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I could use some Godly Counsel

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Hi...I'm new here, just looking around on the internet for a safe place to express myself and hopefully get some advice. I'm 32, and have been married to the same man for 15 years. I have been a Christian since I was 7, but he did not come to know the Lord until after we were married...and sometimes I question whether he truly knows God or not. We have always had problems because he has an extreme temper, which many times has turned violent. He has cheated on me at least twice (that I know of) and abandoned me and our four children two times before coming back asking for forgiveness. I really do not know where to draw the line. I know God wants the family to stay together, but at what point is it just too much to take? My oldest son, who is eleven, despises his father because he has seen so much abuse. He is beginning to have problems with me because I haven't left him. The boys have seen my nose and mouth bloodied, and have heard such awful threats. But then, he will confess with tears and be such a wonderful person for the next several weeks or even months. He thinks we have such a great relationship and God has healed our marriage. But he thinks this only when he gets to do exactly what he wants. He is always gone out fishing or with buddies, and I never get to leave the house except to go to the store or post office. About twice a year I ask him to watch the kids while I go do something, but he always gets mad and swears at me and calls me all kinds of filthy names because he doesn't like having to stay home while I go anywhere. I have come to feel that this marriage is not give and take, but only him taking and me giving. I don't want to lose my marriage, but I am so depressed and unhappy. I also feel stuck because I know if I leave I will have nothing, and I have the most awful sense that he will come back and kill me if I do leave, the threats have been so intense. I do not want to appear self-righteous, but it feels so unjust that I kept myself for this one man, and am always here for him to cook, clean, raise kids, etc. I've never gone to a bar or cheated on him or anything. Why can't he appreciate that? I have been in prayer about what I should do. I have just finished up an online college course and am working towards self-sufficiency, but this could take a year or more. I need advice from a God-fearing person. Please pray for me and my family.
Thank you,
Amy
 
Member
Oh dear sweet sister, you hang on! You hang on to what you know is the truth. I feel for you, really I do. You are welcome here at talkjesus, and we will love on you, and help you, and pray for your guidance. You are very bold sister, and what you need to do is be bold for christ. Stop everything you are doing, and go somewhere, and get on your knees! You pray like it's going out of style, and you worship like your life depends on it. Because it does! God sees what is going on, and when you continue to turn to Him, He will turn for you! Let not your heart be troubled sister! God is with you!
With much Love
God Bless
Sis in Christ:love:
Lnrobar
 
Member
Dear Amy . Please listen to me . You do not desrve to be treated this way !!! Call the police on this man and get a restraining order against him first . You're children will only be next in line for the same abuse . You are a daughter of the Father in heaven !!! Please take this advise , and save you're children and yourself from this ***** !!! Only a weak and spine-less man beats on women ! Please keep us informed about this and we will be praying for you . But you need to take action . NOW !!!! :love: :boy_hug: Mike
 
Administrator
Staff Member
*sigh*. Another husband beats wife story, I can't stand these kind of foolish man. Honestly, I would throw a brick in his face and crush him until he bled halfway to death or enough to have learned his lesson and raise his voice 3 octaves higher.

Sorry, had to burst this out. I sound tempered, but only against such fools who have no respect whatsoever for what a woman does.It was a woman who went through labor to squeeze these punks out into the open life! Now, they treat beautiful woman like its their throne and the woman their slaves. Amazing.

I can only pray for you and encourage you to be faithful. Of all the bad things in life, which ones do you think GOD has not seen nor can handle? He knows it all, cures it all and punishes all who hurt His children (you).

God bless you Amy
 
Member
Chad said:
*sigh*. Another husband beats wife story, I can't stand these kind of foolish man. Honestly, I would throw a brick in his face and crush him until he bled halfway to death or enough to have learned his lesson and raise his voice 3 octaves higher.

Sorry, had to burst this out. I sound tempered, but only against such fools who have no respect whatsoever for what a woman does.It was a woman who went through labor to squeeze these punks out into the open life! Now, they treat beautiful woman like its their throne and the woman their slaves. Amazing.

I can only pray for you and encourage you to be faithful. Of all the bad things in life, which ones do you think GOD has not seen nor can handle? He knows it all, cures it all and punishes all who hurt His children (you).

God bless you Amy
I feel the same way Chad ! I watched my mom get beat , and I wish I had a brick myself ! Mike
 
Member
I sense that you might have become co-dependent. You will have to deal with this first so that you can deal with the ugly husband issue effectively. I suggest you get some counselling face to face from a mature christian who knows the Word of God and co-operates well with the Holy Spirit. Remember your children are dependant on you also. Please seek God and get some help for yourself as soon as possible. I know many here at TJ will be lifting you up in prayer. Plese keep us informed of your progress, God bless you and your family.
 
Administrator
Staff Member
Co-dependecy just to remind would be more "work" more likely but guess what? No pain.
 
