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Well, hello. Nice to meet anyone reading this post. I am a believer seeking a relationship w/ Jesus and so far it is not going well but I'm trying and not I'm giving up entirely. I hope to make friends who can encourage me to do good and I intent to encourage others as well.

I grew up in what you can say is a "Christian" home if you count believing that Jesus existed and attending a Sunday church service "Christian"? I never knew you can actually have a personal relationship w/ Jesus. I doubt anyone in my family does. I thought Jesus was just a religion and all that stuff. My plan was just give to give up on anything that had to with God entirely and to ditch church as I soon as I get in college since there are no parents forcing you to go anywhere and maybe go to church for the sake of it once in a while after graduating.

I got interested in developing a relationship with Jesus multiple times before in the past because I was watching all these rapture videos on YT, and watching Youtubers talking about visions from God about events, and all this stuff that scared the crap out of me so I thought to myself "I need to get save before I get screwed". So I would read the Bible on end then just got bored w/ it and just continue living my life. I didn't get the whole repentance concept and prayed the Lord Prayer's multiple times and just thought it was just crap ( and still do). So now I'm genuinely want a relationship w/ Jesus because I see all these people talking about they talk to God and hear his voice, and the emptiness I'm feeling, and Jesus is the light of wo(men) in this dark world. I think that's crazy and amazing at the same time.

Apparently Jesus is real and I can have a relationship w/ him. Who would have thought?
Jesus is certainly real and too many people as you indicate see or understand only the description of Christians which you have described or worse. What has happened to too many in churches is what happened to most of the children of Israel who were led out of Egypt by Moses. Most of them died in the wilderness and were never able to enter into the Promised Land. But... Jesus opened a Door which had long been closed for "whosoever will" to enter in...

"Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:

And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?" John 11:25-26

And when asked Peter responded also:

"Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that God hath made that same Jesus, whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ.

Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?

Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call." Acts 2:36-39