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How to Date to Get Married

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Chad, Apr 19, 2016.

  1. I was talking to a widow and she was weird about me taking this old guy at church to a musuem as Id promised him and asked if she would want to come too.,.as if anything was going to happen its not a DATE for goodness sakes, my dad and brother works at the museum.

    She goes you know hes married and I go YES. Maybe his wife is not intersted in transport!? (Its a transport museum).

    See people are just weird, why cant brothers and sisters go out together or does it have to be you drag your other half around all the time, I dont know.

    Or does it have go be you cant go out with anyone cos they are married. I dont know. I work with my boss...leader, what you call it...i have three workmates and they are all men right, does it matter if they are married or not, it shouldnt. We go out to do work!

    I am not married to them!!! Actually it would be weird to be married to someone from work. Go to work, see them, come home... you still there lol. You dont seem to get a break if you married. Well technically you cant you vowed to be bound to them for life...but it was your choice. Up to you both to honor it.

    This is when it all falls apart because when people dont honor their vows, so somewhere along the line one or both lied to each other.
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  2. I remember this lady asked me to help her move house right, and im not the most muscly person so I asked another friend, you know a brother in christ if that we both know cos we in the same group to help out, and he said yes...and was all keen, then the next thing I know this other lady who he was going out with rings me on the phone, no idea how she got my number... and yells at me for asking him out to help this other friend.

    Then she tries to stop me from even communicating with him!

    Im like was that all about, how ugly and possesive is that? Its not a date! Its helping a sister in christ!

    Anyway he ended up breaking off with her, she wasnt even married to him so didnt have any right to say I couldnt talk to him.

    People are just weird its like they cant handle when a sister wants a brother to go out and do something, anything, together. In the daytime. What is wrong with that.
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  3. Am not bitter...if anything these other people are bitter from past relationships that never worked out, (especially widows, for some strange reason...look its likely that if you married chances are your spouse might die before you do, hello?) so...why blame or hound the single sister if she just wants to do a kindness and it involves a brother?
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  4. Anyway...i just think..or maybe I am too free and people that were or are bound just dont like that. Or understand it.

    I think you definitely get hassled more if you are single.

    Paul in the bible said there is no male and female, jew or gentile, bond or free we are all one in christ I just dont get why people make such a big deal over whether you male or female or single or married.

    It shouldnt matter if you following the Lord.
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  5. Usually if I say something pro marriage, you have something to say against it. We already agreed on what Paul said about marriage in some respects (in the area of marriage not being a deal breaker to one's salvation, and that it is easier to do things for God when one is single) but is seems like you treat the issue (and by "the issue" I mean the desire to have a family and/or sexual attraction) like it is something that people can (and to my understanding of your viewpoint, "should") just cut off.

    Now, don't get me wrong, sex should have its proper place in marriage( with no other participants, or just not being done at all) but you make it seems like the world would be a better place without marriage, when the bible literally says not to stop people from doing so (for good reasons).

    Seems legit. I understand that your experience causes you to have a tainted view of marriage. I have seen terrible cases or vengeful exes, clingy exes, loveless marriages (and by this I mean there may be a human carnal love {maybe} but not so much the love of God), bitter people still in marriages, hard hearts, broken hearts, bruised bodies, broken spirits, wasted virginities, the same people hitting their head against the wall time and time again, (including my relationship-inexperienced-for-my-age self).
    But there is something about the Word of God that makes me believe that there could be something more to it; a better way to do it, if we would do it his way, and not ours.

    Now, can you please list Biblical reasons for marriage, instead of your experience against it?

