God's Guidance

[dpg3]

Need to know God's guidance for my life. I'm working at a nursing home where my Mom used to live. She passed away last Sep. I felt God had me there to be with my Mom. But now that my Mom is gone I see no reason for me to still be at the home. Don't really mind the work. But I'm part-time oncall and it is really hard in the winter to get enough shifts to pay my bills. I'm stressed all the time worrying about my bills. I thank God for my time with my Mom. But now I'm wondering what is next. I would really like to get a more stable job.
I spent 3 years in theology or Bible School and always felt I had a call on my life. But Bible School was many years ago and I still feel that call. I left a full time job in Toronto to help start a church in Nova Scotia, it failed. Done various types of mostly youth ministry with varying degrees of success. Got totally burnt out on being involved in another failed pioneer church. Subsequently I have not attended church regularly in ten years.
My friend who I've done a lot of youth work with just invited me to do some youth outreach work with him. I would've been booking Christian bands into his youth services. Since I've struck out with him so many times I was very hesitant to get involved again. I thought, prayed and sought advice about it. I never felt a peace about it and so decided against doing it . Problem is it's the kind of ministry I love to do and it was really hard to say no to it. While I feel it was the right decision I just don't understand why God would have me turn down something I love to do.
So I'm stuck in a boring deadend job, that barely pays my bills and as we know idliness is the Devil's workshop and I tend to play in it.
The short of it is what is God's will for me now. To live out my life in futility in a mind numbingly boring job, what is the sense of that.
I have another friend who is a minister in a very small church in my home town. I know he would love me to come home and help him there. But he and I have vastly different views on ministry. I actually have more in common with my friend doing the youth out reach. But God said no.
I have only one thing that gives me any peace in my life and that is preaching. I know I have an anointing from God to do it, as well, as the gift of healing. But here, like Moses I'm with the sheep on the back side of the desert and I am dying. I've asked God for death many times. I'm so Old Testament emotionally and New Testament in all else.
I fail continually and fear I am destined to languish in deadend jobs the rest of my life. A fate much worse than death.
I would love to preach again but feel it might never be, because of my sin.
So if anyone has a word for me or feel God is telling you something about me please enlighten me. I really feel that God wants me back in my home island of Cape Breton. I feel no connection to the city I live in now. God had me here for Mom. Problem is Cape Breton has very little work so returning there has many risks.
So at the moment I am listless, a flower in the eddies of life, being washed out to sea. Depression is a constant, any spiritual insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Brighthouse]

Brother dpg3 in Christ. Before who can be served by another,one must serve another. I understand a few things you have done,have not turned out so understand, being out of a Church to start with,has not helped you either.

Before Moses did the Lords biding as you well know,he had to die to self first,hence the desert you are walking in is not punishment, but rather I would look at this as a cleansing. For to be in the Lord,one must hear from the Lord,which you are working on.

Because you are far from a beginner in Jesus,and have seen his love, mercy as well as healing in not just your own life,but others as well.Let me humbly suggest a few things that have greatly helped me continue to find our Lord's wisdom.1.decide how bad do you want Jesus in your life?2.will you follow only in good times? or in tough times as well?3.fasting( Isaiah 58:6-11)Please read this,because this is the purpose to fast,and in your case, as mine,you have need to do this.

I am sorry for the loss of your mom,but as she was also a believer,I believe she would want you to become all in Christ, she always wanted you to be! Remember my brother.We will ALWAYS!!! do what we most want to do!

I remember as a small child,it was sunday,my parents had planed a picnic, the trip they planned caused us to awake at 5am,we got up,and did it.Funny on Sundays when we were suppose to go to church my fathers excuse was he was always to tired?? HUMM SEE!!! what I mean!

We have been given a measure of faith,the more we use that measure we have been given,as you have found out in the past,the greater the confdence we have in Jesus,and the more measure we recieve. We can cry,and feel sorry for ourselves,I mean after all,we have been through a lot!TRUE!!

But there are 2 words the Lord forbid me to ever use again.I can't ( because in Christ!! this!! Luke 1:37) and I will try. Try means what? make an attempt? If I tossed you a coin, you would catch it,or drop it,you would not try. James 1:22 speaks of this,be ye doers of the Word and not hearers only,doing what?? amen brother decieving ourselves!!

We have decieved ourselves enough.Time to get off the sidelines and get back into the race!! You have a purpose,but one who sits remains,who who walks moves forward in our Jesus! Remember Moses? Moses speaks faith in verse 13 of chapter 14 of Exodus,then in verse 14 Moses says the Lord will fight for you! but what did Moses DO?? after he spoke those words?? He WAITED???? verse 15 THEN the Lord said to Moses WHY are you crying unto me? GO FORWARD!! amen my brother go forward!!

This lesson I myself had to learn,as Jesus gave me someone to kick me in the behind a little. lol After a while of sitting it is hard to get up again and start moving,first we must find a place we are going to move to? then how best to do it.

I know the Lord is in you,and I believe HIS WISDOM even now as he has given unto me to tell you,will strike a light in you, to confirm these words I speak in love to you.

The question only you can answer my brother is,will you take up your cross and follow?Luke 9:23 a daily taking of our cross! Not just when we feel like it,but espically my brother,when we do not feel like it.

Doing this my brother,I have learned gives us balance in Christ, and when we have balance,we can rightly divide the Word not just for others!! But for ourselves in Christ as well!! Blessing to you!

 

[dpg3]

Thank you for your remarks, I appreciate them!!

 

[rlowe]

3 things

1> I am praying for you & for you to hear God's directing clearly.

2> God never stops reaching out to you, don't stop reaching out to Him.

3> You said, "I really feel that God wants me back in my home island of Cape Breton. I feel no connection to the city I live in now. God had me here for Mom. Problem is Cape Breton has very little work so returning there has many risks."

God ways are rarely logical, thus if this is what you are feeling don't let logic talk you out of it.