I cheated through porn and she cheated in real life.
I'm not putting her down because I know that my sin was just as bad(if not worst) as hers.
 
Active
WOW @Jesus_is_LORD

GOD CAN & WILL turn negatives into positives, misery into tears of joy & heartbreak into pure unconditional love. From what you wrote it sounds like your wife is doing all she can to get the divorce she wants. God did NOT create us to be human welcome mats. He gave us power - HIS POWER. Every human is different. Some will tolerate madness, some will walk away at the first sign of an argument. What you tolerate you can not change. That's when God steps in & says ENOUGH!

My thoughts are this - I would give her the divorce she wants. "adultery" isn't the "act" of sex, it's just the lust in our hearts. You cheated, she cheated you forgave her, she claims to have forgiven you yet doesn't do much differently to show you. But to keep allowing her to kick you while you're down isn't fair to you or her. She may think that what she is doing to you will be alright doing it to someone else. Her past is her future by the way she's acting. The ONLY one that can deliver her is God himself. Counseling is just a time to talk if it isn't with a Christian God fearing soul. God is the only answer.

God didn't create us to be punching bags for people that lived a bad past. He made his kids aware of him so we would lean on him, for EVERYTHING. Not everyone hears his word. Not everyone is destine for Heaven. God would like everyone to go to heaven & be with him but even he knows that's not going to happen because he gave us all choice.

My heart breaks for you but that's not going to heal your heart. If I were you I would read my Bible day in & day out whenever I had a few seconds. Ask for deliverance, pray for wisdom & knowledge. Your wife is living for herself & you should be living for God. God will show you things you couldn't even dream of. I'm speaking from my own personal testimony. He's beyond any of our thoughts or ideas. He knows you better than you will ever know yourself. Let God deal with everything you're loaded down with. Talk to him like you would your best friend. He created us, our personalities, humor, creativity, attitudes & everything else. He's NOT too busy to sit & talk with you for hours, days weeks & years. He LOVES YOU & HE LOVES TALKING TO YOU ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!!! He WANTS you to turn to him & ask for help, You've just gotta ask. He KNOWS what you need when you yourself don't even know what it is that you need. Kick back with him & let it all out. He WILL reveal himself & you will hear his voice.


It's NOT what you've done that God cares about - It's the personal deep relationship between you & him that he anticipates every single day. He knows your heart, the very strands of hair on your head... He wants personal, he wants YOU!
That's why I joined a site like this. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement that meant a lot. God has definitely been helping me through this, primarily in my soul and my spirit.
It's like I look around and see all the madness going on, and I'm at peace and I'm aware that God has me. I think to myself, now I know why people do a lot of crazy things during divorces and
get evil, but I thank God that I have not been consumed the the flames and have not acted out of anger towards my wife in spite of everything.

Thanks for the positive words and the reminder. God is good. He has me and I know it. He will fight my battles. He will protect me. He has never failed me, and the best
part about it, it is not because I'm good but because of His Grace. Sometimes I look around and I tell God please do this for me because I have not done this sin or that sin, and I
have to remind myself (besides the fact that I'm a horrible sinner) that I need His Grace everyday. There will not be a day when I will not need His love or Mercy or Grace, and that's
ok with me.

God loves to bless those who don't deserve it and I'm glad to be able to admit that I qualify.
Thank You JESUS.
 
Member
I viewed your post last week and was going to write you but did’nt get the chance. But up until then your post has been on my mind and the Holy Spirit has been gently poking at me to write you on your situation. First of all my heart goes out to you and your wife in this hard struggling time in your life.

Your wife wants a divorce but you haven’t given up on your wife for a reason. You seem like a good man with a deep longing to do what is right. God brought you together for a reason. You loved her enough to marry her, then that means that love was genuine to begin with. Whether a believer or not, when a man and woman marry the future is uncertain and the foundation will only become stronger as we grow in Christ and as a couple together in him also.

“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 14:6

As Jesus tells us, we are one flesh with our wife. That concept alone, completely giving your heart and surrendering to another person is enormous for most people. As Christians however we are joined by our faith where God lays that foundation no matter how small. But this grows and grows with faith and prayers. That is what Jesus is also telling us in the parable of the sower.

