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Hi my name is Beth. Im 44 years old. I have two children. I am from alabama. I live in new mexico. I am lost right now and i have been for years now.

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I've been through so much throughout my life. I've always had deep depression and crippling anxiety. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. I fell into addiction as a child. I have always been against using drugs and alcohol but I went against what I believed and valued to get relief from my mental illnesses. I was able to put together 5.5 years clean from 2003 to 2009. I relapsed in 2009 and I've been trying to put together a year since then but have been unsuccessful. I've gotten 12345678 months clean at different times during the past 10 years. I gave up on life around 2 years ago now after going thrpugh so much tragedy in my life and fighting with all my might my entire life. I am very sick because of doing this. I was already sick enough but now I'm really sick. My liver and stomach are extremely sick due to my addiction. I have lost everything in my life. Please pray for a miracle to happen in my life to want to get a stay clean. To be filled with the Holy spirit power for a complete transformation in me.
In Jesus name amen.
Greetings Beth welcome to the forum.

Thank you for sharing your experiences sister, by confirming it as you have done and seeking prayer you are more than half way to recovery.

Life can be extremely hard, it is also amazing how many of us walk down the same or similar road, so you are not the only experiencing these things, but there is light at the end of the long dark tunnel sister, it is Jesus, I think you know that, it is just a matter of getting your life on the right track.

Depression and anxiety are black clouds which hang over us, sometimes like a dense dark fog, they cloud our thoughts, we do not know which way to turn, drugs and alcohol are so easy, they 'appear to give relief' but when they wear off we want more, they take hold of us, the devil wants to destroy us sister, I have experienced many of the things you talk about, it is a black hole, a black hole that leads us to the pit, destroying us day by day.

Jesus loves you Beth, He is holding His hand out to help you, share everything with Him in prayer, pour your heart out with Him, Trust Him, the Light of the World, to guide you out of the darkness you are in. We come together in agreement with you in prayer, if Jesus is your Lord Beth, I believe He is, then the devil has no rights over you.

Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Sometimes we have to go through something to come out of the other side, we may not understand it at the time, but Jesus guides us, all He asks is we Trust Him and follow Him.

Romans 8:28 (NKJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Please keep us informed Beth, if your prayer request change just let us know.

Jesus loves you we do too.
Staff Member
Greetings Beth @gypsyrainbo42

Thank you for sharing your life story

I will move your post to counselling where it will get more attention for your needs.

You can't change things but Jesus can.
He can turn your life around.

Many members here have had previous addictions.....and are now clean.

Praise the Lord.....He is there for you Beth
Hello, Beth. I so appreciate your willingness to share about your struggles. I know that it’s not easy, and I can tell that you’ve taken the most important step by seeking help. I just said a prayer for you, asking God to reveal His healing presence to you in a special and powerful way, filling you with His love, peace, and strength in the days ahead. Remember that He is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him (Nahum 1:7). You might want to check out this organization: Lighthouse Network (Home - Lighthouse Network: Free drug abuse counseling helpline | Christian drug rehabs). Please know that we all care about you and we’re here to offer support and encouragement. Stay strong and be blessed. Sending hugs & prayers your way!
Dear Beth, Greetings in Christ, In Jesus, I am deeply aggrieved for all your sorrows, trials and tribulations, and your painful experiences. In Jesus, I can only thank the Lord that He spared your life thus far. It is an honour to pray for someone of your calibre. You are a fighter in Christ and I only have the greatest admiration that you are bouncing back to Jesus in reality in Jesus Name. I am a reborn Christian, and I presume you have given your life to the Lord by repentance and confession. Romans 10: 9-10 and Acts 2:38 in all our circumstances in life, the only process that we as children of God can do is to praise God and to worship Him in Spirit and in truth . In addition , by prayer we hold onto the promises of God in the written Word in our Holy Bible. You will always be in my prayers.
My Prayer Abba, in Jesus I come to you for intercessory help in the Name of Jesus Christ. Holy Spirit , In Jesus , I ask you to be my mouth piece and to lead me , teach me and to instruct me as to what I need to pray for and to guide me with Your Loving Eye. Abba, in Jesus, I thank you for Your Faith, Hope and Love that we are so dependent on. Abba, today as I stand In Jesus, my request is for your hand of protection on Beth’s Body, Soul and Spirit. In Jesus, I ask You Abba to command your angels to take charge over her In Jesus name. Abba, in Jesus, please covers her Body, Soul and Spirit with the precious Blood of Jesus. I thank You Lord that she is saved by your incorruptible seed in Jesus Name. Amen.
Beth, I ask you to stand on God’s promises, utter and remind Satan of these promises from God. Know your identity in Christ and say to Satan, John 1:12, But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price : I belong to God. Ephesians 2:18 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit .
  1. For your mental illness: I give you , 2nd Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
  2. For your deep depression and anxiety: I give you the Messiah. Isaiah 61:3 KJV To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. Philippians 4: 4-7 KJV Let your moderation( restraint, balance, self-control) be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication( plea, request, and application) with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
  3. For your addiction and physical body and illnesses : I give you the Messiah at Calvary , Isaiah 53:4,5 , surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes, we are healed.
    Reiterating the words, 1) borne means, tolerated , stood for and endured , 2) Griefs means sick or afflicted ,
    3) Sorrows means pain or grief . 4) He was Stricken means , tormented and traumatised to give us peace
    5) Chastised , punished to give us peace. The Last Scripture 1 John 4:4
    Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world