    Seems legit. Its what we deal with until God hits the reset button. So how should we deal with the issue of attraction then; are you saying that we should just stop finding people attractive?
  6. I don't know what you mean by do a kindness. I am sorry :( can you explain?
  7. Agreed. But God made us complex as it is, let alone dealing with sin's corruption bing in the world. But the way you speak, I take it that you have never been attracted to another person, ever. I don't see this as a bad thing, but a possible reason why you are unable to understand why people but themselves through the trouble or dealing with relationships. I agree, it is easier to not deal with such things, since I gave up on that (Praise God for His grace and mercy), but still; The only thing we can do is pray for them, and as the spirit leads, Direct them in a new and better way. Not tell them UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! I cant beeeeeeleeeeeeeeve you are doing this again!!!!!!! Why don't you just Quit? its easy. Or anything that, does not tell them how to get out of the trap that they put themselves in.

    The Bible also says that we shouldn't have fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. If the people who are talking to you are that bad, YOU, AS A BELIEVER, HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO REBUKE THEM AND SHAKE THE DUST OFF OF YOUR FEET. DO SO IN THE LOVE OF GOD!
  8. by attracted do you mean lusting after someone, well..before I was saved yes, but Im saved and delivered now, so now I am attracted to the light not the dark. Everyone has something lovable about them..and its their goodness that shines through not their flesh.

    Its simple, really, dont make it so complicated...Jesus put to death stuff like lust etc. i never say oh I dont believe you doing this again, I just say go to God. I dont fellowship with people that are like that because they dont even come to church anyway.

    But they kind of hang around you and you cant stop them sometimes. Some of these people latch on to you cos they work with you or even come to bible studies and are pretend its not to say you dont ever encounter these people ever. But it takes a lot of praying sometimes to work through their issues till God releases them..He usually sends them away if they not going to repent. This has happened a few times when someones tried to take advantage.
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  9. In terms of bad relationships, some people actually dont want to quit or the other person wont let go, so thats complicated (for them) but its not actually my problem or burden to carry.

    They need to take it to Jesus. Hes the one that breaks strongholds. Sure we can bind and loose but sometimes the other party is a believer whos tangles up or doubleminded, thats when its gets tricky...
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  10. Like, help someone move house, or take someone out for a treat.
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  11. I think if you want to have a family, then just be honest about that. Some men want to be dads and some women want to be mums. Thats totally fine but you should just be upfront about that, and marry the right reasons because, chances are, if you both fertile, you going to reproduce..I mean, thats birds and the bees.

    Why dont women just say, I think you would make a great dad. Would you like to make a baby with me and we both look after it. Lol. Why all this deception and stuff trying to fool men.
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  12. But i think its possibly too forward if you say that.
    I think men want to be the ones that choose, but they not exactly subtle about it. I was having a conversation with a guy and he asked me, why am I single, and do I want children.

    i go..I dont know, and the second question I should have said, what, with you?
    I cant remember what I said exactly, but he was being quite nosy and started asking me all these personal questions on the second day of work together. I just said Im a christian and he kind of backed off a buit especially when I said am not interested in this candyland site he was looking at. If it has naked people on it, please dont show me.
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  13. Seems legit, Sorry that I didn't notice some of your posts from earlier. The one about the lady who was weirded out about you taking an older married man to a museum caught my attention, but at this point, it seems like if we are going to to anymore conversation about some of these things, we should probably do so verbally, since we have different writing styles and such. Everyone has their thing that they are tempted by, and I appreciate you sending them to God; we can not pull down strong holds in our own power. But it is a constant war. Glad that God sent people away from you too, thats cool; if you were caught up in lust you probably would have seen it as people leaving you for no reason:rofl:.


    Oh ok. Thanks :)

    Because, to my understanding, most guys are more interested in messing around than fatherhood. Most women who want families know that saying, "hi, this dating process is for me to see if you are worthy of fathering and helping me raise children," will probably scare off, even qualified candidates for the job:rofl:. Most relationships (parent-child, spouses, co-workers, friends, etc...) are riddled with deception. This is one of the many reasons this world needs Jesus.

    Even with that, there are people who are honest as well. I had a friend that when we were considering marriage, we discussed wanting children, adoption (if natural conception didn't happen) and even some things with dealing with how we were going to raise children.