She comes from an abused past. She is still broken. She needs you. She needs her man and above all she needs the Lord. It may be that she’s trying to push you away because it’s just too hard for her to open up and submit to you. But she won’t heal fully without your help and your prayers. Jesus never gave up on us so why as Christians should we give up on our spouses. With Christ anything is possible. I know this from experience in my marriage. It was once in the pits of hell itself, pure horror. But Christ delivered us. We both surrendered to him and continue to every day. We both die to ourselves every day to be reborn in Christ. It’s not easy, but it’s possible, because God is good. You too can make a difference in your wife’s life. Let God do the work. Try not to worry or take to heart the things she says to you that are mean and bad. Because she tries to hurt you like this, it more than likely means she’s the one who is suffering the most.

She claims you don’t fight for her. Fight for her then. Our wives need a man, they need a hero, a knight to protect and fight for them. Even if they don’t admit to it, they do believe me. I have found in my own marriage that when my wife is screaming at me to leave her alone, this is when she needs me most. Now I’m not suggesting you are not a man, it’s just sometimes we forget (As men) what really matters when it comes to our wives. Somewhere along the way it’s possible you just stopped meeting her needs as a husband, stopped being there for her. Stopped loving her the way she needs you to, not the way you think you should! As husbands it’s our responsibility to provide that protection and love for our wives. It all goes back to the garden and the result of original sin, see Genesis 3:16-19. Therefore Man’s eternal struggle is with God and woman’s eternal struggle is with Man. This is why we need Jesus of course, because his Grace sets us free, so he can lead us and show us how to love and protect our wives.

I’m new to this forum, and I don’t know if you can suggest books or not. So Forgive me admin! I suggest you read Wild at heart, by John Eldredge. A great book for Christian men. Then from a feminine perspective read ‘The power of a praying husband by Stormie Omartain. And watch the movie ‘Fireproof your marriage’ with Kirk Cameron. If you have not seen that movie I really suggest you do especially if your wife wants to divorce you. There is also I good book associated with the movie, which could help.

Believe me Marriage is not easy and without God it’s impossible. I know this from experience.
 
Member
Based on the facts as stated I'd go for the divorce. It takes two to make a marriage work and even then it's difficult at times. If you have to "compete" then she's telling you that she's not really in to you. The question becomes: "How much abuse do you wish to take?"
 
Active
This post just came to my attention and I am joining you and the others in prayer.
You are in a tornado and you can step into the center and bring calm to the storm.
Remember all things work together for good and I believe you love God and qualify for that to happen.
We are fighting for a mind that has been caught up in the tornado and needs peace.
A good website to get proper perspective on the situation is faithandmarriageministries dot org

These are verses I meditate on while praying for those who have forgotten who they really are in Jesus.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.
Romans 11:32 For God has bound everyone over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.
Proverbs 20:24 A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?
Proverbs 21:1 The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.
Proverbs 21:30 There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Proverbs 19:22 What a man desires is unfailing love.
Matthew 21:22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.’

John 14:13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

I ask that the light of Christ shine in her heart and in her mind so that she together with all the saints might know the height depth breadth and width of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ.I ask that a right heart and right mind be restored and the love of God fill every lack,desire and need.
I ask that my brother would be filled with joy because the joy of the Lord is his strength.I also ask that the Father would be glorified in the Son and all those found in him,by revealing the power of love to change hearts and minds.
Amen.
 
Active
Your OP sounds so similar to the story of my ex. Though I was just engaged.

My advice is to listen to your parents and close friends. We are so blinded by love. You can be lucky, just as I was that no kids came.

I helped with car payments for 2 years after the break up. Absolute insanity :laugh:.
 
Active
Your OP sounds so similar to the story of my ex. Though I was just engaged.

My advice is to listen to your parents and close friends. We are so blinded by love. You can be lucky, just as I was that no kids came.

I helped with car payments for 2 years after the break up. Absolute insanity :laugh:.
God is love.
God is not blind nor does he blind those who love.
Parents and friends usually want to protect you but I think it better to listen to the Holy Spirit.
 
Active
Your OP sounds so similar to the story of my ex. Though I was just engaged.

My advice is to listen to your parents and close friends. We are so blinded by love. You can be lucky, just as I was that no kids came.

I helped with car payments for 2 years after the break up. Absolute insanity :laugh:.
Its interesting that you say that, because during our separation now. I'm helping her with her car payment as well. God is in control. I've feeling His presence more and more each day.
 
Active
Yea sometimes when it seems difficult to hear the voice of God, it is important to have mature believers that you
trust that have some experience and wisdom that you can learn from.

For me my Father gives counsel that I respect. Of course He is not God, but God does put people in our lives to speak to us.
Just like the disciples weren't God, but God used them to share with others.

Thanks everyone. Keep praying. Things are coming to a resolution it seems. I won't share exactly how, but I'll wait until it all is complete before I put my foot in my mouth.