    The above is God speaking in and through the Holy Spirit as it is written ,he says , hear my child to what I am saying , you are not alone.) Jesus endured this in order for you and I to be saved from this wicked world.

    I trust that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind. Amen
Hello Beth,

I know many "Christians" are against 12 Step groups. Everyone has an opinion. 9/19/1981 is the 1st day I consciously decided not to do drugs or drink. Fortunately, my best friend at the time had sobered up the year before and took me to my 1st meeting. Before some of you get wound up, I was involved with a church as well. However, I surrendered to THE FATHER through his son 13 years after I sobered up. 1994. It's a process.

This would be useless if I stopped here. I was physically abused by violent parents, I was sexually abused by a relative. I started smoking at 8 and drinking at 12, drugs at 18. The list of things I didn't take is shorter than what I did. I broke all the commandments eagerly and willingly. Every pastor I asked for help had nothing for me. The same for the kind people in the various congregations.

You have experienced years of sobriety so you know it's possible. What did you do to achieve this? Don't answer that here. There is a secret to getting free from drugs and the torture you are going through now. Work the steps. Why? It's your only hope. Spontaneous sobriety rarely happens, if ever. It will not suddenly jump on you.

Why are the steps important? You will die without them. Let's look at a few. 1, we admitted we were powerless over drugs & alcohol and our lives were unmanageable. To put it in Christian speak, we know we are in sin and dont know how to stop. 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. "Christians" object because it doesn't say jesus. It took me a while to understand and know that the power is Yahweh, God. 3. We made a decision to turn our will and life over to the care of God as we understood him. Since we enter a relationship with a living being our experience and understanding of him will be uniquely ours. 4. Made a fearless and searching MORAL inventory of ourselves. Without this inventory we will never know who and what we are. In the 38 years I've been following these steps I've never seen anyone stay sober and regain their sanity without doing ALL of the steps.

Let's skip to the end. They all work together to bring us to step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as THE result of these steps (if we're honest we will be drawn to the only hope we have, Yeshua Messiah, Jesus the Christ) we tried to carry this message to (my words now) others who do not know the incredible life saving and changing power of Yahweh, God, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The choice is yours. It is hard work. There were days when I watched a clock for 5 minutes at a time all day because I knew I could stay away from drugs for 5 minutes and then another 5 minutes...

Now, I'm at peace, I have absolutely no compulsion to use. My life is predictable, serene and sane. I still have problems with family, business and with my health but going back is an eternal death sentence. My worst day now is infinitely better than my best day using.

It takes a full and total commitment, brutal honesty with yourself and others and a constant communication with God thru his Son. Start praying and don't stop. Get to a meeting as fast as you can and find a good sponsor, one that has 5 years working the steps minimum and the kind of life you want. Go do it now.

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