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I don't want to do Christmas anymore

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This may sound spoilt but I'm dreading Christmas festivities. I have been asked to go to numerous houses for dinner following the passing of mum. Blessed with family and friends but the only person I would like to really be with is my mum. Pressure to celebrate is phenomenal and I just look forward to a day alone with a glass of wine or a good long sleep so the day ends and things can get back to normal. I don't have to make decisions that seem unnatural. I also feel if I stay home alone then I can sit where mum passed away and then I haven't left her or the house empty. I know I sound miserable or mad but I think being alone would make me the most happy or ignoring Christmas altogether and don't feel people understand that.

Where do I go?
 
Member
Hello Sleepy,
When we loose someone close to us it is like loosing a part of ourselves, and I can't imagine anyone being happy about loosing and arm or a leg. Although others may not be able to feel your loss, they can be understanding of you and wait patiently.

In my own life experiences, I have found that few take the time needed to mourn the loss of loved ones. It seems that the time we live in is so busy that there just isn't enough time to do everything needed. And more so during the holiday season.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1 There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.

Please take the time to mourn so that your heart can be mended by the Lord, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone and remember your Mother. Allow others to help with the responibilities that life throws on us, so that you can have sufficient time to grieve your loss. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. May Jesus be quick to heal your hurting.
 
Member
Sleepy, I know how you feel. I lost my dad in January this year, and I don't feel like celebrating Christmas either. Dad was in hospital over Christmas last year. However I still have my mum and although she doesn't want to celebrate in the usual way, she still wants us to have dinner together. So for her sake I will, even though it's the last thing I want. I would happily forget Christmas. Doesn't mean we have to spend all day together though - surely I can go for just a few hours, and please someone else.
 
Member
Thank you

Thank you jiggyfly for taking the time to share those words with me.

It touched a heart string and filled me with warmth. Life has been so hectic at work and I saw answers there to questions I felt I had kept hidden.

Sunshine thank you also... you make me feel normal...I could have echoed the very words you spoke there and somehow that makes it all more simple knowing others go through similar feelings.

Blessings and thanks rain over you.. Thank you
 
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Member
Sleepy, I am sorry for your loss.
I lost my mother in 1992 and my husband this year, in July.
I have a bit of a clue what you are feeling.
But, you must go on with your life.
If you do not feel up to celebrating a holiday, or many, for that matter, with friends, just do what you need to to get through these times.
I will spend Christmas with friends from my church.
I feel that being involved has been the best help for me, after God Himself, of course.
But I also know that each person is different and deals with life differently.
Ask God to guide you through your grief in the best way for you. Some do better having quiet, and some do better being with friends or family. God knows you better than you know yourself, and if you lean on Him, he will guide you. Let Him be your comfort. He is the best comfort there is.
Then spend time with friends and family when you are ready.
Kathy
 
Member
Hi Sleepy,Sorry about the loss of your Mom.
I am a writer and I have just completed an article about something similar to what you are going through. I get low about this time of the year to. And no, my Mom is alive. But I never get to see her or my dad. I could say we are strangers. My family is a broken one, so there is really no family to go to and celebrate Christmas with. Sleepy, please thank God that even though he took your Mom to a higher place, he has left you with family and frineds that love you and are trying to make you feel better. However, its a pity that even when well-intentioned, many people can't quit understand what you feel. Even though your family and friends are trying to get you into the celebrating mood to make you feel better, it is okay to let them know that right now, all you want is to be alone. Am sure they will understand and take the pressure off. However, I also feel that it might be good for you to get out some and do what you know your Mom would have wanted you to do this Christmas. Am sure she would have wanted you to be happy and smiling.
Doing some excercise like taking a stroll or jogging would do you good. In the meantime, I will be praying for you and I hope that God will renew the joy of Christmas for you. God bless
 
Member
If you could speak with your mum right now, what would she tell you to do? Hopefully just what I know mine would...have a good time with what time you have left...enjoy yourself...she is! Oh and don't get me wrong, I miss her so.
 
Member
Sleepy and Sunshine, my heart goes out to you about your sad losses this year. What I would say is that this is the time when God can be most real to you as its at these time we need to cling onto Him.

You arent selfish for not wanting to celebrate. It is part of the grieving process. There was a teenage girl who died in our church this year from cancer and yet the family, although visibly upset, were joyful that she had gone to Heaven and the tribute in the service was so moving that 3 people accepted Jesus. I praised God at this as it is the ultimate sign of a Godly life that people are converted in memory of you.