Keep praying.
 
Active
I have a very different view then most others I guess. I suppose this is why in the first place I never have got married to start with.What happens if a person breaks there covenant with Jesus? Meaning, chooses to divorce him from our life? The first thing which happens according to God's Word is that by doing this,we then give the devil every opportunity( Eph 4:27) Losing her job because she has broken her covenant with you,is only the beginning for her woe.The enemy is a thief to start with as we all know( John 10:10). The next thing which will happen to her, is finding a way to lie about what really did happen to her,usually blaming everyone other then herself.( John 8:44)

This is what the enemy does,he first robs,then lies about how that person gets robbed in the first place.When a person chooses to open the door of darkness in there heart,they figure there are steps leading them in that darkness,but they find themselves in for quite a shock when they take there first step on to what they believe will be a step and they just fall.

They look to grab onto whatever in the dark to break the fall,but there is nothing to hold on to! They just keep falling! This is where you wife is right now,falling.The consequence to breaking a Holy Covenant!( Col 3:25) Of course there is forgiveness by others,because each of us at one time has fallen a ways in the darkness.But as with our Lord,I look at this in the very same manner.( Gal 5:4) They of course are still loved!!! But the consequence of breaking a Holy Covenant does not lie with our forgiveness,but rather upon the very laws of the Spirit!!( Gal 6:7-8) Ask Judas! I take a very dim view of a person who becomes disloyal!

In many cases the others person sorrow is build upon self condemnation,when it was never that person's choice to divorce to start with! They believe had they not done this or that, that the other person would never have wanted to leave to start with.When all along they find out, this never happened over night,they planned this for many month's ahead of time,when you found out she had cheated on you,how long had this been going on to start with? I am sure you will find a lot longer then you thought!

A person who betrays another in a Holy Covenant will have wished they had never been born!( Matt 26:23-24!!) She will suffer this same fate! Now the good part! As with the prodigal son( Luke 15:11-32) the person's hardened heart( we can hardened our hearts you know! Mark 6:51-52 and Mark 8:17-19) can become soft once again,Thank God! ( Luke 15:18!!). She must be willing to allow the Lord to cut through her own pride.( Rom 8:14-15) ( see that?? All who are allowing!!!) and find the escape the Lord has already provided for her in the darkness,as he did with each of us!( 1 Cor 10:13) but in order to find the escape one must seek the escape!!( Matt 7:7)

My prayer will be for your comfort!!! Not her comfort! Wanting to take her back in the first place,is a GREAT!!!!!! Understanding of God's love for each of us!!( Eph 3:17-19!!) I pray for comfort for you dear brother!!( 2 Cor 1:3-7!!)
 
Active
I have a very different view then most others I guess. I suppose this is why in the first place I never have got married to start with.What happens if a person breaks there covenant with Jesus? Meaning, chooses to divorce him from our life? The first thing which happens according to God's Word is that by doing this,we then give the devil every opportunity( Eph 4:27) Losing her job because she has broken her covenant with you,is only the beginning for her woe.The enemy is a thief to start with as we all know( John 10:10). The next thing which will happen to her, is finding a way to lie about what really did happen to her,usually blaming everyone other then herself.( John 8:44)

This is what the enemy does,he first robs,then lies about how that person gets robbed in the first place.When a person chooses to open the door of darkness in there heart,they figure there are steps leading them in that darkness,but they find themselves in for quite a shock when they take there first step on to what they believe will be a step and they just fall.

They look to grab onto whatever in the dark to break the fall,but there is nothing to hold on to! They just keep falling! This is where you wife is right now,falling.The consequence to breaking a Holy Covenant!( Col 3:25) Of course there is forgiveness by others,because each of us at one time has fallen a ways in the darkness.But as with our Lord,I look at this in the very same manner.( Gal 5:4) They of course are still loved!!! But the consequence of breaking a Holy Covenant does not lie with our forgiveness,but rather upon the very laws of the Spirit!!( Gal 6:7-8) Ask Judas! I take a very dim view of a person who becomes disloyal!

In many cases the others person sorrow is build upon self condemnation,when it was never that person's choice to divorce to start with! They believe had they not done this or that, that the other person would never have wanted to leave to start with.When all along they find out, this never happened over night,they planned this for many month's ahead of time,when you found out she had cheated on you,how long had this been going on to start with? I am sure you will find a lot longer then you thought!

