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How do you stop hating yourself?

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I often hate who I am. Making mistakes and feeling like chewing gum on others shoes. How do you keep that away? I want to get better but fail. I try hard but continually dispappoint myself and others. I feel a slave to my fears.

I can't find any release from this.
 
Member
hi sleepy

i am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way my friend

i know exactly how you are feeling, for i have been feeling this way also. in some areas i still do, but nonetheless i have been trying to work my way through and out of this situation, in some ways a self perpetuated situation.

amongst the methods i have been using is a course entitled 'freedom in Christ'. this course has been created by dr neil anderson based upon his books 'victory over the darkness' and 'the bondage breaker' both of which i am awaiting on cd, though i have had to import them.

there are several key factors that have become clear to myself by doing this course, and by spending all of yesterday, saturday 19 november on an away day entitled 'steps to freedom in Christ'

what have i learned, and in no particular order

we cannot directly control our feelings, but we can over time change our emotions. we do this by choosing to change what we can control, that being what we believe and how we behave. we are not so much affected by our environment and our circumstances, but by how we see our environment and our circumstances. it isn't what happens to us that matters but how we see and use the emotions that occur when this happens that matters.

the main cause of stress in life today is apparently that we have come to believe through our past experiences or failures that we are helpless or hopeless. but, and here is the good but, we as Christians are not helpless and we certainly are not hopeless

we cannot feel our way into good behaviour and belief, no. what we can do though is through correct beliefs, have good behaviour, which in turn leads to good feelings.

truth
leads to
belief
leads to
behaviour
leads to
feelings

we remain in the bondage not because of the way we feel because of what happened, but because of the lies we believed at the time

we are not a product of our past experience, becasue due to Christ and His work on the cross and in the resurrection we are His

nobody, and i mean nobody can fix our past, but we can be free from it. we an be free by choosing to forgive

i know that this is a short excerpt from what has been so far 10 study sessions including a whole day away, with God. but i do hope it may help you. i am more than willing to discuss this with yourself further and will gladly forward details of the course and ones running local to yourself.

a few other points to ponder

who i am in Christ


i am accepted...

John 1:12 i am God's child.
John 15:15 as a disciple, i am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1 i have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17 i am united with the Lord, and i am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 i have been bought with a price and i belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27 i am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8 i have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14 i have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10 i am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16 i have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

i am secure...

Romans 8:1-2 i am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28 i am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39 i am free from any condemnation brought against me and i cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22 i have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4 i am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6 i am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20 i am a citizen of Heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 i have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18 i am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

i am significant...

John 15:5 i am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16 i have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16 i am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 i am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6 i am seated with Jesus Christ in the Heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10 i am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12 i may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 i can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

dear Lord, above are a few of the key phrases i have learned or been reminded of over the past few weeks. please dear Lord i ask that You open the heart of sleepy, my sister in Your Son Jesus, to read these words with the help of Your Spirit, and to talk to her in her specific situation through one or more of them. please comfort her in this time i beseech Thee Lord, hold her close and bring her the comfort that only You can. i ask this in the name of Your Son our Lord and Saviour Jesus, through Whom all good things come.
amen

God bless you sleepy

scrappy
 
Member
Hi Sleepy, I pick up on a point scrappy made which I think holds the key - it did for me anyway. Start accepting who you are in Christ. Make a conscious decision to come to God in repentance and from that moment on see yourself as a new creation 2 Cor 5 v 17 " Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."
Then start to renew your mind Romans 12 v 2 "Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Read the Word of God and start to believe what it says about you. Something I was told that helped me is in Isaiah 61 v 10 - it says "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation,He has covered me with the robe of righteousness..." God has covered you in a robe of righteousness - picture this as a white robe covering you, when you sin a black mark is put on your robe. Then when you come to God for forgiveness He cleanses that robe again. That really helped me to see God's forgiveness, and if He says something about me it must be true. :shade:
 
Member
Thank you both

I'm sorry I am on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment and it isn't taking much for me to fall down the the dips at the moment. I read your replies and have found much encouragement.

I'm at a crossroads and thankfully as well as having great fellowship here, God is revealing ways out of these deep dips. I do feel changes within but just occasionally fall down further than before. However, in the pits of these falls I am finding answers to questions I hadn't even pondered but have held me back from being active for God.

He has shown me things this morning and I just hope I have the strength to carry them through.

Thank you again

Blessings in Christ
 
Member
Sleepy said:
He has shown me things this morning and I just hope I have the strength to carry them through.

Thank you again

Blessings in Christ
You will have the strength to carry them out sleepy. It says in Isaiah 40:31
"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength...." It doesn't say we might renew our strength, but we shall renew our strength - as long as we wait on God. :love:
 
Member
Hello sleepy

This may sound trite and i apologise if it does but it is the only truth i have from my experience.
For years i read, re-read, meditated upon, was prayed over, annointed with oil, had demons cast out (lol) several times in fact for the rollercoaster of feelings i experienced which often left me feeling exhausted, drained and passively angry.
It was only when i came to my wits end of the way i was living that i decided to change. I realise (and this was my experience only) that i was my own worst enemy and that the enemy of God had very little to do in fact because i was very good at keeping myself distracted, wounded and dis-abled as a Christian. God was on my side, but i was not, i too hated myself.