At this time remember that the church is there for you and that we are here for you here too. If you feel like you have had enough, look to Jesus and His word for encouragement.

God bless and love in Christ
David
 
Member
Sleepy,

You need to do what is best for you. If you are not ready for this Christmas season, then thank your friends and family for the invite and be thankful you have so many who care so much for you. Maybe on Christmas you might want to go out for a while. Leave a door open with someone close, that you may want to call or stop by and see for a short visit. It may be harder to be alone than you think. In any case I will keep you in my prayers. You will always have your friends here at Talk Jesus. Someone is on 24/7, to pray and share with.

Your sister in Christ,
AlabasterBox,:girl:

:rainbow:
 
Member
SLEEPY! Your mum!

Sleepy! Your mum gave you so much and in doing so she set the example you should follow. Your mum is in a better place now because of the love she shared and you can be there too by doing the same. Let us not feel sorry for ourselves anymore since we know in our heart that love never fails. Let us all together celibrate that fact. May our mums smile in heaven as they watch us love as they loved us.
To be absent from the body is to be present with our LORD.
And our LORD is in paradise.

Sleepy said:
This may sound spoilt but I'm dreading Christmas festivities. I have been asked to go to numerous houses for dinner following the passing of mum. Blessed with family and friends but the only person I would like to really be with is my mum. Pressure to celebrate is phenomenal and I just look forward to a day alone with a glass of wine or a good long sleep so the day ends and things can get back to normal. I don't have to make decisions that seem unnatural. I also feel if I stay home alone then I can sit where mum passed away and then I haven't left her or the house empty. I know I sound miserable or mad but I think being alone would make me the most happy or ignoring Christmas altogether and don't feel people understand that.
Where do I go?
 
Member
Sleepy said:
This may sound spoilt but I'm dreading Christmas festivities. I have been asked to go to numerous houses for dinner following the passing of mum. Blessed with family and friends but the only person I would like to really be with is my mum. Pressure to celebrate is phenomenal and I just look forward to a day alone with a glass of wine or a good long sleep so the day ends and things can get back to normal. I don't have to make decisions that seem unnatural. I also feel if I stay home alone then I can sit where mum passed away and then I haven't left her or the house empty. I know I sound miserable or mad but I think being alone would make me the most happy or ignoring Christmas altogether and don't feel people understand that.
Where do I go?


My Dear, I am not sure if I understand you, but, it sounds to me you a missing your mom {mum} very, very much. And that you would love to be alone with one more time. Hon, these feelings that you are feeling are so normal & is very easy to understand why you are not in the usual Christmas Spirit. It sounds to me that you are suffering a loss. And that the best Christmas present to you would be to be left alone, where you can dwell on your mother's memory one more time. And, I am going to tell you - there is nothing wrong with that. You are still going through a healing progress - and GOD wants you to heal. You are not belittling GOD or Jesus in anyway - the best birthday present to Jesus would be for you to heal your broken heart - no matter how long it takes. And I am sure that the rest of your family will understand your feelings if you would just open up to them - with an apology. Explaining to them how you truly feel. But, the best thing to do before you do talk to them is - to talk with GOD first in prayer - give HIM the thanksgiving HE deserves & then ask HIM to open up your friends & families hearts to understand what you are going through, asking HIM to warm their hearts, for you. Hope you will feel better soon,
*genesis!
 
Member
Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I now feel happy that people may now understand my need for solitude without thinking I'm being all grumpy and sorry for myself. Just gonna have a beautiful peaceful Christmas with my thoughts and have decided to sort out photos and some of mum's things. Maybe sit in the churchyard and have a lovely chat and even watch last Christmas on video.

My dad is off to my brothers in laws and I shall go visiting friends and family if I fancy it on the day so everyone is happy.

Thank you for understanding that I'm not being morose but rather loyal to Mun. Your advice has helped a lot.
 
Member
Sleepy
pray, and you do what the Holy Spirit speaks in your heart.

some relatives may not understand, some may. It is not their decision, although they only have good intentions for you at this time.

The Holy Spirit is the best person to lead, and will do so, if we really and truly seek him for help and wisdom, he will answer and undertake your path to take.

I too can relate, I have buried loved one's, Dad, Uncle, even my wee 14yr old dog only last month, they are every bit as hard to loose, cause we have no chance to gather with them again, not like we have with our loved ones, praise God.

Take heart, He is able, He will carry you through, I neither feel like this Christmas, but I keep telling me, it's representing the Lord's birth, and were would we be if he had never came to earth.

Lift up your eyes unto the hills from whence cometh your help, your help cometh from the Lord. Amen
 
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