My dear umfaan,
maybe you can't hear, but people like you are more sensible to other ways of expressions! Christians should just listen with theire hearts, sometimes better than with ears! I would like to talk to you, need to read and hear with my heart, how the Lord speaks to you! I'm sorry to hear, that your husband went home and löeft you alone! He is now listening to the Lord and worshipping him in the glory present of Jesus in the everlasting joy, and I think, he is showing his love for you to Jesus, because Jesus is now close to him and he sees him face to face! I would like to know, how deep your emotional world and relationship with Jesus is! I love people like you! You got to go now a new way on your own! In the past you did lean on your husband, but now, Jesus is closer to you, because you got him now as the only one which whom you can share your deepest emotions and relationship! It'll grow now stronger and higher, you'll go more far now, than you went before with the Lord!
May God bless you and touch your heart with the mirrical of joy and gives you a shiny face, speaking for itselfes and of Jesus!
Your's,
Safari-Olli