I decided one day i was going to agree with God about me

Scrappy's post is excellent, it's all you need, HE is all you need

never looked back
 
Member
When Christ was in the tomb on the third day God looked down on His Son and said"Arise My Love,the grave no longer has a hold on You,no more death's sting,no more suffering, arise-arise My Love."
When we died,we died there with Him. When we find the love and thrust inside ourselves which we have for Him,then we will arise in Him. All evil will not be alowed in our lives not by us but rather by Jesus. This is because we are in Him and He is in us;we are as one.(He fogaave us our sins) Now,you say"we keep sinning". That's true,but we promise Him and ourselves that no matter what- we will try to do better each day.Remember Him in all that you do and it will become easier each day.You do not dislike yourself Sleepy,you dislike the inability to be perfect. Rember one thing,He was the only man borned that was ever perfect. Don't try to outdo Him,cause you can't.
Study the Gosple of St.John as a book,not just a verse or two. To thine ownself be truthful and you will overcome the darkness and enter the LIGHT.
MGBY (May God bless you.)
 
Member
I sometimes feel like that too, I used to be worse, i absolutely hated my myself through and through and did things to completely destroy myself, drugs alcohol, destructive, abusive relationships, and complete self condemnation, I was my worse enemy. Then GOD came into my life and is slowly transforming me into what he wants me to be. I just had to surrender to him, and have faith, and admit that I was powerless and couldn't do it by my self anymore, and things started to get better lil by lil, I still have the old thoughts on occassion, but I just try to pray and ask GOD to help me, and he always answers my prayers, maybe not exactly how I want or in my timing, but in his timing and with perfect love and grace. i always have to remeber to thank him for the many bleesings that he has bestowed upon me and my family, and I am genuinly grateful for the miracles he has created for my life!!!
PRAISE GOD

HE IS GOOOOOOD!!!
 
Member
You

:rose: Sleepy. You are a beautiful child of God and it show in your charactar as you converse with us at talkjesus. You are a sweetheart and you just don't worry none. Jesus is gonna lift you right up. Sleepy=Beautiful woman with the Lord within her. Just smile and be patient. You got lots to be receiving maam. Amen:rose:
 
Member
In all of our lives every one of us will fall at one point. How we choose to take that fall is our choice. We can sit there and sulk in our own humility getting nothing accomplished. Or, we can take that humility and admit we were wrong, give it to God, and He will pick us up giving us glory. Humility is humbleness in the eyes of God. When we humble ourselves, God moves in wonderous ways.

But when we pick ourselves back up, we are a different person. We either feel defeated because we fell, or we feel stronger for overcoming that fall.
We have to remember, we cant let our past determine who we are, and how we will live.

We all make mistakes, and we are not perfect. If God wanted perfect people, He would have made us, and never sent Jesus to die for us.

God Bless you
Sis in Christ:love:
Lnrobar
 
Member
I can relate, Sleepy. I often find it difficult to forgive myself, which leads to me being more likely to sin in the future, which separates me from God, and the cycle goes on. I also have a hard time feeling valued or loved, which I thought was just a phase and would pass, but apparently is not. I'll be praying for you, and if you find any insight in the future, please pass it on :smile:
~Sarah~
 
Member
I often hate who I am. Making mistakes and feeling like chewing gum on others shoes. How do you keep that away? I want to get better but fail. I try hard but continually dispappoint myself and others. I feel a slave to my fears.

I can't find any release from this.
That comes of looking inward to an extreme. We need to reach a point where looking inward can be done comfortably, without condemning ourselves more than God does. And believe me, God looks for only a small sign of hope in us by faith, for he looks with hope that he may teach us and not with unreasonable expectations of us.

We humans, all of are creatures of habit. When we are raised in an environment of extremes, that is what we do, we bounce back and forth between extremes. At one extreme we are overly condemning of ourselves (self-hating) and at the other extreme we are overly sure of our self (self-righteous). Enters the clean conscience before God by faith to receive of his grace.

Peter tells us that what is saving us is that clean or good conscience. 1 Peter 3:21 "The like figure [to Noah's ark being bathed in water] whereunto even baptism doth also now save us (not the putting away of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God,) by the resurrection of Jesus Christ:

As we mature, we come to rather easily look around us and find that whenever anyone puts on a pretense of being righteous it usually means they have something to hide. You are no worse than me, and I am no worse than you. You are no better than me and I am no better than you. In fact, God looks at us like one body, the one body of Christ. We all need to have faith in that clean conscience by what Christ did for us. 1 John 1:9

1 Corinthians 12:21 "And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
22 Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
23 And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
24 For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it."

Ponder that and remember that every member in that body is esteemed of God as needed. All need Christ's ransom and none have cause to boast in themselves. Let you conscience be clean knowing that you are giving God the best that you have been capable of and that over time that will improve by virtue the spirit of his love working around you and in you within Christ's body.