    Men are supposed to be the head of the wife, the Bible says that a man is supposed to choose and find a wife, not vice versa.
    He asks you if you want kinds and all kinds of personal questions and then tries to show you porn?:laughing:. It sounds like he was trying to hook you with things that women "normally want" and then just decided to go in with "the big guns":rofl:.

    But for real, stuff like that is what we deal with until God hits the reset button.

    You still have not mentioned anything in the Biblical case for marriage, though. I guess that is the thing that makes me feel like you are bitter is that in this conversation, unless I missed something, you have not talked about marriage like it is something that God made and established in the beginning, that people have corrupted. But you have talked about it like it is something that humans made that God had no part in establishing, and like God said be fruitful and multiply for no reason. :( . Sorry if I seemed harsh earlier, but that is very bothersome. Granted neither of us have mentioned a great number of scripture, but your lack of demonstration of knowledge for the biblical case for marriage is very troubling.
  14. Hey pookie I enjoy nutting through this marriage thing with you its something thats puzzled me sometimes why do people get married when they wont honor the marriage and treat each other so badly?!

    In the bible it doesnt really say that adam and eve got married only that they knew each other...remember they were the only two people on earth at that time and eve came out of adam and obviously she was meant for him (to help him name the animals etc) and that when they came together she was his wife and became the mother of all living.

    But obviously God had designed men and women for each other and yes the man was first and women was second and she was for him not the other way round.

    I will look up some more scriptures of Gods view of marriage but i do know is something to be celebrated and to stay pure for. Sadly I was not one of those who stayed pure and all the men around me were not interested in staying pure either, so one of my reasons for shying away from it is to do with that experience I think and also someone who I thought would have made a great dad and actually wanted children, perhaps with me...well it was wrong timing, and something I learned is..some men dont actually care for who they marry just as long as they have someone. They will just go to the next one me it all seems swings and roundabouts wheras I wanted a true love! I found that in Jesus.

    He is someone who died for me..(so earthly marriage is kind of out of the question lol) but He has always been faithful and true...and I also want to be faithful and true, so well anyway.

    This guys thats quite nosy about me has a few issues lol. I mean he was totally trying to check me out and I just said im not that kind of girl (ie a ho). I think its so tempting these days to be that kind of girl...if you in a hurry.

    Friendships are far better than so called relationships that people get into these days, I would rather have a friendship than an unhealthy relationship with someone who doesnt know how to be a true friend. Men that jump the gun...far too many! Women who jump the gun...also. The gun has been jumped on way too much. It all gets very awkward I think when I will be thinking one thing but the guy will be only be thinking of one thing and assumes I am thinking if it when Im not!
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  15. All the things ive read or God showing me in the Bible is how its ok not to marry and even how its better.

    For example in corinthians it does say if a man keeps his virgin and doest marry her (i.e lets her be free and doesnt defile her) all the better. But if he cant contain himself (ie self control) then he should marry her because if he cant contain himself then he might be distracted by women all the time.

    Us women are apparently very distracting to men. I mean I will just be wearing normal clothes and it would turn some men to look at me. Its like,,,havent you seen a woman wearing a dress before? i dont think it was even a dress just a normal trenchcoat thing. Its not like Im putting on a show. I mean the whole boob thing as well. For some men its like they need to stare. Well they can look but they cant touch.

    I was on the beach one day with a friend she went off for a swim and i was lying on the sand face down having a nap in my bathers and next thing i know I feel this hand on my leg..this guy who I dont even know was stroking it?!
    I was like hey rack off! I think he was a bit intellectually challenged. But it was unnerving cos he must have been staring at me for a while all that time.
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  16. I mean some women I guess are flattered that men stare at them but I never really learned how to deal with that kind of attention or look I mean in many ways its intrusive, and sometimes downright creepy. But then women do it too like always commenting on what you wear all the time and I just wonder what does it matter yes make an effort to look nice but some people focus on that and dont really see the person.

    And I think I havent ever deliberately tried to charm or seduce someone like women are told to do, like tart themselves up for men, hoping to snag one. I never really went in for the whole red lipstick and cake of makeup all the time like many women do.
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