Welcome Hope!
What IS important is you are seeking God now. You are a new creature in Christ. That is very important to realize, He has made all things new.
Ephesus was a church that had left it's first love, yet Jesus did not cast them off. Jesus gave them simple direction, "Remember from where you are fallen, repent and do the first works..." Revelation 2:5
My advice to you is simple, Confess your sin to Him, believe He has forgiven you and love Him for what he has done. We are all in that same boat, sinners, saved by the grace of God.
Jesus said, "Take my yoke (steering device) upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matthew 11:29 Learn to apply that principle and He will steer your life, your soul will find peace in Jesus Christ.
After Peter fell, in denial of Christ, Jesus restored him with 3 repeated phrases, "Do you love me? Feed my sheep. Do you love me Peter? Feed my lambs. Do you now love me? Feed my sheep." John 21:15-17
Do you see a pattern here? Jesus did not 'beat Peter up' over his rejection, Jesus had paid the price for all of our sin. Jesus had two directives: Love Him and serve the flock of God. This is our mission as Christians, pure and simple.
Your life experience will speak volumes to someone else, Your knowledge of Jesus' forgiveness and your joy of salvation are valued assets in serving God's people.
I pray the Lord's best for you, as you look toward Jesus...
With much Love,
Robin