And if you have backslid to grievous sin, remember the many accounts in the scriptures which show God's great capacity to forgive, like the prodigal son at Luke 15:10-32. Proverbs 24:16 "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief."

Having been one who had become so down on myself that I could scarcely get back up, I am only able to share with you the knowledge and faith which helped me.
 
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Member
Hi Sleepy,

The way you stop hating yourself is to see yourself as Jesus sees you. For me the first steps I took were looking up scriptures that
spoke of how Jesus sees me and repeating them over and over again to myself each day. Renewing your mind in Him is one of
the key things to do each day so the words of our enemy satan can't be used against you. My sister and friend You are more precious
than diamonds or rubies to Jesus, He created you, He has plans for you and wants you to know His love and grace are always there
for you no matter what. You are His child and He sees you from the heart and wants you to love yourself as He loves you.

I know it's not easy because I went through a period of time in my life where I didn't like myself at all and didn't know how Jesus could
either, but He did and does like me and wants me and He likes you, loves you and wants you. It's amazing my friend and sister Our Lord
doesn't need us but He wants us despite being the humans we are. No one is perfect that is why we need Jesus and when He looks at us
He doesn't see all our imperfections He sees His children the heirs to His throne and He loves us.

I have also found that writing down the verses you find will help because you can keep them on hand. I like to look in the mirror and
say the verses out loud so I can hear them. I hope this helps you some. I will be praying for you.

Here are some things you can say out Loud and I'll put the Bible verses that go with them.

1) I am complete in Him who is the Head of all principality and power (colossians 2:10)
2) I am alive with Christ (Ephesians2:5)
3) I am free from the law of sin and death(romans 8:2)
4) I am born of God and the evil one does not touch me(1 john 5:18)
5) I am God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which lives and abides forever.(1 Peter1:23)
6) I am God's workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10)
7) I am greatly loved by God( romans 1:7, Ephesians2:4, Colossians3:12, 1 Thessalonians1:4)

God bless my friend and sister in our Lord
AA

the list above was found on joyce meyer ministeries.
 
Last edited:
Member
Hi Sleepy,

The way you stop hating yourself is to see yourself as Jesus sees you. For me the first steps I took were looking up scriptures that
spoke of how Jesus sees me and repeating them over and over again to myself each day. Renewing your mind in Him is one of
the key things to do each day so the words of our enemy satan can't be used against you. My sister and friend You are more precious
than diamonds or rubies to Jesus, He created you, He has plans for you and wants you to know His love and grace are always there
for you no matter what. You are His child and He sees you from the heart and wants you to love yourself as He loves you.

I know it's not easy because I went through a period of time in my life where I didn't like myself at all and didn't know how Jesus could
either, but He did and does like me and wants me and He likes you, loves you and wants you. It's amazing my friend and sister Our Lord
doesn't need us but He wants us despite being the humans we are. No one is perfect that is why we need Jesus and when He looks at us
He doesn't see all our imperfections He sees His children the heirs to His throne and He loves us.

I have also found that writing down the verses you find will help because you can keep them on hand. I like to look in the mirror and
say the verses out loud so I can hear them. I hope this helps you some. I will be praying for you.

Here are some things you can say out Loud and I'll put the Bible verses that go with them.

1) I am complete in Him who is the Head of all principality and power (colossians 2:10)
2) I am alive with Christ (Ephesians2:5)
3) I am free from the law of sin and death(romans 8:2)
4) I am born of God and the evil one does not touch me(1 john 5:18)
5) I am God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which lives and abides forever.(1 Peter1:23)
6) I am God's workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10)
7) I am greatly loved by God( romans 1:7, Ephesians2:4, Colossians3:12, 1 Thessalonians1:4)

God bless my friend and sister in our Lord
AA

the list above was found on joyce meyer ministeries.
Now that is much simpler put than my complex explanation.

Thank you for sharing that.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings @Jehonadab ( and @AbbysAunt )

Just to let you know this post you are responding was started in 2005 and the OP hasn't been online for over a year.

Whilst your words may be valuable they may not be reaching the person you intend them to.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Member
Hi Sleepy.There are so many pressures in the material world, institutions, rules and expectations placed upon us from a very early age. We are encouraged in society to live up to certain expectations and ideals and yet none of it is real. It's all an illusion. What IS real I think is that we are children of God and he, the creator and designer of this magnificent universe loves us unconditionally. I think he wants us to learn to love ourselves and to be whole and know that God loves us no matter who or what we are. Proverbs 19.8- 'Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.'

We learn from adversity, we learn from mistakes and we get better at living and being comfortable with who we are. Try to think of someone who loves you unconditionally, see yourself from their eyes and see yourself as if you were looking at your best friend. What would you say to your best friend if they were feeling bad about themselves? ...I have to do this alot because sometimes I say the wrong things, I mean well but I get it wrong and feel angry at myself but we are children of God and I don't think he expects us to be perfect, I think he just wants us to try our best and know that mistakes are sometimes Golden because that's when we learn life's lessons ..albeit the hard way sometimes....but we learn. I hope you feel better about yourself soon because each one of us has a soul and that soul is beautiful.
Gabriel
 
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