A person who betrays another in a Holy Covenant will have wished they had never been born!( Matt 26:23-24!!) She will suffer this same fate! Now the good part! As with the prodigal son( Luke 15:11-32) the person's hardened heart( we can hardened our hearts you know! Mark 6:51-52 and Mark 8:17-19) can become soft once again,Thank God! ( Luke 15:18!!). She must be willing to allow the Lord to cut through her own pride.( Rom 8:14-15) ( see that?? All who are allowing!!!) and find the escape the Lord has already provided for her in the darkness,as he did with each of us!( 1 Cor 10:13) but in order to find the escape one must seek the escape!!( Matt 7:7)

My prayer will be for your comfort!!! Not her comfort! Wanting to take her back in the first place,is a GREAT!!!!!! Understanding of God's love for each of us!!( Eph 3:17-19!!) I pray for comfort for you dear brother!!( 2 Cor 1:3-7!!)
Thanks my brother. It seems like your know her, as your words seem to reflect much truth into my situation. Thanks for your prayers and be encouraged, that LORD is doing great in comforting me and giving me peace during our time of separation. Sometimes I wonder if I made my marriage an idol.

For example, she drank I didn't, so when we got married, I would feel uncomfortable with her drinking(I didn't drink before marriage). So to not feel uncomfortable, I started drinking when she would at meals (wine) just so we would be one. I eventually stopped drinking as it wasn't my think. It wasn't to get drunk, just a glass or two. She didn't drink to get drunk, but she seemed attached to the little that she did drink.

I also would spend a lot of time out ministering to the homeless and giving money to my family members back in Liberia(West Africa), she would get jealous and told me I was spending
too much money on others and not enough on her, and I was spending too much time ministering to others and not her. (May she was right, or maybe I'm looking to blame myself). I did notice during our separation that my giving to others increased and I felt good just being able to help others and be very generous with them.

And going into the marriage, I was a virgin and she wasn't and we had planned on staying pure until the wedding, but I allowed myself to be seduced by her, I didn't see it coming, but
I should have been smarter, and she later confessed that she wanted to seduce me so I wouldn't leave her and she had a fear of being left as with many other guys in her past who would leave her.
So even when we were dating and she told me her past (sexual promiscuity) I didn't want to hold that against her, just because I was a virgin. It made me uncomfortable at first, but I thought, who
am I to look down on her, we are all sinners and I couldn't see myself telling someone that I cared about and loved, I'm not going to love you because you have this past sin or history. So I went into the marriage knowing about issues she had (sexual abuse trauma, sexual promiscuity, etc), which she freely disclosed during pre-marriage counseling and wordbooks, but I didn't care about her past just like Jesus didn't dismiss others based on their past.

But I was listing those things to say, I wonder if I had made my marriage an idol by giving it my all and maybe I lost sight of Jesus in the process. OR Maybe my issue with porn prior to the marriage and
resurfacing in the marriage for a time led to my inability to be there for her emotionally as I should have been, even though I give the marriage my all(I think ). Or maybe I'm trying to blame myself as Job's friends did to him during his time of trial.

Anyways, thanks for your prayers and know that God is really walking with me, and saddest part of all(maybe not really sad, but it's a way of speaking) we actually are more at peace now
during this time apart than when we were together. The interactions have gotten better. We aren't fighting anymore, and the civility and respect, and gentleness in our interactions is
showing now that we are apart. While when were were together it seemed like after every-time (I know it sounds weird but I definitely noticed this a few years into the marriage)we were sexually intimate
the next day or 3 days after we would have a fight. The theologian in me thinks that it had to do with Spirits that were possibly surfacing from her past partners or even my past fantasies.
But I clearly noticed that each time we were physically intimate we would immediately have a fight within 3 days (It wasn't until the 2nd year or so that I noticed this, and we were married in 9/10/11, so that's
5 years come this September so you can imagine how many times we had issues.

But yea, God is good and I am fully confident in His plan, and confident not knowing it, but knowing it will work out for my good and His Glory. I pray for her daily, because sadly (maybe not) no matter
how mean she may have been to me, I see her as my wife and I can't but want to make sure she is taken care of and I only want the best for her. It just goes deep to my soul. I just want to make sure she gets right with God, because at times I fear for her eternal fate, which is the most important thing to me (concerning her). I figure if I can share the Love of Christ, even from a distance God will be pleased and will use me for His purpose , if it is to be with her(because he sees us as one) or to leave her because He didn't put us together.

It does say "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Mark 10:9), so if God wasn't the one that put us together then I guess that verse wouldn't apply to us.

We'll see. Keep praying.
 

Similar threads


Top