Member
Thank you all for your prayers. Wow, I'm surprised that so many people responded. I have hidden this from family and friends because five years ago when my husband openly confessed and asked forgiveness from the church for his unfaithfulness, everyone believed God had healed our marriage. Even our pastor uses us as an example of how God can heal. My husband is not like this all the time, and in between his outbursts can be very godly-like and loving. However, I do not feel any love for him anymore which scares me. Every time he touches me I feel myself cringe. But I am afraid to leave until I can support my children. I am deathly afraid of what he will do when I do leave. And then on top of all that, I was raised to stay in my marriage, so I am afraid that perhaps God doesn't want me to leave. Maybe I'm this man's only hope for salvation? I know it sounds dumb, but I am so confused right now. I really need a lot of prayer. I plan to confide in our pastor this week, so please be in prayer for me. He is a godly man and I know he will not counsel me wrong. I'm sure he will probably say what someone here did, that I have him arrested. The problem is, most of the abuse is verbal. For instance, I hadn't seen my sister in five years and when she came to town for a visit, I asked him if I could spend one day with her. He told me how he wished he'd married somebody else and asked me if I wanted to die. But he didn't touch me. My children just sit in the background and cry. Then, that night, he told us all what a fool he'd been and asked for forgiveness. The rest of the week he has been like an angel to me...although I didn't ask him to let me go anywhere else.
I'm sorry to be so long winded, I just feel like I need to get this out and I can't safely do it with my husband. Thanks again for all your prayers and support.
 
Member
Amy, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I grew up in a home were my folks got along, had their regular tiffs but that was it, no name calling, no threats, I was very blessed. I know my dad had a temper and I was afraid of him but he never showed it to me directly, it was disapproval that hurt the most. I married a man with a temper, thought he would get help via councelling it has not worked. When we went on a date after he embarrassed me in public with his behaviour towards me I swore it would never happend again, I made arrangements to have my folks on stand by when we went out and I would have my cell. phone on so they could come get me. Never had to use that though, he smartened up real fast because I almost ended the relationship. We sought pastoral assistance. There have been improvements but I am still not satisfied with the behaviours I get. He still embarrasses me in front of the kids we work with, I make a joke of it but I hate it. He always apologizes and asks forgiveness, I too do not know where to draw the line. My personality type is that I am a peacemaker so strife is difficult, I shut down and become cold.
I continue to seek help from my Pastor, he has been very supportive.
I encourage you to remove yourself and your children from the violence. As brother said get a restraining order against him. Do not endanger yourself and your children the price is too high.
God bless you sister.
 
Member
When he comes confessing with tears that is the time to tell him if he really means it he will get some help. That will show he really wants to make this work. He could go to counseling or the two of you can go together.

But since he does straighten up for a while it appears he is trying to do this in himself which wont work. He really needs deliverance from this spirit of anger and abuse. And only Jesus can do that. He needs to seek spiritual help.God bless you!!! :love:
 
Member
Amy,
You story really touched me and moved somthing in my spirit. I know things are tough, just please hang on. Today at church something was said, and I thought of you. And what Gloria just said confirmed this for me. You know, people can go to counseling for help. But the only true counselor is our Lord and savior. Go to Him with your husband by your side, and pray. Talk to Him. I am saying this from my heart and out of love, God will move for you. You need to get the closest relatioinship you can with God, but you cannot have a good relationship with Him, if you do not trust Him. I'm not saying you don't, but I am saying, cast ALL your cares upon the Lord. He will move for you.

God Bless
Sis in Christ:love:
Lnrobar
 
Member
Amy 225

Amy -

How are things going with you at home? I read your request for counsel (I know its been awhile). My heart breaks for you and the the little ones. My first reaction was to unleash verbal assaults on your husband however, I digress. I believe that you have done all you can do for your husband. From your postings it appears that he is playing mental games with you and the children. Its time to break the cycle. The ultimatum must be put down. He has crossed the line. If you stay you are endangering your life along with your children. He needs professional/spiritual help. You are not equipped to handle this at this point in time. My advice is to leave before further damage is done. We serve a mighty God. I pray that He keeps you safe and that His peace resides in your soul...

God Bless you sister.

Grace1
 
Member
This is an old post.

