Hi.My Name is Raimond im from latvia, eastern europe. Im drinking beer right now and my english isnt fluent plus my problems are big so this is going to be a long and weird thred. Im a narcissist if u dont know what it means then shortly im a man who has little or no conscience, lucks emphathy and is labelled as 'evil' even by people who are not religious and usually dont use word 'evil'. I ve got a problem. I ve read bible from cover to cover also i ve read a lot about bible and christianity. My probleme is that i cant repent and believe in Jesus. When i read bible it seems like a fairy tale to me. But i ve also read a lot of testemonies how bible changes peoples lifes and have no reason to believe these people are lying. I have watched David Berkowitz testemony, he was a serial killer, there is a movie about him that many have seen. This man was evil man, he killed innocent people. Now he is kind and loving man because he come to believe in Jesus as Son of God Who died for his sins. No therapists could help this man. They think such a men are untreatable. Yet now David Berkowitz is loving kind humble man.So when i read the bible i dont believe what i read but when i read testemonies about how bible(God) has changed peoples life i believe these people are true about what thay say. I know what bible teaches. We all are sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God so we need forgivness. God has sent His only begotten Son who died on the cross so through Him we might get saved. God is holy ,He wont alow sin in His presence in heaven.So Jesus sinless man and Son of God died in plce of sinners so that everyone who believes in Him might have eternal life. Still drinking and trying hard to say what my problem is. To say about my problem so that it can be understood. My problem is that i cant be sure if bible is true plus i have problem admitting im a sinner deserving to be in hell for eternety if i dont repent and believe Jesus died for my sins. Didnt i say i was a narcisist? Man without conscience and empathy? You may ask how such a man can deny he is sinner.My thinking is that i have done so much bad things that there was no way i could have lived without sinning. If i was able to live perfect life but have chosen to not live then yes im responsible.But i dont feel like i have had any capcity to not sin! If i was not able to not sin, can i be held responsible for sinning? Simply put- i cant admit i deserve to be in hell for ever if i dont believe in Jesus.I need advice. Im not sure if bible is true but radically changed lifes of people who have believed in it makes me wonder. So if bible is true im heading for hell thats sure. I dont want to be in hell. Im not an atheist have never be one, always believed in God a little. So what to do? Eternity in hell is the last thing i want. Yet i cant repent and believe Jesus is Son of God who died for my sins.Dont give me advice like 'ask God for understanding' or ' just believe the bible and do what it says' or something like that. I understand that u cant preach other gospel than that in bible and i dont want u to do and i know if get saved one day it will be the way God comandeth. But what to do if i cant believe in bible at least not now if i cant admit and repent my sin? This is real not imaginary problem for me. No responses from catholics, please. Even unbeliever like me can understand gospel and how catholics how corrupted simple truth of the bible. Thanks. Pray for me.