amy_225 said:
Hi...I'm new here, just looking around on the internet for a safe place to express myself and hopefully get some advice. I'm 32, and have been married to the same man for 15 years. I have been a Christian since I was 7, but he did not come to know the Lord until after we were married...and sometimes I question whether he truly knows God or not. We have always had problems because he has an extreme temper, which many times has turned violent. He has cheated on me at least twice (that I know of) and abandoned me and our four children two times before coming back asking for forgiveness. I really do not know where to draw the line. I know God wants the family to stay together, but at what point is it just too much to take? My oldest son, who is eleven, despises his father because he has seen so much abuse. He is beginning to have problems with me because I haven't left him. The boys have seen my nose and mouth bloodied, and have heard such awful threats. But then, he will confess with tears and be such a wonderful person for the next several weeks or even months. He thinks we have such a great relationship and God has healed our marriage. But he thinks this only when he gets to do exactly what he wants. He is always gone out fishing or with buddies, and I never get to leave the house except to go to the store or post office. About twice a year I ask him to watch the kids while I go do something, but he always gets mad and swears at me and calls me all kinds of filthy names because he doesn't like having to stay home while I go anywhere. I have come to feel that this marriage is not give and take, but only him taking and me giving. I don't want to lose my marriage, but I am so depressed and unhappy. I also feel stuck because I know if I leave I will have nothing, and I have the most awful sense that he will come back and kill me if I do leave, the threats have been so intense. I do not want to appear self-righteous, but it feels so unjust that I kept myself for this one man, and am always here for him to cook, clean, raise kids, etc. I've never gone to a bar or cheated on him or anything. Why can't he appreciate that? I have been in prayer about what I should do. I have just finished up an online college course and am working towards self-sufficiency, but this could take a year or more. I need advice from a God-fearing person. Please pray for me and my family.
Thank you,
Amy

This is an old post but it may help someone else with a similar problem. I agree with brother, Mikes first response and the one about geting good Christian advice from your pastor, priest, minister, rev. or what ever the case maybe. You did say your husband has become christian even though he has a long way to go, there is always hope in the LORD, even if you also do the right thing and get the police involved.
 
Member
counsel and prayer

My sweet sister, I am so sorry for the pain that you are in and, although I know what it is to be in an abusive relationship, I don't really know how hard it must be for you and your children. I will be praying for you and your family -(and probably will now a little at the end of my post).
I just want to agree with what's been said about removing yourself and your children, I can't tell you how important that is -words can't convey it. You are a daughter of God, to have a crown when He comes for you. You stand tall and let NO one disrespect you. In Matthew 5:48 - You must therefore set no bounds on your love, just as your Heavenly Father sets none to His.
This means to be love to this man is to not allow him to treat you in a way that is not loving. You allow him to act this way as your husband and you hurt him and you get hurt and it grieves everyone who can see it. File a report with the police but also stand fast with the Lord in your position as a His daughter, to love and be loved. Do not tolerate anything else.
Also, I encourage you to seek out a woman you can trust to open up with about this. I know you have to be careful who you talk to. And as it's been posted -it does take great courage to speak out and I am so glad you have here. I hope this leads to to open up to a woman you know. Or maybe your pastor can direct you to one.

Jesus, Lord and Savior, heal this woman's family and draw close to her. Show her what it is to be Your child. Grant that she endures only what You would have her endure, perserveres in her trials so that she grows and is not stunted, that she may become even stronger and richer in faith, hope, peace, joy, and love. Lord - be so close to her that she would dare say someone was in the room while she grieves. Cry with her, hold her, surround her with Your angels. Draw near to her Lord.
Amen:love:
 
Member
Hi Yeshua :smile:

Yes, I saw that it was an old post. I was just wondering if there was any follow ups on her situation. I was deeply moved by her posting and felt a need to reach out to her.

Thank you! Have a Blessed Day

Grace1
 
Member
Amy, First of all, be careful. So many women in you position, wait too long to get away. I am praying for you and your family. I ask God to Rebuke your husbands behavior, in Jesus' name. I plead the Blood of Jesus over you and your Family. May God protect and sheild you and your children from this violence. In Jesus' Holy Name. Amen

Amy if you can, If you are still with him, I have some advice. When you go to bed at night and after he falls asleep, lay your hands on his arm and quietly pray For God to touch him. Ask God to show him what he is doing to your family. And ask for God to convict his heart and fill it with his love.

Ask for Jesus to lend you strength and courage to be able to leave this man if he cannot change.

and please let us know how you are doing, I noticed your last post was in June.
 
Member
Dear Amy, my heart goes out to you. You & your family will be in my prayers. I know exactly how you feel. Scared & confused & sometimes feeling alone. Though I can relate with you - I really don't know what to say, except, keep on praying to Our Almighty GOD, through Our Beloved Savior Christ Jesus. HE has mellowed out my husband in a big way. He is still bad mouthing me at times, but he hasn't uses his violent ways on me for some years now. And when ever I get convinced he's going to hurt me, I just call out 'Jehovah!' and things seem to settle down after that. If I have the time to say a prayer before I know he's going to get upset with me - I will do that as, well. These methods seem to help me out of the troubles that come my way. A girl friend once said to me; "only you know for sure if he is hurting you & remember GOD did not intend for us to suffer this way." Psalms 69 seem to touch my heart & soul. <*Matthew 5:44>*Pray to GOD & ask HIM to warm your husband's heart as HE did to Pharo in the days of Moses & HE will as long as you truly believe in HIM & are trying to live according to HIS Will. {1Peter 4:1-13} Remember, too GOD knows your heart & knows what you are up-against, too. :love: *genesis! :girl_hug:
 
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